[ Update 16.12.2018 ]
A very close friend of mine came to visit me. We had a very fruitful session. I will finally leave the house for the first time since November as I will visit Houston later on today with my friend who also doubles as my therapist as I continue to mourn the loss of the my wife. I'm very excited about tomorrow as I haven't hung out with my childhood friend in years. she left Texas years ago as she found better opportunities somewhere up north but I'm considered family to her so she will be staying with me until I'm better. I'm very grateful for her support.
I brought my sister up as my final concern with my friend and told her about what's been going on since she moved in with me. After hearing my story, my friend suggested that we invite my sister to this session. my sister was out of the house as I sent her out in order to have a private 1 on 1 session with my friend. when she arrived, my friend immediately confronted her about what's been going on.
to keep it short. I almost kicked my sister out of my house. my friend confirmed my suspicions and we got a confession out of my sister. My sister... has very inappropriate feelings for me.
When she moved in I was very unresponsive so she became very affectionate. hugs, kisses, etc. at first it was fine and i did become more responsive. but then she started wearing my late wife's clothes, she changed her hairstyle to match my late wife hair, she had become very clingy, very intimate towards me. and she began sneaking into my bed in nothing but her underwear.
I was nearly at my breaking point when she began sneaking into my bed. I mentioned earlier in this thread I was looking for my late wife as I was waking up. I was semi conscious and in a dream like state as I was waking up. when I saw my sister in bed next to me. I mistook her for my wife as my vision was blurry. I thought my beloved wife had returned to me. desperate to feel my beloved once more, I embraced her and gave her a real passionate kiss. but that kiss finally woke me up. woke me up to this hell. My wife didn't return to me. Instead I saw my sister with a very satisfied look on her face. I've never seen her smile so brightly before. she told me its okay. that its okay to think of her as my wife. okay to call her my wife's name. I left my bedroom in the most unstable condition I have ever been in.
My sister took advantage of my loneliness, my instability and attempted to take my wife's place. Needless to say, I was in shock. and in the midst of that shock I destroyed the guestroom and the living room in my house.
Yet I was unable to confront my own sister on her actions. It was so shocking, I was afraid to find out the truth. However, thanks to my friend, I was finally able to confront her about all that had transpired. she confessed that she has been in love with me ever since we were kids but always held back due to the fact that we're brother and sister by blood.
We had a lengthy session that lasted last well into the night. And we came to the conclusion my sister also needed therapy. Despite everything that had occurred, I still love my older sister. I understood why she did what she did. because honestly, my wife was fairly similar when we first met except she was far more assertive and forceful.
I told her I won't deny her feelings. because in truth, you can't choose who you fall in love with. if it were possible, there wouldn't be lonely people. I don't have anything against incestuous relationships, as one of my employees is in one and he is an outstanding man of character. I am in the firm camp of free love. as long as two adults are in a consentual relationship that hurts nobody, its not my place or business to judge or stand in the way of anyone's happiness.
However, I made it clear to my sister that what she did is not okay. because she took advantage of my grief and instability whilst I am still in the period of mourning over the loss of my beloved wife. my sister apologized for her actions and to ensure she wouldn't resort to these underhanded methods again, she will also be taking sessions with my friend... at the expense of my wallet.
In conclusion, my childhood friend who is also my therapist will be temporarily staying with me until I've move on from my wife's death. My sister will also remain living with me at the recommendation of my friend. easier to have sessions if we live in the same place though we will be taking our sessions separately.
In the end however there was a stunning relevation. after the session, having skipped dinner doing this session, we all ate my sister's cooking. she had one more thing to reveal to me. Originally she was going to bury her feelings for me and she intended to go to her grave without me ever finding out. When I asked what changed her mind, she told me to open my wife's safe that was hidden in our closet.
for the record, let me state that this safe along with my own was not viewable if anyone walked into our closet. it was extremely well hidden. the only way my sister could possibly know about that safe is if either me or my wife told her about it. and when she recited the safe's code. I knew the only way she could know is if my wife told her that code herself. so I immediately visited the safe. I have both locations of the safes setup so that it makes a mark in the wall for everytime someone successfully visits. Both me and my wife write down the date of each visit to its respective mark without fail.
Relying on this and knowing all the marks upto this point. I confirmed my sister has not been into the safe. as prior to her moving in, I visited my wife's safe as I wanted to see if she left anything behind for me but I ultimately decided against it. because I thought I wasn't ready to open it. I just lost my wife and I was going to open her safe which kept her most private things. so I wrote down the date next to the fresh mark and after 2 minutes ive hidden the safe from view again. it takes roughly 2 minutes to reveal and hide both our safes. This was at the request of my wife so I got very creative.
the last mark which had a date was my own so I confirmed my sister never visited the safe. I opened it and I found mail letters. a lot of mail letters. also some other other stuff but what piqued my interest was that the letters were organized. there were mail letters for me from my wife. and one category stood out: Death. I looked into that category and found a couple of letters. and then I found what I was supposed to find:
A letter for me from my wife with conditions for reading it. the letter states I am not allowed to open the letter unless the conditions were fulfilled. the conditions were as follows:
1. My wife was longer among the living
2. My older sister remains among the living
3. Learning my older sister's biggest secret
4. I have moved on from the passing of my Wife.
The letter continues to read that the contents of the envelope contain two letters. One with my wife's thoughts explaining the purpose of the letter. the other a direct order.
and finally, the letter concludes that my wife already knows about my older sister's secret since July 21, 2016 (which is also the date that this letter was written) and leaves me with a warning that the conditions for opening the letter hold equal authority to that of an order. I do not dare defy my wife's orders so I put it back and closed the safe.
the letter is without a doubt from my wife. I immediately recognized her handwriting as she used english calligraphy to write her letters. her handwriting and calligraphy is not easy to copy and more importantly her use of ink. or rather her lack of use of ink. when she writes using english calligraphy, she always does so with her own blood. Did I mention we were a crazy couple?
I found some other letters but they all had the requirement of me moving on from my wife's death before I can open them. all but one. and so finally finding a letter I could open and read, I unsealed the letter and what I got was something I really needed to hear.
my wife already guessed the state I would be in if she has passed away before me. While she is enjoying my despair as she feels that it means i genuinely loved her, she understands that as my wife, she has to make sure I am able to keep going even when she's gone. so she has ordered me to to stop wallowing in my despair. She also has given me permission to find someone else when the time is right, but only on the condition that She remains #1 in my heart. The other person must willingly become #2 or else my wife will never forgive me. finally she concluded that she will always love me and like myself, she also believes that even in death, our love cannot be parted. so she told me to please keep on living and try not to confine myself in our house.
My emotions are in full force now. but now my mind is clear. What a thoughtful wife I have, I am truly grateful that I met her. I don't know how long it will be before I can move on but now I have the motivation I need to do so. I will rely on my friend to help me get to where I need to be. I will fulfill those conditions. I will read those letters that right now I am not allowed to read. especially the one with regards to my sister. So my wife already knew of her feelings for me? not only that, she even went so far as to tell her about the safe and the code to it? I cannot fathom my wife's thoughts as to why to keep it a secret from me. but she has never betrayed or lied to me yet and I'm not gonna start doubting her decisions now. I will place my faith in my late wife as I always have.
everyones fallen asleep since i went to my wifes safe. but i feel full of energy. I still mourn the loss of my wife and its still difficult but now my mind is clear on what I need to do. took a shower. got dressed. put on my shoes. I unlocked the front door to my house and opened it. for the first time since November. I left my house as I take my morning walk that I normally take. thank you all for reading. I think I will be fine now.
[Original Post]
Ever since my wife passed away a few months ago, I have been losing my sanity or what's left of it.
I feel empty inside. Nothing brings me joy. Everything feels like nothing matters anymore. Everything is inconsequential.
Since November, I haven't left my house. I have others deliver food and other necessities for me. I am in a position to be able to work from home so money is not a problem. Helps when you're the boss. Some of my employees check every now and then to see if I'm doing fine but I always send them away.
I have no real motivation to leave my house. Surely this is not healthy? but I have no real reason to go outside either. Apart from work or the mailman, I rarely speak to anyone save for my older sister. When she found out my wife died, my older sister moved into my house to watch over me. that was her excuse. my parents told me I need company and who not better than family? Though I have my doubts. I have a cold relationship with my family in general. With my older sister our relationship was... difficult.
It wasn't always like that but she hated my wife from the very beginning so our relationship soured ever since. Though right now it remains difficult but for an entirely different reason.
I also have an uncomfortable situation going on but I'm not sure if I should speak about it as it is rather unbelievable. because quite frankly, even I'm have trouble believing it myself.
in conclusion: my wife passed away late October, starting early November I no longer left the house. I read to pass the time. play fire emblem fron time to time. but for the most part, I feel very empty and do literally nothing for days on end. I miss my wife very much. Nothing is the same without her. Sometimes I dream of her when I sleep. this is the only time I get to feel any sort of happy emotions. but all dreams come to an end and I wake up... to this hell. this living hell. I hate waking up. I have been sleeping 10-14 hours every day...
I wonder how long will I confine myself to my house? even with my older sister here, it feels very empty. I regret getting a big house. lately it feels too big for me.
going to sleep again so signing off here. I don't think I will be answering questions so don't be surprised if I don't respond. Maybe I'll answer one or two. But right now, I just want to dream of happier moments in my life.
A very close friend of mine came to visit me. We had a very fruitful session. I will finally leave the house for the first time since November as I will visit Houston later on today with my friend who also doubles as my therapist as I continue to mourn the loss of the my wife. I'm very excited about tomorrow as I haven't hung out with my childhood friend in years. she left Texas years ago as she found better opportunities somewhere up north but I'm considered family to her so she will be staying with me until I'm better. I'm very grateful for her support.
I brought my sister up as my final concern with my friend and told her about what's been going on since she moved in with me. After hearing my story, my friend suggested that we invite my sister to this session. my sister was out of the house as I sent her out in order to have a private 1 on 1 session with my friend. when she arrived, my friend immediately confronted her about what's been going on.
to keep it short. I almost kicked my sister out of my house. my friend confirmed my suspicions and we got a confession out of my sister. My sister... has very inappropriate feelings for me.
When she moved in I was very unresponsive so she became very affectionate. hugs, kisses, etc. at first it was fine and i did become more responsive. but then she started wearing my late wife's clothes, she changed her hairstyle to match my late wife hair, she had become very clingy, very intimate towards me. and she began sneaking into my bed in nothing but her underwear.
I was nearly at my breaking point when she began sneaking into my bed. I mentioned earlier in this thread I was looking for my late wife as I was waking up. I was semi conscious and in a dream like state as I was waking up. when I saw my sister in bed next to me. I mistook her for my wife as my vision was blurry. I thought my beloved wife had returned to me. desperate to feel my beloved once more, I embraced her and gave her a real passionate kiss. but that kiss finally woke me up. woke me up to this hell. My wife didn't return to me. Instead I saw my sister with a very satisfied look on her face. I've never seen her smile so brightly before. she told me its okay. that its okay to think of her as my wife. okay to call her my wife's name. I left my bedroom in the most unstable condition I have ever been in.
My sister took advantage of my loneliness, my instability and attempted to take my wife's place. Needless to say, I was in shock. and in the midst of that shock I destroyed the guestroom and the living room in my house.
Yet I was unable to confront my own sister on her actions. It was so shocking, I was afraid to find out the truth. However, thanks to my friend, I was finally able to confront her about all that had transpired. she confessed that she has been in love with me ever since we were kids but always held back due to the fact that we're brother and sister by blood.
We had a lengthy session that lasted last well into the night. And we came to the conclusion my sister also needed therapy. Despite everything that had occurred, I still love my older sister. I understood why she did what she did. because honestly, my wife was fairly similar when we first met except she was far more assertive and forceful.
I told her I won't deny her feelings. because in truth, you can't choose who you fall in love with. if it were possible, there wouldn't be lonely people. I don't have anything against incestuous relationships, as one of my employees is in one and he is an outstanding man of character. I am in the firm camp of free love. as long as two adults are in a consentual relationship that hurts nobody, its not my place or business to judge or stand in the way of anyone's happiness.
However, I made it clear to my sister that what she did is not okay. because she took advantage of my grief and instability whilst I am still in the period of mourning over the loss of my beloved wife. my sister apologized for her actions and to ensure she wouldn't resort to these underhanded methods again, she will also be taking sessions with my friend... at the expense of my wallet.
In conclusion, my childhood friend who is also my therapist will be temporarily staying with me until I've move on from my wife's death. My sister will also remain living with me at the recommendation of my friend. easier to have sessions if we live in the same place though we will be taking our sessions separately.
In the end however there was a stunning relevation. after the session, having skipped dinner doing this session, we all ate my sister's cooking. she had one more thing to reveal to me. Originally she was going to bury her feelings for me and she intended to go to her grave without me ever finding out. When I asked what changed her mind, she told me to open my wife's safe that was hidden in our closet.
for the record, let me state that this safe along with my own was not viewable if anyone walked into our closet. it was extremely well hidden. the only way my sister could possibly know about that safe is if either me or my wife told her about it. and when she recited the safe's code. I knew the only way she could know is if my wife told her that code herself. so I immediately visited the safe. I have both locations of the safes setup so that it makes a mark in the wall for everytime someone successfully visits. Both me and my wife write down the date of each visit to its respective mark without fail.
Relying on this and knowing all the marks upto this point. I confirmed my sister has not been into the safe. as prior to her moving in, I visited my wife's safe as I wanted to see if she left anything behind for me but I ultimately decided against it. because I thought I wasn't ready to open it. I just lost my wife and I was going to open her safe which kept her most private things. so I wrote down the date next to the fresh mark and after 2 minutes ive hidden the safe from view again. it takes roughly 2 minutes to reveal and hide both our safes. This was at the request of my wife so I got very creative.
the last mark which had a date was my own so I confirmed my sister never visited the safe. I opened it and I found mail letters. a lot of mail letters. also some other other stuff but what piqued my interest was that the letters were organized. there were mail letters for me from my wife. and one category stood out: Death. I looked into that category and found a couple of letters. and then I found what I was supposed to find:
A letter for me from my wife with conditions for reading it. the letter states I am not allowed to open the letter unless the conditions were fulfilled. the conditions were as follows:
1. My wife was longer among the living
2. My older sister remains among the living
3. Learning my older sister's biggest secret
4. I have moved on from the passing of my Wife.
The letter continues to read that the contents of the envelope contain two letters. One with my wife's thoughts explaining the purpose of the letter. the other a direct order.
and finally, the letter concludes that my wife already knows about my older sister's secret since July 21, 2016 (which is also the date that this letter was written) and leaves me with a warning that the conditions for opening the letter hold equal authority to that of an order. I do not dare defy my wife's orders so I put it back and closed the safe.
the letter is without a doubt from my wife. I immediately recognized her handwriting as she used english calligraphy to write her letters. her handwriting and calligraphy is not easy to copy and more importantly her use of ink. or rather her lack of use of ink. when she writes using english calligraphy, she always does so with her own blood. Did I mention we were a crazy couple?
I found some other letters but they all had the requirement of me moving on from my wife's death before I can open them. all but one. and so finally finding a letter I could open and read, I unsealed the letter and what I got was something I really needed to hear.
my wife already guessed the state I would be in if she has passed away before me. While she is enjoying my despair as she feels that it means i genuinely loved her, she understands that as my wife, she has to make sure I am able to keep going even when she's gone. so she has ordered me to to stop wallowing in my despair. She also has given me permission to find someone else when the time is right, but only on the condition that She remains #1 in my heart. The other person must willingly become #2 or else my wife will never forgive me. finally she concluded that she will always love me and like myself, she also believes that even in death, our love cannot be parted. so she told me to please keep on living and try not to confine myself in our house.
My emotions are in full force now. but now my mind is clear. What a thoughtful wife I have, I am truly grateful that I met her. I don't know how long it will be before I can move on but now I have the motivation I need to do so. I will rely on my friend to help me get to where I need to be. I will fulfill those conditions. I will read those letters that right now I am not allowed to read. especially the one with regards to my sister. So my wife already knew of her feelings for me? not only that, she even went so far as to tell her about the safe and the code to it? I cannot fathom my wife's thoughts as to why to keep it a secret from me. but she has never betrayed or lied to me yet and I'm not gonna start doubting her decisions now. I will place my faith in my late wife as I always have.
everyones fallen asleep since i went to my wifes safe. but i feel full of energy. I still mourn the loss of my wife and its still difficult but now my mind is clear on what I need to do. took a shower. got dressed. put on my shoes. I unlocked the front door to my house and opened it. for the first time since November. I left my house as I take my morning walk that I normally take. thank you all for reading. I think I will be fine now.
[Original Post]
Ever since my wife passed away a few months ago, I have been losing my sanity or what's left of it.
I feel empty inside. Nothing brings me joy. Everything feels like nothing matters anymore. Everything is inconsequential.
Since November, I haven't left my house. I have others deliver food and other necessities for me. I am in a position to be able to work from home so money is not a problem. Helps when you're the boss. Some of my employees check every now and then to see if I'm doing fine but I always send them away.
I have no real motivation to leave my house. Surely this is not healthy? but I have no real reason to go outside either. Apart from work or the mailman, I rarely speak to anyone save for my older sister. When she found out my wife died, my older sister moved into my house to watch over me. that was her excuse. my parents told me I need company and who not better than family? Though I have my doubts. I have a cold relationship with my family in general. With my older sister our relationship was... difficult.
It wasn't always like that but she hated my wife from the very beginning so our relationship soured ever since. Though right now it remains difficult but for an entirely different reason.
I also have an uncomfortable situation going on but I'm not sure if I should speak about it as it is rather unbelievable. because quite frankly, even I'm have trouble believing it myself.
in conclusion: my wife passed away late October, starting early November I no longer left the house. I read to pass the time. play fire emblem fron time to time. but for the most part, I feel very empty and do literally nothing for days on end. I miss my wife very much. Nothing is the same without her. Sometimes I dream of her when I sleep. this is the only time I get to feel any sort of happy emotions. but all dreams come to an end and I wake up... to this hell. this living hell. I hate waking up. I have been sleeping 10-14 hours every day...
I wonder how long will I confine myself to my house? even with my older sister here, it feels very empty. I regret getting a big house. lately it feels too big for me.
going to sleep again so signing off here. I don't think I will be answering questions so don't be surprised if I don't respond. Maybe I'll answer one or two. But right now, I just want to dream of happier moments in my life.
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