I had a bad night. I need some help and cool down.

[Hippo_PRIME]

Same would be said if it was a guy, ghosting somebody on a date is fucked up especially mid date.Why can't a person make up something at least so the other person understands.

A date involves 2 people, so the other person has the right to feel sad with the events that took place.

Click to shrink...

The rejected person has a right to their own feelings about any subject. They don't have a right to an explanation. That's wholly up to the other party. There could be any number of reasons one person rejects another. I still don't get why you think the woman was a horrible person. Why are default assuming she's horrible and not OP? What if OP made a racist joke? What if he insinuated they would be having sex that night? All of those are reasons to ghost with no explanation.

But you said she's the horrible one. Why? You still haven't answered that. What did she do, based off what we know, to make her a horrible person? That's a pretty bold conclusion to make knowing nothing about her or the situation.

 

[Deleted member 52442]

honestly anything coulda happened, don't even trip dawg

 

[Deleted member 7148]

That sucks man but look on the bright side, at least you won't be wasting any more of your time on someone who is obviously a shit person.

 

[lt.dinh]

I don't think there's anything immediately wrong with supporting OP. "Dang, that sucks, hopenyour weekend gets better!" That's a good way to support OP. "Fuck her, she's a horrible person." That says something shitty about someone people know nothing about.

The people posting that latter kind of stuff reinforce all the reasons women feel unsafe telling a man why they're rejecting him. They're horrible people either way, might as well give yourself a running start from a potentially dangerous man.

Click to shrink...

How many potentially dangerous men do you see in this thread?

 

[Shackleton]

Just because you drive a long way doesn't entitle you to anything. As she left, it's safe to say that you freaked her or in some way. That's on you buddy.

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

How many potentially dangerous men do you see in this thread?

Click to shrink...

Every single one saying that the woman is awful/horrible.

 

[HeySeuss]

I'm glad to see these posts. Whole lot of weird blaming going on in this thread. Not trying to say OP did anything wrong...but we don't know what went down. Why is the default stance to blame the other party here?

Especially women, they deal with all kinds of bullshit in dating. Especially in this case, denigrating the women without her story is a gross take.

Edit: really, why are these kinds of threads allowed? They seem to devolve into misogyny more often than not.

Edit2: those immediately blaming the woman: why? What causes you to immediately side against her and with OP? What in the OP makes you think that anyone, but especially the woman we have heard nothing from, is the one to blame here?

Click to shrink...

Thank you. Quite honestly the tone of the op, probably unintentional and just venting, stresses that he was inconvenienced. He was inconvenienced by driving an hour and a half. He was inconvenienced by having to reschedule. He mentions her medical condition which has no relevance to anything other than to place blame. Then he closes the post by saying he feels like his time was wasted, yet another inconvenience to him.

Maybe this inconvenience was relayed to her during the conversation unbeknownst to op and she felt blamed for everything and couldn't take the negativity?

Either way, bad dates happen. Live and learn and move on. Use this for self reflection and better luck next time.

 

[lt.dinh]

Every single one saying that the woman is awful/horrible.

Click to shrink...

That's a lot of dangerous men in this place then.

 

[olag]

OP take a long walk home and just try to the night out of your head. These things happen more often that not but try not to take it personally.

However I'd suggest not contacting the girl as for whatever reason she chose to bail and didnt even consider letting you know .She might choose to explain eventually but for now suggest not dwelling on her or this night.

 

[the magical kitsune]

Were you really getting along OP? Not blaming you but it's hard sometimes to tell if both people are having a good time, especially when you don't know each other. Could be something in the conversation that set it off.

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

That's a lot of dangerous men in this place then.

Click to shrink...

Yeah. It is. That's the problem.

I keep asking and no one is answering: why is this woman horrible? What info do we have about her character? What info do we have about how the date went down that makes anyone think they know anything about her character?

It's one thing to commiserate with OP. It's another for people declare this anonymous woman awful with no context. That is flat out dangerous. It reeks of internet nerds who can't deal with rejection. I say that as an internet nerd that took years to figure out how to deal with rejection.

 

[subpar spatula]

How many potentially dangerous men do you see in this thread?

Click to shrink...

Dangerous? Not sure. It depends on the degree of danger. Creepiness? I like to bet, and given that this is a video game forum where males make up a grand majority... I'd say there are a lot of people here who probably are creepy or don't know that their actions are viewed as creepy. Like, so many guys out there just don't realize what they say or do is actually wrong.

 

[Droidian]

Yeah, fuck her. Asshole.

Click to shrink...

The shit I would say about this low life would get me banned so I'll just agree with this post and also add you dodged a bullet OP.

I wouldnt waste an explanation even if the person reached out later.

You can see the edit

 

[subpar spatula]

The shit I would say about this low life succubus would get me banned so I'll just agree with this post and also add you dodged a bullet OP.

I wouldnt waste an explanation even if the person reached out later.

Click to shrink...

"low life succubus"

 

[lt.dinh]

Yeah. It is. That's the problem.

I keep asking and no one is answering: why is this woman horrible? What info do we have about her character? What info do we have about how the date went down that makes anyone think they know anything about her character?

It's one thing to commiserate with OP. It's another for people declare this anonymous woman awful with no context. That is flat out dangerous. It reeks of internet nerds who can't deal with rejection. I say that as an internet nerd that took years to figure out how to deal with rejection.

Click to shrink...

Is leaving a date without saying anything, worthy of scorn? Is it considered acceptable?

 

[Summit]

The shit I would say about this low life succubus would get me banned so I'll just agree with this post and also add you dodged a bullet OP.

I wouldnt waste an explanation even if the person reached out later.

Click to shrink...

You okay?

 

[Vennt]

The shit I would say about this low life would get me banned so I'll just agree with this post and also add you dodged a bullet OP.

I wouldnt waste an explanation even if the person reached out later.

You can see the edit

Click to shrink...

Congratulations on the incel level discourse, bravo! *slow clap*

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

Is leaving a date without saying anything, worthy of scorn? Is it considered acceptable?

Click to shrink...

You're missing the point (and still not answering my questions). We don't know anything about this date to know if anyone should be scorned or if it's acceptable. All the same, posters like the one two above you are calling this woman a low life succubus. That's an actual quote. That's some incel bullshit.

Did the OP make her feel unsafe? Did she have a medical emergency? Did Jesus Fucking Christ descend and rapture her? We. Don't. Know. But still, posters are saying she's awful/horrible/a literal monster. Do you not see the problem with that?

 

[super etrian odyssey]

bad dates happen. i feel like they're almost necessary. you get over it SUPER quickly (well, you should) and grow a little bit, knowing what you want/need out of a partner a bit more each time.

also, some of the replies in here are weirdly intense. we don't know anything about her.

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

The shit I would say about this low life would get me banned so I'll just agree with this post and also add you dodged a bullet OP.

I wouldnt waste an explanation even if the person reached out later.

You can see the edit

Click to shrink...

You've already been quoted. We know what you said. You're part of the problem.

 

[Summit]

You've already been quoted. We know what you said. You're part of the problem.

Click to shrink...

Literally said "succubus" so not only super shitty but also sexist as hell.

 

[HeySeuss]

The shit I would say about this low life would get me banned so I'll just agree with this post and also add you dodged a bullet OP.

I wouldnt waste an explanation even if the person reached out later.

You can see the edit

Click to shrink...

Hello there neckbeard. Did you know nothing that you do for a woman comes with the expectation of sex in return? Just making sure because based on your post it seems like you might need reminded of this.

 

[Droidian]

Congratulations on the incel level discourse, bravo! *slow clap*

Click to shrink...

I edited a single word since its an assumption on my end. You don't know me and I'm far from anything incel.
Having been on the side picking up girls who have done this to their dates, believe me, there is no excusable reason for her to do something like that.

 

[Unrivaled]

Meh sometimes people just have nothing in common. Had that happen once (although she hinted she was leaving) and I was happy about it.

 

[subpar spatula]

I edited a single word since its an assumption on my end. You don't know me and I'm far from anything incel.
Having been on the side picking up girls who have done this to their dates, believe me, there is no excusable reason for her to do something like that.

Click to shrink...

You literally said (after the edit): " The shit I would say about this low life would get me banned so I'll just agree with this post and also add you dodged a bullet OP. "

Like, just basic logic dictates you have some pretty fucked up misogynistic thoughts going around in your head that you are actively subduing just to avoid a ban. You didn't even have to be even more sexist with "succubus", your mask was already off.

 

[Shokunin]

That is a bad night.

On another note, this first page is going to be a graveyard in 24 hours. Woof.

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

I edited a single word since its an assumption on my end. You don't know me and I'm far from anything incel.
Having been on the side picking up girls who have done this to their dates, believe me, there is no excusable reason for her to do something like that.

Click to shrink...

If OP made a rape joke, he deserved a polite explanation as to why she was leaving? If he was spouting racist garbage, she needs to take the high ride and gracefully exit the date?

The casual misogyny in this thread is disgusting. Y'all aren't allies. Performative wokeness at its finest.

 

[chainlinkspiral]

Title: Not too bad.
Body: This is pretty bad.
Responses: Burn it with fire.

 

[Inugami]

Same would be said if it was a guy, ghosting somebody on a date is fucked up especially mid date.Why can't a person make up something at least so the other person understands.

A date involves 2 people, so the other person has the right to feel sad with the events that took place.

Click to shrink...

OP could have done nothing wrong, but still set off red flags for her. If you think someone could be abusive, or wouldn't take no for any answer, would you risk your safety just to make sure their feelings weren't hurt?

Yeah it absolutely sucks for him, we also don't know that's the case. She could absolutely have just scammed him for free food. The point is that some people are immediately saying awful things about her, making deep personal judgements based on one person's account.

You can just scroll up to see where someone was already banned for it.

 

[lt.dinh]

You're missing the point (and still not answering my questions). We don't know anything about this date to know if anyone should be scorned or if it's acceptable. All the same, posters like the one two above you are calling this woman a low life succubus. That's an actual quote. That's some incel bullshit.

Did the OP make her feel unsafe? Did she have a medical emergency? Did Jesus Fucking Christ descend and rapture her? We. Don't. Know. But still, posters are saying she's awful/horrible/a literal monster. Do you not see the problem with that?

Click to shrink...

All of that is speculation, just as other projections of the person's character. We do know that the person left without saying anything to the op but did tell the waitress. And apparently a large contingent of people in this thread find that sufficient for judgement. It's unlikely that we'll ever find out why the person left. So you can either speculate that she was at fault or he was at fault.

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

All of that is speculation, just as other projections of the person's character. We do know that the person left without saying anything to the op but did tell the waitress.. And apparently a large contingent of people in this thread find that sufficient for judgement. It's unlikely that we'll ever find out why the person left. So you can either speculate that she was at fault or he was at fault.

Click to shrink...

I still can't tell what stance you're trying to take. Let me try to simplify things:

I think it's very bad that posters are making judgment calls about this woman without knowing anything about her or the date.

What do you think of the posters doing the above?

 

[Karateka]

Normally I'd say eh that sucks live to fight another day and all that, but after driving 90 minutes it's extra lame and might be a little harder to do so.

Well I do think it was a rather mean spirited thing to do, I guess you never know someones motives. Best of luck.

 

[VariantX]

Honestly, its not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things even if you drove an hour and a half. I do find it weird that she didn't tell you but told the waitress though when she could have simply left. Dating sucks sometimes.

 

[Deleted member 52442]

this thread is really spiraling based on very little information from almost every side lol

 

[petitmelon]

Go out and explore the area since you drove that way. She doesn't owe an explanation or reason for leaving.

 

[game-biz]

She sounds like an awful person. Dodged a fucking bullet.

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

She sounds like an awful person. Dodged a fucking bullet.

Click to shrink...

What makes her sound like an awful person? Based solely on the info that OP has provided?

 

[Jombie]

I dont think assumptions are appropriate, concerning either party, but you never know what's going on with someone. She could have had severe anxiety or past trauma of some kind. If you didn't do anything wrong, then you'll eventually laugh about it.

 

[Summit]

What makes her sound like an awful person? Based solely on the info that OP has provided?

Click to shrink...

She had the gall to, presumably, leave rudely and selfishly, thus justifying the intense vitriol directed at this random person we don't know.

Like even if it's the worst case scenario and she just left because she wasn't into the date, does that really justify "awful person" and "succubus"? Lmao damn

 

[Inugami]

this thread is really spiraling based on very little information from almost every side lol

Click to shrink...

This is true... But you do have people literally calling this woman they don't know and who can't defend herself a succubus or saying "it's a shame you couldn't fuck her a bit first" in this thread.

There is very real very awful shit being thrown here... All because a woman left her date without saying anything first.

Heck she didn't even do that, she just had a waitress tell him for her, it's not like he was sitting around for an hour wondering where she went.

 

[Desi]

I keep asking and no one is answering: why is this woman horrible? What info do we have about her character? What info do we have about how the date went down that makes anyone think they know anything about her character?

It's one thing to commiserate with OP. It's another for people declare this anonymous woman awful with no context. That is flat out dangerous. It reeks of internet nerds who can't deal with rejection. I say that as an internet nerd that took years to figure out how to deal with rejection.

Click to shrink...

I got you fam. We can only go with what info we have in the story.

Can't make assumptions with information we do not have. Going on that I am disappointed that she up and left.

 

[Vennt]

This is true... But you do have people literally calling this woman they don't know and who can't defend herself a succubus or saying "it's a shame you couldn't fuck her a bit first" in this thread.

There is very real very awful shit being thrown here... All because a woman left her date without saying anything first.

Click to shrink...

Ignoring the fact that she told the waitress, and the only reason for her doing so would be to inform the OP via third party, she could easily have just not done so and left with nothing said at all and still been within her rights, making her a lot more considerate than given credit for.

Some of the responses have been shockingly bad.

 

[lt.dinh]

I still can't tell what stance you're trying to take. Let me try to simplify things:

I think it's very bad that posters are making judgment calls about this woman without knowing anything about her or the date.

What do you think of the posters doing the above?

Click to shrink...

Your making an assumption that I'm taking a stance. I'm just clarifying your stance. I do want to point it's incorrect to say we know nothing about the date. I don't think these elements of the date would be disputed if we did hear the other side: the person left without saying anything directly to the op, the person told the server or someone so that word eventually got back to the op.

But to answer your question, people make judgements all the time based off of prior experiences, biases, and other preconceptions. Rightly or wrongly. Just as you suggested the person may have possibly felt unsafe, which a person has all the right to feel. But these feelings are also based from prior experiences, biases, and preconceptions. Rightly or wrongly.

A large portion of threads across this forum involve gut reactions and judgements based on incomplete or limited information.

 

[Aztechnology]

Well that's a really shitty thing to do to someone.

 

[Budi]

I'm glad to see these posts. Whole lot of weird blaming going on in this thread. Not trying to say OP did anything wrong...but we don't know what went down. Why is the default stance to blame the other party here?

Especially women, they deal with all kinds of bullshit in dating. Especially in this case, denigrating the women without her story is a gross take.

Edit: really, why are these kinds of threads allowed? They seem to devolve into misogyny more often than not.

Edit2: those immediately blaming the woman: why? What causes you to immediately side against her and with OP? What in the OP makes you think that anyone, but especially the woman we have heard nothing from, is the one to blame here?

Click to shrink...

Because OP is here, the other person is not. You won't be hearing the other side of the story, maybe OP will later on if they're still in contact. OP made a thread about feeling like shit, so of course people aren't going to start blaming them for the situation. They are trying to offer any words of comfort, "it's not you, it's because of her" is only natural reply to that.

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

Your making an assumption that I'm taking a stance. I'm just clarifying your stance. I do want to point it's incorrect to say we know nothing about the date. I don't think these elements of the date would be disputed if we did hear the other side: the person left without saying anything directly to the op, the person told the server or someone so that word eventually got back to the op.

But to answer your question, people make judgements all the time based off of prior experiences, biases, and other preconceptions. Rightly or wrongly. Just as you suggested the person may have possibly felt unsafe, which a person has all the right to feel. But these feelings are also based from prior experiences, biases, and preconceptions. Rightly or wrongly.

A large portion of threads across this forum involve gut reactions and judgements based on incomplete or limited information.

Click to shrink...

Okay...and? Why are you arguing with me?

I've never said anything about OP. I've challenged people who are making calls about what a terrible person the woman is by using hypotheticals.

What is even happening here?

 

[Hippo_PRIME]

Because OP is here, the other person is not. You won't be hearing the other side of the story, maybe OP will later on if they're still in contact. OP made a thread about feeling like shit, so of course people aren't going to start blaming them for the situation. They are trying to offer any words of comfort, "it's not you, it's because of her" is only natural reply to that.

Click to shrink...

The point I'm making--and no one is responding to--why posters jumping yo blaming the woman? Why is she a awful/terrible/horrible/a low life succubus. Yeah, that last is an actual thing someone said in this thread.

I keep saying that I understand commiserating with OP over an upsetting situation. What I take issue with is what people are saying about this other person with no context. It's willful, aggressive ignorance at best, misogyny at worst.

 

[Stencil]

Whew lad. That feeling really sucks, and I'm sorry you're going through it. But, be glad it was laid out pretty clear for you, because at this stage that's not really a huge issue. Be thankful that you got a date in the first place. Or the fact that you can go on dates? You travelled an hour for a date and she bailed. Ok. Now you can move on. You'll be okay in a few days or hours, I promise.

 

[Vennt]

The point I'm making--and no one is responding to--why posters jumping yo blaming the woman? Why is she a awful/terrible/horrible/a low life succubus. Yeah, that last is an actual thing someone said in this thread.

I keep saying that I understand commiserating with OP over an upsetting situation. What I take issue with is what people are saying about this other person with no context. It's willful, aggressive ignorance at best, misogyny at worst.

Click to shrink...

Apparently Misogyny that is the result of assauging hurt feelings is O.K or something, baffling to see that as a defence.

 

[AstronaughtE]

That sucks. Maybe singing your blues away can help?