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I got into an argument with my wife over something trivial
- Thread starter lidmat
- Start date
When I first started driving, my parents were incredibly overbearing and I would have paid that much money to get them off my fucking case.
And I mean it in the kindest way, but maybe that's what you're like to her.
And I mean it in the kindest way, but maybe that's what you're like to her.
That's a lot for driving lessons holy shit, a lot of schools or Independence have the first lesson for free as a test and it's 40 bucks a day. 320 bucks for three days sounds like a ripoff.
Also, you could have brought it up in as a conversation, No idea how you made it in to a argument.
Also, you could have brought it up in as a conversation, No idea how you made it in to a argument.
I'm so out of touch with social media I have no idea if seeking driving lessons off Instagram is as ridiculous as it sounds?
I think my mom paid ~$60 per class, but that was 20 years ago like I said. Dunno how much classes regularly run in your area.
I don't know the typical rate for driving classes since I took mine in high school, but I think it was about that much. Granted, it was a week or two course of road safety and such, and 3, 2 hour behind the wheel lessons.
It does seem a bit much for only taking the driving lesson. But do people actually find teachers and shit on Instagram and hire them?
It's been so long that I can't remember, but I 'think' passing the driving school was required to take the official driving test. If it's still that way, hopefully this is accepted by the DMV.
However, where you went wrong was telling her at least it's her money being wasted.
It does seem a bit much for only taking the driving lesson. But do people actually find teachers and shit on Instagram and hire them?
It's been so long that I can't remember, but I 'think' passing the driving school was required to take the official driving test. If it's still that way, hopefully this is accepted by the DMV.
However, where you went wrong was telling her at least it's her money being wasted.
Pretty much where I'm at. OP should've stopped her there before money even exchanged hands.
How the fuck are you married and think her money is not your money? Are you guys roommates? Lmao
Do you want to be right about the $320, or be happy. She may be someone that just needs figure some things out on her own (my wife is like that with some things).
This is why relationships die of a thousand cuts. I've been guilty of it myself. Just because you were right about her getting ripped off doesn't mean you needed to be a dick to her by saying unnecessary things. Do you think she felt great by getting fleeced? You are not helping her or the situation.
It's not the best investment and maybe she knows this after the service she got, but she's making an effort to learn how to drive instead of waiting longer and you're being a dick about it. If you wanted to get a point across about the money, being sneery is probably the worst way to do it. I'd be pissed and I agree with you that it's dumb.
there's a way to have a conversation about something like this without being an absolute cock about it. sounds like you decided being a cock about it was the correct path.
You fucked up with "You paid $320 for this stunt"
Have you thought about sitting with her and helping her find a better driving instructor? Helping her find a better deal/option? If you would have given the same advice with her in the car, why didn't she come to you? or did you offer?
Have you thought about sitting with her and helping her find a better driving instructor? Helping her find a better deal/option? If you would have given the same advice with her in the car, why didn't she come to you? or did you offer?
Different relationships have different financial structures.
I'm with you on this. Whatever my wife and I have, it's ours.
As silly as wasting 320 on sham lessons, I would talk more about how much they're a sham, but as soon as you say "your money" you've lost the argument.
I operate under the better to be honest policy. Does it always work? Of course not and it leads to more arguing sometimes. But I hear the happy wife happy life idiom and I hate it. Like your just supposed to swallow your emotions and get railroaded?
Its about compromise and not blowing up at each other. You're going to fight with someone you love with no matter what. We're human. Was her spending $320 to get driving lessons too expensive? Sounds like it. But she felt like she needed help outside of you teaching her and even though it might be hard to accept that I would try and not take it too personally. Like others have mentioned she is probably pissed in the way you said it was a waste of money. Maybe she feels that way too but doesn't want to admit that. Or she's angry you are trying to control her.
Its about compromise and not blowing up at each other. You're going to fight with someone you love with no matter what. We're human. Was her spending $320 to get driving lessons too expensive? Sounds like it. But she felt like she needed help outside of you teaching her and even though it might be hard to accept that I would try and not take it too personally. Like others have mentioned she is probably pissed in the way you said it was a waste of money. Maybe she feels that way too but doesn't want to admit that. Or she's angry you are trying to control her.
I'm the one who makes the money in my marriage, would not pay $320 for a "Instagram driving instructor". You're not wrong but the way you approached it was assholeish.
You aren't "wrong" per se but what you said was during a moment of frustration and anger to a woman who was most liekly already embarassed at having wasted a sizable chunk of money who needed your support in that moment not you bitching at her. So hey, congrats on being "right" but making your partner feel like shit in the process. Apologize for making her feel bad (whic is your only actual crime here) and suggest you both seek out a better driving instructor if the school close to you is still full up. Communication my guy, always communication.
It depends. When we had a very high income we'd just spend money because it was there. When we were deeply in debt we'd jointly discuss all expenditure beyond basics. I recall I held a discussion with my wife over whether to spend £10 on a WiFi dongle for a computer to replace a long Ethernet cable. It's not so much about permission as acting as one unit to solve problems.
It may be too much money but you handled it incredibly insensitively and poorly. Mistakes happen. No need to belittle her.
It's not completely wrong for most relationships. I was the sole wage earner for much of our marriage, so yes my wife was entitled to our money even though the salary was in my name. There was never a problem.
We both grew up in similar working class households where men were invariably the primary wage earners so we had a role model for that kind of relationship, where often the person managing the money is not the same person who brings it in. Where this kind of arrangement doesn't apply, there will be different solutions.
This is really all that needs to be said. You could have handled it sooooooooo much better
But, seriously you aren't wrong. It may not have been the right way to handle it. But damn that's a silly move.
$320 what a fucking ripoff. Did you guys even look for professional driving services NOT on Instagram?
As a person in that position, it builds trust between the couple that there is open discussion about purchases being made. I also grew up poor so my wife is better at holding me accountable so I don't blow through whatever amount of disposable income we have. I get some people think it's too controlling to have to discuss frivolous purchases but I'd be up shit creek if I were given free reign with the bank account.
Not very productive to say this after she's paid and had the lessons.
If you felt so strongly why didn't you look for a better deal before she went with the Instagram person?
If you felt so strongly why didn't you look for a better deal before she went with the Instagram person?
Why didn't she talk to you before spending $320? She made a mistake and so did you, but it sounds like you two need to figure out your financial situation. Make a budget together and talk about money. Large purchases shouldn't be made alone.
Sarcasm that comes up in disagreements, the kind that belittles the other person - like the bolded - is poison when it comes to relationships. You could've told her directly that you thought her instructor was overcharging her, instead of making it about her "wasting" money. Good on your wife for learning how to drive btw.
When you spent $2300 on a trip to Dubai but weren't allowed to enter the country because you couldn't fulfill the entry requirements, how did your wife react?
You're not wrong but be a bit less "told ya so" in your response; I'd be frustrated too and I get where you're coming from, but your wife is probably embarrassed and rubbing it in won't help.
Your wife is getting ripped off but if y'all have separate money then that's her money. I'm sure there is shit you buy that she considers a waste.
As people have said here, your wife is trying to better herself and be more independent. She wants to learn to drive as soon as possible, but no one is available to help her... so she went through instagram... likely the only avenue she knows..
She got fleeced.. it happens. But your reaction is, "good job wasting money" in the most passive aggressive way possible. Hmmm..
She got fleeced.. it happens. But your reaction is, "good job wasting money" in the most passive aggressive way possible. Hmmm..
That is probably at least concerning, if not a waste of money, but your communication style has a lot to be desired. For example:
Mind games and passive-aggressiveness are not the way to go when communicating with your spouse
Not sure if serious, but this is an awful worldview
Mind games and passive-aggressiveness are not the way to go when communicating with your spouse
Not sure if serious, but this is an awful worldview
Find a cheaper alternative legit driving instructor and offer it up to her. This way it shows you support what she wants to do (which is to learn to drive) while also mitigating the money issue.
But don't get mad if she doesn't accept the alternate cheaper option. Just offer it as a choice and let her do what she wants to do with it.
But don't get mad if she doesn't accept the alternate cheaper option. Just offer it as a choice and let her do what she wants to do with it.
This is where you went wrong.
You're married. It's time to act like it.
Apologize to her, please.
How the fuck did she think Instagram would be a good place to get a driving instructor from. Jfc.
Used to be my attitude. It was easier than making the effort to acquire self-awareness.
"I told you already."
"You're wasting money."
"I'm glad you're wasting your money, not mine."
I can't imagine why she's upset.
The going rate for me 11 years ago was £17 for an hour lesson (private instructor). I believe the bigger driving schools charged £20 then.
Eh, you advertise services on social media. It's not that odd.