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I got a new job and this coworker is freaking me out
- Thread starter MrConbon210
- Start date
Bring up a fictitious current boyfriend character into the first conversation you possibly can where it would seem apt, and maybe go into detail about the things you find attractive about him. She'll soon get the message.
Remember, you owe this person absolutely nothing and have no loyalty to her whatsoever. Don't be bullied into a friendship you neither want or need.
Remember, you owe this person absolutely nothing and have no loyalty to her whatsoever. Don't be bullied into a friendship you neither want or need.
Gross. lol
I don't mind my co-workers, but I really don't want to hang out with them after work. I have friends who have constant work outings and I just don't get it. But then again, I work in an environment where everyone is much older than me.
I think as others have said that maybe, if you're ok talking about it, saying something along the lines of "I apologise if I've misinterpreted this but you should know that I'm gay". Though of course the issue there is that there's an assumption that her intentions are sexual in nature when in reality she could just be lonely.
I'd maybe speak to some of your other colleagues and see if they've experienced something similar with this person. Failing that could you speak to HR for advice on dealing with a colleague who keeps trying to contact you outside of work?
If you're not comfortable with that then the other alternative is to respond less and less to her messages. If she asks why you're not reponding just say you don't check your social media that often.
I'd maybe speak to some of your other colleagues and see if they've experienced something similar with this person. Failing that could you speak to HR for advice on dealing with a colleague who keeps trying to contact you outside of work?
If you're not comfortable with that then the other alternative is to respond less and less to her messages. If she asks why you're not reponding just say you don't check your social media that often.
even though it's that, that's just a weird ass way to show your interested. jeez
Sounds like she has it rough 😞
A tough home can really push people to behave in anxious, scary ways. Hope things get better for her.
A tough home can really push people to behave in anxious, scary ways. Hope things get better for her.
Just tell her you are a shy person and need your personal space. The reason to lie to her about being shy is give her an easy way to back out of it in case she a really a freak.
Now you learn your lesson why you don't share your social media shit with your work.
Now you learn your lesson why you don't share your social media shit with your work.
You've known her for 3 days yet you already have her on Snapchat and Facebook? Its a normal thing nowadays but I don't like giving out my number or social media stuff to someone I only met a few days ago.
Try to spend lunchtime etc with other co-workers, so that it's not just you two alone, you have only just started there. It might even help her integrate better. And don't agree to plans she suggests if you don't really want to do them, say you're busy or something - you don't have to say with what, with whom or for how long.
The social media messaging seems full on to me, and if you don't want to reply you don't have to, not everyone is glued to social media.
The social media messaging seems full on to me, and if you don't want to reply you don't have to, not everyone is glued to social media.
Depends on the workplace really. I had a good number of my coworkers on social media on day 1 just because that's where the groupchats and announcements happen. Better than email, but at the same time it's not Facebook or Insta so there's no intersection with my personal life. Snapchat is weird though.
It is, but she also seems to want any excuse to escape from her home life.
Dealt with this before. Doesn't hurt to create a paper trail. Worse case scenario you never need it but it gives you peace of mind. Best case it saves your job.
Best advice I got was imagine if the genders were flipped and then you can start to see how creepy this behavior is. The fact that a complete stranger is opening up about some very personal stuff to you within 24 hrs of you knowing her is a huge red flag, and that isn't even factoring in the extremely obsessive behavior and this might as well be a mini-golf course at this point.
Like other people have said, you need to establish a boundary with her ASAP. Do it over email or text, not in person. Tell her you like her as a coworker but prefer to keep a professional working relationship with her, no need to be rude, but be firm.
Best advice I got was imagine if the genders were flipped and then you can start to see how creepy this behavior is. The fact that a complete stranger is opening up about some very personal stuff to you within 24 hrs of you knowing her is a huge red flag, and that isn't even factoring in the extremely obsessive behavior and this might as well be a mini-golf course at this point.
Like other people have said, you need to establish a boundary with her ASAP. Do it over email or text, not in person. Tell her you like her as a coworker but prefer to keep a professional working relationship with her, no need to be rude, but be firm.
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Why do people give their coworkers access to all their social media? Don't. Unless your social has zero insight into your personal life or political views, which is doubtful.
Yeah, I don't put any coworkers on Facebook. I have LinkedIn for that.
Maybe I'm just old or anti-social, but I find it strange that you exchanged numbers and friended each other on Snapchat and Facebook within three days of meeting a co-worker.
I'm not Facebook or Snapchat friends with people I've been working with for three years.
I'm not Facebook or Snapchat friends with people I've been working with for three years.
Tell her you're in a committed relationship and have a lot or responsibilities outside of work. That should work..
It's OK to set boundaries. You don't have to be mean about it but you need to decide if this is someone you want to be real friends with. Nothing worse than a pity friend. So if you wanna be friends go easy but set boundaries. "I don't usually check my phone that early or often but don't sweat it I'll get back to you."
But if you'd rather keep things professional then more like: "Gmorning. Sorry I'm working. *headphones on*
Also this. Dear God.
But if you'd rather keep things professional then more like: "Gmorning. Sorry I'm working. *headphones on*
Also this. Dear God.
My work does this too and very team oriented, but people will pick up on stuff after a while. I just kept declining outside of work activities, social media. Please just know me as the guy that does work stuff at work, and outside of work, we aren't friends unless I want to be involved.
This literally played out like a movie trailer in my head. Easier said than done, but OP, you have to have that tough conversation about boundaries. Seems like she's becoming reliant on you.
REALLY don't see how it matters whether she fancies you or not, she's hassling you at work and bringing way too much to your doorstep too fast.
I've met people like that, real "follow you home" types. Don't do the guilty conscience thing of indulging them by making everything about them.
You have to make it a bit about you. Explain that you don't like to check your phone that often, you have your own work/life balance to manage, you like having a lot of alone time. Tell her when you've gotta get stuff done and need to focus. Tell her it makes you anxious if she calls you at odd times and ask if she can just be more patient with you. That way, it doesn't matter what she thinks is 'normal' friendship behaviour, she needs to get acquainted with whats right for you.
Also, feel entitled to just be able to just sometimes be like. "Sorry I can't to do your (massive social undertaking guilt trip) this weekend because uh... I don't want to. I have an extremely important date with... taking care of myself. But we should totally do (something you'd be comfortable with on your terms) if you'd be up for that?"
Don't let HER be the judge of your own priorities and how you spend YOUR time.
I've met people like that, real "follow you home" types. Don't do the guilty conscience thing of indulging them by making everything about them.
You have to make it a bit about you. Explain that you don't like to check your phone that often, you have your own work/life balance to manage, you like having a lot of alone time. Tell her when you've gotta get stuff done and need to focus. Tell her it makes you anxious if she calls you at odd times and ask if she can just be more patient with you. That way, it doesn't matter what she thinks is 'normal' friendship behaviour, she needs to get acquainted with whats right for you.
Also, feel entitled to just be able to just sometimes be like. "Sorry I can't to do your (massive social undertaking guilt trip) this weekend because uh... I don't want to. I have an extremely important date with... taking care of myself. But we should totally do (something you'd be comfortable with on your terms) if you'd be up for that?"
Don't let HER be the judge of your own priorities and how you spend YOUR time.
That explains why you never responded to my hundreds of messages
If shes into you then maybe mentioning you're gay will make her back off. Or maybe she'll try to convert you, who knows. Clingy people annoy me, especially right after you meet them. Maybe she needs someone to talk to because of the rocky situation at home she brought up and you seem trustworthy or some shit. Tough situation. I'd be weirded out but not wanting to make it awkward at work either.
I'm lucky. Nobody wants to talk to me at work.
I'm lucky. Nobody wants to talk to me at work.
He just started working there too! lol.
That's what LinkedIn is for.
OP
OP
I only work Thursday-Sunday so I didn't work today. But she has texted me about 10 times today. I've responded with one word answers.
You should not reply to them, any reply is spurring her on.
OP
OP
If I don't reply than she's gonna try calling me again :/
And when she does, talk about boundaries and definitely save these messages in case it does become an HR thing.
OP
OP
You don't need to make up some fictitious off-hours life to get anyone to leave you alone. Don't take that kind of advice. All that would do is dig you into a deeper hole. Not worth the hassle.
All you need to do is kindly say what you need to say, and loop in your manager about the situation beforehand so she can't flip the script on you to claim you're the real pursuer just to save her ass down the line.
All you need to do is kindly say what you need to say, and loop in your manager about the situation beforehand so she can't flip the script on you to claim you're the real pursuer just to save her ass down the line.
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Wait, yes you can. Can't you? Aren't you able to tap messages to save them?
OP
OP
I think so but I wouldn't be able to screenshot them for example and I don't know how long a saved message lasts for.
Get another device with a camera to snap a pic of these Snapchat messages on your screen before they disappear.