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I gave up on finding a partner
- Thread starter AM_LIGHT
- Start date
I'd hate to be friends or related to one of y'all.
Damn you're gonna be rich as hell then. At least that's how I've heard that works. You also get superpowers, I think.
Seriously though, don't make a big deal about it. Don't see it as a goal, just leave it in the back of your head. Not to say you shouldn't change or fix things about yourself, but do it for you. Not just because it could help you find a partner.
Seriously though, don't make a big deal about it. Don't see it as a goal, just leave it in the back of your head. Not to say you shouldn't change or fix things about yourself, but do it for you. Not just because it could help you find a partner.
Why? If I just met a girl and we hit it off having a conversation and I bought her a drink and then she sees you're my friend and then starts asking questions about you making it painfully obvious she's more interested in you than me? What am I to do? What are you to do? I can't wait to hear your answer.
Baldness is not a bonus but I can tell you from someone that also has the issue (I had to shave everything in my mid 20s), it was never a problem when it came to dating. Make it look clean, dress smart and no one cares. Also: Beards. Beards are my new hairdo!
Dating apps revolve around swipes now which was originally conceived as something to facilitate hookups through looks. Now everyone does swiping which is akin to putting a square peg into a round hole. Not to mention you may be in in area where the apps don't help at all (usually smaller towns, etc.)
This is a long-winded way of saying there may not be all that much wrong with your profile at all, and you're probably a perfectly fine person to date. Never put your confidence/self-worth in a dating app because plenty of people just act terribly in it. Have an account, do your swiping and take the chances, but don't bank on it helping you find the partner of your dreams, and you have to be able to let bad interactions/dates roll off your back. You're going to be exposed to all kinds of people, and that includes shitty ones who shouldn't be dating.
Whenever you try to find something you are least likely to find it.
Also, sounds like from the very little you shared the club scene is not your speed. Get it out of your head that is the only place to meet someone.
Truthfully though, you will not find someone to love you if you do not love yourself. Work on that first. Shave your head, get some confidence, and it will all happen when it is supposed to happen. You just need to stop being so hard on yourself.
Also, sounds like from the very little you shared the club scene is not your speed. Get it out of your head that is the only place to meet someone.
Truthfully though, you will not find someone to love you if you do not love yourself. Work on that first. Shave your head, get some confidence, and it will all happen when it is supposed to happen. You just need to stop being so hard on yourself.
It goes both ways. You don't own someone or have exclusive rights to sex just because you bought them a drink and had a good conversation.
This is another one of the clichés that should die off with the rest of them. There's no such thing as "when you least expect it", especially if you've never been with anyone before. Even if you try to quell down the expectation of something happening, it's still there lingering in the back of your mind. Not to mention, wtf does "least expect it" mean? So people should just not do anything to get closer to finding someone? Sounds like drivel from crap hollywood rom-coms as opposed to something realistic.
Depending on where you are in KSA, Flurv works alright. Tinder works too although there are slimmer pickings.
How close do you live to Bahrain? There's more opportunity for dating there but you'll have to sort through a lot of sex workers' profiles on the main dating apps.
How close do you live to Bahrain? There's more opportunity for dating there but you'll have to sort through a lot of sex workers' profiles on the main dating apps.
Correct. At minimum though, OP should stop going to bars with his brother. He's not a wingman, he's competition.
Two things:
1) It's a numbers game. Go out of your way to meet girls especially in places and circumstances like joining a hobby club, etc.
2) Keep working on bettering yourself (work out, eat better, work on your anxiety by meditation/spitituality) and things will get better. It won't be a holy shit moment 'omg I'm swimming in girls fawning over me etc' but it will happen more gradually.
These are really the only two foolproof way of doing it. Both of the above will also work together hand in hand enhancing the other til you meet your partner. It will happen eventually.
Also don't stress over one girl you bought a drink for. She isn't obligated to have sex with you just because you bought her a drink. There are other girls you can buy drinks for. Basically don't be a creep.
1) It's a numbers game. Go out of your way to meet girls especially in places and circumstances like joining a hobby club, etc.
2) Keep working on bettering yourself (work out, eat better, work on your anxiety by meditation/spitituality) and things will get better. It won't be a holy shit moment 'omg I'm swimming in girls fawning over me etc' but it will happen more gradually.
These are really the only two foolproof way of doing it. Both of the above will also work together hand in hand enhancing the other til you meet your partner. It will happen eventually.
Also don't stress over one girl you bought a drink for. She isn't obligated to have sex with you just because you bought her a drink. There are other girls you can buy drinks for. Basically don't be a creep.
I think we need more context here before we call the brother an asshole. If his brother was specifically going out with him to be his wingman then yeah, that's a dick move. But if they just went out and OP started talking to a girl that ended up being more interested in his brother, I don't see anything wrong with that. Based on the OP, I think it was the latter.
Because I am not going to tell a woman who isn't interested in you to give you a chance?
I hate it as well. It's stupid
Anyway OP, I dunno what being 6'2" has to do with anything on the solid 6-7 scale. I did chuckle
You either give up or become the man you need to be to attract women.
It is a cliche but it's a real one. Sometimes, when you don't go looking for something it turns up on your doorstep. I've never been in a serious relationship before and while I wasn't looking for anything particular "serious" I ended up in a long-term relationship. I think it's always better to limit your expectations also.
Wingmen can often times become competition. Not sure you can prevent that, unless you want your wingman to somehow be completely undesirable. However if it's a pattern that most, if not all, girls OP talks to shows interest in his brother then you're right. He needs to drop him as a wingman and find somebody around his level.
The dude is still a DOCTOR, anywhere besides probably Cuba, that's a big fucking deal. (Saudi Arabia could be different but I'd imagine you're still an upper echelon profession who makes a lot of money) You should be getting women interested in you on your profession alone, have some confidence and you'll find someone.
I feel you OP. I've got no confidence, I'm not interesting and have a hard time holding a conversation with women... which makes getting dates/dating difficult.
Keep your head up, do the only thing you can do... self-improvement... and learning from your mistakes. Hope things turn around for you OP.
Keep your head up, do the only thing you can do... self-improvement... and learning from your mistakes. Hope things turn around for you OP.
I'd like to add that since I went to school and work in a field where females are rare I never even experience casual talk with one. I don't drink so fuck all the bar, night club, strip club, sports bar, casino bullshit.
You are approaching relationships with a western mindset while living in KSA where relationships are, as you are fully aware, handled in a completely different way. You either need to shift your expectations towards the gulf style of dating where finding a partner often revolves around heavy family involvement, or you need to leave Saudi Arabia.
Edit: to further clarify, I know you say you only try to date when visiting your brother, but it often takes living in a community and getting comfortable and settled to start effectively dating.
Edit: to further clarify, I know you say you only try to date when visiting your brother, but it often takes living in a community and getting comfortable and settled to start effectively dating.
I get what the idea is but I don't like it either.
The idea, I think, is not to be so single minded and focused in your pursuit for a romantic partner. I think that's good advice. Work on yourself, be happy with yourself, etc.
What I don't like is the idea that you stop trying and it will suddenly happen. You definitely should make an effort instead of hoping opportunity falls in your lap. You should be mindful and have an eye out and try to put yourself out there so that things have a chance to happen.
Do you mean to say you didn't look at all? Cause at most that anecdote just means you got lucky, which is good for you but it's not exactly good advice.
It's almost like, say, you found a winning lotto ticket on the ground and you were to tell someone who wanted to win the lottery to just wait and find one like you did. That's... unlikely to happen. If you want to win the lottery, you play the lottery. Maybe just don't get obsessed and piss away all your money on it. I don't know, I came up with this analogy off the top of my head.
Point is, you need to still try. Just don't let it consume you and still be a person who thinks about and does other things.
My girlfriend lives in SA currently, and I know this stuff is a fucking nightmare there. This is hardly your fault.
Have you ever thought about moving?
Have you ever thought about moving?
While that's true it's just how some GPs feel. Even the most successful people can feel like losers. People will always compare themselves to (seemingly) more successful people. I'm way down the ladder stuck in a minimum wage job but I can understand it.
I'm getting some incel-ish vibes from some of the terms being used in the OP ("a strong 6 or a soft 7") and in some of the posts in this thread. Don't go down that rabbit hole, OP. From the outside looking in, being a member of the incel/PUA/whatever community seems like the very definition of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Others have said it, but seriously, OP, stop trying to "find a partner."
Work on yourself, on being the most attractive, best version of you possible. Try to become the best GP you can be and stop putting down the profession that so many people wish they were qualified and educated enough to have. Try to be a pleasant, empathic, and helpful person to be around. Do it cuz it's the right way to be, not because you want something in return.
Work on your self-esteem. Don't go to your brother for this, go to a counselor or a therapist. No, that doesn't make you a loser. Everyone needs help sometimes. I'm willing to bet a million dollars that you are not as bad as you think you are. Not even close.
Give up on searching. Instead be open to finding someone. It can happen for you, too.
Edit: Also, don't listen to the comments saying that girl "found someone better." One girl in one bar in one point in time was more attracted to your bro. Doesn't make him "better" than you, just better for her.
Others have said it, but seriously, OP, stop trying to "find a partner."
Work on yourself, on being the most attractive, best version of you possible. Try to become the best GP you can be and stop putting down the profession that so many people wish they were qualified and educated enough to have. Try to be a pleasant, empathic, and helpful person to be around. Do it cuz it's the right way to be, not because you want something in return.
Work on your self-esteem. Don't go to your brother for this, go to a counselor or a therapist. No, that doesn't make you a loser. Everyone needs help sometimes. I'm willing to bet a million dollars that you are not as bad as you think you are. Not even close.
Give up on searching. Instead be open to finding someone. It can happen for you, too.
Edit: Also, don't listen to the comments saying that girl "found someone better." One girl in one bar in one point in time was more attracted to your bro. Doesn't make him "better" than you, just better for her.
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It means stop being a try-hard, it comes across as desperate and that's not attractive and in the worst case scenario creepy. For examples, don't try to get the number of every woman you have a casual situation context conversation with in public IE waiting for public transport. Don't go to bars/clubs solely with the intention of meeting someone, go because you want a good time.
Straight up, there is no guarantee that you'll find someone. You can do everything that people suggest you to do, and find no one. Finding someone is something that's not completely in your control because it requires another person to like you, it's a two way street.
That said, because you are unlucky like that, the best thing you can do is to put yourself out there and be interesting. You just have to accept the fact that many people aren't that interesting yet still find partners. It's weird but it's the luck of the draw. A lot of romance is situational, happenstance, random chance, all of the above.
Think of it this way, if you do nothing and don't even try, your chances of finding someone might be 5%. If you start putting yourself out there more, working out, doing what people might find attractive, your chances increase...to maybe 20%. It'll just never be a guarantee.
That said, because you are unlucky like that, the best thing you can do is to put yourself out there and be interesting. You just have to accept the fact that many people aren't that interesting yet still find partners. It's weird but it's the luck of the draw. A lot of romance is situational, happenstance, random chance, all of the above.
Think of it this way, if you do nothing and don't even try, your chances of finding someone might be 5%. If you start putting yourself out there more, working out, doing what people might find attractive, your chances increase...to maybe 20%. It'll just never be a guarantee.
Yep. Well said.
You may never find someone in all honesty. But improving yourself, accepting yourself and helping others is within your control.
the 'work on yourself, finding happiness within' stuff sounds cliche but there is truth in it imo.
one of the biggest cons society claims is that you_need_someone to feel whole, or that everyone should have that special someone. this is made up and some weird social construct that is constantly perpetuated in films and stories.
no one on this planet will force you to be happy. finding what you love in your life and living to that truth is the best way to end up finding someone in my experience. for instance, if there's a hobby you're passionate about, get involved in some social circles around that and you are bound to meet someone like minded that may interest you. however, they shouldn't be your reason for being happy, but a beautiful bonus on top of what makes you happy.
i would also recommend reading this book - Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
it's not some sleazy pick up artist junk, but has some good lessons that may help give you a different perspective in how to go about meeting people (not just women) and making strong connections.
one of the biggest cons society claims is that you_need_someone to feel whole, or that everyone should have that special someone. this is made up and some weird social construct that is constantly perpetuated in films and stories.
no one on this planet will force you to be happy. finding what you love in your life and living to that truth is the best way to end up finding someone in my experience. for instance, if there's a hobby you're passionate about, get involved in some social circles around that and you are bound to meet someone like minded that may interest you. however, they shouldn't be your reason for being happy, but a beautiful bonus on top of what makes you happy.
i would also recommend reading this book - Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
it's not some sleazy pick up artist junk, but has some good lessons that may help give you a different perspective in how to go about meeting people (not just women) and making strong connections.
That's where i'm at right now too
I'm 30, i gave up searching or making effort to find someone! I'm still open to it of course, and if by chance (not likely to happen) i meet someone i like, i will try something, but i don't actively search anymore! I will probably be alone and i'm fine with it
Sure it's still frustrating at time, especially when at every family gathering or with friends i'm always the one alone, but it's not that big of a deal in the end, i made peace with it
I'm 30, i gave up searching or making effort to find someone! I'm still open to it of course, and if by chance (not likely to happen) i meet someone i like, i will try something, but i don't actively search anymore! I will probably be alone and i'm fine with it
Sure it's still frustrating at time, especially when at every family gathering or with friends i'm always the one alone, but it's not that big of a deal in the end, i made peace with it
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I've met a few partners off of reddit, maybe try that? There's subreddits for literally anything. r/r4r might be a good starting place.
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Non taken, people are free to be attracted to whoever they want . Like I know rejection shouldn't be a big deal , it's just like the straw that broke the camel back.
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