I feel like I suck at being an adult

[Deleted member 25445]

When it comes to making eye contact, feeling comfortable with human interaction in general, carrying conversations.

I'm 34 and I've managed to build an actual career and can turn "it" on in spurts. But otherwise I'm an anxious, self deprecating mess and don't feel like I fit in anywhere.
Anyone else feel the same way?
I do really well when I stop caring, but it depends on the environment.

 

[Kor of Memory]

I very much used to, but realizing that literally everyone out there is making it up as they go really makes me feel better.

 

[It’s Time To Go]

Being an adult is hard and there's a lot of pressure. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

Yep. I don't mess with people if I can avoid it.

I sucked at being a kid too.

 

[CloseTalker]

The best thing I've learned since growing up is that age doesn't actually equal maturity, loads of people are just as socially inept as children, and everyone is making it up as they go along.

 

[LowParry]

Try being an adult parent :/

 

[Ferrio]

Every single one of us does.

 

[Deleted member 10629]

Everybody's winging it, I wouldnt worry too much.

 

[hank_tree]

Welcome to the party, pal.

 

[nemoral]

But otherwise I'm an anxious, self deprecating mess and don't feel like I fit in anywhere.
Anyone else feel the same way?

Click to shrink...

Most people. Virtually no one really has it together, some people are just better at pretending. Love yourself, enjoy your life, quit comparing yourself to other people.

 

[Deleted member 32374]

Welcome to adulthood and the crowd. Most of us are in the same boat one way or another with something.

 

[Rag]

I'm pretty much in the same boat at 37, although without any actual career success. I'm finding that the longer I'm away from situations that require me to act confidently, the harder it is to act confident. I moved from the customer service side of our family business over to the design and production side a few years ago. Today I have to watch the shop and I'm just sitting here with a churning pit in my stomach and having such a bad bout of anxiety over the thought that I'll have to talk to someone and act like I'm a professional that knows what I'm doing, even though I'm mostly a professional that knows what I'm doing.

 

[meowdi gras]

If you can make your own living, you're already doing better than me. (Mental illness prevents me from working.) Forgive yourself for not living up to an unrealistic ideal.

 

[Deleted member 25445]

Thanks everyone. Sometimes I get so self conscious because I look naturally angry when I'm really just anxious and it can look like I'm a snob. It sucks.

 

[Ravelle]

I used to fell that way for a long time and the hundreds of failed job interviews also didn't help my confidence. But luckily I ended up at a place where I'm part of a team and every idea and concern I have I have is heard. I've grown a lot more confident and comfortable with myself in only a year.

So hang in there, keep looking for places where you can feel at home and before you know it you'll be able to have small talk with basically anyone.

 

[Qikz]

Thanks everyone. Sometimes I get so self conscious because I look naturally angry when I'm really just anxious and it can look like I'm a snob. It sucks.

Click to shrink...

I know this feeling!

I think honestly most people are like this (as in nobody knows what they're doing). All adulthood seems to be is making stuff up as you go along.

 

[data west]

It takes a lot of practice. And most people, especially a lot of people that might post on say i dont know an online gaming message board, might not put themselves out there enough to practice it. I been there.

You say that you do better in certain environments, I'm guessing it's at home, work, or around people you're regularly around. That's why. If you're regularly out there, you get more and more used to it. You just have to understand that the first couple of times, you ARE going to still have those troubles. It takes a while for your brain to normalize the surrounding and associate it with your standard.

 

[Deleted member 26398]

Being adult sucks.

 

[Transistor]

You sounds like me, even damn close to the age, too.

If I didn't have my wife and kids, I'd basically have no human interaction other than coworkers

 

[Plywood]

You and me both.

 

[Joe Shlabotnik]

That sound like middle-of-the-bell-curve adulting to me

 

[Deleted member 2145]

being an adult just means you're old enough to know there's no such thing as being an adult

 

[Bleu]

When it comes to making eye contact, feeling comfortable with human interaction in general, carrying conversations.

I'm 34 and I've managed to build an actual career and can turn "it" on in spurts. But otherwise I'm an anxious, self deprecating mess and don't feel like I fit in anywhere.
Anyone else feel the same way?
I do really well when I stop caring, but it depends on the environment.

Click to shrink...

congratulations you just figured out what it is to be an adult, just pretend you know your shit. everybody is faking it.

 

[mute]

This is me.

I feel like the simplest things require significant effort for me, but I get the feeling that they are effortless/automatic for everyone else.

 

[CreepingFear]

I've always thought there would be a certain age where you "just get it". That's a lie. We are all making shit up. Sucks that I still feel like 14 inside my head, but I'm getting old in my shell.

 

[Panther2103]

Thanks everyone. Sometimes I get so self conscious because I look naturally angry when I'm really just anxious and it can look like I'm a snob. It sucks.

Click to shrink...

I have this same problem except I can't show emotions very well when I'm anxious so it looks and sounds like I don't give a shit about anything, which leads to some trouble sometimes.

I've learned to just not care what the perceived notion of being an adult is, and just act like I think / feel I should be.

 

[John Rabbit]

When I started forcing myself to make more eye contact I quickly learned that nobody else makes eye contact either.

 

[AndreGX]

Had to double check I didn't write the OP. Even nailed the age!

 

[Deleted member 25445]

congratulations you just figured out what it is to be an adult, just pretend you know your shit. everybody is faking it.

Click to shrink...

Faking is the worst, I just want to be silly.

 

[Bleu]

Faking is the worst, I just want to be silly.

Click to shrink...

Fake when it matters (aka money), be silly with your loved ones and friends.

 

[Threadkular]

When it comes to making eye contact, feeling comfortable with human interaction in general, carrying conversations.

I'm 34 and I've managed to build an actual career and can turn "it" on in spurts. But otherwise I'm an anxious, self deprecating mess and don't feel like I fit in anywhere.
Anyone else feel the same way?
I do really well when I stop caring, but it depends on the environment.

Click to shrink...

I feel 100% the same way. You captured it really well.

I've been "diagnosed" with social anxiety, and sometimes I wonder when/it goes further than that. But I remember to go easy on myself... I've still been able to accomplish quite a lot despite my quirks/social deficiencies including finding a beautiful spouse and having a good job. My anxiety and what can stem from that from beating myself up (compulsive thoughts, addiction, etc) are self destructive and I now know it's no good going down that path in my brain.

 

[J-Skee]

Thanks everyone. Sometimes I get so self conscious because I look naturally angry when I'm really just anxious and it can look like I'm a snob. It sucks.

Click to shrink...

This is me every single day of my life, even with people I know. I work on it though. Just learning to be yourself around people really helps a lot.

 

[Mona]

atleast you have a career, try having literally nothing and you'll be where im at

 

[Deleted member 25445]

Thanks everyone, you've been a really big help. Need to just not beat up on myself.

atleast you have a career, try having literally nothing and you'll be where im at

Click to shrink...

That used to be me, and it was awful, I know the feeling. Took some crazy risks and thankfully it worked out. I wish you luck man.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

You've built a good career, you are a better adult than most already.

 

[Capra]

Growing up is coming to the realization that none of the adults you knew had any fucking clue what they were doing and now you get to be one of them

 

[Orb]

I swear it is almost a daily occurrence that someone will ask me how my day is going, I will respond with something short like, "I'm fine" and then walk away, only to realize a full 5 minutes later, "Damn, I should have asked them how their day was going too!"

I don't know why it never sinks in.

So anyway, hopefully you're doing better than that. But if not, take solace in the fact that we're all fuck-ups sometimes.

 

[Soapbox Killer]

We all suck it, act accordingly.

 

[Deleted member 11985]

I'm the same exact way, OP. Even the part about looking angry all the time.

I have no idea how to fix it, but I've been thinking about going to a social anxiety support group or something from meetup.com. It seems like a good first step.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

Everyone does

 

[Wag]

Wait until you're 50.

 

[shnurgleton]

I'm killing it so far, everybody says so, I even own a car and rent an apartment full of my things

 

[Barrin]

I'm 30 and feel awkward and not like an adult constantly. Still working on the career and going to college this year in the fall for it so I expect to start feeling more awkward and out of place soon.

 

[Krakatoa]

everyone's winging it, just do the same.

 

[FTF]

Everyone does.

 

[Bear]

Even though I'm good at it, I have massive anxiety about my job and how it could all just fall apart at any second. It helps a little to think that a lot of people feel this way, though.

 

[Wolfgunblood]

I used to be kind of like that until I became a father. That flipped a 'don't give a fuck' switch.

 

[Knight in Shining Armani]

Good to know it doesn't come naturally in your 30s. I don't think I'll ever be function adult, might aswell get used to it now (in my mid 20s).

 

[GamerJM]

I feel the same way, except that I don't really do the self depricating stuff in casual conversation.

I dunno what it is, but I feel like my brand of weirdness worked way better as a kid/teenager. As an adult I just feel immature.

 

[Muppet of a Man]

I used to be kind of like that until I became a father. That flipped a 'don't give a fuck' switch.

Click to shrink...

I've always had anxiety issues, but I had finally got to a place about a decade ago where I used to be all "I don't give a fuck" in a lot of ways.
Then, I became a father 5+ years ago, and now I'm a god damn mess in so many other ways.
Like, I have existential crises over the most mundane shit, and I'm incessantly worrying about our safety, less from other people potentially harming us and more along the lines of being maimed in an accident of some sort. It really hit the wall 2 years in with our first child when he was diagnosed with autism. I've never been the same since. I've blamed myself so much because I have severe, functionally-impairing OCD that I've incessantly been battling from early adolescence onward. As such, on top of all the other worries, I'm constantly worried that my OCD will get to the point where it interferes enough with my job to get me fired (it's waxes and wanes in intensity since it is stress induced).