I dread going to sleep

[ExhaustedWalrus]

Because it means I have to be alone with my thoughts, and I think about every stupid thing I did that day and why people may not like me. I also spiral and it causes me not to fall asleep. I always dread the night time because I want to sleep but my mind races. Hence why I'm posting this at 2 am.

 

[ScaleboundGOTY]

listen to a podcast

 

[deftones r cool]

Why do you care so much about what others think of you?

Believe me, they probably don't do it as much as you're under the impression that they do.

Focus more on your self-perception instead. If that's screwed up, then you'll never be able to convince others of your worth.

Self-improvement: one step at a time. Figure out what you're skilled at, and double down on it.

Best of luck.

 

[DeckardWintermute]

Because it means I have to be alone with my thoughts, and I think about every stupid thing I did that day and why people may not like me. I also spiral and it causes me not to fall asleep. I always dread the night time because I want to sleep but my mind races. Hence why I'm posting this at 2 am.

Click to shrink...

I sleep with something playing on the tv for this same reason.

 

[NotSelf]

Trying focusing on your breathing in your mind repeat in as air goes in and repeat out as air goes out if you start having thoughts just say thinking thinking until there gone then back to the breathing.

 

[Bradford]

I also hate getting to sleep. Combination of a very intense sleep disorder and stress makes getting to sleep very difficult. I also cannot fall asleep if there is any light or noise, so I just gotta tolerate it until I inevitably pass out.

 

[Xiaomi]

Go to a doctor. If there are two things you should be extra careful with health-wise, it's your teeth, and your sleep. It could be an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, something that can be taken care of relatively easily.

 

[Deleted member 1698]

My advice is that the problem is during the day, not at night.

Schedule some time in the afternoon, maybe 30 minutes to just "stop and think". You can't avoid being alone with your thoughts, it just isn't going to happen. While it can be hard, you need to be calling the shots and just tell yourself "ok this is the time, not later, not in my room, not in my bed. Lets go".

Then make your room a safe place. No matter how bad things get, things are ok in that room. If you need to sort shit out and you probably do, you have another time and a place for that.

 

[Jhey Cyphre]

Not trying to piggy back of your thread or anything but this is something I've been thinking about as well. I can be so tired I'm falling asleep at my desk but the moment I lay down to go to sleep it's like my mind goes into overdrive and I just can't shut it off.

I try focusing on my breathing and counting and it seems to work but the moment I'm actually drifting into sleep I can feel my eyes just twitching... like refusing to go to sleep. I basically just lay in bed for hours before anything happens.

 

[Lylo]

I don't know your age, but as we get older people tend to stop caring about what others think of them. Seeking professional help is always the best advise you can get, but try to not think about what you did and focus on what you are going to do the next day and try to keep a positive attitude even if the people surrounding you suck.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Damn. Letting my mind wander before drifting off to sleep is sometimes my favorite part of the day. I'd suggest you stop dwelling on your perceived failings and see if you can spend that time looking forward to future fun activities, if you're able. You should also try to divorce your own feelings of self-worth from other people's opinions. I know those might be easier said than done, but putting a stop to toxic thought cycles is pretty important.

 

[TaySan]

The sooner you stop caring what other people think of you the better. It's done wonders for me! :)

 

[deftones r cool]

The sooner you stop caring what other people think of you the better. It's done wonders for me! :)

Click to shrink...

TaySan, always a man of wise words.

 

[Deleted member 75819]

People tend to think more about themselves than anyone else, so don't sweat the small awkward or conflicting interactions. I find putting on a loud fan and using visualization helps me fall asleep. Also try to wear yourself out some in the day to make falling asleep happen in a snap—engage in some rigorous physical activity.

Rumination and thinking can quickly become a deep dark hole that's very hard to climb out of—best to try and avoid it. If that doesn't work and you find yourself falling down in, you've gotta try and use some counter rhetoric. Don't let the dark voice in your head that hates you run his toxic mouth. Teach your mind new loving, compassionate, self-soothing language. Otherwise the path of least resistance (the hateful voice) will prevail and dominate. Remember: that voice is NOT you.

I had to go to therapy for years to work out my ruminating, self-loathing and overall negative self image so this is all easier said than done. I hope this helps in some way though. You're a good person. Good luck friend.

 

[Zoantharia]

Yeah, night is probably the worst time of the day for me mentally speaking. I should perhaps count myself lucky that my depressive and/or anxious thoughts are never those of such strength that my sleepiness cannot conquer

Edit: To add to what others have said in this thread, op, mindfulness is important. There's a really good book, Feeling Good by David D. Burns, that goes into the sort of mental distortions that make us perceive ourselves and our world as worse than we/it actually are/is, and how to correct it. I may not follow my own advice 100%, but it's important to take control of your own thoughts to see yourself and your value as it truly is. Of course, if you can afford it, and you can find a good one, therapy helps!

 

[turbobrick]

Same, I've found listening to podcasts help

 

[Deleted member 4494]

I have two recommendations.

The first is to consider learning a simple meditation technique, and then doing it before you fall asleep. Pick up the book "The relaxation response" if you want to learn and experiment with a very simple one that actually works. It's the foundational method behind one of the more popular (although somewhat controversial) meditation techniques, transcendental meditation. I find that when I exercise this, I can speed up just how quickly I fall asleep, and my mind is occupied.

Another suggestion is to allow yourself to have a scenario you playback in your mind. Think about a movie, or an interview you saw, or something, then pretend you are a character in that moment and let it play out as realistically or silly as you'd like. I always find that this helps me move my thoughts away from myself, and towards a 'version' of myself that is in that moment.

And as others have said, Podcasts are great, though you may find it difficult to fall asleep with voices in the background.

 

[Antrax]

My advice is that the problem is during the day, not at night.

Schedule some time in the afternoon, maybe 30 minutes to just "stop and think". You can't avoid being alone with your thoughts, it just isn't going to happen. While it can be hard, you need to be calling the shots and just tell yourself "ok this is the time, not later, not in my room, not in my bed. Lets go".

Then make your room a safe place. No matter how bad things get, things are ok in that room. If you need to sort shit out and you probably do, you have another time and a place for that.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, this is some good long-term advice. I have some friends who literally cannot be alone with themselves happily for more than an hour. If they are, then they're sending like a dozen texts to try and make plans with people. Massive extroverts. But obviously it's not realistic to never be alone, and I know they're struggling during this pandemic.

OP, I'd also say you should make sure you're never doing anything but sleep and sex in your bed. Make sure you're not associating your bed with active things.

 

[super-heated plasma]

Sleep. Those little slices of Death. How I loathe them.

 

[ElephantShell]

Try a podcast at night or just some relaxing ambience. Lots of great ambiance YouTube channels, I find that background noise gets me out of my own head.

 

[CommodoreKong]

As crazy as it sounds, when I'm going to sleep I actually think about going to sleep somewhere. Usually it's someplace strange or interesting, like say in a 5 star hotel, or a spaceship above Earth, or an underwater city under the sea. I picture the location in my mind and myself going to sleep. It actually worked pretty well for me. Gives my mind something to focus on and I think gives my mind and body the suggestion that it's time to go to sleep.

 

[ErichWK]

I get panic attacks every night when i sleep. Most are doable but some are so bad that i have to take Xanax that was prescribed to me. It sucks i think about death a lot and it scares the hell out of me. :/

 

[Kingpin Rogers]

Me too! Most of the time it takes me a long time to fall asleep and similar to you I tend to think about all the stupid things I've done over the years.

 

[VanWinkle]

That's partly why I always have something playing on the TV when I go to bed. Usually one of my favorite comedies like 30 Rock. I just set a timer for like 30 minutes to an hour depending on how tired I am.

 

[klastical]

I know it's considered bad form to play doctor on the internet but you need to get on some anxiety medicine. What your desribing is exactally how I felt before I talked to a doctor about it and got help.

 

[squeakywheel]

Once I hit 40 I stopped caring so much about what other people thought. Life is short and nobody's perfect. Living for others is not good and will never fulfill you. You should get some counselling op if that critical voice in your head gets too loud.

 

[Sanka]

I think nowadays a lot of people can't just be by themself. We always have some kind of distraction around us. I feel confronting that feeling of being alone with your own thoughts greatly helped me when I was suffering from depression.

So what I did was meditate in the evening or at night for a few weeks. At some point I just came to terms with these thoughts and they didn't bother me anymore. They didn't affect me negatively and I either didn't have these thoughts anymore or I could just coexist with them.

So yea I would really recommend meditating. Sounds kinda fantastical but to me it's one of the greatest tools.

 

[EloquentM]

Why is the first post not to go see a therapist and psychiatrist. ExhaustedWalrus anxiety induced insomnia isn't fun. probably should do more than meditate and listen to podcasts.

Go to a doctor. If there are two things you should be extra careful with health-wise, it's your teeth, and your sleep. It could be an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, something that can be taken care of relatively easily.

Click to shrink...

You're beautiful

 

[Kurita]

Go see someone

 

[xxracerxx]

Buddy. Call your fiancé. Talk things out, don't be afraid to share your anxiety.

 

[baron doggystyle von woof]

Did you try meditating or reading a book before you sleep?

 

[Deleted member 75819]

Why is the first post not to go see a therapist and psychiatrist. ExhaustedWalrus anxiety induced insomnia isn't fun. probably should do more than meditate and listen to podcasts.



You're beautiful

Click to shrink...

I think this post minimizes the impact meditation can have. Meditation in itself can work wonders for anxiety and rumination. Therapy (which by the way sometimes involves prescribed meditation) and medicine is expensive—doesn't hurt to exhaust other tools and resources first before jumping into an often costly treatment plan (and potentially further-complicating medications). That's not to say both can't happen if OP has the means. As for the post you'd quoted, I'd love to hear about the treatment plan that "relatively easily" takes care of an anxiety disorder.

 

[AGoodODST]

I know it's hard but just try to clear your thoughts.

I made up a wee technique I use when I can't sleep because my mind is busy. I like to visualise myself laying on a beach, with the waves lapping around me. I match my breathing to the movement of the waves and just focus on that and I find it really easy to just clear my mind and fall asleep.

 

[Deleted member 14518]

My advice would be to work on your self compassion. Your thoughts sound harsh about yourself. It's not your fault. Whatever the reasons that brought you to this point. Thoughts are thoughts, we have no direct control of them.

I think the hard thoughts are kicking off anxiety attacks, making it difficult to sleep.

There are tonnes of self compassion meditations etc out there, try Insight Timer.

 

[Shadow]

What helps me is I think of a movie/scenario I make up in my mind. Like go on an adventure doing some random thing. After awhile I make up a satisfying ending where I feel alright to sleep.

Other times I think who cares about thoughts, thoughts themselves won't help me unless it's something that thinking about will actually help at that minute or in the mourning.

Another thing that helps me is I play some music on my iPad. Just hit up Spotify and play a sleep playlist, or something calming or even catchy to put you in a good mood.

I know everyone's different, but those 3 things keep me sane most nights.

 

[wideface]

Me too, but in my case it's because for the last week or so I keep waking up every 2 hours. I can't sleep through the night like I used to.
Before that I was falling asleep at 6am and waking up at noon. I slept at least 6 or 7 hours. But now that I'm trying to fix my sleep schedule by going to bed tired at 12am, I keep waking up and I hate this.

 

[meowdi gras]

Funny, I dread waking up. Or at least I did for most of the first half of this year, before I got myself into a better emotional state.

 

[Dust]

I am so tired after work that I mostly just stumble my way into shower, then to couch/bed and fall asleep.

 

[Deleted member 21339]

Trying reading a book, it will refocus your thoughts and the mental work of reading should make you tired.

 

[Landy828]

I've always gone on "adventures" or had "fun" with my thoughts since I was a kid.

Always works. I lways fall asleep during them at random.

Other people aren't thinking about you and what you did that day. They aren't concerned about you..just themselves. You're good.

 

[Daingurse]

I love sleep. When I was suffering from crippling major depression, sleep felt like my only respite from my negative thoughts and emotions. I would sedate myself on purpose, because while I was sleeping I didn't think about hurting or killing myself.

I'm sorry to hear that you aren't able to get that relief, because of your racing thoughts. Have you ever done mindfulness meditation? I learned it from group CBT therapy, and it really helped me with controlling my negative thoughts and emotions.

 

[Wandering Robot]

Because it means I have to be alone with my thoughts, and I think about every stupid thing I did that day and why people may not like me. I also spiral and it causes me not to fall asleep. I always dread the night time because I want to sleep but my mind races. Hence why I'm posting this at 2 am.

Click to shrink...

Hey, ExhaustedWalrus. Were you ever able to get to sleep? I hope so. Did anything help?

 

[subpar spatula]

If your mind races and what not, just let it happen. Embrace it. I've learned that you stay more awake trying to force your mind to be still.

 

[whatsarobot]

Really recommend counselling for this. If you start down the road of podcasts or tv at night you'll never face your own fears and anxieties, and it will intensify the older you get.

Realizing you're afraid of your own thoughts is a good thing: You diagnosed your issue. Good job! Now try and find someone to talk to them about.

 

[console_logger]

What works well for me is reading while in bed before I go to sleep. Setting my kindle on a dim setting and spending 15-20 minutes reading in the dark always distracts my brain and knocks me the hell out.

 

[Tan]

Get to know the mind that chastises you rather than fight and tell it to shut up. It only harms you because it and you do not know how to express yourselves to each other.

 

[FerrisBueller]

 

[Quick]

I used to listen to music before going to bed. It helped me just let my mind wander or to focus on something else. It might be a good idea to either listen to music or have ambient noise playing in your room.

Reading a book is also ideal, as well as giving yourself time in the day to let yourself think, as Toddhunter suggested.

 

[Deleted member 18400]

One of my good friends has really bad social anxiety similar to what you are describing. Something that helped her was learning to meditate, she even took a "class" on youtube or something along those lines to help her. The idea was to teach yourself to clear your thoughts and relax. I don't know how long it took her but now she literally meditates for 30 minutes every night and she claims it's helped her anxiety tremendously.

I don't suffer from this so it might not work for you, I don't know. But I thought I'd share that in case there was a chance it might work for you as well.

 

[Marengo]

Lately I've taken to building lego sets in my mind as a way to avoid excessive rumination when I'm trying to sleep. Works well.