I don't think I've ever felt this lonely and helpless.

[Baphomet]

It has been a rough 24 hours for me, my wife got committed yesterday to the mental hospital for a while after bouts with bad depression lately. I last saw her yesterday and I feel so helpless and alone right now. I knew there was a possibility of her needing to get committed soon (she was in agreement) but I didn't expect it to be so sudden, she was talking with her therapist yesterday and her therapist called the ambulance/cops and they came knocking at the down 15 minutes later to taker her away. Since she is not allowed to use her phone , I've only been able to talk to her once since she left (she called a few minutes ago). I feel somewhat like a failure of a husband for not being able to prevent her being committed , even though we decided its for the best (and honestly, I will also be getting committed in the near future).

Being alone at home for the next few days will be hard, it will be the longest I've spent without her presence and it really really sucks. I was not going to post this originally , but I needed to get this out or I was going to go insane. Before anyone post any lame attempts at "jokes", no I am not suicidal and won't hurt myself, I just needed to vent this out.

 

[Ramala]

I am sorry. We're here for you. Do you have supportive friends or family you can talk to?

 

[Baphomet]

I am sorry. We're here for you. Do you have supportive friends or family you can talk to?

Click to shrink...

Sadly ,no , my wife doesn't want this to get to family or friends (and trust me , they are not the supportive type, least mine aren't).

 

[Unaha-Closp]

It's good to get it out. Bottling emotions and thoughts up rarely leads to positivity of mind. Give your self some forgiveness over what you had to do for your Wife. You did it for her benefit. You did it because you care for her.

 

[Baphomet]

I know it will help her in the end , I know she will get through, I think I'm handling worse than her , its just weird being apart from your significant other.

 

[Zen]

I relate to you OP I went through a similar experience with family recently. Take the time to take care of yourself for now.

 

[Ramathevoice]

I'm really sorry you're in this situation OP. Please remember it isn't and never was your job to "save" her from her mental illness. You're not a bad husband if you've been supportive, including when it comes to inpatient treatment if that's what she needs.

Consider going to therapy yourself, just to unpack things, if you can't talk about this with friends.

Best of luck.

 

[Baphomet]

Honestly , I would tell them to commit me right now, but I have 2 dogs and I can't leave them alone.

 

[SinkFla]

It has been a rough 24 hours for me, my wife got committed yesterday to the mental hospital for a while after bouts with bad depression lately. I last saw her yesterday and I feel so helpless and alone right now. I knew there was a possibility of her needing to get committed soon (she was in agreement) but I didn't expect it to be so sudden, she was talking with her therapist yesterday and her therapist called the ambulance/cops and they came knocking at the down 15 minutes later to taker her away. Since she is not allowed to use her phone , I've only been able to talk to her once since she left (she called a few minutes ago). I feel somewhat like a failure of a husband for not being able to prevent her being committed , even though we decided its for the best (and honestly, I will also be getting committed in the near future).

Being alone at home for the next few days will be hard, it will be the longest I've spent without her presence and it really really sucks. I was not going to post this originally , but I needed to get this out or I was going to go insane. Before anyone post any lame attempts at "jokes", no I am not suicidal and won't hurt myself, I just needed to vent this out.

Click to shrink...

I actually know what you're going through as I was in a strikingly similar position. The fact she is getting help alone means you are not a failure. It's easy to feel self defeat and guilt right now but it's important for you to shove that away for now and just be as supportive as you can be. If anything she may get the help she needs and the separation actually made my relationship stronger, well that and getting much needed help. Things got very dark for my fiance but since she's been out she's never been happier both about her own life and our relationship. Just being supportive and being there for her on the other side when she's released will mean the world to your wife I'm sure, and those things are the most important in anyone's recovery whether it be treatment for depression or drugs. Hang in there.

 

[Baphomet]

I actually know what you're going through as I was in a strikingly similar position. The fact she is getting help alone means you are not a failure. It's easy to feel self defeat and guilt right now but it's important for you to shove that away for now and just be as supportive as you can be. If anything she may get the help she needs and the separation actually made my relationship stronger, well that and getting much needed help. Things got very dark for my fiance but since she's been out she's never been happier both about her own life and our relationship. Just being supportive and being there for her on the other side when she's released will mean the world to your wife I'm sure, and those things are the most important in anyone's recovery whether it be treatment for depression or drugs.

Click to shrink...

Ahh I definitely believe in her , she will get out a better person , I guess I'm not sure how I will handle this separation.

 

[Gundam]

I feel somewhat like a failure of a husband for not being able to prevent her being committed

Click to shrink...

You are absolutely not. Please do not feel guilty over this.

 

[Baphomet]

Thanks everyone for the messages, since I have no one to talk to about it , making this topic helps.

 

[denseWorm]

My partner struggles with mental issues. We've been together for years now and we have steadily addressed these difficulties and, with a consistent message of positivity and growth, have leveled things out noticeably. not perfectly, but noticeably. Try to focus on trying new things, finding new skills and interests, giving them some breathing space where they can find some self worth. when i first got together with my girl she has a microscopic sense of self and self worth, these days it is noticeably stronger. I think to a certain extent people who suffer from depression jettison their sense of self and allow labels and expectations thereof to determine their actions through life. I'm no professional, but finding new things to do and giving tons of positive reinforcement could be pretty great. I recommend pottery...

 

[SinkFla]

Ahh I definitely believe in her , she will get out a better person , I guess I'm not sure how I will handle this separation.

Click to shrink...

You'll get through it before you realize it's over as long as you keep yourself occupied. I used the time to completely rearrange and clean my house. And work on some music and finish some games. If you got any hobbies dive headfirst into them!

 

[Baphomet]

Yeah I'm playing video games right now to distract myself, I'll probably try and sleep early too

 

[hjort]

You are not in any way a failure for not preventing her being committed. It's not something to be prevented in the first place. She needs professional care, and an actual failure of a husband would have denied her that, or worked against it, but you didn't. You've done well, and this will be better for the both of you in the long run. Stay strong, Baphomet. Take care of yourself and your dogs, and vent in here as much as you need.

 

[Deleted member 46489]

Honestly , I would tell them to commit me right now, but I have 2 dogs and I can't leave them alone.

Click to shrink...

Ah, this sucks. Are there any dog shelters around you can give the dogs to for a few months?

And let me tell you emphatically that you aren't responsible for your wife being committed. That's like feeling responsible for your wife having to go to the hospital for a broken arm. We are complex beings, and sometimes we need help with our minds and bodies. And that's totally fine. Both you and your wife are going to come out of this much better.

I know, right now it feels like this terrible moment is going to stretch forever. But it won't. This is just a moment. It will pass, and you'll find happiness again. And when you do, this moment will be just a hazy memory. Trust me.

 

[Baphomet]

Ah, this sucks. Are there any dog shelters around you can give the dogs to for a few months?

And let me tell you emphatically that you aren't responsible for your wife being committed. That's like feeling responsible for your wife having to go to the hospital for a broken arm. We are complex beings, and sometimes we need help with our minds and bodies. And that's totally fine. Both you and your wife are going to come out of this much better.

I know, right now it feels like this terrible moment is going to stretch forever. But it won't. This is just a moment. It will pass, and you'll find happiness again. And when you do, this moment will be just a hazy memory. Trust me.

Click to shrink...

I wish I could but sadly there are none near by, I'll just have to deal with it , but dealing with it alone feels wrong, but I'll manage.

 

[Saganator]

Been in a similar situation, except it was mania and my girlfriend absolutely refused to be committed. They would only do it involuntarily if she was a threat to herself or someone else. Sense she wasn't suicidal, basically had to just wait for her to do something that was threatening to me. Really long story made short, but she eventually pulled a big butcher knife on me. I called the cops, I was terrified they were gonna kill her. Thankfully got her drop the knife before cops showed up. So she was finally threatening to me so they'll take her to the hospital right? Nope took her to jail where she sat there for over a month and never saw a doctor. No one would bail her out because she was still manic in jail. Eventually she got committed, can't remember how.

Even though she was obviously manic, she still ended up with felony DV charge. I tried not to push charges, but unfortunately it's not like the movies, and the state still charged her. Got lucky and ended up with a very progressive and young DA and went as easy as the state would let him. She still has a felony on her record and she has trouble finding work despite a very solid resume.

Even though my gf absolutely needed to be committed, I still had a terrible guilty feeling, especially since I called the cops on her, she pulled a big knife of me I had no choice.

Don't feel guilty, she'll understand, just be very supportive when she gets out.

Also if you go visit her in the hospital, be prepared to see some shit you'll never forget. You'll see people in way more terrible situations that aren't temporary. Just very sad, really opened my eyes to the sad sad state of our mental health system.

 

[Baphomet]

Been in a similar situation, except it was mania and my girlfriend absolutely refused to be committed. They would only do it involuntarily if she was a threat to herself or someone else. Sense she wasn't suicidal, basically had to just wait for her to do something that was threatening to me. Really long story made short, but she eventually pulled a big butcher knife on me. I called the cops, I was terrified they were gonna kill her. Thankfully got her drop the knife before cops showed up. So she was finally threatening to me so they'll take her to the hospital right? Nope took her to jail where she sat there for over a month and never saw a doctor. No one would bail her out because she was still manic in jail. Eventually she got committed, can't remember how.

Even though she was obviously manic, she still ended up with felony DV charge. I tried not to push charges, but unfortunately it's not like the movies, and the state still charged her. Got lucky and ended up with a very progressive and young DA and went as easy as the state would let him. She still has a felony on her record and she has trouble finding work despite a very solid resume.

Even though my gf absolutely needed to be committed, I still had a terrible guilty feeling, especially since I called the cops on her, she pulled a big knife of me I had no choice.

Don't feel guilty, she'll understand, just be very supportive when she gets out.

Also if you go visit her in the hospital, be prepared to see some shit you'll never forget. You'll see people in way more terrible situations that aren't temporary. Just very sad, really opened my eyes to the sad sad state of our mental health system.

Click to shrink...

Ohh wow I'm glad you were able to get past that. I don't know if I'll able to visit her , but she told me they are not going to keep her for too many days, I just hope she comes out feeling happier.

 

[AliceAmber]

I have a friend who has been comitted. Calling her seemed to help a little. I still can't imagine what you are going through but I hope you two will be okay.

 

[Pikelet]

My dude, I have no useful advice to give but I truly hope that things work out for you and your wife.

 

[ace3skoot]

Sending love to you OP and your wife, the first part of making things better if acknowledging there is a problem, there maybe more dark days ahead but things can and will get better, era always here if you need to vent x

 

[Baphomet]

I have a friend who has been comitted. Calling her seemed to help a little. I still can't imagine what you are going through but I hope you two will be okay.

Click to shrink...

My dude, I have no useful advice to give but I truly hope that things work out for you and your wife.

Click to shrink...

Thank you for the messages and forgive me , I must sound overly dramatic with this.

 

[totowhoa]

So sorry man. My wife gone to the hospital 3 times now, but luckily never via cops - I've always been able to get her there voluntarily. Don't feel bad - you're doing the right thing. The first time is definitely the hardest, but at least for my wife, it was a helpful experience. If she has a bad experience there, then you may want to research other mental health hospitals in advance next time and see if you can find a better one (if you have insurance - otherwise you're very limited). At the good hospitals, in my wife's experience, people are more likely to have a bad experience if they don't want to be there or if they don't or can't participate in the activities and therapy.

My wife was last in the hospital in late March and that was the hardest. It was for 3 weeks and I couldn't visit because of covid-19. In addition, she was very out of sorts mentally and couldn't focus for long. So I think I only got a call from her twice during that period :( It was really hard. But she came out of that a little bit better, which is good.

You're absolutely not a failure and you're not alone right now. She'll be back, and you'll hear from her soon. Try to use this time to take care of yourself too. Sometimes it can be really stressful having somebody with mental illness around, especially if you're in a caretaker role. I know it sounds selfish, but binge watch a TV show that you've wanted to see that maybe she didn't want to watch. Get your mind off of it for part of the time. Take care of your own mental health. Call and leave her a message once per day even if you don't get to talk to every day - just stay connected and encourage her. Try to think of something nice to get her once she's out and then spend a day with her doing whatever she wants and really enjoy the time together.

You mentioned she'd be out in the next few days, but it could be longer. Just know that if she and the doctors think it would be good for her to stay a little longer, that'll likely happen. But just know that it'll be OK. The first time my wife went into a mental hospital last year - it was incredibly difficult. The second time was a lot easier. The last time was a lot harder due to the length of the stay and our disconnection. However, it's likely she may have to do this again. So just try to figure out some good coping mechanisms. I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this, and I hope you both come out of this doing better, especially your wife. Wish you both the best during this. It's really tough.

 

[Deleted member 4367]

Her therapist called the cops?

Well that's not something I needed to read as somebody who has a lot of anxiety over seeing a therapist.

 

[Deleted member 70788]

I don't have a lot of words of wisdom or experience. Just wanted to say, I'm sorry and I hope you and her continue to grow into healthier people through this.

 

[Baphomet]

Her therapist called the cops?

Well that's not something I needed to read as somebody who has a lot of anxiety over seeing a therapist.

Click to shrink...

I know , it surprised me too

So sorry man. My wife gone to the hospital 3 times now, but luckily never via cops - I've always been able to get her there voluntarily. Don't feel bad - you're doing the right thing. The first time is definitely the hardest, but at least for my wife, it was a helpful experience. If she has a bad experience there, then you may want to research other mental health hospitals in advance next time and see if you can find a better one (if you have insurance - otherwise you're very limited). At the good hospitals, in my wife's experience, people are more likely to have a bad experience if they don't want to be there or if they don't or can't participate in the activities and therapy.

My wife was last in the hospital in late March and that was the hardest. It was for 3 weeks and I couldn't visit because of covid-19. In addition, she was very out of sorts mentally and couldn't focus for long. So I think I only got a call from her twice during that period :( It was really hard. But she came out of that a little bit better, which is good.

You're absolutely not a failure and you're not alone right now. She'll be back, and you'll hear from her soon. Try to use this time to take care of yourself too. Sometimes it can be really stressful having somebody with mental illness around, especially if you're in a caretaker role. I know it sounds selfish, but binge watch a TV show that you've wanted to see that maybe she didn't want to watch. Get your mind off of it for part of the time. Take care of your own mental health. Call and leave her a message once per day even if you don't get to talk to every day - just stay connected and encourage her. Try to think of something nice to get her once she's out and then spend a day with her doing whatever she wants and really enjoy the time together.

You mentioned she'd be out in the next few days, but it could be longer. Just know that if she and the doctors think it would be good for her to stay a little longer, that'll likely happen. But just know that it'll be OK. The first time my wife went into a mental hospital last year - it was incredibly difficult. The second time was a lot easier. The last time was a lot harder due to the length of the stay and our disconnection. However, it's likely she may have to do this again. So just try to figure out some good coping mechanisms. I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this, and I hope you both come out of this doing better, especially your wife. Wish you both the best during this. It's really tough.

Click to shrink...

I am mentally preparing myself for it to last a couple of days. I'm going to be committed too sometime but I'm afraid since it would be a first time for me.

 

[AliceAmber]

Thank you for the messages and forgive me , I must sound overly dramatic with this.

Click to shrink...

You do not at all. I would be in the same boat if this was happening to my partner.

 

[Baphomet]

I'll play more later I may read something soon. Aside from that , I haven't slept much yesterday and I can't fall asleep just yet since my lawyer is calling me in a few hours.

 

[Garlador]

While I'm no therapist, the best advice I ever got from one was that whatever you're feeling needs a constructive avenue to be expressed in. Don't bottle it up. Everyone has something different they use to "vent" and get it out - art, music, games, movies. Mostly just talking it out - even to whatever strangers who will listen - can be very healthy.

So we're here for that and are supportive of you and your wife's recovery. Don't ever feel alone.

 

[Baphomet]

While I'm no therapist, the best advice I ever got from one was that whatever you're feeling needs a constructive avenue to be expressed in. Don't bottle it up. Everyone has something different they use to "vent" and get it out - art, music, games, movies. Mostly just talking it out - even to whatever strangers who will listen - can be very healthy.

So we're hear for that and are supportive of you and your wife's recovery. Don't ever feel alone.

Click to shrink...

I appreciate bit :) I'll still vent here it's really helping , i just want to get this lawyer call over with.

 

[Whowasphone]

Bud, don't apologize for feeling, and stick around as long as you can with this group. Era isn't going anywhere and being a shoulder to lean on is what it does best. 🙏
Sincerely wishing all the best for you guys

 

[Baphomet]

Bud, don't apologize for feeling, and stick around as long as you can with this group. Era isn't going anywhere and being a shoulder to lean on is what it does best. 🙏
Sincerely wishing all the best for you guys

Click to shrink...

Thank you , its been going better this last hour, just trying to distract myself as best as possible.

 

[shem]

Her therapist called the cops?

Well that's not something I needed to read as somebody who has a lot of anxiety over seeing a therapist.

Click to shrink...

There are situations where they are legally required to contact proper authorities.

 

[Baphomet]

Anyone want to chat ?

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Been in a similar situation, except it was mania and my girlfriend absolutely refused to be committed. They would only do it involuntarily if she was a threat to herself or someone else. Sense she wasn't suicidal, basically had to just wait for her to do something that was threatening to me. Really long story made short, but she eventually pulled a big butcher knife on me. I called the cops, I was terrified they were gonna kill her. Thankfully got her drop the knife before cops showed up. So she was finally threatening to me so they'll take her to the hospital right? Nope took her to jail where she sat there for over a month and never saw a doctor. No one would bail her out because she was still manic in jail. Eventually she got committed, can't remember how.

Even though she was obviously manic, she still ended up with felony DV charge. I tried not to push charges, but unfortunately it's not like the movies, and the state still charged her. Got lucky and ended up with a very progressive and young DA and went as easy as the state would let him. She still has a felony on her record and she has trouble finding work despite a very solid resume.

Even though my gf absolutely needed to be committed, I still had a terrible guilty feeling, especially since I called the cops on her, she pulled a big knife of me I had no choice.

Don't feel guilty, she'll understand, just be very supportive when she gets out.

Also if you go visit her in the hospital, be prepared to see some shit you'll never forget. You'll see people in way more terrible situations that aren't temporary. Just very sad, really opened my eyes to the sad sad state of our mental health system.

Click to shrink...

This is why we need first responders to mental illness that doesn't involve law enforcement. Not your fault though, don't blame yourself for it. You had no choice, she was threatening you with a knife.

 

[plngsplsh]

Anyone want to chat ?

Click to shrink...

How are you doing today?

 

[Teenage Fansub]

Are you able to visit her in person? I'm guessing it would do her a lot of good if you were able to keep steady and stay strong while she's in there.

edit: Ah. You answered that earlier. Just try to stay calm on your own.

 

[Baphomet]

How are you doing today?

Click to shrink...

I'm ok not much sleep but I'm less afraid now.

Are you able to visit her in person? I'm guessing it would do her a lot of good if you were able to keep steady and stay strong while she's in there.

Click to shrink...

Sadly, I am not allowed to visit her at the moment.

 

[Rotkehle]

This is why we need first responders to mental illness that doesn't involve law enforcement. Not your fault though, don't blame yourself for it. You had no choice, she was threatening you with a knife.

Click to shrink...

crazy that this is the status quo right now over there. just Crazy. Im Glad that my wife did not have to be in contact when she had her last episode of depression. And our cops arent even anywhere near the US cops in regard of... anything.

 

[plngsplsh]

I'm ok not much sleep but I'm less afraid now.

Click to shrink...

That's good to hear. You should try and relax. Maybe take a short walk and have some deep breaths of fresh air?

 

[Baphomet]

That's good to hear. You should try and relax. Maybe take a short walk and have some deep breaths of fresh air?

Click to shrink...

I just came back from walking my dogs and it helped :)

 

[The Waistcoat]

You aren't a failure for your wife getting the help she needs. Sometimes the best you can do is be there and support them through their battles while doing your best to battle your own.

If you also get committed (like you mentioned) and it helps you get to a better place then you deserve a honest well done for knowing you need help and being brave enough in getting it. A lot of people don't even get that far.

 

[plngsplsh]

I just came back from walking my dogs and it helped :)

Click to shrink...

Great. :) That's usually what I do, when I feel overwhelmed. That or doing the dishes or taking a hot shower. It doesn't cure everything, but it often gives me the energy to keep going. What kind of dogs do you have?

 

[Baphomet]

I have a pug/pit bull mix and a frenchie , they needed that walk too , they were also getting sad.

 

[plngsplsh]

Had to look up what a frenchie looks like. Very cute. :)

 

[Baphomet]

He's a trouble maker though :p

 

[plngsplsh]

slingshot mechanics

 

[Vic Damone Jr.]

How're you feeling?