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I bought a bidet and it sucks.

Unicorn

Unicorn

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 29, 2017
9,527
What am I doing wrong? Bought the most popular bidet on Amazon. My ass gets wet, but the poop still on the paper. Not only do I have to wipe my ass with paper still, I also have to wipe my sack and cheeks that are drenched in water too.

I thought my life would change for the better, not for the wetter.
 
Rendering...

Rendering...

Member
Oct 30, 2017
19,089
You're doing it wrong. A good bidet will sandblast the poop off. Sounds like you need better water pressure.
 
.exe

.exe

Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,217
That's odd. It's supposed to blow.

Edit: beaten to the punch šŸ™ˆ
 
Sanjuro

Sanjuro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
31,002
Massachusetts
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Ashhong

Member
Oct 26, 2017
16,593
terminaljeremy said:
You still have to wipe your butt dude. The water is to clean it afterwards.
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No you don't. If you get the aim right it should get it all. Don't be afraid to move your butt around as well.

OP: I doubt water pressure is your issue, since you can adjust the nozzle to be stronger. I do it at the lowest setting and it's more than strong enough. Make sure to sit back, have the stream hit your hole, and move your butt around to get it all. After that, a few pats with 2-3 squares of paper is more than enough for me.
 
OP
OP
Unicorn

Unicorn

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 29, 2017
9,527
Someone explain this to me like I'm 5. Also it shoots too far forward? I put like 6 bumper spacer things under the seat to stop crushing the unit. I end up scooting forward on the seat and trying to spread and wiggle around, but nah man.
 
ninnanuam

ninnanuam

Member
Nov 24, 2017
1,956
If you can't control the temperature, the pressure or have some level of control over the placement of the nozzle it sounds like a bad bidet.
 
Admiral Woofington

Admiral Woofington

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
14,892
terminaljeremy said:
You still have to wipe your butt dude. The water is to clean it afterwards.
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no it's not. He probably has the exact same bidet I have as it's the #1 best selling brand in Amazon. You just gotta have enough water pressure and aim it correctly. I also move my butt back and forth so the stream hits everywhere. If anything I only have to wipe a little at the very end to dry it off and it's perfectly clean by the end.
 

Radd Redd

Member
Oct 27, 2017
7,999
Your set-up is wrong. It shouldn't be hitting your balls.

OP, do you have it on lady parts setting?
 
Admiral Woofington

Admiral Woofington

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
14,892
Unicorn said:
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youre absolutely doing it wrong or lack water pressure then. I have a slightly upgraded version of this same brand that only really added some few more things.

i have not bought paper towels for like a year since i bought this as the stuff i bought back then has lasted me this whole time. Best recommendation i can give is to not use it right after flushing as it has less pressure then. Wait until your tank is full after flushing. Youll notice the immediate obvious rise in pressure if you do it in-between
 
molnizzle

molnizzle

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
17,695
You need to wipe both before and after. Before to get poop off. After to dry. The after wipe is more of a pat down.
 
piratepwnsninja

piratepwnsninja

Lead Game Designer
Verified
Oct 25, 2017
3,811
I installed one two weeks ago and love it. Sounds like you need to adjust the position and/or the risers are too high. I spent a bit more to get one that didn't need risers.
 
OP
OP
Unicorn

Unicorn

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 29, 2017
9,527
Zutrax said:
This is literally the one I have, it works amazing. Maybe your water pressure is low? Frankly if I turn my knob up any further than one notch it starts to actually hurt.
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Yeah I turned my pressure down for that exact reason. I guess I'll try cranking it up again. My partner had no issues, but has clean poops anyway. Had a friend from Japan staying for a bit and said it was a bit too forward, but worked.

What a way to find out I have an irregular butthole.
 
DJ_Lae

DJ_Lae

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,858
Edmonton
Once you get the little toilet seat shimmy down, you can crank that knob to unleash a blast of water and scour all around (and in) the rim, then gently wipe or pat dry with a couple of pieces of toilet paper.

Wiping prior to the wet anal spray defeats the purpose.
 
Dankir

Dankir

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
2,513
We just installed three tushy bidets at our house. They are amazing, my suggestion is either you need turn the water pressure up and you should also move forward, back and side to side so the water hits all parts of your butt.

I'm clean as a whistle after every use and just one or two sheets of toilet paper to dry myself off.
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

Refuses to Wash his Ass
Member
Oct 26, 2017
22,082
Make sure to hit the crack and then slide up and down on your seat to get a full clean if your bidet doesn't auto move to clean the entire area.
 
OP
OP
Unicorn

Unicorn

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 29, 2017
9,527
Y'all shave your asses? I'm also shocked how soaked I am, even after waiting a bit before going in with paper.
 
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