I’m a month in and I hate my job. What do I do?

[aiswyda]

So I started my first real full time job at the beginning of the month: at first it seemed nice. Good hours that matched the decent pay (def on the lower end for my profession) and I liked the work I actually did. My bosses were kind of assholes but like it was tolerable so long as I let it roll off my back.

one of my bosses was out of the office last week. When he got back this week, suddenly he is fucking insufferable.

anytime I ask a question (I have a lot!! I'm new to the profession and fucking up can be really bad!!!) he rolls his eyes or tells me "I don't fucking care what you do." But he does bc if I don't do it the way he wants it he yells at me. He also just assigns random deadlines at his whim and will make me redo the same assignment like 6 times, usually reverting to an earlier form.

I asked a question yesterday because I 1) did not know the answer and 2) not asking a question had gotten me in trouble earlier in the week. He proceeded to yell at me because another new employee asked a question earlier in the week on the same topic (I was not there when he answered) so he said he was sick and fucking tired of it.

it sucks. I actively feel my body stress out as I get ready for work. It's in person too, and a small business so it's not like I can just hole up and hide. I don't know what to do but I have cried like 6 times today just from stress.

i'm talking to a grad school career counselor this weekend about what to do bc I just don't think I can put up with this long term. But the economy sucks and also I don't want to get blackballed since I work in a somewhat small field, nor Do I want people to think I suck bc I left so fast.
If anyone has any advice or just like. Ways to get through the day please send it my way. 😭

 

[PanickyFool]

Your boss sounds like they is about to leave.

 

[Septimus Prime]

It honestly sounds like your boss is going through some personal shit right now and taking it out on you. You should probably try to talk to HR about it.

 

[BossAttack]

1) What field of profession if you don't mind sharing?

2) Best thing to do is just suck it up, lay low, and gain all the experience you can. Afterwhich you can find a new, better job with said new experience.

 

[PeakPointMatrix]

Does he treat other employees this way? Do you have any other superiors you can report to? Also, what is his age and your age? Sometimes these kind of people get extremely frustrated having to deal with "kids", (not that it's justified).

What industry/work is it you do exactly? Depending on what it is, it might not be that difficult to find similar employment elsewhere.

 

[Djalminha]

Is there a higher up or hr you could talk to?

I get the importance of your first job in your field of choice but that is going to be very detrimental to your mental health and you shouldn't put up with it.

Edit: also, when you have questions, can you ask coworkers instead?

I hope things get better OP, it's not fair you have to put up with that shit, your boss sounds like a massive asshole powertripping.

 

[Deleted member 4212]

Sounds like a shitty boss.

Assuming your boss isn't a total jerk who is just trying to have reasons to be angry at you, here's how to solve this specific issue:
Document the things that you've learned so far, make it available to your coworkers, and show your boss. Basically, solve the problem of 'I don't like telling people the same shit over and over' for him. Then he'll find value in teaching you things, because you'll be the one who keeps the process details documented and makes his life easier.

 

[Cocolina]

Have you recently moved to the big city to follow your dreams of being a writer at a fashion magazine?

 

[RoaminRonin]

Is there no other colleagues you can ask questions to?

 

[Pall Mall]

Wtf your boss is ridiculous

 

[Bigkrev]

anytime I ask a question (I have a lot!! I'm new to the profession and fucking up can be really bad!!!) he rolls his eyes or tells me "I don't fucking care what you do." But he does bc if I don't do it the way he wants it he yells at me.

Click to shrink...

Good News: It sounds like your boss is planning an exit

 

[weemadarthur]

Do you have a different supervisor or peer available that you can ask basic training questions? This boss is not likely to adjust his manner but the solution varies depending on his exact position, etc.

 

[Jonnax]

How small of a company is it?
Did he hire you?
Is there HR?

Is this a field where juniors have a high turnover?
I have a friend that described their industry being one where there's always new graduates that get hired and worked to the bone, treated like crap. But when they quit there's always another available to replace them with

 

[EJS]

Your boss sounds like they are going through something. That's tough - hard to get definitive answers.

 

[Bastos]

Try registering everything by e-mail.

He asked you to do X in Y time: "As you requested, X stuff will be done like this and that before Y date". Send it to him and cc his superior (if he has one).

Whatever you can register by email, the better, people will see that you are trying and that he's the douchebag.

 

[Hale-XF11]

Your boss sucks at his job. Period. He's supposed to support you and make sure you're able to do your job, not berate you or blow you off.

 

[TaySan]

Whatever you do don't quit until you have something better lined up first. Sorry, your boss sounds like a real piece of work.

 

[VorpalNonsense]

shitty boss can ruin a good job, that sucks
if it goes on for too much longer, maybe talk to the other new person and see if theyre getting the same shit from the boss
before thinking about quitting think about talking to hr, perhaps with another employee to back you up
and if things stay shit then find a new job
but dont quit this one until youre hired at a new one, and try to leave on peaceful terms, dont try to "get back" at anyone

 

[Gwarm]

Did your boss just get told they are laying him off at the end of the month or something? That is some pretty harsh feedback.

 

[Deleted member 79451]

If it's a really small company (like <30 people), I've had bosses like that. I don't know anything about leaving. If it's a real small company a boss like that might be in there for years.

If that's the case I'd say leave.

 

[Huncho_Houdini]

Don't quit yet. Apply for others and interview - once you have something lined up, say sayonara.

 

[TheXbox]

That sounds awful. I've had some experience with toxic work environments but nothing like what you're going through.

Can you resume your job hunt and just leave your current position off your resume?

 

[Smitington]

I quit a job two weeks in before. It was a toxic work place and I could afford to do so.

I got a new job offer a week later.

 

[kyle mechlachlan]

Deffo don't make excuses for the shittyness. Your boss is shitty and won't change. I'd leave but you gotta make sure you're secure.

Start looking and burn PTO for interviews.

 

[Brinbe]

jesus fuck. none of that shit is normal or acceptable

 

[Gordon's Tulpa]

The minute the stress starts manifesting physically its not just about your career but also about your health. Listen to your body, something needs to change. Your boss is a piece of shit and you are being abused. No paycheck in the world is worth staying in this shitty situation, friend.

 

[aiswyda]

thanks for all the replies, here are some quick answers during my break

• I work in the legal profession. This is my first job as a lawyer outside of internships.
• The legal profession is a small community so I'm worried if I search for jobs that it will get back to my boss and everything will get worse.
• I work at a really small firm. Like 10 total employees small.
• We don't really have HR—we have one person who handled all the admin/HR stuff but she's my boss's wife and doesn't seem to really care about what he does.
• There aonly two other non boss lawyers atm. One started the week after me, and the other started about 6 months ago. I ask the one with 6 months experience all I can but certain things I have to check with my boss who signs off on everything.
  

 

[LinguisticGoblin]

Shitty bosses can make any job absolutely fucking insufferable, OP. Sorry to hear you've landed yourself one in your first ever job. Talking to the career counselor sounds like a good start to look for possible alternatives or at least speak to someone who might be able to advise you on how to deal with the asshole.

In the past I was stuck in a job I couldn't afford to leave with a boss I detested for several months and we were in constant, close proximity in our office. It had a notable effect on my mental health and physical well being as time passed and that's absolutely understandable if you feel the same way based on how you describe him.

Best methods to cope I found were to vent to friends or family when I was done with a particularly bad day instead of bottling it up and trying to ignore it, and whenever possible making sure to mentally "check out" of the place; e.g. going to a nearby shop for lunch to give myself a half hour where I wasn't stressing about their presence, taking an extra minute on toilet breaks to just steady myself when I wasn't around them. Helped to manage my stress better - though more general stress reduction stuff helped too, like trying to keep a solid sleep schedule and using a job diary plus lists to compartmentalize my work so it seemed less overwhelming when I felt I wasn't getting the support I needed as a newbie.

 

[teruterubozu]

I hate to say it but it sounds like a typical law firm with high stakes high level stress. Not sure you'll find it easier at another law firm.

 

[Cocolina]

• The legal profession is a small community.

Click to shrink...

What? Do you specialise in some niche aspect of law or something?

 

[aiswyda]

Another point of frustration for me:

I recommended a friend for a job here as well—they were looking to hire and he was looking for a position. The first few weeks were totally fine so I felt comfortable setting him up with an interview I worry that even if I manage to leave, the boss will then take it out on my friend.

 

[aiswyda]

What? Do you specialise in some niche aspect of law or something?

Click to shrink...

No, I do not. It's just sort of a thing you are told for the entirety of law school—the legal profession is smaller than you think and everyone knows everyone unless you move to an entirely different location. Like I would have to move 6 hours away to be in a 'different community' if that makes sense.

 

[Deleted member 721]

if you dont need that job, leave it.
If you need it, suck it up, start to listen to some relaxing music playlists and start to job hunting while at it.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

Your boss sounds like they is about to leave.

Click to shrink...

This

You should keep working though while looking for another job, you need to deal with adversity and shitty bosses. Some day you may not have the luxury of picking up and leaving.

 

[Addie]

No, I do not. It's just sort of a thing you are told for the entirety of law school—the legal profession is smaller than you think and everyone knows everyone unless you move to an entirely different location. Like I would have to move 6 hours away to be in a 'different community' if that makes sense.

Click to shrink...

That's only true in niche areas, and even then, it's region dependent. Like, I'm sure all the admiralty law lawyers know each other, and government contracting is a smallish field, especially in DC, but this isn't true otherwise.

 

[Deleted member 2533]

No, I do not. It's just sort of a thing you are told for the entirety of law school—the legal profession is smaller than you think and everyone knows everyone unless you move to an entirely different location. Like I would have to move 6 hours away to be in a 'different community' if that makes sense.

Click to shrink...

On the plus side, that probably means everyone knows he's an asshole, so maybe his influence is limited.

 

[RedMercury]

I would try to find a confidant to help you out that isn't your boss

 

[Coolverine]

that fact you're a lawyer seems like this can be par for the course in a firm with lots on the line? like are you guys skating by where every case keeps the lights on? I hear ya on the "this industry is small", I work in an industry that is to outsiders, LARGE, but it is always surprising how everyone knows each other and has mutual friends all over the place, so I get your stress on that aspect.

you're so new to this place, you gotta give it time to see if this is how the firm/your boss typically are, or if you just started at a fucked up time in its/his life. I'd give it more time to truly see what your future there looks like.

 

[RiOrius]

While the boss was out, who'd you go to when you had these kinds of questions? Try going to that person instead if you can, even if it's not the right procedure.

Also, ask your coworkers for tips on dealing with the asshole. People who've been around the company longest. Especially people who get along well with the asshole. Express concerns that you're not meshing well with him and ask for advice on how to fix that.

 

[Betelgeuse]

No, I do not. It's just sort of a thing you are told for the entirety of law school—the legal profession is smaller than you think and everyone knows everyone unless you move to an entirely different location. Like I would have to move 6 hours away to be in a 'different community' if that makes sense.

Click to shrink...

Consider whether you might be putting too much stock into this. It hasn't been my experience whatsoever, personally.

 

[aiswyda]

Your boss sounds like they is about to leave.

Click to shrink...

This

You should keep working though while looking for another job, you need to deal with adversity and shitty bosses. Some day you may not have the luxury of picking up and leaving.

Click to shrink...

He's definitely not about to leave. It's his firm. His name and only his name is literally on it.

That's only true in niche areas, and even then, it's region dependent. Like, I'm sure all the admiralty law lawyers know each other, and government contracting is a smallish field, especially in DC, but this isn't true otherwise.

Click to shrink...

Good to know

On the plus side, that probably means everyone knows he's an asshole, so maybe his influence is limited.

Click to shrink...

I would hope so

that fact you're a lawyer seems like this can be par for the course in a firm with lots on the line? like are you guys skating by where every case keeps the lights on? I hear ya on the "this industry is small", I work in an industry that is to outsiders, LARGE, but it is always surprising how everyone knows each other and has mutual friends all over the place, so I get your stress on that aspect.

you're so new to this place, you gotta give it time to see if this is how the firm/your boss typically are, or if you just started at a fucked up time in its/his life. I'd give it more time to truly see what your future there looks like.

Click to shrink...

It's definelty not uncommon for lawyers to have to deal with assholes. A big difference is usually when you have to you are paid 150k a year. I am making approximately half of that—with the intention that by taking that huge paycut I would be in a workplace that is respectful of my time and like. Basic human decency.

 

[aiswyda]

While the boss was out, who'd you go to when you had these kinds of questions? Try going to that person instead if you can, even if it's not the right procedure.

Also, ask your coworkers for tips on dealing with the asshole. People who've been around the company longest. Especially people who get along well with the asshole. Express concerns that you're not meshing well with him and ask for advice on how to fix that.

Click to shrink...

Anything i needed to ask him I asked him over the phone. He was just not nearly as shitty until this week.

it seems like he's been in a bad mood on and off for the past two months due to drama with past employees. He's apparently been really bad to deal with lately because of it and was jsut being nicer when I started. Everyone has warned me this just happens and there's nothing I can do about it and even 'good days' are just days that aren't as bad.

 

[aiswyda]

Fun update. I tried to ask a coworker how to do something that I asked the boss earlier in the week and was told "I don't fucking care." The boss was like why the fuck are you asking them they won't know how to do it??

like...I tried to ask you??? You told me to fuck off basically???

I just want this day to be over

 

[Cats]

Was this entry level or were you expected to have so many years of experience in the profession?

 

[Pulp]

Normally I would recommend just looking for something else, but a month in is a bit on the early side. I would give it a year. Maybe it gets better or you learn to deal with the shitty dynamic at your firm. On paper it doesn't look good to quit early though. But of course, in the end it's your health that is the most important thing.

 

[turbobrick]

You could look for other jobs, but it might look bad to potential employers that you've only been there a month. Probably worth doing though. But never quit until you have another job lined up. If you had more experience to put on your resume I'd tell you to just roll into work and not give a fuck until you can get a new job, but it seems like you don't have that luxury.

Was this entry level or were you expected to have so many years of experience in the profession?

Click to shrink...

Also this could be important. Maybe your boss thinks that you should already know the things you're asking. If you're asking him stuff multiple times a day every day, he might think you don't know what you're doing and getting angry about it. Or something like that.

 

[Frodo]

Reading this thread and the only thing on my mind was "omg we need universal basic income asap".

p.s.: sorry, OP. Hope your find someone better soon.

 

[D23]

Id quit and apply for a temp job at a staffing agency. Thats not worth your mental health. Life is short to be dealing with that shit.

 

[Chopchop]

Your boss sounds like a complete fucking asshole. I'm sorry you have to put up with such a piece of shit.

If they run the company, there isn't much you can do to displace him or anything like that. Sometimes there are small companies that are run by assholes like this, and they tend to have a revolving door of employees until only the people who can put up with him are left. It sounds like your job might be one of these places.

Since you need the job, I don't suggest leaving right away, but in places like these, the less closely you have to work with him, the better. Try to find ways to minimize contact with him. If you can get information from someone besides him, ask that person instead (it sounds like you've already tried this, and that's good, though that other person sounds like a jerk too). If you can figure out or guess something yourself that he doesn't need to know or won't notice, do it yourself.

With people like these, it's not about avoiding getting abused entirely, but more about minimizing damage until you can find another job.

 

[aiswyda]

Was this entry level or were you expected to have so many years of experience in the profession?

Click to shrink...

Entry level. I am getting paid entry level salary and they understand I have literally no real life experience. I am told to ask as many questions as I need to and that they expect me to fuck up but when I ask questions and try to correct my mistakes I get berated and yelled at.

Your boss sounds like a complete fucking asshole. I'm sorry you have to put up with such a piece of shit.

If they run the company, there isn't much you can do to displace him or anything like that. Sometimes there are small companies that are run by assholes like this, and they tend to have a revolving door of employees until only the people who can put up with him are left. It sounds like your job might be one of these places.

Since you need the job, I don't suggest leaving right away, but in places like these, the less closely you have to work with him, the better. Try to find ways to minimize contact with him. If you can get information from someone besides him, ask that person instead (it sounds like you've already tried this, and that's good, though that other person sounds like a jerk too). If you can figure out or guess something yourself that he doesn't need to know or won't notice, do it yourself.

With people like these, it's not about avoiding getting abused entirely, but more about minimizing damage until you can find another job.

Click to shrink...

Sorry if I was unclear—the other person I go to for help has been really nice and helpful. My boss just wanders around the office pacing sometimes and happened to overhear me ask this person for help. My boss then got mad at me for asking my coworker for help instead of my boss, despite my boss telling me to not ask him stupid fucking questions when I asked him the day before.