Rivenblade I think the key to assuaging this is finding the right community and that such is a perfectly rational desire. *nod* In boards like Era/GAF, fiery social media spaces or the throes of the newest hot topic, the mainstream conversation is always its own subculture and can be very widespread with partakers numbering in the thousands and with little time for perceived ambiguity, moreso when it is a very public, high-profile platform that necessitates extra responsibilities at the expense of the ingenue. The result may by design require people to conform to categories they don't feel they readily have the means of expressing properly in discourse or falling under, that they struggle to satisfy in an immediate manner, or at least not with the understanding and necessary patience of their peers. As you may observe it becomes easier to just ride the rapids even if you don't prefer the current, flowers in advance for the analogous banana peel (there we go again). In essence, while there are net positives in having it the Conversation is not absolute; diving into the thicket works differently than it would for someone who prefers to stride.
In other words, we all simply want to be honest with ourselves, to be engaging and engaged with, and to be given room to breathe and to think productively, and be critical when merited and tickled come pleasantries, and to do so without the feeling of being forced or pressured to; it is the root of a healthy and natural way to grow in commune with others, others that can level with us. The thing is, If the current space isn't cultivating that kind of environment for you and is being hinged to that expectation it will be counterproductive in at least one manifestation of expression. Sometimes it's no one's fault; it's just a matter of compatibility. If you want to be in congruence with your setting and its players, don't resign to a single channel! ^^' Some people take college, others start a garage, and what have you.
In a case like Era I always like to recommend joining certain sub-communities for those who are looking for a more self-referential or specific atmosphere; there are numerous in the Hangouts section and beyond, as well as those that may have yet to be forged, wink-nudge. However, if that doesn't suffice, then there is no foul in looking elsewhere or, as you propose, temporally stepping back, taking a sabbatical from the occasionally overtly familiar buzz in'ere and there. And it's always great to find a place where you can say what you want to say and spill out your heart for a minute. Set up shop in an outside town and save Era for the loading times. A place where you can breathe. There is no rush, at least, I hope not. Certain people adjust in different ways and work on different levels of pace; where the individual cannot change the masses, they can trade them a less costly cloth.
And yes, more often than not, that will be the case; one person cannot change the masses, even if they perceive the masses to be wrong or unwieldy, because one person is not enough. If someone feels like they are fighting against the world alone, then it is likely never worth it. Synchronicity, strength, results, and importantly, a safespace to self-reflect -- these things are, in the end, best found in numbers. Just make sure they're clean!
I was in the midst of a treatise when a colleague came into the room and took my attention away from the screen. When I went back to it, the response I had been formulating had simply vanished. I guess Era timed it out or something. Instead of giving a quick synopsis of what I was trying to write, I'll try to recreate it.
I agree with much of what you said, if not all of it. The truth is, I've been going through a negative dip in my emotions this week as a result of personal circumstances. This situation has rattled my brain and spirit a bit and pulled me away from my own true north. Whenever this happens - as it does to all of us from time to time - I have a tendency to soak in cynicism and wallow in self-doubt when it comes to my own beliefs and my ability to express myself or to do much of anything at all, really. Essentially, this state is unbecoming of who I really am or aim to be.
Another effect of this state is a feeling of surrender and helplessness against the tide of trash that rolls over much of the internet. When you have albatross platforms with masses of people, some of whom only exist to poke, prod, and force an angry reaction from others rolling around in the same garbage heap (see: 2018 word of the year, "gaslighting"), it's that much easier to become discouraged when your own guard is down and when your mental tools simply aren't as sharp as you would like them to be. (i.e. "I know this person is wrong, but...I can't clearly articulate why...sigh...better not to say anything because whatever I put out there will just expose me for the lazy and unskilled thinker I am, as those words wouldn't accurately represent my feelings or even my own deeper knowledge of this topic...because I can't even access that knowledge right now my brain is so dull")
The remedy for these periods of general malaise is to reacquaint myself with the things that return me to myself and which remind me that I can be strong, and that I am in fact sane and maybe even smart. For me, this is exercise and these are usually texts like
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius or the beautiful human positivity of a site like brainpickings.org, among others. I know I need to go back to them to point me in the right direction again, as well as to talk to people who are close to me, and/or to do something as simple as hug my kids to recharge my emotional batteries.
I believe we are here for other people, and I know it's a matter of finding those people who resonate with my own values and who challenge me in a space where I feel safe, secure, and able to grow in confidence. I want to feel that the things I'm contributing are valuable to others and that they will actually be taken seriously, and that they are worth taking seriously. (this is where the self-confidence comes in, and feeling like the knowledge I have is actually valuable and has been rigorously tested, as I wouldn't want to share something haphazardly due to quick and lazy thinking that has simply been absorbed from the internet hivemind as I just ride the waves, as it were)
There are online spaces where I feel at home. There are a couple of communities on this very forum where I feel welcome and like I can talk about topics that are of interest to me while getting and providing feedback to others in that same community. I haven't been a part of it for a while though, because I haven't had anything to contribute and I've been bogged down in my personal life. I know I am always welcome and that it's also up to me to foster those connections and not to take them for granted.
A little more stream of consciousness here, but I also occasionally see what's going on in comments sections of sites like Foxnews (give me a chance...) to see if I can understand where people I don't agree with are coming from. I think I'm going to stop doing that altogether, as it's an awful website with shoddy reporting and a propagandist approach to reality. It makes me feel dumb just reading it, just as seeing some family members and friends post ignorant racist and/or sexist and/or short-sighted memes on social media does. I feel like the spaces I dip my toes into are contributing to the blunting of my brain, and in this regard, it's my own fault for continuing to visit those spaces for the wrong reasons. I know it's possible to have a healthy relationship to those spaces, though, as I can steel myself and my mind against the worst tendencies of those spaces while focusing on the good they bring. (i.e. seeing family pictures or reading about nerdy topics that interest me, and being aware of politics, but only insofar as I don't add to the toxicity of those discussions)
I sat down and read a book for thirty minutes before bed last night. It felt great. It was a fairly academic text on Greek myth, and I enjoyed the experience immensely. It felt like I was getting the brain food I need to receive on a regular basis in order to keep myself moving at the rhythm that best suits me. I downloaded a dictionary app on my phone this morning that allows me to store favourite words for my own reference and to satisfy my desire to sharpen my vocabulary and to become a better-spoken person than I've been in years. I listened to a well-researched Canadian news podcast on the way into work today. That also felt good and made me feel more in touch with what was going on in the world without the excess of hot takes in a comments section that has no accountability or moderation.
Then I got into work and read your response to this thread.
I loved what you wrote. I really did. And I appreciate you taking the time to put it together as you did - even if I did not grasp a couple of your metaphors - and for reasoning it out as you did. These are the types of discussions I want to engage in online, and I know the spaces for them exist if only I get out of my head and reach out instead of confining myself in a cynical self-hating narrative that is partly a result of my own actions, partly a result of jumping into the wrong online lakes, and partly a result of my own defenses being brought down by external factors.
Thank you again.
