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How do you manage gaming time with spouse and kids?

jorgejjvr

jorgejjvr

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
8,423
Only a wife right now.

And she is lovely and has no issues with me playing, no problem there. But I....kinda feel bad? It is more of a me thing. Like we have a lot of the same likes in shows, movies, and anime (basically all my likes except gaming - although we do sometimes play snipperclips, art of balance, deemo etc). So when I am with her, its hard for me to just put her aside for hours and just game on my own.

Again, its all good, she understands, but I can't help but feel bad. I could spend all that time with her, or push her aside for hours on end.

She sometimes works overnight, and i get to be home 4 or so hours certain days on my own, and I use that time to game, and when she gets home spend time with her.

Works pretty well. Then weeks like these she is fully off (we just came back from vacation), there is a cod beta...iceborne is out, and idk lol

Switch helps a lot in this area, as I play at work, and while doing other things, but yeah.

first world problems.
 

Deleted member 59339

User Requested Account Closure
Banned
Aug 19, 2019
2,840
My wife is the gamer. I play games too, but maybe only a few new ones a year. Or I'll casually mess around with old SNES games if I'm in the mood. Most weeks I don't play anything.

I like watching her play certain games, so we'll curl up on the couch and just veg out in front of a game.

If it's something I'm not interested in, I have my own stuff she isn't interested in, like reading comics or blabbering on here.
 
Zhao_Yun

Zhao_Yun

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,928
Germany
I am single at the moment, but why do you need to feel bad to spend some time for yourself? Obviously you should not ignore your relationship for gaming, but you don't have to spend every minute together either imo. Maybe she even enjoys having some time on her own while you play games?
 
OP
OP
jorgejjvr

jorgejjvr

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
8,423
Ahsoka said:
My wife is the gamer. I play games too, but maybe only a few new ones a year. Or I'll casually mess around with old SNES games if I'm in the mood. Most weeks I don't play anything.

I like watching her play certain games, so we'll curl up on the couch and just veg out in front of a game.

If it's something I'm not interested in, I have my own stuff she isn't interested in, like reading comics or blabbering on here.
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yeah she enjoyed watching uncharted 4 with me, she felt it was like a movie, so that was cool

But for other games, its hard to game when we are both at home, like for me personally i feel like i should just be spending time with her
 
texhnolyze

texhnolyze

Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,143
Indonesia
I used to be on your shoes until we have a baby.

The most important thing is to not get carried away. Yes, she's probably fine with it especially since she know that it's your main hobby. But don't literally leave her for hours. Take a break every now and then, watch some TV show or movie together in between, or maybe ask her to play a co-op game together. On weekends, don't play games all day, try to ask her out to spend the day. To put it simply, always try to keep your partner happy and all should be well.
 

Deleted member 49166

Attempted to circumvent ban with an alt-account
Banned
Oct 30, 2018
754
A relationship consist of a You, a Me and Us. Tread all three equally with care and you shouldn't feel guilty about what you do with the Me.
 
Rocketz

Rocketz

Prophet of Truth
Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,900
Metro Detroit
I play at night when they both are in bed.

This means half the time I pass out in the middle of playing something and wake up to my character dead or stuck walking in a wall.
 
Dixie Flatline

Dixie Flatline

alt account
Banned
Sep 4, 2019
1,892
New Orleans
I use the time when he's playing games to read my book. Though we have an unsaid rule that if me or my sis wants to watch a movie or whatever, he stops playing. He plays games to kill time so he doesn't mind if we want to do something else.
 
Munki

Munki

Member
Apr 30, 2019
1,212
Married with three young kids here (8, 6, and 3 yeas old).

After the kids go to bed at night, or when the youngest is napping (which is much less these days). Also, on the odd occasion that my wife has all three kids and I'm home alone.
 
0VERBYTE

0VERBYTE

Banned
Nov 1, 2017
5,555
If the other person has a problem with my gaming pass time then that person shouldnt be in my life. I will never sacrifice what I love to do for anyone else.
 
Horp

Horp

Member
Nov 16, 2017
3,707
How do hedgehogs mate?
Some things are just hard but you somehow manage.
 
Mupod

Mupod

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,858
CyborgNumberBlue said:
Easy, I'm not married and don't have kids.
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same and I still don't have time for shit. My brother in law has 4 kids and still somehow finishes more games than me.

I did nothing but play Monster Hunter the last two weekends (and every night) since Iceborne's release. I'm still far, far behind everyone else I play with. For over a week the OT has been talking about types of endgame progression/content I haven't even heard of and I finished the 'final boss' days ago. Forget games, if I had kids I wouldn't have time to breathe. Dunno how people do it.
 
deathsaber

deathsaber

Member
Nov 2, 2017
3,094
Whelp, after 13 years marriage and two kids, here is the deal. Wife goes to bed by 10pm (kids a bit earlier than that), and then I game- because all other time is "family time"- and I'm not really complaining about that, it should be that way. -however sleep is sacrificed, I got work at 8am, and its been a constant gripe in the marriage that I play games and not go to bed same time as her (but I still join her Fridays and some odd other days when I'm just too tired to stay up gaming. But she also knows no game time for me = a very unhappy me (lifelong hobby and all that), so she doesn't push too hard. Honestly, it sucks.

In addition to this, on weekends generally we do have afternoon "quiet time" in our house where the dynamic is she naps, the kids "content themselves", whether that's playing on their own, watching tv/tablet, etc, and then I get some actual daytime gametime, which is uber nice.

So, yeah there is the deal, take what you will.
 

Deleted member 5764

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,574
I have a similar scenario OP, and the secret is just communication. Most nights I'll play something for an hour or two once my wife goes to bed. Before that we spend our time together, and every now and then I play a game she likes to watch.

If there's something big on the horizon that I know she won't be interested in, I let her know. I just don't let games take over all of our free time regardless of how much there is that I want to play.
 
Kill3r7

Kill3r7

Member
Oct 25, 2017
24,373
1) When they are all asleep
2) negotiate with your wife for game nights but generally stick to 1 and 3.
3) if you have a long commute the Switch is brilliant.
 
Dan Thunder

Dan Thunder

Member
Nov 2, 2017
13,986
Honestly doesn't sound like the OP's doing too bad for gaming time tbh.

View it like any other hobby. If you went to the gym for a couple of hours I don't think she'd be fussed so just tell her you're going to spend a couple of hours playing, unless of course it means that you're hogging the TV when you're doing it.
 
RadzPrower

RadzPrower

One Winged Slayer
Member
Jan 19, 2018
6,037
jorgejjvr said:
sure, but after 9 hours of work, going home, having about 4 hours together (before going to bed to get ready for the next day), or less as we figure out dinner.

then spend 2-3 of those hours on gaming, and not on her, its iffy. Its not black and white
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That's the thing...it doesn't have to be 2-3 hours every single day, but every now and then it definitely needs to a be a thing. You cannot really have a healthy relationship if everyone doesn't have their own hobbies and personal time. If you don't, that's more like codependency and that's not a good place to be.

In my case, I tend to play when everyone is gone since the wife takes the kids to her mom's pretty much every Saturday. She goes out with friends one night a week, so I play once the kids are in bed (or while they're awake if it's something they like to watch). I also play for like a half hour at a time at night if we finish a show and there's not enough time to watch another full episode before bed. She actually was disappointed I didn't play the other night after TV because I wanted to go fiddle with my computer upstairs instead...which promptly died the following day, so maybe there was some foul-play there...
 
Renna Hazel

Renna Hazel

Member
Oct 27, 2017
11,552
She'd probably appreciate her me time as well. Don't assume she doesn't like having personal time too.
 
mute

mute

â–˛ Legend â–˛
Member
Oct 25, 2017
25,062
Take my Switch to work to play at lunch, play when people are sleeping sometimes.

Free/me time in general doesn't happen between 6a ~ 9-10p.
 
the7egend

the7egend

Member
Mar 6, 2018
356
Wait till bed time, stay up late, feel like the walking dead the next morning, rinse and repeat till kid gets to around 5-6, introduce them to games, play games with them, wife can't complain cause you're playing with kid. Have more fun playing PvZ Garden Warfare than you ever did playing CoD: Modern Warfare.
 
Diarrhea Day-Lewis

Diarrhea Day-Lewis

Member
Oct 27, 2017
20,745
My wife and I have been together since HS and 13 years, we've always both played games. Usually her or I will make dinner, usually me lately since she's in grad school atm, and then we watch some TV for a bit, then separate so she can study/play game/watch something while I usually play something.

All in all I probably get 15+ hours per week to play games.

Kids will probably make this much more difficult since they don't respect your boundaries lol but I think I'm a year or two away from that.
 
Kirksplosion

Kirksplosion

Member
Aug 21, 2018
2,464
I had a similar issue as you, OP. The way we've worked it out is to have a loosely scheduled set of days that I game and that we spend time together (I usually game on T-Th-Sat). It's not always like that, some "game days" she or I will want to do something together or I'll say I'm in the mood to play a game on "our night", but having these semi-scheduled days has been helpful in squishing those nagging feelings you're having. And fortunaely, my two gaming pals have also adopted this method with their SOs which makes it easier for all of us to get together and play.

As for kids, I do almost all of my gaming after they go to bed at 8-ish. So my sleep hours can take a bit of a hit sometimes.
 
OrakioRob

OrakioRob

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,490
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
deathsaber said:
Whelp, after 13 years marriage and two kids, here is the deal. Wife goes to bed by 10pm (kids a bit earlier than that), and then I game- because all other time is "family time"- and I'm not really complaining about that, it should be that way. -however sleep is sacrificed, I got work at 8am, and its been a constant gripe in the marriage that I play games and not go to bed same time as her (but I still join her Fridays and some odd other days when I'm just too tired to stay up gaming. But she also knows no game time for me = a very unhappy me (lifelong hobby and all that), so she doesn't push too hard. Honestly, it sucks.

In addition to this, on weekends generally we do have afternoon "quiet time" in our house where the dynamic is she naps, the kids "content themselves", whether that's playing on their own, watching tv/tablet, etc, and then I get some actual daytime gametime, which is uber nice.

So, yeah there is the deal, take what you will.
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^ This is me, except I'm married for 14 years, have a 3yo boy.

Also, I used to play for hours on end when I was single, but honestly, over the years I kind of lost the will to do that. I'm fine with spending most of the little free time I have with my little boy or watching TV shows or movies with my wife. I own a Switch, so I sometimes game for 30 minutes in portable mode while she cooks dinner or something. I'm fine with it, not a big deal, but it was hard for the first few years when I still wanted to play furiously.
 
janusff

janusff

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
18,122
Austin, TX
never really had a problem with game time with the wife but ever since i got a kid, my gaming time as been very limited. the lad is 9 months old now and when i'm not watching him or when i can find 30 mins or so, sometimes i'm just too exhausted to play a game and decide to go to sleep instead. :P
 
jacks81x

jacks81x

Self-requested ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,460
NYC
You have to look at the big picture. You can still game even after you have a family, but you won't also be able to have 5 other hobbies that take up a lot of time. After I got married and had kids, I had to make some sacrifices. I gave up music and TV shows, and kept gaming, movies, and sports. My wife is into movies and sports. So it's just gaming where I need dedicated time to play, which makes it a little more management in terms of time.
 
Kunka Kid

Kunka Kid

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,019
You kind of have to take advantage of free time when you have it, but otherwise you just have to accept you can't play as much as you might like to.

Playing Switch handheld while you watch shows, etc. together definitely helps though.
 
TheRuralJuror

TheRuralJuror

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,497
Never had a huge issue with it, but my switch helps immensely. Also in school, so I just pick up and play when I get the chance.
 
Achtung

Achtung

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,035
41 years old.. 3 kids (12, 6 and 17 months)... Wife runs in home daycare as well... My wife is amazing... she understands that gaming is my way of relaxing after work and they all go to bed fairly soon during the week where as I stay up later.

The key is this... NEVER under any circumstance no matter what game you are in the middle of... when she asks you to do something get your ass up and do it. And never look like your in a hurry to get back.. bottom line is kids and wife are 1000x more important and if you treat it as such the gaming time not only will still be there.. its also not something you need to do as much. Cause honestly.. there is nothing on this earth better than holding your child and having them want to be in your arms.
 
Ashler

Ashler

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,156
My wife doesn't enjoy gaming. I also have a 6y old.

The way I have it set up is that when Im home, I only play after my daughter is at sleep during the night. I balance my gaming nights with stuff I do with my wife at night like 50% each, as she is also tired to do anything special some evenings.

If I really want to play a specific game non-stop I just bite the bullet, sleep less during those nights and play when my wife goes to bed also.

U2NUMB said:
The key is this... NEVER under any circumstance no matter what game you are in the middle of... when she asks you to do something get your ass up and do it. And never look like your in a hurry to get back.. bottom line is kids and wife are 1000x more important and if you treat it as such the gaming time not only will still be there.. its also not something you need to do as much. Cause honestly.. there is nothing on this earth better than holding your child and having them want to be in your arms.
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I just needed to quote this, cause its liquid truth!
 
OnionPowder

OnionPowder

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
9,323
Orlando, FL
Single dad here

I just play after my daughter goes to sleep. She's too young to be interested in playing games anyways, so she and i focus on more creative outlets.
 
LuisGarcia

LuisGarcia

Banned
Oct 31, 2017
3,478
I just do it in between stuff it's not really hard.

On the odd occasion a game I am really into comes along then just lose some sleep. Your body only needs 5 hours anyway.... Right?
 
Transistor

Transistor

The Walnut King
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
37,106
Washington, D.C.
When it was just me and the wife, it was easy. She would play Guild Wars 2 / Diablo III with me, and when I played other games she would write or draw or surf the web.

It did get harder when the kids came along. I have a one year old and a four year old. Basically, all of my gaming is done when they're asleep. So I get from 7:30 PM until sleep to game, and also Friday afternoons since I work half day Fridays.

Short bursts is what I recommend for when they're awake. Switch is your friend, as is PS4 with suspend / resume working so well. Don't even try multiplayer games or games you can't pause (souls for example) while they're awake. It just won't work.
 
ShinUltramanJ

ShinUltramanJ

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,949
My wife and I enjoy our "me time". We're together after work, but later at night before bed she'll do her thing and I'll play games.
 
Vidiot

Vidiot

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,451
I play a LOT less than I did before having a family. My son is 5 now though and he loves playing games with me. I just play when I can. I'll never have as much free time as I did when I was younger but I still get some gaming time in.
 
sox

sox

Member
Oct 27, 2017
657
Married with a 4 month old and I basically only play games on the train to work or on the way home. Between spending times with friends, running, F1 and games I've dropped the latter for the time being. Not going to sacrifice sleep for it otherwise my mental health would quickly unravel. So it is, what it is.
 
Yu Narukami

Yu Narukami

Unshakable Resolve
Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,127
There's no other way than sacrificing sleep or other hobbies. I haven't slept in 6 years.
Edit: P5 is way too fucking long.
 

DanteLinkX

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
3,730
User Warned: Inappropriate Joke
Dixie Flatline said:
I use the time when he's playing games to read my book. Though we have an unsaid rule that if me or my sis wants to watch a movie or whatever, he stops playing. He plays games to kill time so he doesn't mind if we want to do something else.
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If you look anything as hot as that thumbnail, no wonder you get to pick a lot of unsaid rules. Joking joking before I get them pitchforks.

On my case, she is a netflix freak, watches all sorts of series/shows, so I just game when she is netflixing which is around 2 hours a day.
 
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