How do you carry on?

[Deleted member 9399]

As the title says. Fighting major depressive disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder for 8 years now, to varying degrees of severity. I've tried medications, therapy, exercise, combinations of all of that, on and off and feel like I've barely made a dent relative to how bad it gets sometimes.

I'm having a hard time knowing how to keep going, I guess. I have a great family, great friends, fortunate to live where I am and have a well-paying job that supports me enough but I feel like I'm purely on maintenance mode. My head and heart feel empty, like I'm observing everything as a third party. No passions, no interests, no motivations. I go on dates because its the thing I do but I just feel nothing. I can barely get myself out of bed for work and hate the job despite it being objectively cushy, barely eat when I need to. I push people away out of shame. The guilt is probably the most overwhelming - there is objectively nothing 'wrong' in my life but I still can't seem to find the point of moving forward.

Sorry for the venting thread, I just don't really know. I'm not actively suicidal in the plans-making sense but there are a lot of times lately where I think "it would be great to not exist." I just don't know what to hold on to because my brain won't let me have it. I don't recognize myself, or what I remember to have been myself. I'm at a loss.

 

[AliceAmber]

Just a heads up, we have a very lovely mental health thread. Mental Health Era |OT2| Community and Understanding

We would love to have you. I totally understand how you feel.

 

[capitalCORN]

Learn cooking if you haven't already. A hobby with quick rewards is pretty nice.

 

[Deleted member 41520]

Feeling like you do something meaningful and like you're part of a community is the only thing that fixes bad episodes in my experience.

Write something or play something, just generally create something. The deeper you get into it the better you'll feel.

The biggest thing that helps me week to week is seeing friends. It literally fixes my brain.

Go to the pub with friends at least 3 times a week. Literally just to sit with them and chat about your day/week. It's simple - sitting and talking about nothing, face to face - but it completely centres you. It puts your tough times in perspective as you and your friends are just sharing the daily realities and tribulations of being a human - it is humbling and let's you contextualise your life in the most real way.

This sounds absolutely exhausting, and the prospect is horrific - but it's actually only the anticipation which is hard and horrible. You have to DRAG yourself out to do it - but once you're sitting at the bar, drink in hand (doesn't have to be alcohol), friend across from you chatting away, all that apprehension melts away. And when you leave the place a couple of hours later, your brain is just totally course corrected.

In my experience.

I don't have a clinical situation like you however... So all my advice is probably basically inappropriate. Sorry if it's useless!

 

[jb1234]

Feeling like you do something meaningful and like you're part of a community is the only thing that fixes bad episodes in my experience.

Click to shrink...

This is my experience as well. Unfortunately, I no longer do anything meaningful and have no community (or local friends) so the depression is winning.

 

[Deleted member 41520]

This is my experience as well. Unfortunately, I no longer do anything meaningful and have no community (or local friends) so the depression is winning.

Click to shrink...

Awful to hear.

The internet can be a powerful tool to offset that if you apply it right. Try to reach out to some people online to do something creative. When a team is finally together it can begin to fill that hole. This helped me out, online work specifically, back in 2015.

 

[Mediking]

Listening to music is great and helps me so much

 

[Arrrammis]

For me, it's just finding one thing I'm interested in week-to-week. Personally, I've picked up D&D, found a great, positive discord community, and it has really helped. Escaping my life for 3-4 hours a week to a fantasy world is cathartic, and then I spend a good part of the week looking forward to the next game. Sure, it might not be as healthy as people who find hard workouts therapeutic, but it works for me and it's continuous, through the best and the worst weeks.

 

[Deleted member 8197]

The drink.

 

[Z-Beat]

Music, other people to keep me out and active, games to distract me.

 

[Hasseigaku]

Trying to be a positive influence on the people around me is all I know to do. I try to be less wasteful, more kind, and spend my free time learning to make new kinds of food to feed to co-workers and family. I don't care what happens to me because I understand that happiness, contentedness are tied to brain chemistry and not something you can hold onto for a long time.

I feel like as long as I can feel like the world is better for my presence than without then I will fight through the bad days and try to make the world a better place in whatever small ways I can.

 

[Papa Satanás]

Barely!

 

[fracas]

I really struggle with it. I recently went through a bad breakup and now I live in a city where I don't really have any friends (I met her right after I moved here two years ago). The people I care about live about two hours away now. I've never been good at making friends so I'm straight up alone pretty often.

I've never been suicidal or anything, I just struggle to really do anything outside of work. I know deep inside that I can't let it beat me and that's most of my motivation. Despite being geographically isolated, I have to remind myself that there are ALWAYS people that care.

If you aren't already OP, keep talking to people. It can't hurt.

 

[Snowybreak]

Honestly, I dealt with depression by just moving forward and doing what I could. And then, after years and years of trying to figure out the source, I did. And next week I'm going to see a therapist to talk to him about my options going forward.

 

[stan_marsh]

Depression is ruining me. The Effexor I'm on isn't doing shit, I just want to die.

If it weren't for music I'd be dead.

 

[Wackamole]

I don't get depressed. For some reason. And that helps. I guess we're just wired in a different way and none of use can help it. Maybe difference in chemical balance. No idea.
But i'm generally a happy camper. I'm surprised since things aren't even going that well right now. But while i can feel down, it never really stops me from also enjoying stuff. I realize i'm lucky in this, since i also know people with severe depression. I wish you the best of luck. Meds don't do much?

 

[Thordinson]

I've had Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Disorder for half my life now. I do things that I find meaningful to keep me from being an anxious mess. For me, it's volunteering and practicing martial arts. Volunteering gives me great joy and it's one of the few times where I don't feel any anxiety at all. Martial arts helps me learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable. It's helped with being able to ride out panic attacks and deal with them.

Several of my hobbies help too like gardening, reading, and playing games.

 

[Deleted member 9399]

Feeling like you do something meaningful and like you're part of a community is the only thing that fixes bad episodes in my experience.

Write something or play something, just generally create something. The deeper you get into it the better you'll feel.

The biggest thing that helps me week to week is seeing friends. It literally fixes my brain.

Go to the pub with friends at least 3 times a week. Literally just to sit with them and chat about your day/week. It's simple - sitting and talking about nothing, face to face - but it completely centres you. It puts your tough times in perspective as you and your friends are just sharing the daily realities and tribulations of being a human - it is humbling and let's you contextualise your life in the most real way.

This sounds absolutely exhausting, and the prospect is horrific - but it's actually only the anticipation which is hard and horrible. You have to DRAG yourself out to do it - but once you're sitting at the bar, drink in hand (doesn't have to be alcohol), friend across from you chatting away, all that apprehension melts away. And when you leave the place a couple of hours later, your brain is just totally course corrected.

In my experience.

I don't have a clinical situation like you however... So all my advice is probably basically inappropriate. Sorry if it's useless!

Click to shrink...

I appreciate your taking the time. I've found that to kind of help sometimes but it can be a bit of a mixed bag. I just feel terribly alone even with other people around, and despite feeling good in the moment of being social as soon as I get home or back to isolation the pendulum swings the other way pretty hard and I just feel horribly empty. It's kind of what I had been trying to do with going on dates and such, because I felt I needed more connection - but maybe it's better off with platonic established friends.

I really struggle with it. I recently went through a bad breakup and now I live in a city where I don't really have any friends (I met her right after I moved here two years ago). The people I care about live about two hours away now. I've never been good at making friends so I'm straight up alone pretty often.

I've never been suicidal or anything, I just struggle to really do anything outside of work. I know deep inside that I can't let it beat me and that's most of my motivation. Despite being geographically isolated, I have to remind myself that there are ALWAYS people that care.

If you aren't already OP, keep talking to people. It can't hurt.

Click to shrink...

I'm sorry you're going through that. It's my biggest struggle to have a life outside of work, and I'm failing. I try to pick up hobbies and social things here and there but it all feels kind of performative and going through the motions. I hope it gets better for you.

 

[Deleted member 18360]

I've been using neurofeedback as some kind of meditation orthotic, but it might just be a really elaborate placebo or something.
And I really have to stay on top of it or my gains all evaporate in an instant, which makes me think I'm probably mostly treating symptoms.

 

[Poppy]

as if nothing really matters

 

[Deleted member 1478]

Honestly, I don't really know. It's something I'm wondering myself lately.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

It's a bit cliche but my kid keeps me going. I don't know what I'll do when he's an adult and doesn't need me.

 

[Deleted member 41520]

I appreciate your taking the time. I've found that to kind of help sometimes but it can be a bit of a mixed bag. I just feel terribly alone even with other people around, and despite feeling good in the moment of being social as soon as I get home or back to isolation the pendulum swings the other way pretty hard and I just feel horribly empty. It's kind of what I had been trying to do with going on dates and such, because I felt I needed more connection - but maybe it's better off with platonic established friends.

Click to shrink...

Any time.

The pendulum can be tough yeah. While at home I find I need something productive/creative to do, or something to get me out the house. Yoga and running helps me a lot.

In terms of loneliness, the best way I've found to burst it, even when around others, is to take the scary step of honesty. Like go for a drink with one, maybe two, friends at most... And be brutally honest. Like, step out about how you're feeling. "How's it going?" They ask. "Honestly, not great" you respond. Let the back and forth begin.

I have friends going through heavy therapy and stuff, and struggle living alone, and sometimes we just meet up over coffee or whathaveyou to talk about all of it. We share the really raw stuff. Deep things. It's hard and emotional but, again, when you walk out the place you feel much better. Once you're at home you know someone is out there feeling the same. I'm not going through therapy but have other health problems and can vent on that. Then afterwards we have a laugh and talk about movies or whatever.

Dating can be good for this, but the fruits of it can be much longer coming than platonic friendships because there's more pressure and expectation, culturally. People don't want to share about their "baggage" (awful term).

Really good video on loneliness:

 

[spookyduzt]

The drink.

Click to shrink...

Bout to get me some right now.

 

[Sketchsanchez]

Too scared to actually kill myself, so I just endure.

 

[It’s Time To Go]

I'm too apathetic to stop living.