Hey era lets talk about empathy

[Deleted member 64002]

I've been sitting here for a while trying to come up with a decent thread title for this topic since I've been thinking all day about it. I really love people and try to see the good in everyone. But I often think folks find it difficult to connect with one other. Recently there's been alot of hostility on the forums and everywhere else in the world and so I figured that I should make a thread about it. I'll be honest I love you all and think you all deserve a hug. That said this thread isnt really about me and more about talking about positivity in general. I dont wanna see any hostility in this thread other than discussion about the topic.

Bump edit: I want to say with how far we've come into this pandemic I still think more than ever we need to be there for each other or at least be able to listen. I know how stressful its been and sometimes I often feel that I'm going crazy but just remember that its important that we still try to understand others hurt. That said with the exclusion of bad actors we just need to try to keep our mental health up as much as we can. I tried to come at this with the best of intentions and hope I can help people get through this so hugs and hopefully we can get through this!

 

[Deleted member 52442]

internet is a more hostile place than in person for the most part, you get used to seeing people run wild with anonymity they are not afforded in person

 

[Malverde]

Helpful for those that need a definition.

 

[bionic77]

I've been sitting here for a while trying to come up with a decent thread title for this topic since I've been thinking all day about it. I really love people and try to see the good in everyone. But I often think folks find it difficult to connect with one other. Recently there's been alot of hostility on the forums and everywhere else in the world and so I figured that I should make a thread about it. I'll be honest I love you all and think you all deserve a hug. That said this thread isnt really about me and more about talking about positivity in general. I dont wanna see any hostility in this thread other than discussion about the topic.

Click to shrink...

I feel like a large portion of the world, if not a majority, is made up for stupid and selfish assholes. The internet is great at magnifying those tendencies so its pretty hard to get empathy in this type of forum.

The world would be much better if people could care about people they don't know, but I am not sure that is likely or even possible.

 

[jaekeem]

it's because everyone feels comfortable being more hostile and antagonistic behind a keyboard than they would irl

 

[Admiral Woofington]

Whenever I need positivity I just watch dog videos.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

I feel like a large portion of the world, if not a majority, is made up for stupid and selfish assholes. The internet is great at magnifying those tendencies so its pretty hard to get empathy in this type of forum.

The world would be much better if people could care about people they don't know, but I am not sure that is likely or even possible.

Click to shrink...

I genuinely want to believe it's possible since I find it so disheartening to see people go at each others throats. Like can anyone find common ground and be genuinely good to one another.

 

[bionic77]

Whenever I need positivity I just watch dog videos.

Click to shrink...

This is probably for another topic, but I find it a little weird how many people (at least Americans) can show endless empathy for animals but not so much for other human beings.

But that said, get your good feels anyway you can brother. My go to is usually the end of Karate Kid or a great love song.

 

[Robin]

I don't think that the driving force of hostility on the internet is a lack of empathy to be honest. There are certainly people out there in droves with a lack of empathy and it shows, but a lot of times people come out swinging because their protecting something or someone and sometimes that is misguided and sometimes it's appropriate.

 

[bionic77]

I genuinely want to believe it's possible since I find it so disheartening to see people go at each others throats. Like can anyone find common ground and be genuinely good to one another.

Click to shrink...

There are still tons of good people. My philosophy personally is to try and have as many of them in your life as possible.

And to deal with the shitheads as little as possible.

I think you will always be disappointed if you are expecting them to change who they are just because you are a good person. They are going to do them and you are going to do you.

 

[Volimar]

I think we've all been lashed out at so much online that defensiveness is kind of our default position. The most unfortunate part of that is that so many people immediately think that posters who don't agree with them are being disingenuous. The most unfortunate counter to that is when they then take someone's statements and exaggerate them to an unintended extreme and then try to use those statements as a weapon. I wish people would take the time to try and see what someone is actually saying with their actual text rather than extrapolate an attack from it.

 

[Officer Big Mac]

The internet is where people enjoy compensating for lack of control in their daily lives. You can vent your anger in any direction anonymously and without consequence.

 

[Nothing Loud]

People with anonymity seem to have a default reaction of being defensive online. A couple days ago someone called me fucking insane on here and it made me think "I highly doubt anyone would call me that IRL. No one has ever said that to me IRL so it's interesting that I share my opinion and I'm responded to like that." It just tells me that anonymous people online are wired to react to things defensively.

 

[AuthenticM]

hugs

 

[Deleted member 64002]

There are still tons of good people. My philosophy personally is to try and have as many of them in your life as possible.

And to deal with the shitheads as little as possible.

I think you will always be disappointed if you are expecting them to change who they are just because you are a good person. They are going to do them and you are going to do you.

Click to shrink...

I'm thankful that there are good people in this world still and yet it just seems to me that people lack a way to Express themselves and articulate. And I can only drum up personal examples but I do try to give people a safe space to talk about things and when they need help . In alot of ways I think my personal struggle isnt so muc a lack of empathy it's this overwhelming feeling of a need to make sure people are ok and to help them.

 

[Deleted member 42055]

The internet is where people enjoy compensating for lack of control in their daily lives. You can vent your anger in any direction anonymously and without consequence.

Click to shrink...

I would have empathy for the first part of your statement to be honest ha ha. I try very hard not to fly off the handle at people that get angry right away because I have no idea how persons day went before they decided to get online.

 

[nsilvias]

of all the places online that i visit this is the most hostile place.
this place is great but it always feels like you have to be on the defensive here.
i never feel like i need to be on guard on discord or twitter (as much as era hates twitter)

the type of discussions that permeate this community really put this community on the edge and it shows in every topic.

 

[beelulzebub]

Agreed, and with a global pandemic staring us in the face, calls for empathy and an awareness to understand where our empathy falls short is more important now than ever. We can't afford to be willfully dismissive of the hardships of others.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

of all the places online that i visit this is the most hostile place.
this place is great but it always feels like you have to be on the defensive here.
i never feel like i need to be on guard on discord or twitter (as much as era hates twitter)

Click to shrink...

I just genuinely wish people would stop being so angry at one another. There's so much hidden daggers in many folks coats and Its hard not to brush up against them it at times has lead me to not post as much on era and yet I come back to check. Positivity is important though and I just hope we can come together on that.

 

[SugarNoodles]

I've been sitting here for a while trying to come up with a decent thread title for this topic since I've been thinking all day about it. I really love people and try to see the good in everyone. But I often think folks find it difficult to connect with one other. Recently there's been alot of hostility on the forums and everywhere else in the world and so I figured that I should make a thread about it. I'll be honest I love you all and think you all deserve a hug. That said this thread isnt really about me and more about talking about positivity in general. I dont wanna see any hostility in this thread other than discussion about the topic.

Click to shrink...

This is steeped in privilege. People have their well-being threatened specifically because of the actions of other people and you just want everyone to hug because that's easier for you to process.

 

[Cipherr]

Bruh like, a legit angry fight kinda broke out in the costco thread about the hotdogs and food court. Im like daaaamn. Its impossible to determine which threads are safe to just relax in anymore lol.

 

[RedMercury]

Empathy is great to have, for people who are not deliberately hurting others. Save it for those people. This forum is as or more positive than any other forum of this size you will find, if you have examples to the contrary I would be surprised tbh. Never be afraid to take a break if stuff is getting to you, your mental well-being should come first!

 

[Crossing Eden]

This is probably for another topic, but I find it a little weird how many people (at least Americans) can show endless empathy for animals but not so much for other human beings.

But that said, get your good feels anyway you can brother. My go to is usually the end of Karate Kid or a great love song.

Click to shrink...

Dogs and pets in general perpetually trigger the same sensation in the brain that we feel when we look at babies. Even when they're grown.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

This is steeped in privilege. People have their well-being threatened specifically because of the actions of other people and you just want everyone to hug because that's easier for you to process.

Click to shrink...

Oh no I'm not biased at all

 

[Silvergun-Blue]

When alt-rights tell you that you're a cuck, the chances are you really just show empathy towards somebody or a group.

 

[Deleted member 4367]

Oh no I'm not biased at all

Click to shrink...

This statement has never been true in the history of the world.

 

[ScoobsJoestar]

of all the places online that i visit this is the most hostile place.
this place is great but it always feels like you have to be on the defensive here.
i never feel like i need to be on guard on discord or twitter (as much as era hates twitter)

the type of discussions that permeate this community really put this community on the edge and it shows in every topic.

Click to shrink...

There are more hostile places by far, but one issue I have here is that sometimes people feel like they are looking for something to jump at you for. You have to be very very careful to avoid arguments because nobody gives you the benefit of the doubt. If something isn't worded perfectly, people prefer to assume malice than an honest mistake.

So...eh. Could be worse but I find myself not really enjoying or wanting to take part in any discussions here lately tbh. Prefer to do stuff like volunteering offline.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

This statement has never been true in the history of the world.

Click to shrink...

Yeah sorry I hit post before I thought out what I meant. Yeah I have biases but I am far from privileged I deal with alot of issues and I know how lucky I am not to be homeless. I'm sorry.
Edit: please can we go back on topic at least so we can stay positive.

 

[Ashlette]

This is related - it annoys me when some idiot intentionally stirs drama in an otherwise tame thread. All it does is tear people apart to please a certain few who "watch the popcorn" and do nothing else.

 

[SugarNoodles]

Oh no I'm not biased at all

Click to shrink...

Hmm. I don't think you understood my point.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

Hmm. I don't think you understood my point.

Click to shrink...

Again I apologize I made a mistake

 

[julia crawford]

This is evident in how resistant people seem to be to consider systemic, community wide thinking before how things affect their own selves or otherwise singular individuals.

The recent higglehoo about the COVID-19 shows this very evidently, people are immediately concerned about how it may reach them or not, but there's rarely conversation about how the virus is affecting the lives of people at systemic scales, stressing many aspects of commerce and life, in ways that go far beyond concerning yourself with your health so you don't catch the virus.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

This is evident in how resistant people seem to be to consider systemic, community wide thinking before how things affect their own selves or otherwise singular individuals.

The recent higglehoo about the COVID-19 shows this very evidently, people are immediately concerned about how it may reach them or not, but there's rarely conversation about how the virus is affecting the lives of people at systemic scales, stressing many aspects of commerce and life, in ways that go far beyond concerning yourself with your health so you don't catch the virus.

Click to shrink...

The virus is a cause to human suffering and I am deeply worried about that and hope we can all come together but so many people are freaking out. It's honestly scary. (The freaking out part not the virus)

 

[Ultimate Bear Cub]

I hear ya. I'll send you some of my energy, just don't go freeza on me.

It is easier to hurt than it is to help, and we respond strongly to negativity because that determined our survival historically. If you don't have the strength, you really need to take a step back and for your own health. This is a marathon and I'm in for the long haul, don't run yourself ragged.

 

[saenima]

We live in a hyper capitalist, ultra competitive society that encourages lack of empathy and rewards psychotic behaviour.

Fix that.

 

[Garcia el Gringo]

I try to have all the empathy possible for vulnerable people, as some people said above. I don't have the apolitical positivity towards everyone thing in me; I'm not trying to be the smile in an oppressive person's day.

 

[Delphine]

Empathy and soft skills in general, are truly what everybody should be striving for in general. The world would be a much better place for it.

I often fantasize about the kind of superhero I'd create, should I ever wanna get into that, and I guess my version would be someone who can manipulate others' brains in order to make them a hundred times more empathetic than they actually are. The repercussions would be interesting to study, especially on people who display a profound lack of empathy in their everyday lives. Which is basically the case for a ton of people.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

I think what kills me the most is seeing how the homeless are treated daily and how fucked up it is that so many people dont try to help them. There are days when I just cant deal with it and it fucks me up royally. And in those cases I see how everyone has such a huge lack of empathy. Yet there are days when I see someone help them and it brings a smile to my face. I do try in my own ways like buying water and food and in those cases it's nice.

 

[Yasuke]

This is steeped in privilege. People have their well-being threatened specifically because of the actions of other people and you just want everyone to hug because that's easier for you to process.

Click to shrink...

.

 

[thewienke]

I have lots of admiration for people that are positive and have a generally happy disposition. So if the OP wants to spread positivity, empathy, and hugs wherever she goes (...although Coronavirus so maybe an enthusiastic handwave), then more power to them.

I used to think that people who behaved that way were somehow more shallow and less intelligent than the usually miserable cynics in life but the more I live life the more I realize that I was completely wrong in that assumption. That perception I think is left over from high school level assumptions where generally happy and positive people have lived lives that are typically free from pain, suffering, and true hardship. Yet overtly positive people exist past high school and it often comes from those who appear to have little reason to feel the way that they do.

Whereas pessimism and cynicism stray close to nihilism too often and nihilism is probably the worst and most miserable viewpoint a person can have on life.

So I'm working on being more positive and optimistic in all areas of life. Not unreasonably so but I've had a good amount of success in silencing those negative internal voices.

 

[Weltall Zero]

Empathy is great to have, for people who are not deliberately hurting others.

Click to shrink...

The problem with that is that, without empathy, there's nothing preventing you from believing that anyone who hurts (or even anyone that says something you perceive as hurtful for you or others you care about) is doing so deliberately. Over time, and especially on the internet, it becomes the default response to anyone who disagrees with you; a race to find the thing they said that can be interpreted as hurtful to someone else, therefore disqualifying them from being empathized with.

I wish I could say I don't that myself...

 

[Aurica]

of all the places online that i visit this is the most hostile place.
this place is great but it always feels like you have to be on the defensive here.
i never feel like i need to be on guard on discord or twitter (as much as era hates twitter)

the type of discussions that permeate this community really put this community on the edge and it shows in every topic.

Click to shrink...

Not in the Japanese music thread, friend. :)

 

[Valiant]

I have lots of admiration for people that are positive and have a generally happy disposition. So if the OP wants to spread positivity, empathy, and hugs wherever he goes (...although Coronavirus so maybe an enthusiastic handwave), then more power to them.

I used to think that people who behaved that way were somehow more shallow and less intelligent than the usually miserable cynics in life but the more I live life the more I realize that I was completely wrong in that assumption. That perception I think is left over from high school level assumptions where generally happy and positive people have lived lives that are typically free from pain, suffering, and true hardship. Yet overtly positive people exist past high school and it often comes from those who appear to have little reason to feel the way that they do.

Whereas pessimism and cynicism stray close to nihilism too often and nihilism is probably the worst and most miserable viewpoint a person can have on life.

So I'm working on being more positive and optimistic in all areas of life. Not unreasonably so but I've had a good amount of success in silencing those negative internal voices.

Click to shrink...

Not to toot my own positive horn but this is what I think about when people react to me. I've been told I hide my intelligence really well or on a second look they see how smart I can be (I am still incredibly dumb tho lol.)

Just because I'm not having a meltdown about something doesn't mean I don't appreciate the seriousness of something.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

I have lots of admiration for people that are positive and have a generally happy disposition. So if the OP wants to spread positivity, empathy, and hugs wherever he goes (...although Coronavirus so maybe an enthusiastic handwave), then more power to them.

I used to think that people who behaved that way were somehow more shallow and less intelligent than the usually miserable cynics in life but the more I live life the more I realize that I was completely wrong in that assumption. That perception I think is left over from high school level assumptions where generally happy and positive people have lived lives that are typically free from pain, suffering, and true hardship. Yet overtly positive people exist past high school and it often comes from those who appear to have little reason to feel the way that they do.

Whereas pessimism and cynicism stray close to nihilism too often and nihilism is probably the worst and most miserable viewpoint a person can have on life.

So I'm working on being more positive and optimistic in all areas of life. Not unreasonably so but I've had a good amount of success in silencing those negative internal voices.

Click to shrink...

Lady, also I genuinely do try to help others and I know I'm probably naive and foolish but I do want to try.

 

[Deleted member 64002]

.

Click to shrink...

For the record I'm transgender I have no privilege I get shat on just for existing for some people and I've probably painted a target on my back just for mentioning that in this thread.

 

[RedMercury]

Over time, and especially on the internet, it becomes the default response to anyone who disagrees with you; a race to find the thing they said that can be interpreted as hurtful to someone else, therefore disqualifying them from being empathized with.

Click to shrink...

I see what you're saying but I guess I disagree, or at least as a matter of degrees. I don't think most people operate like that, and it would still require something hurtful to be there. I do agree that there are likely a lot of people who have whacked interpretations of what is hurtful (think of how many white people believe they are victims of racism for one example), but at least here I feel like most people are a pretty good judge of right and wrong.

 

[Ultimate Bear Cub]

I value empathy a great deal. And I think it is important to practice in our daily lives. Yet more than that empathy is wisdom. Knowing how to apply the empathy and to whom. Not everyone is built the same way and can't just be smiled at or hugged. That is why we have so many ideals like honesty, integrity, and justice. They are all needed and have to be practiced intelligently. Not everyone is a scumbag, but you don't have to save everyone either.

 

[Apollo]

A big part of being empathetic is that when somebody is angry, you attempt to recognize why they might be feeling that way. It's easy to brush those feelings aside as mere hostility, but oftentimes they come from a place of real hurt. And it just hurts more when people try to deny you the space to express that frustration.

 

[Valiant]

This is steeped in privilege. People have their well-being threatened specifically because of the actions of other people and you just want everyone to hug because that's easier for you to process.

Click to shrink...

I think you missed her point.

 

[shnurgleton]

This is probably for another topic, but I find it a little weird how many people (at least Americans) can show endless empathy for animals but not so much for other human beings.

But that said, get your good feels anyway you can brother. My go to is usually the end of Karate Kid or a great love song.

Click to shrink...

Americans are conditioned to distrust other people imo a symptom of the cult of individualism