Having trouble processing the loss of a pet

[Charcoal]

Hi Era,

My cat passed away on Saturday and I'm having trouble dealing with it. Her name was Evie.

My wife and I adopted her when she was a kitten, and her second birthday was coming up next month. Back in September, my wife called me while I was at work and told me that she (Evie) had laid down around 8:00 AM and hadn't moved since. It was around 4:00 PM at this point, so I rushed home so we could take her to the vet and try and figure out what was wrong. When I got there, she couldn't move. She couldn't walk, lift her head, or eat. For some reason, I figured she didn't feel good and the vet would say something like she's sick and needs medicine, simple. After the vet took her in, we waited about an hour before they came back out with an update. The vet told us with a gravely concerned look on her face that Evie appeared to be severely anemic, and if she didn't have an immediate blood transfusion she wouldn't make it through the night.

This was obviously a huge shock and we couldn't process it at the time, but we knew that we had to try and save her. So we drove straight to the ER and spent the next 6 hours in the parking lot, due to COVID, while the doctors there did everything they could. The transfusion went well. 24 hours and $2500 later, Evie was back home with us.

Over the next few weeks she had various tests conducted to try and determine what happened and if there was any chance to save her. Everything came back pointing to a genetic disease, and that her anemia was incurable. We were give steroids to help her get through the day, but ultimately we were given 2 weeks left with her.

She fought every single day, and ultimately stayed with us for 4 months until we brought her back to the vet on Saturday. We knew it was time. She wasn't Evie anymore and we didn't want to watch her suffer. My wife and I were with her when she passed and we're happy that she's no longer in pain, but I miss her so much.

I know this is stupid because so many have lost family and friends over the past year, and she's just a cat, but our house feels so empty now. I've lost people in my family and I didn't feel the way I do now even when my grandpa died. I know time will make it easier but this fucking sucks. I miss her so much.

 

[CloseTalker]

I'm so sorry, OP. Pets are as much part of the family as anyone, and losing them hurts just as much. It will get easier with time, just focus on all your photos and good memories you had with her. You gave her a great life while you had the chance, that's all that matters

 

[Brazil]

It's been three days, OP. Give yourself the time you need to mourn, and stop trying to compare the pain you're feeling with unrelated situations. There's nothing stupid about it.

I'm sorry for your loss. She was beautiful, and I'm sure you gave her the best life she could have had.

 

[nny]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Evie was a friend, your family. The loss of a pet can sting as much as the loss of any other relative or friend. So please try not to feel stupid for grieving her loss, you don't need that on top of the pain you're already feeling. You gave her a chance to live in a loving environment, and even though she was gone way, way too soon, I hope that the love you gave her and the memories you shared will bring you some comfort in this difficult hour. I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[echoshifting]

It's not stupid. Evie was a big part of your life and it is okay to grieve in whatever way is best for you, public or private. It's okay and you shouldn't feel bad about posting this.

I'm sorry about your cat. It is very hard when they go so young. Been through it a couple of times myself with cats.

 

[Thorzilla]

Shit OP, I'm very, very sorry for your loss...

Pets are our friends and family and saying goodbye to them is a bitch, wether by their passing or moving away from them.

I feel for you as we went through something similar. Our 14 year old cat (who we had since she was a kitty and saw us go through our teen and young adult days) had a very agressive tumor that we had removed and lived an entire year more but we had to put her to sleep as it was the best in the end for her. Still, 2 years old... that's very, very rough.

No shame admitting that you can feel closer to a pet in your household than a family member who doesn't live with you. Attachment works that way.

Stay trong in these testing times OP and remember your memories with your loved one every day. Cliché to say but time heals all wounds and someday you will look at your time together happily and fondly.

 

[DeltaRed]

My 17 year old dog was put to sleep last Tuesday. It is heartbreaking.

 

[HylianMaster2020]

Cats are the ultimate pet RIP

 

[Branson]

Pets are family. I'm so sorry for your loss. Take comfort in the fact that you gave her the best life you could have and did all you could. It sucks, but time will be the only thing that heals.

 

[shiba5]

I'm very sorry. She was beautiful.
All I can say is that it takes time and that some day you will be able to smile again when you think about the good times. Losing my dog was every bit as traumatic as losing a human family member - and in some ways worse because he was so much a part of our lives. So please don't feel stupid.

 

[moz]

It is indeed heartbreaking, but you start over and remember the joy and memories you have with another pet – thus is life.

 

[Hewlett]

I'm sorry, OP.

It's only been 2 days, which is practically no time at all when it comes to processing grief. Add in the unfairness of losing her at a young age and what you're feeling is normal. It fucking sucks, but it's still normal.

 

[Charcoal]

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate your kind words.

 

[Mendrox]

It just gets easier with time, but you will never forget your cat. Lost my Border Collie last year and I still think daily about her. Almost lost my Golden Retriever this year, but she managed to fight through it all. Try to take it easy and cry your eyes out till you can't anymore and then go try to do stuff.

Also everyone is grieving differently. It's totally fine to be more sad about her death in comparison to other people or others pets. She literally lived with you.

 

[SalvadorDagi]

So sorry for your loss OP. As a fur-father that has lost three fur-children I understand how much it hurts.

The depth of the pain you feel is equal to the depth of the love you have. It's an indescribable pain and will only get better with time.

Take the time you need and mourn. Wishing you comfort and peace.

 

[P-Bo]

Family is apart of who you are, she was family--don't feel ashamed to cry for her. I am extremely sorry for your loss, she was a gorgeous girl.

 

[nopressure]

It's not stupid, she was a huge part of your life.

I had to put my kitten down when he was 9 months old due to FIP a few years ago. Spent over £1000 and tried a specialist vet hospital, but there was no cure. I still miss him and think about him most days.

 

[MrRob]

My dog in my avatar was put down a couple weeks ago after 15 years of being the best friend ever. It's super tough and only time heals that pain. Two weeks out and I'm still getting up in the morning and getting halfway to my jacket before I remember I don't have a dog to take for a walk and get sad.

Allow yourself the time to be sad when you need to but also make sure to allow yourself the time to smile when you think about how great time with her was. Don't compare the sadness you feel to others it's yours and you have a right to it.

 

[Carn]

Sorry to hear that OP :( As mentioned, pets are a part of your life and leave a big impact when they go. It might even hurt more because you know that they don't really understand what is going on. Try to think about the good things and the fact that she had a short, but great life with you <3

 

[ThePsydeFX]

Sorry for your loss OP. I've had a few pets pass in the last decade and it doesn't ever get any easier when it happens. Just lost my Rottweiler I've had since '09 on Halloween. Time will usually heal the pain of it, you just need the opportunity to mourn.

 

[SoleSurvivor]

We're here for you, OP. So sorry for your loss. Gone, but never forgotten!

 

[Megabreath]

Its not stupid, we lost our dog just before lockdown last year and it was rough. I still miss him

 

[Veezy]

My mom had a dog that with with us for years, Grace. She was a beautiful animal and my mom's best friend. I remember the day that my mom and dad came to my place to tell me they had to finally put her down. She just wasn't "her" any more. She had to wear a diaper, she was blind and deaf, and didn't recognize anybody. She had lived so long that, as the vet described, she basically had dog dementia. She could have lived longer, but she would be scared and confused all the time.

I cried, because I remember how close I was to Grace. When I was going through the worst of my mental illness, she would scratch at the door at my parent's home to come lay in the bed with me, along with our other dog, Joy. Those animals, along with my own dog, Bella, literally saved my life and keep me up day by day.

Feelings are not stupid, when it comes to loss. My grandfather on my mom's side was a horrible man to her in her childhood but loved me. When I was an adult, I remember being angry at him for knowing what he did and then, when he passed, he asked for me and I wasn't there because I couldn't make the trip. I felt guilty and hurt and sad and a deep sense of grief.

Loss is hard to process, but know that it's not wrong to feel empty. If you took care of that animal and gave it a good life, then I can appreciate where you're coming from and I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[lil jetski]

Sorry OP. I know the pain. It dulls but doesn't go away. Props to you for obviously caring a lot about Evie and givning her a good life.

 

[Flabber]

I was genuinely heartbroken when my 14 year old cat Oscar died of cancer 6 years ago now. I still miss him deeply, and though the saying "time heals all wounds" has a lot of truth in it, it misses out the fact that healed wounds can still leave a scar - it does get easier but it still hurts.

A year ago I rescued two new cats and they don't replace Oscar, but they are beautiful and sweet and I love them. It took five years before I was ready for another for that step though.

At 14 Oscar was older but cancer aside he was as active as he'd been when he was a kitten, and he deserved a far more years on this earth then he got, but at least he had some good years. I know it must be even more painful that Evie was so young - you must have pictured her in your life ten years from now - it's ok to be really sad about that, feel the pain and mourn her, and take comfort in knowing you did everything you could for her.

 

[SwampBastard]

I know this is stupid because so many have lost family and friends over the past year, and she's just a cat,

Click to shrink...

It's not stupid and she wasn't "just a cat." She was family and probably one of your best friends. There is no kind of merit system for grief, and the pain you feel from your loss is just as valid as the pain felt by the others you've alluded to. Please don't feel like your emotions are silly or unwarranted.

It's been almost two and a half years since my wife and I had to say goodbye to our 13 yr old Aussie. My wife got him when he was eight weeks old. She has worked in the "pet hospitality" industry (read: doggy daycares) pretty much her entire adult life, so she'd take him to work with her. They spent almost every day of his entire together. We don't have kids, so he was the primary object for our affections (outside of each other, obviously). Because she's spent so much time around dogs, she warned me when he was ~11 that whenever he was going to go, it would probably come out of nowhere and be quick, and it was. We were absolutely devastated, especially my wife.

The only thing that will really help, apart from possibly seeing a grief counselor (this is also not a silly thing to do if you think you need it), is time. It hurts a tiny bit less every day. I still occasionally cry when I think about him, but not nearly as often as I used to. You will be okay, and you can take comfort in knowing that you gave her a good life and were as important to her as she was to you. You have my sincerest condolences.

 

[stn]

Its not stupid at all, OP. Pets are family. One of my dogs passed away in 2019, I still think of her sometimes. I have another dog who is almost 17 years old, and as amazing it is to see him keep going, he's not getting younger.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Carnby]

I'm sorry for your loss OP. Losing a pet is hard. I still get sad when I think about my dog from when I was a child, and he passed 20 years ago. So it's understandable that this is so difficult for you.

 

[super-famicom]

My condolences, OP. My wife and I lost our first kitten barely a month after we adopted him. We just try to remember the good times we had together and that we were able to give him a better life, if only for a little while.

 

[BassForever]

It's never easy, especially when the pet dies young when you thought you'd have another 10+ years with them. Just know every day it'll get a bit easier, and that you made the right choice.

 

[Deleted member 22651]

My fifteen year old cat died in my arms three years ago as the vet put her out of her pain (liver cancer). I cried like a motherfucker and it took me forever to arrive at home after work and not expect to see my long time friend in her usual spots. Apparently this was somewhat visible to my close family and they presented me with a stray cat that they got from the local animal shelter. I confess that I was initially displeased by the timing of the offer but the little bugger slowly crawled into my heart and into my life.

Cry your loss away, as loud as you have to, and get another animal to love as soon as you see it fit to do so. There are a lot of lonely pets out there, urging for a human's embrace.

 

[Deleted member 6263]

I'm not even a cat person, but my goodness what a beautiful cat. I'm very sorry for your loss, OP.

 

[GungHo]

It's okay for it to be hard and there isn't anything wrong with your grief.

 

[Manu]

Sorry for your loss OP. I lost one of mine in November and I still miss him every day.

 

[AaronMT]

Sorry to hear about the loss of Evie. I too lost my Toby (male grey tabby) of 18 years last summer due to oral squamous cell carcinoma and could not enjoy eating or drinking anymore. Dealing with COVID together with safety protocol of my veterinarian (we weren't allowed inside) was incredibly tough. I sympathize with your grief, I have been processing the same.

 

[LaneDS]

As others have rightfully said, it's not at all stupid. You and your wife did everything you could for her, and sometimes unfortunately fate is cruel and these things are unavoidable. But you deserve thanks for providing love and care to her and I'm sure she was grateful for those things. You're also allowed to feel sad, and will, for quite a while- it's losing family, like folks have said. Just try to take it one day at a time, and it'll hurt less, and you can focus on the good memories as the bad ones fade. I'm sorry for your loss!

 

[BronzeWolf]

Your pet passed away three days ago!

You don't have to be ok. In fact it's time for you to mourn! I've had my cat for 10 years and I would be useless for a week if she died. Your pet is beautiful! I'm glad you were able to give each other love and care.

 

[julia crawford]

Sorry for your loss OP. I don't think anything can replace the kind of relationship you share with a pet that's been with you for so much time, it's normal and perfectly reasonable to be beset by her passing as much or even more than close friends or family. There's always something special with the kindness and care that you provide each other, and an intimacy and feeling of understanding of a kind that i don't think is possible with another human.

 

[Davey Cakes]

The bonds we have with pets are like no others. Losing a source of unconditional love is heartbreaking. The pain of the loss is real and lasting with both physical and mental strain involved. The most important thing is to let yourself grieve and give yourself as much time as you need to go through the steps.

I lost one of my fur babies in September and I still cry about it here and there. That last week was rough. And, out of all the stages of grief, bargaining was by far the worst.

I suggest r/Petloss. It helped to share the experience with others who are going through the same thing.

 

[Whipwhopper]

Out of all the losses in my life (family members, etc), my two dogs were some of the most painful. Definitely remember the good times and enjoy all of the happiness and memories your pet brought you.

 

[Lord Azrael]

Really sorry to hear that. She was a beautiful cat.

 

[Drain You]

Im so sorry for your loss OP, we lost our little buddy about 6 months ago and its rough. Stay strong and maybe when you feel its ok you can rescue a kitten in need.

 

[SirMossyBloke]

It sucks OP. I had to put my cat down two weeks ago after 17 years. He was my dude that sat next to me every single time I played vids. Its a stuggle to see that empty spot next to me.

However, as crushing as it was, it did get better even though I certainly never imagined it would. Its gotta be tough being such a young cat that you said goodbye to, but she was loved while she was there and you did everything you could.

Pet loss guilt and pet loss in total is a hard thing to deal with, but you're brain is gonna help you with that over time.

 

[Random Painted Highway]

Sorry op. We had to let go of our 17.5 yr old cat the week before Christmas. It was devastating to myself, wife and 5/9 year old kids. When I see empty Amazon boxes near our door sometimes if I'm not thinking I take a peak to see if he's inside before remembering.

 

[Nepenthe]

Quite the timing OP. I literally just had to put my dog down last night after an unexpected, acute drop in health. I'm going in and out between crying and trying to steel myself and honor him by remembering the good times with my little boy. Don't feel shame that it was "just a cat" simply because of the losses we've all had to deal with this past year. Pets are family. I wish that you get the time you need to grieve, and that maybe later on you can find it in your heart to love another pet again.

 

[RR30]

It's not stupid. Pets are family. Take the time you need to grieve. About 2 years ago I had to put down the cat I grew up with and was a mess for quite some time. Time does help as well. In the future maybe you'll adopt another pet as well. That was something that helped me. I just adopted a second one last month as well.

 

[Charcoal]

Quite the timing OP. I literally just had to put my dog down last night after an unexpected, acute drop in health. I'm going in and out between crying and trying to steel myself and honor him by remembering the good times with my little boy. Don't feel shame that it was "just a cat" simply because of the losses we've all had to deal with this past year. Pets are family. I wish that you get the time you need to grieve, and that maybe later on you can find it in your heart to love another pet again.

Click to shrink...

Sorry to hear that. I hope the words everyone has shared here can help you as well.