Having a kid now w/ girlfriend but girlfriend is not financially healthy

[Forsaken82]

Seems to me you get a free babysitter out of this...

Well, perhaps not free considering the girlfriend is financially supporting the mother, but once you iron out the financials surrounding that (which is something that you will HAVE to do if you want to have a continued relationship with this woman and your child) youll likely save thousands a year if the unemployed mother in law is a good grandmother. Then when she decides she doesn't want to babysit the child daily, tell her to start supporting herself or never see the child.

This is all assuming there's real love in this relationship.

 

[John Marston]

You're still asking for it and no offense but money ain't all you need to raise a child. Do you even have a place ready and a car that's good for a child? You talk about your girls savings situation but she isn't the one that fucked up here and you know that.

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Read the fucking first post

 

[Piecake]

The first thing you need to do is have a conversation with your GF and explain that this simply isn't going to work if she is still supporting her mother. The kid comes first, especially when the mom can still work.

If the gf refuses to do that, well...

 

[Ash735]

This is still an outrageous take.

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Being forced to marry someone and have a child with them when you barely even know them, yeah, my take was outrageous

/s

 

[Z-Beat]

I'd hope that the mom would stop freeloading on the realization that her daughter now has another mouth to feed.

 

[Fart Master]

In general, almost no one is ready to have kids. You figure it out as you go. I guess I'm in the camp that thinks abortions should be reserved for when the parents or baby's health would be in danger, or the parents would be in situation where they just could not support raising a child. I don't think it should be something that is a quick way to absolve yourself of any personal responsibility for having unprotected sex.

Either way, the OP isn't even considering it apparently, so that's good. I just thought it was a bit shitty for people to be jumping over themselves to recommend it just because his situation may not be something that is perfectly ideal.

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"Abosolve of any personal responsibility" really dude? Yeah maybe when you know the kids parents aren't mature in anyway they probably shouldn't have kids but I guess we need more people in this world with parents that weren't prepared.

 

[Deleted member 31817]

You've only been dating for 6 months and you guys aren't even financially stable and her mom is pressuring you guys to marry?

Have her get an abortion asap and thank me later

 

[vectorj]

Yeah dude you're on the hook for the kids wellbeing now. I'm not sure what the laws are in your country re: legal guardianship.

You however, have absolutely no incentive or reason to marry her. If you're thinking itll keep you honest in raising the kid then thats not actually true. That's completely separate from the baby. The mom can complain all she wants but theres zero reason for you to go through with it.

Your gf has the final say with the fate of the kid. But you have control over most of the situation surrounding it.

 

[Deleted member 4482]

Seriously... I'm supportive of abortion rights in general, but getting an abortion when you just fucked up and the financial situation will be fine, but maybe not the ideal picture you had in your mind? I'd understand if the kid would be homeless or something, but how is this a situation to push for an abortion?

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"supportive of abortion rights"
"only get an abortion if the kid will be homeless"
as woman should be able to get an abortion as she pleases. you are not supportive of abortion rights

 

[Deleted member 1635]

"Abosolve of any personal responsibility" really dude? Yeah maybe when you know the kids parents aren't mature in anyway they probably shouldn't have kids but I guess we need more people in this world with parents that weren't prepared.

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You don't know shit about raising kids and almost certainly didn't read the OP.

Most people do not go into having kids "prepared." Even those who do prepare do not have an easy time of it. People mature into the role of being parents as they go for the most part.

"supportive of abortion rights"
"only get an abortion if the kid will be homeless"
as woman should be able to get an abortion as she pleases. you are not supportive of abortion rights

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I can be supportive of keeping something legal while also not agreeing with certain people's motivations for doing something in all cases.

 

[Ziltoidia 9]

Marriage is more legal than anything else, in the eyes of the state, which is why it costs a shit ton to reverse. Unless you are extremely religious, don't marry her. It doesn't matter if you are married in the end.

 

[Deleted member 31817]

Seriously... I'm supportive of abortion rights in general, but getting an abortion when you just fucked up and the financial situation will be fine, but maybe not the ideal picture you had in your mind? I'd understand if the kid would be homeless or something, but how is this a situation to push for an abortion?

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Stop lying about being supportive of abortion rights lol

 

[blue_phazon]

Having a kid with someone you've only known for 6 months is a terrible idea.

Ask her to abort. If she doesn't want to, you gotta respect her decision.

But i'd bail and just give child support payments if she keeps it

 

[Fart Master]

Read the fucking first post

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Lol so you don't? Swallow your pride and ask her to think about getting an abortion cause you aren't ready for shit bud. Buying a house isn't a simple process and could take years to find a good home while finding the perfect apartment could be quite difficult and take months. Also you've known her for 6 MONTHS! Like how is that not a deterrent itself.

 

[Deleted member 1635]

Stop lying about being supportive of abortion rights lol

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I'm pushing back against people recommending abortion in this situation as if it's something you just do on a whim when you fuck up. It's ugly as hell if you ask me.

I'm not saying the person should not be allowed to get an abortion, just that it would be a shitty thing to do in this situation. There's a big difference between supporting rights (keeping something legal) and agreeing with all applications regardless of context.

 

[Mass One]

This is so interesting to see so many interpretations.

But good luck op. It clearly seems that the marriage is gonna fall apart. I don't know the culture you're from but I think in 2019 forced or pressured marriages seemed destined to fail. So I would recommend talking to a lawyer?

I was talking to a coworker and if you get married you have to pay alimony to keep the spouse at the same qol. Or something like that.

 

[Deleted member 31817]

I'm pushing back against people recommending abortion in this situation as if it's something you just do on a whim when you fuck up. It's ugly as hell if you ask me.

I'm not saying the person should not be allowed to get an abortion, just that it would be a shitty thing to do in this situation. There's a big difference between supporting rights (keeping something legal) and agreeing with all applications regardless of context.

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Why are you against it? Why does it bother you? Why tf is it "ugly"? And this situation is worse than a lot of other situations of people getting pregnant, an unplanned pregnancy with an overbearing mother in law, a pregnant woman who isn't financially stable and a 6 month relationship?

Yeah

 

[Fart Master]

I'm pushing back against people recommending abortion in this situation as if it's something you just do on a whim when you fuck up. It's ugly as hell if you ask me.

I'm not saying the person should not be allowed to get an abortion, just that it would be a shitty thing to do in this situation. There's a big difference between supporting rights (keeping something legal) and agreeing with all applications regardless of context.

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You a woman? No? Stfu no one cares what you think.

 

[Deleted member 1635]

You a woman? No? Stfu no one cares what you think.

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People are telling a DUDE to push for an abortion in this thread and you seem supportive of that. Get real with this nonsense.

 

[Deleted member 31817]

People are telling a DUDE to push for an abortion in this thread and you seem supportive of that. Get real with this nonsense.

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Better to have an abortion than have two miserable parents and a kid with a shitty childhood.

 

[Evildeadhead]

I'm pushing back against people recommending abortion in this situation as if it's something you just do on a whim when you fuck up. It's ugly as hell if you ask me.

I'm not saying the person should not be allowed to get an abortion, just that it would be a shitty thing to do in this situation. There's a big difference between supporting rights (keeping something legal) and agreeing with all applications regardless of context.

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If someone crashes a car you don't reward them with a Ferrari.

 

[astro]

Better to have an abortion than have two miserable parents and a kid with a shitty childhood.

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I'm sure a few people here were unplanned kids with parents who didn't feel ready. That's not a given.

 

[Deleted member 1635]

Better to have an abortion than have two miserable parents and a kid with a shitty childhood.

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That is not a foregone conclusion in any way and your making that judgment from the little context we have is shitty if you ask me, but whatever, I think we've said all we have to say to each other on this matter.

 

[Man Called Aerodynamics]

Marrying someone because you're being pressured to, not because you want to, is a recipe for less stability in your life, not more.

Prepare yourself to support your child as best you can, but don't get married unless it's truly your choice.

 

[Deleted member 31817]

I'm sure a few people here were unplanned kids with parents who didn't feel ready. That's not a given.

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No reason to risk it

 

[Deleted member 1635]

If someone crashes a car you don't reward them with a Ferrari.

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That analogy makes zero sense.

 

[astro]

No reason to risk it

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I'm sure all the people I referenced appreciate that.

 

[Fart Master]

People are telling a DUDE to push for an abortion in this thread and you seem supportive of that. Get real with this nonsense.

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Your expressing your worthless opinion on something you know nothing about while people are telling him to suggest the option. How the fuck is that similar?

 

[Dice]

I'm pushing back against people recommending abortion in this situation as if it's something you just do on a whim when you fuck up. It's ugly as hell if you ask me.

I'm not saying the person should not be allowed to get an abortion, just that it would be a shitty thing to do in this situation. There's a big difference between supporting rights (keeping something legal) and agreeing with all applications regardless of context.

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The point of abortion is for sticky situations like this where the parents instability (either as a couple, or financially, or just getting pregnant at a detrimental time in their lives) might be the 'safest' option for all persons involved.

It's often NEVER a decision people take lightly or as an "easy escape" out of the situation.

Having a baby is a commitment people should take very seriously and if they're not ready then that's important to know and to admit; sometimes it's not all about the baby (sorry, fetus).

 

[Deleted member 31817]

I'm sure all the people I referenced appreciate that.

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Sure. Your argument is literally "but what about the fetuses" foh.

Being forced to have a kid and get married when you've only been dating someone for 6 months out of fear for how they'll react when you can't support a kid is a recipe for disaster. It isn't a foregone conclusion but christ, things are looking pretty bleak here.

 

[astro]

Sure. Your argument is literally "but what about the fetuses" foh.

Being forced to have a kid and get married when you've only been dating someone for 6 months out of fear for how they'll react when you can't support a kid is a recipe for disaster. It isn't a foregone conclusion but christ, things are looking pretty bleak here.

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Why are you trying to spin it? I'm arguing against your claim that it will fail as a given, that's all. Don't do that please.

I think an abortion is a very sensible thing to discuss here.

 

[Deleted member 1635]

Your expressing your worthless opinion on something you know nothing about while people are telling him to suggest the option. How the fuck is that similar?

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You don't see the insanity in saying that a dude's opinion does not matter on the topic of abortion while the whole discussion started because people were recommending that a dude push for an abortion?

I'm gonna stop replying to you now...

 

[Deleted member 31817]

Why are you trying to spin it? I'm arguing against your claim that it will fail as a given, that's all. Don't do that please.

I think an abortion is a very sensible thing to discuss here.

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I didn't say it was a given. I said it was a risk. It is.

There are about a billion reasons to not have a kid and get married in this situation.

 

[¡ B 0 0 P !]

Dude if you and your girl will struggle to support her Mother how will you then be able to support a kid on top of that too? Abortion or adoption can always be options. Don't let your conservative MIL dicate what you two will do. Especially when she is financially dependent on you. Why she thinks she can boss you two around is weird not gonna lie.

 

[astro]

I didn't say it was a given. I said it was a risk. It is.

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No, you didn't.

Better to have an abortion than have two miserable parents and a kid with a shitty childhood.

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Let's not do this, Psychoward...

 

[Evildeadhead]

That analogy makes zero sense.

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Have a think. You might get it one day.

 

[FunkyMonkey]

I'm pushing back against people recommending abortion in this situation as if it's something you just do on a whim when you fuck up. It's ugly as hell if you ask me.

I'm not saying the person should not be allowed to get an abortion, just that it would be a shitty thing to do in this situation. There's a big difference between supporting rights (keeping something legal) and agreeing with all applications regardless of context.

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Abortion is ALWAYS a "shitty thing to do" in that no one actually wants to have an abortion. They are necessary in some cases and moral in others (in the OP, imo).

Your shaming and judgement is fucking disgusting. I personally respect people who choose to not bring another human into this world when they are not ready. Having a child suffer and grow up in terrible conditions is awful when it's avoidable.

 

[Darkmaigle]

OP how's hers/your health insurance situation? Babies can be expensive if the child is (god forbid) sickly. Sounds like mom can babysit which will save you megabucks. Don't get married, I married my wife after we had our second child together. We waited until we were both ready to make that kind of commitment. Don't rush to get married especially not with mother in low pressure.

 

[Terminus]

I'm pushing back against people recommending abortion in this situation as if it's something you just do on a whim when you fuck up. It's ugly as hell if you ask me.

I'm not saying the person should not be allowed to get an abortion, just that it would be a shitty thing to do in this situation. There's a big difference between supporting rights (keeping something legal) and agreeing with all applications regardless of context.

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These are straight-up anti-abortion talking points. Abortion is a completely appropriate and acceptable course of action when you "fuck up" and literally no one has ever done it "on a whim." Get the fuck out of here with this garbage.

 

[Microsoft]

What is wrong with some of you?

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This is the thread that made me realize that I may be against abortion

 

[Mobu]

i mean, abortion is still the girls decision at the end of the day, so i think the safe bet is to assume she wants the kid, in that case, OP has to eat shit and start looking for a second job

 

[Deleted member 1635]

Abortion is ALWAYS a "shitty thing to do" in that no one actually wants to have an abortion. They are necessary in some cases and moral in others (in the OP, imo).

Your shaming and judgement is fucking disgusting. I personally respect people who choose to not bring another human into this world when they are not ready. Having a child suffer and grow up in terrible conditions is awful when it's avoidable.

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How is context completely lost on so many people?

My judgment and shaming is being done towards to the people advocating for an abortion based on the very limited information we have, which basically just paints a less-than-ideal picture and not something where people would be in danger from a health or financial perspective.

The reaction would be very different if this were a thread in which the woman came in asking for advice and being very worried about bringing a child into the world given whatever circumstances she might be facing.

These are straight-up anti-abortion talking points. Abortion is a completely appropriate and acceptable course of action when you "fuck up" and literally no one has ever done it "on a whim." Get the fuck out of here with this garbage.

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I think abortion should be legal and accessible, but I also think people should not advocate for it when someone just fucks up and didn't plan a pregnancy despite their situation really not being all that bad. I can have both of those opinions at once!

 

[Dice]

This is the thread that made me realize that I may be against abortion

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Ew. You telling me women don't have a right to their bodies??

 

[Roy]

I am okay w/ abortion in days when it gets rough, the thought of having to prepare for a child (and the burden of having to support not just the child but her mom as well because she is also supporting her freeloading mom).

I am more terrified however of having to marry someone who is nowhere near as financially capable as I am (note that I am not rich at all - just earn good and enough for myself, share w/ my mom/brother, and enjoy a bit).

I will admit that while there are a lot of things to like w/ my GF, her recent flare ups have lead to some fights (I don't know if it's the pregnancy or her real inner personality is coming out).

Shit is crazy. I've tried and done everything to be strong. But I am facing the hardest and most complex challenge of my life so far (turning 31) and I am not certain what decision I should make.

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The more I read your posts, the more I feel you've been targeted.

 

[Deleted member 19003]

Guys, abortion isn't legal in the country they're in. It's most likely very dangerous for the gf to try to pursue an illegal abortion. She could die. So let's not be so flippant about it. It's a very serious problem for her and him.

Op, talk to your gf and tell her you will support the baby, but you do not wish to marry at this time. If she does want to pursue an abortion, help her go out of the country to get it safely done.

 

[astro]

This is the thread that made me realize that I may be against abortion

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I'm not against abortion at all.

I'm against people throwing gifs around like that because abortion is serious, and even if it's the right thing to do is really fucking hard for the parents especially the woman.

 

[Deleted member 31817]

This is the thread that made me realize that I may be against abortion

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Restricting bodily autonomy bc my feelings got hurt when people talk about things bluntly to own the libs

 

[jaekeem]

it's her decision to abort

but YOU should not marry this woman. no way

 

[¡ B 0 0 P !]

i mean, abortion is still the girls decision at the end of the day, so i think the safe bet is to assume she wants the kid, in that case, OP has to eat shit and start looking for a second job

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Or better yet why doesn't the mother-in-law get a job instead of enjoying an early retirement thanks to him? I mean if she wants him to have the kid so much I'm sure she should be glad to help out.

 

[JrBaconCheeseburger]

At 6 months this screams of desperation on both sides.

Sounds to me this girl thinks she got herself a good one.

If you are bothered by her finances can you imagine how much shit about her you have not discovered.

THINK OP