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Have you ever been talked down to/belittled by a family member before (when you're an adult)? If so what did you do to stop it?

Meelow

Meelow

Member
Oct 31, 2017
9,193
So my dad and I have a weird history, a lot has happened in the past and it's affected me a lot (anxiety, nervousness, etc), I've grown a lot of backbone once I turned 20 and my dad and I relationship got a lot better.

Of course we still get into arguments/fights but it's not as bad as it was before.

Anyway, I went to visit my parents house for my mom's birthday and when I walked into the house my sister and my dad were fighting about something stupid and I could tell my dad was in a bad mood and I tried to fix the issue when I was talking my dad cut me off and said "Now we are supposed to be getting "Meelow's" advice? "and just did not care about what I was saying and it took me back to when I was a kid, my father demeaning me and acting like my opinion doesn't matter.

I looked around and said "What the fuck? Did anyone else just hear what he said?" (Talking to my mom, sister, and uncle) and my mom defended him because she doesn't have a backbone unfortunately when it comes to these things.

Anyway, I was very pissed off about this because I am not a child and even if I tried to tell him what he did was wrong, I just get looked at like I am supposed to forgive him and it doesn't matter, when it's been 25 years of "Shut ups".

It's just a very frustrating experience.
 

Deleted member 8752

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
10,122
Say, I'm not going to let you treat me so disrespectfully and leave. They probably wouldn't want you to be friends with someone who talked to you that way. So why is it okay for THEM to do it? (It's not)
 
Viewt

Viewt

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,799
Chicago, IL
No, my relationship with my family is pretty solid these days. When there were issues in the past, I made it clear that my presence was not a guarantee and if they were gonna be dicks, I'd stop coming back. I moved across the country, so the point stuck haha.

At the end of the day, you can't fix your father being a bitter old man. But you can control your exposure to him, assuming you're independent.
 
AnansiThePersona

AnansiThePersona

Started a revolution but the mic was unplugged
Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,682
My dad is Nigerian. I just straight up stopped talking to him. There's nothing else to add to that.
 
julian

julian

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,727
By brother went on a 20 minute rant about what a piece of shit I am and how it's literally pointless to talk to me. This was about a minute after I'd just told him my wife and I were having a little girl in several months.
 
Kittens McMittens

Kittens McMittens

Member
Nov 14, 2017
4,928
You tell him 'yea, now you're taking my advice' and if he tells you where to go, you leave. You need to give your parents clear boundaries.
 
lunarworks

lunarworks

Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,083
Toronto
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Antrax

Antrax

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,262
I cut my dad out over other things but I think the advice still applies. The second he said that, I'd get my keys and go back home.

"Why'd you leave?"
"Felt like it"
 
est1992

est1992

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,180
Meelow said:
So my dad and I have a weird history, a lot has happened in the past and it's affected me a lot (anxiety, nervousness, etc), I've grown a lot of backbone once I turned 20 and my dad and I relationship got a lot better.

Of course we still get into arguments/fights but it's not as bad as it was before.

Anyway, I went to visit my parents house for my mom's birthday and when I walked into the house my sister and my dad were fighting about something stupid and I could tell my dad was in a bad mood and I tried to fix the issue when I was talking my dad cut me off and said "Now we are supposed to be getting "Meelow's" advice? "and just did not care about what I was saying and it took me back to when I was a kid, my father demeaning me and acting like my opinion doesn't matter.

I looked around and said "What the fuck? Did anyone else just hear what he said?" (Talking to my mom, sister, and uncle) and my mom defended him because she doesn't have a backbone unfortunately when it comes to these things.

Anyway, I was very pissed off about this because I am not a child and even if I tried to tell him what he did was wrong, I just get looked at like I am supposed to forgive him and it doesn't matter, when it's been 25 years of "Shut ups".

It's just a very frustrating experience.
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Others already told you but you can't really be like "did y'all hear that." You gotta stand you're ground and be like "yeah you're taking my advice because ______".

It wasn't until I started talking to my dad like I was on the same level that he took me serious.

And just walking out ain't gonna cut it. A guy like that would probably just think you're a wimp or something. Gotta stand that ground, OP.
 
Stat

Stat

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,150
I would call them out on being condescending.

OP, that means when you talk down to someone
 
ClockworkOwl

ClockworkOwl

Banned
Feb 1, 2020
115
It sounds to me that you were butting into a conversation that you had no business being in and your dad got frustrated with you. Also, the way you talk about your mom is gross. Your mom doesn't take your side, so that means she doesn't have a backbone?
 
NoRĂ©N

NoRĂ©N

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
2,623
As an adult, never. Everyone knows better. I'm not afraid to correct people when they are misinformed. I've had to check people plenty (mostly religious family members and most recently with BLM and "defund the police") but I've never been belittled by any family member.
 

____

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,734
Miami, FL
Only once, when my grandmother attributed my weight loss to hard drugs. Even after explaining that I'd changed my eating habits and worked out daily (as I was in training for a Spartan race) she didn't believe me. I love my grandma to death but she got checked that day.

FOH accusing me of being on dope and doubling down when I tell you that's not the case.
 
Ultima_5

Ultima_5

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,670
Man. Threads like this make me appreciate my folks. They're not perfect but i can still express shit to them. Sorry so many of you don't have that
 

Deleted member 6949

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,786
My dad didn't call me by my name for like 5 years. He either called me Retard or Dickhead. I moved 3000 miles away and after some years I started to hear my voice in my head instead of his.
 
PlanetSmasher

PlanetSmasher

The Abominable Showman
Member
Oct 25, 2017
115,335
My grandmother once tried to give me a lecture about how "it's okay that (you) don't have a job, the economy will get way better when that thing is out of the White House".

She was talking about Obama.

I threw her out of my fucking house. She died a racist, too.
 
Poppy

Poppy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
18,265
richmond, va
not really, i think since i prettymuch moved as far away as possible they realized that i basically am not going to talk to them unless they're calling me, and if they are gonna be jerks i will just stop answering the phone

my family are nuts, i think they have some good advice to give about specific topics but when it comes to general life stuff i'm not particularly interested
 
Pirate Bae

Pirate Bae

Edelgard Feet Appreciator
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
6,792
??
Yeah my mom still does this shit

I tell her to fuck off. Needless to say our relationship has been up and down over the years.
 
softie

softie

Member
Oct 30, 2017
135
Being an adult means you can freely decide with whom you want to spend your leisure time with. If someone doesn't appreciate your presence, just go and spend your time with someone worthwhile. Life's too short to do pointless arguing.
 
Reeks

Reeks

Self-requested ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,326
Yep. I didn't do anything because I felt empathy. They didn't deserve it.

I take it back, once I called my racist uncle out at Christmas and was blamed for souring the vibe. But after my grandmother's death, I no longer see any of them and never plan on it.
 
WhiskeyRose

WhiskeyRose

Member
Mar 8, 2020
249
Yeah, right before they disowned me and kicked me out. (But like all my life before being an adult too)
 
GamerJM

GamerJM

Member
Nov 8, 2017
15,595
My parents will belittle me but usually about stuff that's justified. For example I accidentally got water on the toilet several times in a row because I kept turning on the shower on like a second before pulling back the curtain (instead of doing it in the opposite order) and my mom belittled me about that.
 

Deleted member 28564

User-requested account closure
Banned
Oct 31, 2017
3,604
Talk down to him, back. By the way, if someone doesn't think your contribution is (ever) useful, maybe it isn't? Maybe it is useful, generally, but they don't see it that way. It's pointless to care whether your inputs are appreciated or not, regardless. If it's his tone you don't like, tell him off. If you feel unappreciated, this is the ideal opportunity to get over it.
 

Deleted member 923

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,023
That's pretty much my entire relationship with my dad lol. I just ignore him now. I couldn't do it when I was a kid and his words would hurt, but I stopped caring a long time ago.
 
Glasfrut

Glasfrut

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
3,533
AnansiThePersona said:
My dad is Nigerian. I just straight up stopped talking to him. There's nothing else to add to that.
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Damn, sorry, brother. Yeah, African father's can be...let's just say I've seen plenty. I lucked out with mine, but can vividly remember my cousin talking about his and saying: I just want my opinion to count/be respected when we talk.

From talking to my dad, he tells me his own father was really authoritarian which turned my dad off the "father as overlord" train (although he did have to unlearn certain reflexes himself over time).
 
StarStorm

StarStorm

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
7,587
That's pretty much my dad's relationship atm. When he berates me, I do the same shit back to him. The arguments gotten so bad, that neither my mom nor brother could mediate it. I was told on multiple occasions to ignore him. He's old, he's talking nonsense. Its easy when its not directed at them and I've told them it grates on you after a while. He's 72, retired, doesn't have many friends outside of family and has no hobbies. We're no longer on speaking terms. If this is how it ends between us, I'm fine with it.
 
jdh96

jdh96

One Winged Slayer
Member
Jan 25, 2020
1,704
Yeah this happens to me a lot. Literally got into a huge fight with my Mom awhile back about the fact i wouldn't eat a chicken biscuit she bought me from McDonald's, despite the fact i already told her i was going to cook my own breakfast when i got up.
 

Deleted member 62221

User requested account closure
Banned
Dec 17, 2019
1,140
Nope. If any of them has any negative opinions about me I guess they don't dare sharing them to my face.
I guess it's that way because I'm a provider and I'm also a bit loud and more eloquent when I decide to discuss.
My father gave me some shit when I was a kid but that stopped once I started earning more than him, I guess for some people it's that simple: money.
 
OP
OP
Meelow

Meelow

Member
Oct 31, 2017
9,193
ClockworkOwl said:
It sounds to me that you were butting into a conversation that you had no business being in and your dad got frustrated with you. Also, the way you talk about your mom is gross. Your mom doesn't take your side, so that means she doesn't have a backbone?
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It was my business since they put me into the situation and asked for my feedback and once I got into it I was shut down.

And you don't know the history with my mom sadly so you should probably ask for a more detailed response before you call me "gross".
 
AnansiThePersona

AnansiThePersona

Started a revolution but the mic was unplugged
Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,682
Glasfrut said:
Damn, sorry, brother. Yeah, African father's can be...let's just say I've seen plenty. I lucked out with mine, but can vividly remember my cousin talking about his and saying: I just want my opinion to count/be respected when we talk.

From talking to my dad, he tells me his own father was really authoritarian which turned my dad off the "father as overlord" train (although he did have to unlearn certain reflexes himself over time).
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Meaning he thinks he's being a way better parents by not being the 100% shitty dad HIS dad was. Turns out 50% shitty dad is still a shitty dad. It was hard to accept...but it's been accepted
 
Gustaf

Gustaf

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
14,926
that would never change actually.

they may respect you, and love you, but at the end of the day, you are their kid and you should listen to them, according to them lol
 
lorddarkflare

lorddarkflare

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,245
Tell them that you are not a child and you will not be spoken to in that way.

If that does not work, then fuck them and server ties for a while/permanently.
 
Shiloh

Shiloh

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,709
I'm glad my relationship with my folks changed as I got older. It helps that I seem to be the "more adult" one of me and my sibling. Can't imagine still be treated like a child, I deal with and handle too much stuff day to day for that.
 
Dali

Dali

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,184
My older brother used to do it to me all the time. The tipping point was at either a funeral or a wedding he was digging into me about the length of my tie. I just blew up at him and told him about himself and how he needs to STFU because even though I'd go with the flow he was pretty much always wrong (citing examples) or it was something petty to the point where he should just again STFU and not even make a point to use to belittle me. He hasn't pulled that shit again since. It's been probably over 10 years.
 
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