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Have ride-sharing apps made it more acceptable to sit in the back when accepting a ride?
- Thread starter Clay
- Start date
"Spinning" implies I'm trying to deflect from an obvious truth that, quite frankly, isn't the case here. People are defining an act that isn't objectively rude as rude, and judging women who prefer to sit together rather than apart as such based on this not-at-all-universal view that it's rude.
It's "bitch eating crackers" territory. Just because the driver is upset that the women didn't show him the deference he apparently think he's owed but didn't communicate doesn't mean they were being rude. We also only have what he tells us to go on. They very well may have exchanged pleasantries, then talked with each other the rest of the way. We don't know, since they're not here to share their view.
Really, this is all coming across as the guy being mad his Grand Gesture of driving someone wasn't afforded the respect and gratitude he seems to believe he's entitled to. This is just me, but when I do a favor it's to help someone, not to be thanked for doing it and get pissy if it doesn't occur in the way I expect to be thanked.
This is without even getting into the myriad reasons a woman might be reticent to sit up front with a man they don't know very well.
They didn't do anything wrong.
I kind of felt this vibe from your initial post but didn't want to just assume that's the angle you were going for. It's pretty obvious now that you see this as some sort of sexism issue and that's the reason why you're so dismissive about it. I mean, this is the very definition of spinning this into something completely different. The sex of the people involved have no relevance to the question presented by the OP: Is it rude to not sit in the passenger seat when someone you know is doing you a favor and driving you somewhere? OP could be female, the passengers male. They could all be male or all female or any mix between the 3 people. It doesn't matter and it's almost comical that you're making it about that. It's a very basic and common social norm that most people have the sense to understand.
You're going so out of your way, bending over backwards to justify your bias here. Not only do you immediately distrust OP's account of the events for no real reason, you exaggerate and mischaracterize him as some sort of "Nice guy" villain archetype that would curse out a woman who didn't thank him for holding a door open. Then you say there are a myriad of reasons they, as women, would be reticent to sit up from with him because he's a man. A myriad. Did you completely forget how he's their friend's husband and they've been staying at their home for the weekend? He's not just some random dude. What exactly did you think OP was going to do to one of them if they sat up front? If it's anything close to what you're implying, I wonder why they'd even step foot in the car to begin with. It's absolutely silly how much your projecting is muddying up a very simple social etiquette question.
They were rude. Should they be brought to trial for it? No. But yeah, it was a little rude and you don't need to try this hard to dismiss that fact.
User warned: hostility towards another member
You think they were rude. I, and others, don't. I really don't give a fuck about the rest of your baseless opinions.
It depends, honestly. Some friends of mine do get mad if you sit on the backseat alone, but others don't.
With close friends I always go shotgun, but with random people I go for the backseat. OP's case could be many things, from them seeing OP as just a driver to them wanting to talk about the trip without having to look back all the time, we cannot know the motive with what we've seen.
It won't stop people from jumping at the OP for a myriad of reasons though, see previous posts.
With close friends I always go shotgun, but with random people I go for the backseat. OP's case could be many things, from them seeing OP as just a driver to them wanting to talk about the trip without having to look back all the time, we cannot know the motive with what we've seen.
It won't stop people from jumping at the OP for a myriad of reasons though, see previous posts.
If I'm being honest I don't think she even likes them that much
No, it can't lol. He spelled it out completely for everyone.
They were two of his wife's friends. Who stayed in his home for an entire weekend with the OP.
He's not a random Uber/Lyft driver. Hell by extension of being their friend's husband he almost becomes a friend by default, or an acquaintance at the very least. The fact they just hopped in his backseat, discussed things about the weekend and their trip and completely ignored him the entire trip is just batshit insane behavior from anyone.
Not rude, not weird, perfectly understandable. Two friends who wanted to sit together. That's all it was.
Idk this seems like a non-issue either way. Now if 3 people rode with you and they all crammed into the back seat, that would be fuckin weird.
I'll help a friend/family with a ride, but I'll be damned if I'm made to feel like someone's chauffeur
Have me confused with someone else
Have me confused with someone else
OP
OP
Why do you keep insisting that I was offended? I notice you've avoided responding to the last time I quoted you, but to reiterate a second time, I was fine with it.
I find it hilarious you consider this gossip. Is no one allowed to talk about interactions with other people?
I can't ask them why I did it because they're back at their homes half-way across the state. As I've already made clear, this past weekend was my first time meeting them. Asking my wife for their numbers and then calling or texting them to ask why they sat in the back yesterday would be beyond bizarre. I'm truly thrown for a loop that you find that acceptable, but posting this thread offensive.
Picking this post out in particular but it seems like a lot of people are ignoring the context of the situation. They lived at my place for three days. We had a few meals together, we all talked each night about what they done during the prior day, and (I haven't posted this yet but I think even the preceding detail are enough to establish I wasn't a stranger) their flight wasn't until 3:30pm. My wife left for work around 7am and the three of us hung out until around 1:30pm before heading out to the airport. We definitely didn't interact that entire time, but we talked a bit, made plans for when to leave, etc. I wouldn't say I'm friends with them, but strangers also isn't accurate.
If you have any suggestions for how I could have made it more clear in the OP that I was not upset by this I'd love to hear them.
I'm not sure why you think I'd lie about what happened. I'm not trying to make them out to evil or anything. Again (how many times do I have to repeat this) if anything I thought it was nice to not have to make idle chit-chat on the drive over. I just thought it was interesting because I've always been taught that accepting a ride and sitting in the back is rude and I was wondering if attitudes are changing on that.
Apparently the idea of it being rude in the first place is nowhere near as universal as I thought, so I guess I got my answer, but I have no idea why some of you feel the need to act like I'm ranting, that I was offended or upset, or that I'm (for God knows what reason) mischaracterizing the situation to make them look bad. The anecdote was just what got me thinking about the social protocol of accepting a ride. That was meant to be the focus of the thread, not convincing the forum that these two women don't know how to act.
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I personally always like to sit up front because I can get carsick in the back , in this instance if it was a 10 minute drive to the airport and the 2 ladies wanted to chat it makes sense for them both to sit in the back. I don't find this rude and I didn't know it was impolite at all before this thread. I'm in the USA.
2 in front and 1 in the back doesn't carry the same social association with chauffeurs and cab drivers. Also, it's simply logistical. Your friend in the back should realize they're only back there because they physically cannot fit up front. Having two people in the back just because they're friends is done to stay in a comfort zone which is inconsiderate to the driver. It's like inviting your friends over for dinner with your family and they just sit in the corner talking to themselves instead of trying to engage with your family. Sure, they don't really know your family but that's still rude.
That's why "they don't really know you" doesn't fly here. OP isn't just some rando who picked them up off the side of the road. He's their friend's spouse. Is this not the perfect time to attempt to get to know him at least a little? I feel that if I respect my friend, I'm going to do my best to respect their SO and if not be a friend, be at least a friendly acquaintance. I think most people would find it off putting if their good friends never made an effort to know their SOs a bit or even attempted to converse with them normally. They would wonder if their friends disliked their SO since they were always keeping them at an arm's length.
Plus, they just stayed in their home! It's not just their friend's home but OP's as well. Not only that, OP is giving them a ride to the airport. I think that requires some basic gratitude and manners beyond what you would give to some rando. Just the slightest effort to include OP and not treat them like you want nothing to do with them but still expect them to do things for you. Sitting in the back and just chatting it up amongst each other is some anti-social weirdness.
I think it's weirder to take offense to it, but I guess that's just me.
You haven't known them for a particularly long period of time and I don't think it's either rude nor unusual for the two of them to want to sit together. I personally think them not speaking with you at all is more unusual. I don't think it would've made a difference if one sat in the back and one in the front if they ended up just talking to each other anyway and ignoring you.
OP
OP
That was the weird thing to me, we had been getting along all weekend, so I'm not really sure why they wouldn't want to talk to me. They had been spending long days at the park and getting only a few hours of sleep for a few nights in a row so maybe they just did it absent-mindedly. Maybe each thought the other was going to sit in front and they didn't want to make an awkward scene of deciding who should move after they both got in the back.
Anyway, again, deconstructing why they did it wasn't really meant to be the focus of the thread.
There has always been some strange norms that people will consider rude if broken. Like come on, sitting in the back of the car? Maybe they just wanna sit there. I'd honestly go as far as to say that these kind of incredibly petty harmless expectations just end up contributing to people's social anxiety. People have lots of things going on in their life and different circumstances, there's no reason to give them one more thing to worry about by declaring them rude or ill mannered because they just want to sit down somewhere differently.
Also I really don't see why anyone has to be personal with you in the first place or why that is the expected reward for doing someone a favor. Honestly it sounds kinda creepy.
Also I really don't see why anyone has to be personal with you in the first place or why that is the expected reward for doing someone a favor. Honestly it sounds kinda creepy.
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Where do people get this from that it's poor manners? I've never heard this ever in my life. Isn't it better that two friends sit where they're most comfortable? Isn't that what's most important?
What's most important to me in that moment is irrelevant because someone else is spending their time and money, albeit indirectly, to provide me a favor. Sometimes good manners requires assuming a minor inconvenience to show gratitude.
I was taught the courteous thing would be to sit in the front, get to know the husband of your friend better by building on that common friendship, rather than leaving him alone in the front as if they are your paid driver. It's a small showing of inclusiveness, but sometimes that's all good manners/etiquette is.
Where did I get it from? I learned it while I was young and growing up. Perhaps even directly from my parents.
This is never something that was never brought up to me and something that I've never encountered or have heard of. Besides that, as host, you're the one in your element, the guests are outside theirs so their comfort should come above yours. Of course guests need to be courteous as well but sitting in the back to be next to your friend isn't something that I'd consider a slight. Definitely not enough to make a thread over it.