Guardian OPed: "The power of celibacy: ‘Giving up sex was a massive relief’ "

[Nida]

Finding that balance between both partners can be tough especially over time and dependent on a wide variety of personal factors

Biology and Health issues
Self esteem, energy, stress, lifestyle
Relationship health and communication

Fuck man there is no painting sex life with a broad brush unless you are some crazy teen/young adult party animal and its all just hormones and chaos

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So much this. Talk to your partner. If they find it uncomfortable doing it face to face, try doing it through text. That way they can express exactly what they are feeling and word it correctly. You might discover things that open a whole new aspect to your intimacy.

I often wondered if maybe i had low testosteron. But since i'm quite happy this way i never checked.

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Be careful with this. Low testosterone can have detrimental effects on your overall health. If you found your libido was in overdrive, it's possible you were on too high of a dose. Maybe see if your doctor will give you a lower dosage.

 

[Convasse]

You have to wonder how much of this is a sour grapes thing. Like, if you had hotties throwing themselves at you left and right, would celibacy still seem like a great option?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say probably not.

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I mean, it does seem to start as sour grapes. "Man, these people suck. Why did he goes me? Was that kiss meaningless? etc." These negative experience cause angst and disappointment and they took a step back and realized there was more peace outside of the game. I mean, some of these women probably do have pretty hot guys trying to holla', but if they're playing games, some of these jilted women may not want to engage.

 

[texhnolyze]

Not a fan of sex myself..

 

[Lashes.541]

Up until the last month I was not with another person for about ten years! In my opinion it was horrible, I have always preferred snuggles over sex but I'm not going to lie after all that time I think I missed sex way more than I thought I did. Now if only the dating scene was not so heartbreaking for me!🤣

 

[Lashes.541]

Yeah I agree, I am going to need a big [Citation Needed] here.

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Yep that's completely bullshit! I guess if you have money and live in a city?

 

[Apollo]

I'm pretty sure I'm not ace, but my ideal relationship definitely doesn't involve any sex. I masturbate all the time but I feel like I'd kinda prefer to keep it that way and focus on doing other things with a partner

 

[refusi0n1]

I mean I'd like to stop thinking about it but my brain and junk be like

 

[Rendering...]

I mean, it does seem to start as sour grapes. "Man, these people suck. Why did he goes me? Was that kiss meaningless? etc." These negative experience cause angst and disappointment and they took a step back and realized there was more peace outside of the game. I mean, some of these women probably do have pretty hot guys trying to holla', but if they're playing games, some of these jilted women may not want to engage.

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Makes sense.

 

[Sly Chimera]

You have to wonder how much of this is a sour grapes thing. Like, if you had hotties throwing themselves at you left and right, would celibacy still seem like a great option?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say probably not.

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Somebody threw up an earlier article where she was getting all these crazy guys on dating apps but then some good guys butttt I guess those didn't work out. Pretty interesting from a columnist who's entire news area is relationships and what not

 

[TheClaw7667]

what happened after you stopped them? Did your sex drive go back to non existent?

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Yeah, my testosterone went back to my original levels and I am back to having zero sex drive.

 

[Deleted member 48434]

We like to think about how things like Tinder and online dating has made getting laid super easy, but aren't there statistics that suggest that young adults are having less sex overall, particularly guys?
I think one of the statistics was that 30% of all surveyed young male adults didn't have sex in the past year.

 

[elenarie]

"In a world where you can get a sexual partner faster than a pizza delivery..."

That's presumptuous.

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They are saying like that is a bad thing.

 

[arcadepc]

I had that urge in my early to mid-20s, but after that I stopped caring and found calmness. Not that I was as good in talking or quick thinking anyway. There are some existential issues eg wtf am I doing in my age, but they aren't related to sex.

 

[Interested Observer]

I have 7 month old twins, my wife and I pretty much never have sex anymore. It makes me kinda sad.

 

[Wackamole]

So much this. Talk to your partner. If they find it uncomfortable doing it face to face, try doing it through text. That way they can express exactly what they are feeling and word it correctly. You might discover things that open a whole new aspect to your intimacy.



Be careful with this. Low testosterone can have detrimental effects on your overall health. If you found your libido was in overdrive, it's possible you were on too high of a dose. Maybe see if your doctor will give you a lower dosage.

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I never had a dose. And i'm fine. Just curious.
What health effects?

 

[Nida]

I never had a dose. And i'm fine. Just curious.
What health effects?

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Oh sorry, the person you replied to had taken it.

A lack of testosterone can sometimes have long-term, serious effects on the body. In men with very low levels, the bones can become weak, potentially causing a condition called osteoporosis. Osteoporosis makes people considerably more prone to injury.

One study in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and MetabolismTrusted Source also linked low testosterone to a higher risk of death from heart disease and other causes.

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[Wackamole]

Oh sorry, the person you replied to had taken it.

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No worries. Thanx.

 

[linkboy]

I had a years long dry spell after I lost my virginity, and that time in my life was characterized by insane levels of stress and anxiety, profound loneliness, and heavy depression. When I finally broke the dry spell, I felt like I was flying. Now that I'm in a long-term relationship with someone I love, I still feel like a giddy teenager every time we do it.

If you don't have a high sex drive, that's perfectly okay. You should never feel like sex is an obligation. However, the idea of giving up sex in order to be happier and be able to focus on other things? No, my personal experience is the exact opposite. It was a nightmare.

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The same for me.

I'm with an amazing woman who completes me in every way.

We're currently separated until March (living in different states) and the lack of physical contact (not just sex) is driving us insane.

 

[Rhomega]

I'm a 34 year old virgin, and I'm passing. I have better things to do with my time, like watch movies, play games, and check up on Era.

 

[Fatoy]

Have you thought about seeing a sex therapist? It could possibly help in this regard.

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I've suggested it, but my wife won't entertain the idea because it's just not a particularly important issue for her. Which I kind of understand.

 

[meowdi gras]

I note that many in this thread seem to equate celibacy (voluntary or otherwise) with a complete lack of physical affection. Has anyone else lived a celibate existence with their partner while simultaneously experiencing a healthy degree of physical affection? Certainly in my case, although the sex was almost non-existent near the end, I still had my hands all over him constantly. (Admittedly, this seemed to only make his struggles with a sexless relationship worse.)

 

[Deleted member 2226]

We like to think about how things like Tinder and online dating has made getting laid super easy, but aren't there statistics that suggest that young adults are having less sex overall, particularly guys?
I think one of the statistics was that 30% of all surveyed young male adults didn't have sex in the past year.

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I think the two big factors for that decline, among probably many, is the decreasing independence of young adults (not sure how much sex I'd be having if I lived with my parents) and with dating apps in particular, the idea they are a "rich get richer" situation. If you're hot you can clean up on the apps, but there's way more thirsty dudes and the women can be picky, so ultimately the less-hot guys or anyone with a statistical handicap (Asian men, etc.) are playing from a disadvantage the app has helped magnify.

 

[CloudWolf]

I know right? Whoever wrote this must live in a porn movie or something.

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In a porn movie you get both at the same time

 

[Mistouze]

Sex, marriage, and children will become more and more rare as people find substitutes for the traditional "nuclear family".

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Heh, lots of people having sex and children outside of marriage. I don't think those two will be in short supply anytime soon. It's just the "marriage" and "traditional family" being bullshit that finally caught up to them.

 

[kittens]

If anyone is interested in another take on this, I recommend reading the 'Strategic Celebacy' chapter of Pleasure Activism by adrienne maree brown.

 

[Blue Sky Noise]

I like fucking, but i could do without it, its not like food or holidays.

 

[Mona]

imagine having sex in 2020. imagine actually being that person

 

[Teriyaki Blues]

I note that many in this thread seem to equate celibacy (voluntary or otherwise) with a complete lack of physical affection. Has anyone else lived a celibate existence with their partner while simultaneously experiencing a healthy degree of physical affection? Certainly in my case, although the sex was almost non-existent near the end, I still had my hands all over him constantly. (Admittedly, this seemed to only make his struggles with a sexless relationship worse.)

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I'm currently in this relationship, kinda. There's not a lot of struggles or frustration on my end. 20 year marriage. Sex life is gone because my spouse has a medical problem that prevents them from having sex on top of what we're realizing was/is some type of asexual orientation, but we're still in love and physical with each other on a daily basis. I have a huge sex drive coupled with an extremely monogamist nature, so there's still nobody better to cuddle in the afterglow phase. Sure, masturbation isn't "as good" as sex but it keeps me content and with the right toys it can be really satisfying.