Going home & depression & boredom

[ExhaustedWalrus]

I'm home for Christmas, like most, and every time I come back to visit my parents, I get realllt closed off and mostly just want to stay in the guest bedroom. For some reason, I just feel nervous around my parents like I can't be myself. I've always felt this way. I can't explain it, but their minds are just different than mine. I feel like they're quietly judging me.

So here I am at home, bored and in a slightly depressed mood. I don't know what to do. I thought about watching a movie but my attention goes in and out, so it makes it hard. I brought my Switch and Kindle but I'm not sure if I feel like using them. I would hang out with friends but I'm scared of Omicron. What do you do when you're back home with your parents, and you just don't really vibe with them?

 

[Dog of Bork]

I'm lucky that I vibe with my parents. When I'm at my grandparents' place, though, I just hang out with my cousins who are the same age.

I don't know what it's like to not feel comfortable being myself around my parents, and I'm sorry they don't make you comfortable doing so yourself, OP.

Consider seeing friends who are vaccinated and acting responsibly.

 

[RedVejigante]

Sorry to hear about your situation, OP...this might sound completely absurd, and this obviously isnt going to occupy all your time at your parents place, but if entertainment options feel like they wont keep you focus, have you considered trying some mindfulness exercises?

I'm not going to claim that it will be a silver bullet for your current feelings, but what I can say is that taking a few moments to myself to go through some mindfulness practices have helped me a lot in navigating my own depression and the complicated relationship I have with my own parents.

 

[echoshifting]

I've almost always lived in the same town as my parents, but there were a couple of years when I didn't, and plenty of times my ex and I went out of state to stay with her parents for a holiday or vacation. From these experiences I think I know the feeling you are talking about

My advice would be, get out of the house. Find something to do most days, just one thing, even if it is quick and/or seems lame. Yeah Omicron is an issue but if you're vaxxed and boosted it's not an insurmountable one...and there is lots of stuff outdoors that doesn't increase your risk at all.

Pick out stuff that looks fun to you and invite your folks - if you feel like it - at the last minute, like the day of, and an hour or two before you plan to leave. It doesn't have to be anything big or elaborate, and depending on how things are going it might even be better to pick an activity you can be relatively sure they won't want to do. They'll probably pass and if they don't, you can be sure they *really* want to spend time with you. In any case, nobody can say you are just sitting in your room hunched over a screen the whole time...it would be factually untrue.

The enormous hidden benefit to this for an introvert with anxiety issues is that once you've done the activity, whether they came along or not, you don't have to feel bad about sinking into your Switch or whatever for a few hours, because you made a legitimate effort. Nobody (including your brain) can judge you for being a homebody who isn't really on vacation and just wants to do his normal stuff, you've already demonstrated that is false because you made a serious effort. Doing this once a day is adequate in virtually any set of circumstances, even if the total commitment with drive time is less than half an hour. Then you can chill in your room as long as you want with your Switch and nobody can be upset or judge you for it.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

I can definitely relate to how you feel OP. Do your best to try and connect with your parents.

 

[Threadkular]

I can 100% relate to not feeling like I could be myself until I left my parent's house. My older sister was a big part of constantly belittling me for being a different in the family. Growing up a 90s Catholic kid, I was just always more sensitive (for lack of a better word) than my peers (regardless of gender)… displaying that in those times would just lead to homophobic slurs (my actual sexual orientation notwithstanding)

I lacked a lot of confidence but started to be myself when I lived on my own. I really felt confident after making relationships with other people, specifically the person who would end up being my spouse. It's less about the spouse though and I think you need to find people who you feel safe around and can be yourself. As an introvert/loner I was hoping just distance from my family would be enough but I did have to make a few relationships as the person I really was to feel more secure.

I do have a lot of lingering resentment against my parents and my older sister that I would like to get rid of, but I'm also grateful to not have to put myself in the lonely situation I had growing up anymore.

This is all just my experience, not advice.

 

[thesoapster]

I get this way around a lot of my family, and I've never moved away.

If you have any trusted friends, you should try to organize a meetup. Stay distanced or whatever you need to do.

 

[Ultimate Bear Cub]

Whenever I visit my parents, I always bring a book with me instead since video games rankle them. I've also learned to be ok with quiet moments as a result of their quiet (and occasionally loud) distaste for video games.

Boredom for me has been an opportunity to try something novel since I've traditionally had limited options to entertain myself. But I can relate to that feeling of power imbalance since they were my caretakers.

I've grown to be much more frank and even abrasive with my father over the years though. So lately it seems I've been making him more uncomfortable than vice-versa.

I don't know if that will help you, but hopefully it does.

 

[super-famicom]

Watch a ton of anime

 

[TaySan]

I "watched"(On my phone not really watching the movie) A Christmas carol with my parents. My parents are just happy to have me around with them even if I'm doing something else.

 

[Cloud-Hidden]

My parents and I get along fine, but I sometimes don't vibe with them personally. It can be draining for me to spend prolonged time around them because they're both so set in their ways, in different ways.
Luckily they've agreed to take a small dose of MDMA with me on new year's eve and talk for a few hours, so I'm looking forward to what will likely be the first fully open, honest, and non ego-defended conversation I've had with them since I became an adult.

 

[ExhaustedWalrus]

I can definitely relate to how you feel OP. Do your best to try and connect with your parents.

Click to shrink...

Thanks. I do connect with them, but we're all 3 pretty quiet people. Obviously I love them, there's no animosity… I just feel like I can't be myself with them and just feel uncomfortable. Especially now that I've been on my own for 3 years.

Whenever I visit my parents, I always bring a book with me instead since video games rankle them. I've also learned to be ok with quiet moments as a result of their quiet (and occasionally loud) distaste for video games.

Boredom for me has been an opportunity to try something novel since I've traditionally had limited options to entertain myself. But I can relate to that feeling of power imbalance since they were my caretakers.

I've grown to be much more frank and even abrasive with my father over the years though. So lately it seems I've been making him more uncomfortable than vice-versa.

I don't know if that will help you, but hopefully it does.

Click to shrink...

Nope, it did help just to read someone else's experience. Thank you.

I "watched"(On my phone not really watching the movie) A Christmas carol with my parents. My parents are just happy to have me around with them even if I'm doing something else.

Click to shrink...

We do watch movies together, but honestly most of the time I am just not into what they wanna watch. And my dad barely watches tv except for golf.

 

[Deleted member 6263]

Didn't your wife come with you OP? Take your spouse out and and spend all day just visiting different places.

 

[burgervan]

I definitely feel you OP. I have practically no relationship with my parents yet I'm still expected to visit for Christmas. I travel hours to get there and then we just sit in a dark basement, silently watching Big Bang Theory reruns for 2 days, because they have no hobbies or interests. They live in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive so there's no escape. I only go because I feel like an asshole if I didnt.

 

[Deleted member 4034]

For me it's just that age when you wonder if you'd actually talk to your parents as peers if they didn't raise you. When you realize the answer is no, everything starts to feel like an obligation. Love my mom, appreciate everything she's done, but spending time with her can be a bit of a chore given how quickly the "I love yous" turn into "you need to hit the gym".

 

[wafflebrain]

This was definitely me when still living at home or going back to visit during holiday breaks while away at college. Most of my most memorable times during the holidays were playing the new games I got lol. It also didn't help that the extended family we'd go out of town to see every year was the most awkward stilted "no one knows what to talk about" energy around the dinner table. Thankfully as I grew older I bonded with my cousins so would spend time with them, so that made it less weird.

Things have gotten better since then thankfully with the parents specifically, we are all chatty and click for the most part. I still kinda have that "get in get out" attitude though :P

 

[Deleted member 13101]

Call your spouse?

 

[Antrax]

My brother and I used to be this way, but we had a talk with our mom years ago that we were grown adults and wouldn't be adjusting ourselves in her presence since that's silly. She agreed. We'll talk about video games, anime, cars, dating, you name it. She's happy we're around, and she knows if she started to get snippy or whatever with us, we'd come around less often.

 

[TooBusyLookinGud]

Here's the thing, you don't have to go. Don't put yourself through the pain and misery to please others. Once I realized that I didn't have to do things to please others/family, my life improved substantially. My wife just reached this point because she doesn't like her parents and she's much happier. You don't have like them to love them.

If they aren't willing to accept you then please don't put yourself through this. Respect and acceptance is a two way street.