Girlfriend broke up with me after a 13-year-long relationship.

[ReddishGUI]

My girlfriend broke up with me last week and I've been devastated since then.

It shouln't be so hard since she cheated emotionally and even a bit physically(no intercourse that I know of...) for the past 6+ months or so while she kept saying he was only a "friend" and I was "worried for nothing".

I know because I had doubts for months and ended up spying on her facebook three weeks ago after a way too suspicious night. I had to confront her about the stuff I saw and she said it was just a mistake... I was too afraid to lose her so I "accepted" the situation. Any remnants of trust between us was basically gone at that point.

Yet, I still have a hard time moving on and I'm still trying to make sense of it all. I still have mixed-feelings for her and it makes it complicated.

We had big plans for next year and then everything came crashing down...

We also have an appartment together so no contact is impossible for now. She even came to sleep for a night and it was weird...

It's rough...

 

[Mona]

Yea this shit hurts

 

[TrubbleFrog]

That really sucks. A week isn't long at all in relation to the length of the relationship, so don't beat yourself up about feeling shitty for a while. That sort of thing really messes with your head and can really skew your perspective on people for a long time.

 

[Blue Ninja]

I'm sorry, OP. All I can say is that it gets better, but take your time to grieve.

 

[pants]

Sorry, man.

I think the only consolation is that prolonged isolation has put stress on a lot of relationships that already had fractures, and expedited big fights or breakups that were destined to happen one way or another. 2020 is going to be a big emotional write off for everyone, so know you're not alone by any means.

I'd suggest working something out where you aren't in the apartment with her (especially not if shes off with someone else most of the time.) From experience, cohabitation just makes everything weird and you deserve a clean break. Thats the only way to begin to let the wounds heal.

 

[TheOther]

Might want to sort out the living situation ASAP.

 

[Antrax]

It's gonna hurt for awhile, so don't be down on yourself if you're not back to normal fast or anything.

Definitely try to work out a living situation that gives you some space. A clean break is not always possible but you need time to yourself

 

[brjuntinaar]

My girlfriend broke up with me last week and I've been devastated since then.

It shouln't be so hard since she cheated emotionally and even a bit physically(no intercourse that I know of...) for the past 6+ months or so while she kept saying he was only a "friend" and I was "worried for nothing".

I know because I had doubts for months and ended up spying on her facebook three weeks ago after a way too suspicious night. I had to confront her about the stuff I saw and she said it was just a mistake... I was too afraid to lose her so I "accepted" the situation. Any remnants of trust between us was basically gone at that point.

Yet, I still have a hard time moving on and I'm still trying to make sense of it all. I still have mixed-feelings for her and it makes it complicated.

We had big plans for next year and then everything came crashing down...

We also have an appartment together so no contact is impossible for now. She even came to sleep for a night and it was weird...

It's rough...

Click to shrink...

13 years is a super long time to be with someone. Really sorry you are going through this, hang in there, you'll make it through it.

 

[Fallout-NL]

It shouln't be so hard since she cheated emotionally and even a bit physically(no intercourse that I know of...) for the past 6+ months or so while she kept saying he was only a "friend" and I was "worried for nothing".

Click to shrink...

Oh fuck. Having been there myself, I'll say this: buckle up cause this mf'er is going to hurt something fierce and it might last for a while. It will get better though, but please, focus on something new once you're up to it. This shit is done.

 

[Soapbox Killer]

It really does suck. I've been there but knowing that you can't trust her might help get over the pain quicker. It did for me. I went from crying and snoting to realizing I would be better off with someone I can trust. ( I used a lot more grown up words in my assessment )

 

[AndrewDean84]

I'm sorry to hear about this. You need to get your own place way sooner than later.

 

[Vampirolol]

I'm sorry, OP. All I can say is that it gets better, but take your time to grieve.

Click to shrink...

This, take your time and let the bad things come out. I suppressed them and payed the consequences, just let it all out with respect of other people and yourself. In the meantime don't be lonely, find some friends, maybe new ones, try new activities. A door closed, thousand others are now open.

 

[giancarlo123x]

I permanently ended my 5+ year relationship a year ago after we took a long break. I suggest removing her from your life no matter how much it hurts. Start by getting your own home for sure.

 

[Ashodin]

My girlfriend broke up with me last week and I've been devastated since then.

It shouln't be so hard since she cheated emotionally and even a bit physically(no intercourse that I know of...) for the past 6+ months or so while she kept saying he was only a "friend" and I was "worried for nothing".

I know because I had doubts for months and ended up spying on her facebook three weeks ago after a way too suspicious night. I had to confront her about the stuff I saw and she said it was just a mistake... I was too afraid to lose her so I "accepted" the situation. Any remnants of trust between us was basically gone at that point.

Yet, I still have a hard time moving on and I'm still trying to make sense of it all. I still have mixed-feelings for her and it makes it complicated.

We had big plans for next year and then everything came crashing down...

We also have an appartment together so no contact is impossible for now. She even came to sleep for a night and it was weird...

It's rough...

Click to shrink...

yeah no don't let her emotionally use you like that

People that are in-between relationships get the "best of both worlds" as it works out, they get to use the person who has been with them for the longest time for companionship/food/sex/whatever then go with the new dick for whatever else until they completely separate from you and attach to the new person.

It's toxic.

 

[Doctor_Thomas]

It'll be shitty for a while, not going to lie, but give yourself time and give yourself space. Allow yourself to be unhappy and feel shitty.

Try and get out as soon as you can.

 

[Chivalry]

Like others have said already, this is gonna take a LOT of time to process and heal. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her. It's hard, but it'll be easier for you to move on.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

How bad was the stuff you found while snooping? If you found yourself willing to violate privacy there was obviously a lack of trust in the relationship, so it sounds like you guys may have been drifting apart for some time. It will probably be easier if you consider that the relationship has been over for months/years, and you guys have just been going through the motions until someone piped up to officially end it.

It's always messy ending a relationship with entanglements, but leases can be broken, and many a landlord are understandable if you work with them to find new tenants. I'd start looking for a new place ASAP, there's nothing healthy about you guys crashing together while everything is so raw.

And if you don't mind me asking, how is it you two were not engaged after a 13 year relationship? Her choice or yours?

 

[StarStorm]

Sorry to hear that OP. Yeah, its gonna be real awkward sharing the same apartment. However long the lease is, hopefully you get a place of your own when its up. Don't make yourself emotionally available to her. She know what she did.

 

[Necron]

That's rough. Take your time, OP.

But yeah, the first priority is to get the living situation sorted as already mentioned.

 

[Sunster]

Getting her out of your life is the crucial first step. Don't try and remain friends. Block her on social media, delete all photos with her, don't reply to her texts or answer her calls. This was the best and most relieving thing I did after my breakup. Pretending like you're cool while she's posting pics with her new man happy as can be on FB is life draining. Don't put yourself through that.

 

[ReddishGUI]

How bad was the stuff you found while snooping? If you found yourself willing to violate privacy there was obviously a lack of trust in the relationship, so it sounds like you guys may have been drifting apart for some time. It will probably be easier if you consider that the relationship has been over for months/years, and you guys have just been going through the motions until someone piped up to officially end it.

It's always messy ending a relationship with entanglements, but leases can be broken, and many a landlord are understandable if you work with them to find new tenants. I'd start looking for a new place ASAP, there's nothing healthy about you guys crashing together while everything is so raw.

And if you don't mind me asking, how is it you two were not engaged after a 13 year relationship? Her choice or yours?

Click to shrink...

She let him touch her breast(she said it was nothing serious...) then she felt his erection and mentioned him at home that she was all wet...

Not getting engaged was pretty much mutual.

 

[Trey]

If you find yourself in a position to violate someone's privacy, there is no foundation of trust, and the relationship cannot be sustained in a healthy manner.

You have this wisdom now. You can build a better bond when you next attempt at a close relationship with someone.

 

[16bits]

Op that's awful.

but it will get better, no matter how long you have been with someone.

 

[Grady Durden]

This sucks. I'm sorry dude. Grieve. Then Focus on something else and move on. It will get better. I promise.

 

[CostcoCousteau]

this is great news.

its all perspective fam.

better now than years from now when your married w kids.

the memories stay with you.

high five

 

[HardRojo]

Damn, I've been through some serious grieving periods after 1 year-long relationships or less in 1 case, can't imagine what it's like after so many years. It's gonna hurt a lot, but that's ok and part of the process. Stop looking at her social media, unfollow and block her if you need to, same with her phone number I'd say. It's gonna be tough but time will help.

 

[BigHatPaul]

Best of luck to you. Mourn as you need, but please mourn responsibly and don't do anything reckless. Things will get better.

 

[Deleted member 2802]

Best of luck to you. Mourn as you need, but please mourn responsibly and don't do anything reckless. Things will get better.

Click to shrink...

well put

 

[CurseVox]

I know exactly what you are going through OP. I had a long term relationship end the same way. In hindsight though, I wouldn't change a thing. I am a better person for it. I have grown emotionally. I have found a more compatible human being to share my life with and ultimately I am far happier. Things WILL get better. Try to be strong, take it day by day and keep yourself busy. It helps with the over active, nonstop thoughts floating around that I'm sure you're currently dealing with. Oh and one more thing. This one is VERY important. This is NOT your fault. Sometimes relationships just go this way unfortunately. Learn from this, self reflect and become better off for it. Good luck and I hope you feel better sooner than later.

 

[Tattarus]

Happened to me last December, broke up after 13 years and 5 months after I discovered she was sexting with a dude on Instagram (in July...pictures and all). I accepted the situation like you did because we had big plans (I'm renovating an apartment and we were going to move in early next year), after that I was feeling like she was ignoring me all the time and just using me as a taxi driver except for some occasional moments were she was "my girlfriend"...then in December after months of "you're just paranoid...it's all right" we just broke up and said goodbye. Felt so fucking weird.
I still see her occasionally because we have the same group of friends, but since we broke up I'm not going out a lot due to my job.
everyone is telling me I should fight and call her to return back together but I promised myself thatI'll never call her/tell her something about going back together...
Now it's almost an year, I'm still keeping up with the promise to myself but I swear to God there isn't a day I'll wake up without having here as my first thought in the morning.

TLDR:
i really feel you OP, what I can tell you is just take your time and find a new hobby. Like, I started playing wow again
Just be strong

 

[siteseer]

13 years is a long as time, but the silver lining is there aren't any children to complicate things further. best of luck for the future op.

 

[Messofanego]

Despite the long time of the relationship which might bring up memories and reliving moments at times along with the feelings associated with them, at least you can be grateful it didn't escalate to a marriage or having kids so it's a relatively clean break. Now to replace all that with new things you enjoy or going back to what you used to do before the relationship. Don't focus on getting into a relationship right now, focus on yourself for a while until you have found love and acceptance for yourself.

 

[Deleted member 14377]

I gotta say if you weren't married or engaged within 13 years, it probably wasn't meant to be.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Sorry you're going through that but it's for the best. She's out there cheating. Point blank. "Emotional" cheating is cheating. She's chasing another relationship behind your back.

It's ok to be sad. It's normal to grieve for what could have been. But just realize that the relationship wasn't for nothing. It has changed you in fundamental ways forever. Sometimes growth is painful. But be sure to hold onto your self respect while you grieve. Don't let fear allow her back into your life once you part ways in terms of your living situation. Take some time to self reflect and work on yourself. You're worth it!

Best of luck to ya. Be strong.

 

[Devilgunman]

My ex went on to fck another guy behind my back while I was studying abroad after we're in relationship for 7 yrs. Shit hurt.

But eventually you will get over. I did then I met my wife who is more compatible with me.

 

[Deleted member 11976]

everyone is telling me I should fight and call her to return back together but I promised myself thatI'll never call her/tell her something about going back together...

Click to shrink...

Uh, if she cheated on you then she should be fighting to earn your trust back, not you fighting to get her back. Your friends are whack.

 

[Kewlmyc]

Yeah, sort out the living situation as soon as possible. It's just going to be harder on you if you are still living with her.

 

[iaproject]

sorry that happened OP, and the comment about the big plans crushed me. Was that indicating a wedding?

 

[CostcoCousteau]

Uh, if she cheated on you then she should be fighting to earn your trust back, not you fighting to get her back. Your friends are whack.

Click to shrink...

yeah, super loserish move to be begging her for shit.

move on my friend. better days are right ahead waiting on you.

 

[EVIL]

who owns the apartment? no matter how you feel about potentially kicking her out or you getting kicked out, sorting that out asap might be a good idea.

 

[ReddishGUI]

sorry that happened OP, and the comment about the big plans crushed me. Was that indicating a wedding?

Click to shrink...

House and kids.

 

[HotHamBoy]

OP, the exact same situation happened with me and my ex-wife

she's re-married with a kid now. Guess who she's with? (hint: not me)

Edit: ok, i decided to be more helpful

listen to this song, OP. It really might help you feel a little better. Give you perspective.

 

[Random Painted Highway]

Good thing you trusted your gut and checked her Facebook otherwise you'd be likely looking at an even more mentally taxing period of gaslighting and withdrawal that would have really messed with your sanity. Monkey branchers are terrible.

 

[Drksage]

OP, I understand you completely, I broke with my girlfriend of 3 years around 1 year and 7ish months ago and even tho it took me a while almost a complete year to get over it, it still hurts from time to time. It must be even harder for you that you've been 13 years with that person. It shows that you kinda never truly figure out/know someone completely, but know that you're not alone in that feeling. If you ever need to vent out know that me and other users here can understand how you feel and will hear you out.

 

[SalvaPot]

It fucking sucks man, been there, 8 years for me, almost 9. Full plans, felt like I couldn't live without her. Same as you, saw the signs a few months before it all came crashing down. She also emotionally cheated and finally confesed, broke up with me, and made plans with him all before christmas. I tried to be strong and told her it was fine and to follow her heart and all tha BS, but obviously it was the worst year of my life.

But all you can really do is suck it up at your own pace. For now you can mope and be angry and be sad as long as you need to, just try to not take it out with your loved ones.

Distract yourself with other things, like work, hobbies or friends. You'll probably make mistakes out of pain, but I'll say that's ok, you are not perfect.

It will hurt, probably for a long time. But, and this is important, it will get better. In my case, it took me almost a year, but eventually I grew and learned from it and I think I came out ok. I somehow landed with a girl that really gets me, loves me and respects me in a way I didn't think was possible. Somehow now I think I kind of lucked out in the other relationship not working out, because chances are I would have been there forever if not given an out, and I probably wouldn't have been happy, or that the way we broke up was going to happen sooner or later.

Of course chances are you will think for a wile on the "what if's", or constantly think what she is doing now, if she is happy, if she thinks about you at all... but suddendly a whole day will pass and you'll realize, hey, you didn't think about her today. And then weeks. And then, well, longer.

And it will all work out. And you'll be happy again. Probably. I didn't think I could make it, but I am doing fine, somehow. You might get there too.

 

[Walter White Walker]

I had a girlfriend from when I was 18 until almost 33 so I know how that goes. Doesn't seem like it now but you will get over it and move on. I was actually married about two years later to someone I met so you never know how life is going to go.

 

[Quint75]

Man, I am sorry to hear that. It's rough to go through something like that. So many years invested.

Be kind to yourself. Time heals everything, honestly. Try not to be too alone and lean on friends and people here.

 

[Cordy]

Wow, I'm so sorry this happened. Don't know what to say that others haven't. I can't even imagine that kind of pain.

 

[Zombine]

Had a relationship of 8 years blow up in my face that more or less fucked over my entire 20s when I should have been having fun. It's sucks, it hurts, but now you get to meet new people and reconnect with yourself. There are a ton of ups and downs, but you will find a better relationship in the long run.

 

[geomon]

I'm sorry, I've been there. That shit hurts but you'll be a better person eventually.