Fuck Acephobes

[AstralTurfWarrior]

I had to Google this as well....as far as people not wanting to have sex....

I really dont understand how anybody could get worked up over someone else not having the desire to bang.

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I can somewhat understand that there might be a lot of confusion when for example you meet someone and you seem like an excellent match but then they don't seem to have any sexual interest in you. If you don't know about asexuality, it can seem very confusing and you might feel like they don't want you for other reasons. Such feelings can lead to resentment. Or even if you do know about asexuality, it might frustrate you if you're a very sexual person.

Obviously none of that justifies any of the bigotry though.

Then obviously there's the rawer side of people being really shitty. People tend to hate on anything different unfortunately, and while gay and bi people get a lot of shit too, even the bigoted people can't really say their sexuality isn't real (though the worst bigots do try to change it in vain). But with asexuals it's so easy to think it's not real and sort of erase the existence of asexuality in your mind.

It sucks.

 

[Deleted member 17184]

Fuck acephobes.

 

[Illusion]

I wonder what exactly being Acephobic is.

The most I ever get is "You just haven't met the right person yet" comments by Grandma or "You need to suck a dick to know you like sucking dick" by gays and bisexuals hitting on me. Does that count? Because if so fuck all that shit.
*Pun not intended.

 

[PlanetSmasher]

I wonder what exactly being Acephobic is.

The most I ever get is "You just haven't met the right person yet" comments by Grandma or "You need to suck a dick to know you like sucking dick" by gays and bisexuals hitting on me. Does that count? Because if so fuck all that shit.
*Pun not intended.

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That's pretty much asexual erasure, so yeah. It counts.

 

[Just_a_Mouse]

Fuck acephobes and all other forms of bigoted trash. There's no place on this earth for you.

 

[Bitch Pudding]

so the acephobes deal is that, asexual people haven't struggle as much as they did, so thats why they cant be part of the LGBTQA community?

seems pretty wack, since there is fucking great pressure from society to marry, fuck, and have a child with someone, as if it is the solely porpuse of your existence.

Click to shrink...

This is 100% correct.

However, I guess the reason why some parts of the LGBTQ community are so ... upset (?) about this is just that asexuals aren't discriminated like they are, as you just said: to be clear: Asexuals can donate blood, lesbians and gays still cannot (here in Germany at least). Asexuals can marry (at least the opposite gender, obviously), LGs still cannot in a lot of parts in the world. Actual "anti-gay" laws have been introduced recently in some parts of the world and in other parts gays are executed by throwing them from buildings. All that doesn't even touch all the discrimination lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trans people and queers have to face on a daily Basis in basically any given society which goes a liiiiittle beyond having to face the pressure of getting a child, which a lot of people don't have anyhow, irrespective of their sexual orientation.

I guess that difference is what all the fuss is about.

 

[Aurelia Borel]

See, my girlfriend is demisexual but she enjoys sex plenty with me so it feels kinda weird to me that we're putting these two groups together because then the category becomes overly broad. Or so I would think. That's what I mean. It seems that they would deal with different issues and people would regard demisexual people and asexual people differently.

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Just wanted to clarify that being asexual isn't necessarily about whether you enjoy sex. There are asexuals who enjoy sex and asexuals who don't enjoy sex. The defining characteristic is about sexual attraction, which is wrapped up in but not necessarily required to enjoy or even engage in sex.

 

[Yesterday]

I had to Google this as well....as far as people not wanting to have sex....

I really dont understand how anybody could get worked up over someone else not having the desire to bang.

Click to shrink...

Its something that I've only seen online, Ive never been mocked or threatened because I don't want the sex. Hell growing up not wanting to date anyone in High School was a pretty pleasant experience, worst I got was grandparents asking me if I'm dating yet and I happily said nope and that was that.

 

[Aske]

Definitely fuck acephobes. Love and cake to you all. You are a part of the rainbow, and anyone who tells you different is part of the problem, no matter who they are.


Edit: The idea that asexuals aren't sufficiently discriminated against to be part of the LGBTQ+ community is garbage. It's not just a matter of visibility. Plenty of bisexual people are equally stealth. But identifying as anything "abnormal" can be miserable in a heteronormative society, never mind coming out, and feeling like you have to keep parts of yourself hidden is the result of a different kind of oppression.

Gender, sexuality, sexual orientation, romantic orientation...these things are about much more than who you do or don't love, or how visible your queerness is to others. Everyone deserves a supportive, empathetic community; and asexual people are confronted by many of the exact same issues as members of the queer community. Rejecting them for any reason is absurd.

 

[texhnolyze]

Same, happend to me two weeks ago.

It still feels weird to know that I didn't knew this about myself for such a long time

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It's been bugging me for years. Thanks to the recent events here, I'm starting to learn myself.

so the acephobes deal is that, asexual people haven't struggle as much as they did, so thats why they cant be part of the LGBTQA community?

seems pretty wack, since there is fucking great pressure from society to marry, fuck, and have a child with someone, as if it is the solely porpuse of your existence.

Click to shrink...

Yup. I've been married for 5 years without knowing I'm ace. Imagine the torture every weekend.

It's not like I don't love my wife. But yeah, I'm not really comfortable telling my story in here, with all the eyes watching.

 

[Weltall Zero]

Just a few examples. But the hate is mainly online rather than offline. Aces aren't being murdered in the streets or anything, but people will hate anyone for anything these days.

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Sorry if this comes across as insensitive in the context of all this vile shit, but I just can't get over the irony of an acephobe calling asexuals "fuckers". :D

 

[obsidiansamurai]

I am coming out as asexual.

 

[timedesk]

It's always been frustrating to see people try to erase and dismiss asexuality. Growing up if asexuality was ever discussed it was always just assumed to be a lie, that the person was just in denial about being closeted or something. As a kid I used to think that was just misplaced sympathy, people recognizing how heternormative society was, and making a wrong assumption. That they were just trying to be supportive in the worst way possible. That was back in the late 90s, and those people's behavior hasn't changed to this day. It was wrong then, and is wrong now.

It is terrible that people continue to dismiss aces, and are unashamed of their ignorance. It is only made worse by the fact that entertainment and media never really depict asexual characters. I will never really be part of the culture, but I want to live to see asexuality be more openly discussed, for people to not feel wrong or stunted because of how they feel. I guess this is all just a silly long way of posting Fuck Acephobia.

 

[Siggy-P]

I want to preferece that as someone who loves sex and is a bisexual who can't imagine myself living without sex, and constantly crushes on people, who considers it an important tennent in all my relationships and my life;

I fully support Aces and all you wonderful people.

Just because I have the nearly opposite preference does not mean it is beyond me to imagine that someone could feel differently. On the contrary I understand it compeltely. Everyone is different and everyone is valid in who they are, what they know they are and what they want.

No one gets to tell someone what they can and cannot be or want.

So if I can understand it, there's no excuse for anyone else not to either.


(Btw none of this is to imply that asexuals can't enjoy sex if that's what it may appear like I might be saying.)

 

[SweetBellic]

Just wanted to clarify that being asexual isn't necessarily about whether you enjoy sex. There are asexuals who enjoy sex and asexuals who don't enjoy sex. The defining characteristic is about sexual attraction, which is wrapped up in but not necessarily required to enjoy or even engage in sex.

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Sure, but demisexuals do experience sexual attraction, albeit more discriminately, which is I think why that poster finds their inclusion under the asexual umbrella curious. I understand asexuality is supposed to be a spectrum, but it seems to include sexual orientations that don't feature what I assume to be its defining characteristic (absence of sexual attraction), which makes the concept that much harder to grasp for an allosexual like me.

 

[Ewo]

Fuck acephobes. I see this shit all the time on Tumblr, the sort of stuff that's already been said, along with basically insinuating it's pedophilic. Absolutely vile from people who should be showing solidarity instead.

 

[TinfoilHatsROn]

My favorite character in the game. Has she been officially stated as ace? I know one ending says she goes and stays with Junlei, but their relationship falls apart due to stresses of survival. It doesn't expand beyond that, I don't think.

I beat the game for the first time on a "rush" (main story) play through yesterday. Doing a longer run (all side-quests) with a different character build now.

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I don't think she was ever stated officially in game as asexual but the implications were really heavy. And while the devs never outright say it in game (which can be a legit complaint to have) the game explores her feelings and thoughts on her asexuality while still being subtle which really works with the world Obsidian set up. And it's interesting how gay and lesbian couples in the game just bring up their husband/wives/SO so casually that it feels normal. If you are starting a second run doing the companion side quests I think it'll be shown pretty clearly and you'll probably be pleasantly surprised.

 

[backpropaganda]

Godspeed aces, Earth is overpopulated as it is

 

[Eugene's Axe]

A person who doesn't give a fuck about sex is pretty powerful in my book. How can someone hate them?

 

[Speely]

Somewhat in-discovery grey pan fellow checking in to say that I support all my ace folx. You are valid, you are wonderful, you are loved, and you have support. <3

Fuck acephobes. It is heartbreaking to see it, especially in within the LGBTQIA+ community itself.

 

[N.Domixis]

What about being too lazy to get a girlfriend? Like honestly my issue is I'm just too lazy to get up and look for a girlfriend. I guess the want for sex is not bigger than my want for just coming home and chilling. I've become used to it now. I'm entering late 20s and still don't see a need.

 

[Heynongman!]

Honestly, fuck all the *-phobes. Why can't you fuckers just let people live in peace.

It ain't hard to just let people be.

In the words of a great philosopher, "Worry 'bout yourself"

 

[FranktheRabbit]

I wonder what exactly being Acephobic is.

The most I ever get is "You just haven't met the right person yet" comments by Grandma or "You need to suck a dick to know you like sucking dick" by gays and bisexuals hitting on me. Does that count? Because if so fuck all that shit.
*Pun not intended.

Click to shrink...

I wouldn't call it a "phobia" per se. It's just constant mockery from people who think you're a punchline, disappointment from family (who want you to be a grandchild factory), and lots of jokes or speculation that you're probably a closet homosexual.

All that aside though, the worst part is seeking a life companion but feeling like you're pulling the wool over their eyes because you know you probably can't meet their expectations. That can also lead to them feeling inadequate or losing self-confidence, and that's just an awful feeling knowing you've unintentionally hurt someone you care about (at the very least on a platonic level). Saying you have a "low sex drive" or "want a relationship but aren't all that interested in sex" only goes so far with most people.

 

[Illusion]

I wouldn't call it a "phobia" per se. It's just constant mockery from people who think you're a punchline, disappointment from family (who want you to be a grandchild factory), and lots of jokes or speculation that you're probably a closet homosexual.

All that aside though, the worst part is seeking a life companion but feeling like you're pulling the wool over their eyes because you know you probably can't meet their expectations. That can also lead to them feeling inadequate or losing self-confidence, and that's just an awful feeling knowing you've unintentionally hurt someone you care about (at the very least on a platonic level). Saying you have a "low sex drive" or "want a relationship but aren't all that interested in sex" only goes so far with most people.

Click to shrink...

Yeah I've definitely felt the jokes or heard them once in a very blue moon. The closeted homosexual comments has been a huge problem for me since 3rd grade until even now in college. Hell my friends of years still think I'm gay and are just waiting excitingly to hear that I'm coming out of the closet finally. (Eye roll)

Really does suck. I want to try being in a relationship with someone but all I want is a secular relationship and wanting a best friend for life. And I have huge insecurities of feeling I'm not enough for anyone if I don't want sex or having kids. To a lot of people, they probably won't think I'm committed to them.

 

[FeistyBoots]

Oh, I see. I know where my confusion is now.

I should be seeing asexuality on a more macro level(spectrum like you said) if that makes sense whereas I was seeing it before as a specific group more like gay men or gay women where it's this narrowly defined group. Like, you can't be a bi lesbian.

Thanks for the help.

Click to shrink...

You can be a bi lesbian if you so identify, as sexuality and romantic feelings are separate things with their own spectrums. I'm homoromantic, but sexually capable of being attracted to anyone (provided, since I'm demi, that I am close to them emotionally, which can and does often include platonically) regardless of gender. I thus identify as a pansexual lesbian.

 

[Kyra]

Just fuck bigotry. I'll never understand it.

 

[Aurelia Borel]

Sure, but demisexuals do experience sexual attraction, albeit more discriminately, which is I think why that poster finds their inclusion under the asexual umbrella curious. I understand asexuality is supposed to be a spectrum, but it seems to include sexual orientations that don't feature what I assume to be its defining characteristic (absence of sexual attraction), which makes the concept that much harder to grasp for an allosexual like me.

Click to shrink...

To be fair, I was responding to the implied misunderstanding of asexuality in general, not this particular confusion regarding demisexuality.

But if it helps, a lot of times the distinction is described as feeling little to no sexual attraction, so it's not always about a total absence of attraction. (Though there are, of course, asexuals who do experience absolutely no sexual attraction.) Another way to think about it is that even though demisexuals do feel sexual attraction sometimes, their default experience is still one of a lack of attraction.

I'm not demisexual myself, though, so there are probably others who could explain it better than me.

 

[FranktheRabbit]

Yeah I've definitely felt the jokes or heard them once in a very blue moon. The closeted homosexual comments has been a huge problem for me since 3rd grade until even now in college. Hell my friends of years still think I'm gay and are just waiting excitingly to hear that I'm coming out of the closet finally. (Eye roll)

Really does suck. I want to try being in a relationship with someone but all I want is a secular relationship and wanting a best friend for life. And I have huge insecurities of feeling I'm not enough for anyone if I don't want sex or having kids. To a lot of people, they probably won't think I'm committed to them.

Click to shrink...

I can definitely relate. The closeted comments aren't that big of a deal now that I'm out of school and can actually choose who I associate with, but there are still a few obnoxious people in my circle of friends who will crack a joke every now and then. And I hear you about your friend. My best friend's wife is absolutely convinced that I'm gay, and its led to some extremely awkward moments.

Without a doubt though, the most depressing and difficult thing about having a low sex drive is trying to connect with someone and maintain that relationship without hurting them or causing them to lose interest in you. I think the desire to spend your life with another person who shares the same interests as you, and who you genuinely like, is totally natural. But it's hard to find someone who's willing to enter into a long-term relationship with you when you're not fullfillling their needs. There's no easy medical solution either. Drugs like Viagra and Calis straight-up don't work because they're not aphrodisiacs; they help you with blood flow but not your underlying sexual desire.

I didn't care so much when I was in my teens and early-to-mid 20s. Now that I'm in my early 30s though, I gotta admit it can get pretty lonely. Even with a roommate, close family members and good friends who I get to see every week, they're just not a replacement for a partner who's willing to share their life with you.

 

[Illusion]

I didn't care so much when I was in my teens and early-to-mid 20s. Now that I'm in my early 30s though, I gotta admit it can get pretty lonely. Even with a roommate, close family members and good friends who I get to see every week, they're just not a replacement for a partner who's willing to share their life with you.

Click to shrink...

I'm in my mid twenties now and I'm starting to feel remnants of this starting to reveal itself.

Another problem too is how easy I attracted other people throughout high school, college, and even now (I'm not too exposed to as many people now as I'm used too). And it's weird to see people looking at me sexually and expressing their desire to date me, while on one hand I want a lifetime companion, but on the other I feel like I don't want to give it a chance because I'm afraid of being rejected for not fulfilling their desires that I'm not willing to indulge them in. And it feels weird bringing up to them I'm asexual and having to explain what that is, and they take it as a rejection.

 

[Plum]

This is 100% correct.

However, I guess the reason why some parts of the LGBTQ community are so ... upset (?) about this is just that asexuals aren't discriminated like they are, as you just said: to be clear: Asexuals can donate blood, lesbians and gays still cannot (here in Germany at least). Asexuals can marry (at least the opposite gender, obviously), LGs still cannot in a lot of parts in the world. Actual "anti-gay" laws have been introduced recently in some parts of the world and in other parts gays are executed by throwing them from buildings. All that doesn't even touch all the discrimination lesbians, gays, bisexuals, trans people and queers have to face on a daily Basis in basically any given society which goes a liiiiittle beyond having to face the pressure of getting a child, which a lot of people don't have anyhow, irrespective of their sexual orientation.

I guess that difference is what all the fuss is about.

Click to shrink...

The biggest thing I really dislike about this is that it basically implies that any struggles outside of the most extreme ones are not struggles worth acknowledging. Yes, many ace people don't face much if any of the explicit oppression that many other non-cishet people do, but that doesn't mean they can't hurt in a way that would be improved with the collective validity that comes with a community as big as the LGBT+ one. To the argument is a lack of empathy mixed in with a heavy dose of gaslighting, with people basically saying that "I can't identify with your struggle but I know that they're not actually struggles that we should worry about."

It also boils down the LGBTQ+ community into literally nothing more than a political movement tackling the big challenges it faces today when that is but a single part of the litany of things that the community actually does. If the community was so solely focused on anti-discrimination and rights in the way acephobes seem to think it is then pride parades would look more like the Democratic Convention than a, you know, pride parade.

 

[pikachief]

Idk exactly what ace or demi or asexual or demi sexual or really any thing like those mean but if this is about people who dont need sex although can enjoy it from time to time but it wouldnt effect them if they never had sex again then count me in that!

lol

 

[Deleted member 2210]

Idk exactly what ace or demi or asexual or demi sexual or really any thing like those mean but if this is about people who dont need sex although can enjoy it from time to time but it wouldnt effect them if they never had sex again then count me in that!

lol

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I'd say you were gray-a then.

 

[Scarlet Death]

Idk exactly what ace or demi or asexual or demi sexual or really any thing like those mean but if this is about people who dont need sex although can enjoy it from time to time but it wouldnt effect them if they never had sex again then count me in that!

lol

Click to shrink...

In many ace online communities people will just say they are sex-indifferent or sex-neutral. In addition to sex-repulsed, sex averse, and sex-favorable which can often be used without any need for gray asexual or any of the copious amounts of labels under asexual spectrum/gray-spec umbrella. But like the poster said above me, gray asexual would be an apt description as well.

As for acephobes, another example would be in the medical field. The misconceptions can really effect your ability to thrive if you have a team that thinks that. You might get told you're indecisive, need a sex therapist, suffering from abuse or PTSD, must be all those SSRIs, and that it's probably best not to be having sex anyway until you are better.

Acephobia on places like tumblr or leftist facebook primarily comes from the queer community who think aces haven't had any legitimate discrimination, often on a whim without much research. That and the less progressive places think aces are just incels. Which, admittedly, bothers me less anyway if only because they don't hit home like...at all. Incels don't respect women. I am one. And I do. It's the comments in the queer spaces that bother me most if only because we it's supposed to be inclusive and the harsh words trying to conflate my identity to those who actively make my life more stressful and difficult to manage.

 

[Stronginthearm]

Hello to all my ace fam!