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Fuck Acephobes
- Thread starter CatDoggo
- Start date
Hmmm ok thanks for the clarification. Idk a lot of girl friends tell me that maybe I have to try experiencing sex first
I will try one day, but I'm def not in a rush lol
Maybe then I'll know
Because I get "excited" by other men very easily. It's just that thoughts that....calm my excitement.... have nothing to do with penetration. Im so sorry
There's also demi-sexuality that requires close enough emotional connection.
Sexuality and attraction are weird, really hard to figure out.
I've heard it first with Outer Worlds discussions as well, so like month ago at most.
I'm borderline ace. I sometimes just declare that I am. I don't think I'm invalidating it. When I want to make it clear that I am not interested in anyone I flat out say so. When people assume otherwise, it really just puts me off so much and it makes me feel so unnerved and weird. I don't like attention at all. Anyway, eventually people get the memo and move on. Also people in general seem to be accepting of it, so that's good.
Fuck.
People hate other people for all kinds of weird reasons. Like why do people humiliate others for being a virgin? What would be so threatening about me not having sex?
I genuinely have no idea what's going on here anymore. Someone said something bad about asexuality here? What a weird thing to feel.
I know this isn't like... the most appropriate time to go on about this, but this thread inspired some searching and I ended up exploring different links and discussions on asexuality, and through that I've come to the conclusion that I'm demisexual... so I appreciate the door to self introspection you have provided, OP, even if circumstances for the thread's creation are shitty. It feels so inconsequential compared to what other people go through, but I'm 28 and finally have a word for how I feel about myself and others, so I'm thankful.
Mods, please do better. And if you can't, find someone who can.
Oh the joke was tasteless enough as is but for FUCK'S SAKE *why* did that have to be true...
Mods, please do better. And if you can't, find someone who can.
Oh the joke was tasteless enough as is but for FUCK'S SAKE *why* did that have to be true...
Getting to see a lot of ace/trans solidarity has been the silver lining in this whole shitshow. Much love to all our ace members.
AsexualERA might be a good place to start. Also:
AsexualERA might be a good place to start. Also:
Yeah it's so disgusting that no one knows what an acephobe is. I've never even heard of the term till now so am I disgusting also?
We have the power of Google at our fingertips and people still find a way to avoid googling what asexuality is
i mean, i am left handed and i had people in the past that used to ask me "Why am i being rebellious for using my left hand and why can't i just be a good kid and just use my right hand?"
Like.. "mofo, i would've used my right hand to spare me all these inconvenience already if i could, but i just can't okay?"
Somethings are just unfathomable for people if there were not put in those shoes i guess.
I mean, just let people be who they are or want to be, as long as they don't bother others. Love each other ffs and stop being assholes.
Tbh I feel like this needs to be stickied at the top of the EtcetEra as well.
Acephobe is someone phobic of ace people. Is that so hard to understand? Pretending to hide behind ignorance is like the #1 alt right tactic these days. If you look at any trans/ace/LGBTQ+ thread there is always someone JAQing off. Ridiculous . Disgusting is phrasing it lightly.
I'm sorry but I honestly don't know what ace people are. Forgive my rudeness, but I'm not disgusting because I've never heard of that before.
The confusion leading to phobia could come from the word covering a conduct and a sexual identity.
Frigidity, impotence or celibacy can lead to a behavioural abstinence mistaken with asexuality.
I cannot see something similar regarding other queerness.
Frigidity, impotence or celibacy can lead to a behavioural abstinence mistaken with asexuality.
I cannot see something similar regarding other queerness.
A man turns down visiting a strip club with peers, or turns down a proposal from an attractive woman; "what are you, gay?"
A woman turns down a proposal from a man; "stuck up bitch, lesbian."
This is just my scantily supported hot take here, and is not intended as an explanation for all of this sentiment, but we see this sort of aggression rooted in patriarchy often enough even when the targets are cis-het people. Asexuality threatens this formulation of sexual identity in the same way, but presents as an entire category of identity instead of isolated individuals or instances to be ignored or coerced into conformity.
This is so ignorant. I'm bisexual so I'm very well aware of the community but reality is not everyone has heard of the shortened term of asexual to be 'ace'. It's not disgusting or uneducated. If we knew ace was a shortened term for asexual, we wouldn't question what an acephobe is. But to attack people who are unaware of the term and call them disgusting is flawed logic and unnecessary.
Instead of attacking them, use the opportunity to educate one another. Calling people disgusting is no way in hell beneficial to anyone
Being bigoted against lefties is still a bizzarely serious problem that has plauged humanity for thousands of years.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/two-thirds-of-the-world-still-hates-lefties-64727388/
It's amazing the technological advancements we've made throughout human history, while still being so very very stupid.
I wouldn't have know what Ace is if not for Bojack, so I think you should always be open to the fact that people just aren't aware. That's not just ignorance, it's very well possible to just no know that. And people say google it, but google isn't always the best way to learn about something either.
Part of being progressive is educating yourself about an issue, seeing what it means to people and taking it in account for the future.
Friendly reminder that it takes 0.3 seconds to double-click on a word to highlight it, and then right-click on it to search it on Google to find the definition of that word and understand what it means.
It's called learning. Not everyone knows everything. First time I heard the term as well. Had to google it. Just because something is new to somebody doesnt mean they arent willing to listen and learn.
Not meaning to pass a buck here or write off personal responsibility to learn for themselves, but I actually just spent an arduous amount of time doing that and going down the rabbit hole, as like a lot of people my understanding was limited to a few seasons of Bojack Horseman ago, not even the newer ones. I don't feel like the list of stuff on the front page of google made me feel much more clear on it than the Bojack depictions of the subject. I dont know if that's to be ascribed to the quality of the representation or the lack of clarity in most articles that get good SEO response. As I said above, I learned something about myself going through this rabbit hole, but not much about others.
So that all being said, If I was in the position to inform someone, personally, I think they'd get more value out of my 5 spent minutes than the 0.3 second generated google results especially if the question is asked politely. But again, I am not saying it is the marginalized's responsibility to educate the ignorant. Simultaneously, people need to stop taking 'ignorant' as an insult carte blanche, from my perspective. You can be unwillingly ignorant. Until you learn them, you are ignorant of all things.
I was gonna write a response but decided not to, but for me, I'd rather find out from some that is, than from a generic google search.
but god forbid, someone asks a question...
I honestly hadn't heard about the term aceophobe before this incident. (Discrimination against asexual people yes, but not the term)
I consider myself generally educated on some progressive issues but clearly there's a huge blind spot.
What I can do is continue being as good of a supporter as possible and try to address my ignorance
Well, that, in my experience is part of the ignorance people in our position experience; we don't experience what others experience so it is easy to take their justified frustration as an attack because it's natural to take an aggressive response that way -- our responsibility is to understand and forgive. There are some things people just cannot experience from another's perspective, making things like this difficult.
EDIT: Jumping back in to clear up that the generalized "we" I am using is to say "we" do not experience anything 1:1 with other people and not to minimize "our" own struggles compared to anyone else's or vice versa.
Well. There's legitimate questions that warrant discussion and then trolling with wtf is blank?
This whole explosion has made me do a lot of thinking about myself in general. I don't participate in most LGBTQ+ threads here on Era because I don't like talking about my sexuality, particularly because I've always viewed myself as "broken" because a lot of my ability to process sexual attraction evaporated after I was sexually assaulted as a teenager. I can appreciate people aesthetically and I can form emotional connections but I haven't felt real sexual attraction to another person in...fifteen years? Basically half my life. I have just enough of a frame of reference from before I was raped to remember what it was like, but it's becoming increasingly distant and hard to recall.
I don't think I'm completely asexual - I'm probably more demi than anything else because of the way my brain processes emotional connection - but seeing this many people on the same side of the spectrum as me does make me feel a little less broken.
This is probably the most I've ever spoken about the subject on Era. I don't know how much I'll bring it up in the future either. But hey. Thanks for being here, AceEra.
I don't think I'm completely asexual - I'm probably more demi than anything else because of the way my brain processes emotional connection - but seeing this many people on the same side of the spectrum as me does make me feel a little less broken.
This is probably the most I've ever spoken about the subject on Era. I don't know how much I'll bring it up in the future either. But hey. Thanks for being here, AceEra.
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something I think a lot of posters in here are failing to understand is that acephobia is more than blatant bigots saying "ace people shouldn't exist" or whatever
there are many other subtle factors contributing to ace marginalization, including but not limited to general lack of awareness, confusion with celibacy or aromanticism, dismissal as being less "valid" than other LGBTQ+ identities, etc
not all of them are intentionally bigoted but that doesn't absolve you of a responsibility as an ally to be as educated and aware as possible of the general dismissive culture surrounding asexuality
personally I am probably ace and while I do acknowledge privilege in not facing many of the same cases of outright bigotry that other LGBTQ+ groups have faced, I also would be lying if I said the view of asexuality as a phase or a less valid group hasn't caused me to question my own sexual orientation
tl;dr ignorance is not an excuse, awareness is a critical part of being a good ally, ace people are valid
there are many other subtle factors contributing to ace marginalization, including but not limited to general lack of awareness, confusion with celibacy or aromanticism, dismissal as being less "valid" than other LGBTQ+ identities, etc
not all of them are intentionally bigoted but that doesn't absolve you of a responsibility as an ally to be as educated and aware as possible of the general dismissive culture surrounding asexuality
personally I am probably ace and while I do acknowledge privilege in not facing many of the same cases of outright bigotry that other LGBTQ+ groups have faced, I also would be lying if I said the view of asexuality as a phase or a less valid group hasn't caused me to question my own sexual orientation
tl;dr ignorance is not an excuse, awareness is a critical part of being a good ally, ace people are valid
Wasn't aware of the term, but yes, acephobics suck. I don't understand how this affects their lives at all.
Asexuality has a few meanings from my understanding. I can only speak from my own experience, but I call myself asexual because I have no sexual attraction to people. I have never been excited by a person before. I do experience (pretty frequent) arousal, but its certain situations/scenarios and my emotional responses to those scenarios that turns me on, not the people involved. Likewise, when I do get excited I'd much rather masturbate than include another person in my quest for sexual satisfaction. I don't believe myself to be sex-negative, but I haven't yet tried to find out, since sex with others just isn't something I desire.
I have however met plenty of people who identify as asexual due to an overwhelmingly low libido, or a general aversion to sex. All of these definitions and more are valid so far as I'm concerned.
EDIT: figured out what this was in reference to after this chonky post so my post probably reads hollow
Oh a thread I can words in.
It doesn't seem like anyone has answered the 'why are acephobe' question.
In some circles of the internet people say that asexuals are not real, simplifying it down to the point where they can make logic jumps to calling asexuals incels without much gymnastics. That and those who say we don't exist and are just celibate. That's the friendly answer.
The tougher topic is that of inclusionists and exclusionists. Ace exclusionists often do not believe in the split attraction model-- that attraction is uniform. With this as their base, they find arguments to invalidate asexuals who may appear to be cishet passing/presenting/some other word that is less insensitive. So if someone is asexual heteroromantic or heterosexual aromantic, the exclusionists attempt to make a case that they are just 'straight.' And then also proceed to claim that asexuals/aromantics do not experience discrimination or marginalization of any kind.
These types of arguments honestly are similar to straight/trans or bisexual/hetero appearing type stuff where it may look cishet but it is not. Acephobes like to minimize asexuals by telling them they are not queer, among other things.
What sucks is that you'll find clusters of exclusionists in leftist lgbt circles on tumblr and facebook under the guise of any old group- except they may outright make their stance on asexuals known. Some keep it subtle because who hasn't lied to themselves every once in a while? I guess?
I suppose another example of acephobic behaviour is perpetuating stereotypes that all aces are repulsed by sex or cannot participate in adult physical activity - as if incapable. People have posted tons of resources already and the recurring theme is that aces do not feel sexual attraction. There are many other kinds of attraction and every asexual person has a different lived experience of how their aceness affects them. Generally speaking asexuality is on a spectrum and most people in the community operate under this premise, but we have to get super specific because we can't seem to shake that myth we are all the same. Personally, I used to tell people I was demisexual which I took literally. And now I say gray asexual. Although these are redundant, many people find them useful. I find them useful for the people who just hear asexual and jump to tons of conclusions about me.
I've been in LGBT peer support groups before where people have said things like, "I don't think asexuality belongs in lgbt, they just don't have sex right?" I've found that is not the easiest endeavor to explain the nuance to individuals who experience typical sexual attraction because it's kind of the complete opposite of something they experience without much forethought.
Oh a thread I can words in.
It doesn't seem like anyone has answered the 'why are acephobe' question.
In some circles of the internet people say that asexuals are not real, simplifying it down to the point where they can make logic jumps to calling asexuals incels without much gymnastics. That and those who say we don't exist and are just celibate. That's the friendly answer.
The tougher topic is that of inclusionists and exclusionists. Ace exclusionists often do not believe in the split attraction model-- that attraction is uniform. With this as their base, they find arguments to invalidate asexuals who may appear to be cishet passing/presenting/some other word that is less insensitive. So if someone is asexual heteroromantic or heterosexual aromantic, the exclusionists attempt to make a case that they are just 'straight.' And then also proceed to claim that asexuals/aromantics do not experience discrimination or marginalization of any kind.
These types of arguments honestly are similar to straight/trans or bisexual/hetero appearing type stuff where it may look cishet but it is not. Acephobes like to minimize asexuals by telling them they are not queer, among other things.
What sucks is that you'll find clusters of exclusionists in leftist lgbt circles on tumblr and facebook under the guise of any old group- except they may outright make their stance on asexuals known. Some keep it subtle because who hasn't lied to themselves every once in a while? I guess?
I suppose another example of acephobic behaviour is perpetuating stereotypes that all aces are repulsed by sex or cannot participate in adult physical activity - as if incapable. People have posted tons of resources already and the recurring theme is that aces do not feel sexual attraction. There are many other kinds of attraction and every asexual person has a different lived experience of how their aceness affects them. Generally speaking asexuality is on a spectrum and most people in the community operate under this premise, but we have to get super specific because we can't seem to shake that myth we are all the same. Personally, I used to tell people I was demisexual which I took literally. And now I say gray asexual. Although these are redundant, many people find them useful. I find them useful for the people who just hear asexual and jump to tons of conclusions about me.
I've been in LGBT peer support groups before where people have said things like, "I don't think asexuality belongs in lgbt, they just don't have sex right?" I've found that is not the easiest endeavor to explain the nuance to individuals who experience typical sexual attraction because it's kind of the complete opposite of something they experience without much forethought.
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This is a great post and some very helpful explanation. Thanks for your perspective.
Thank for the kind words. I knew spending three years on asexual discords talking about this all day every day would pay off.
>_>
Also now that I understand the context, I think it must also be said that the acephobia concerns in the other thread are not any different than transmedicalist/truscum/gender essentialist arguments a certain youtuber has sparked discussion over about a month ago now. I'm not entirely sure how they reach the conclusions that they my existence invalidates their struggle. Like what, do we need our own Mathew Shephard to be considered legitimate? No. I've lived through and have had enough stories of discrimination and bias to not even blink putting aces on the same playing field. Not like that should even have to be a precursor, but alas the rhetoric we have to espouse to placate the 'got mine' crowd
>_>
Also now that I understand the context, I think it must also be said that the acephobia concerns in the other thread are not any different than transmedicalist/truscum/gender essentialist arguments a certain youtuber has sparked discussion over about a month ago now. I'm not entirely sure how they reach the conclusions that they my existence invalidates their struggle. Like what, do we need our own Mathew Shephard to be considered legitimate? No. I've lived through and have had enough stories of discrimination and bias to not even blink putting aces on the same playing field. Not like that should even have to be a precursor, but alas the rhetoric we have to espouse to placate the 'got mine' crowd
They're scum, everyone that shames or "hates" anyone based on their sexual preferences (or, lack of preferences I suppose) fucking -suuuuucks-
I admit I never knew of this phobia until today.
After looking it up, my immediate next thought was: how are there actual people out there that are willing to expend energy being acephobic? But I guess I can ask that about all sexuality based phobias.
After looking it up, my immediate next thought was: how are there actual people out there that are willing to expend energy being acephobic? But I guess I can ask that about all sexuality based phobias.