-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
For those who may consider marriage in the short or long term, how important is the wedding ceremony to you?
- Thread starter entremet
- Start date
I've gone to a few dozen weddings in my life, and the best ones have been the smaller affairs or ones hosted by the relative with the biggest back yard. The actual wedding itself with the "I do"s and all that, is a complete throwaway to me. The best wedding I've ever attended is one where all of the guests hung out, ate lunch, pre-gamed, and otherwise mixed & mingled while the bride & groom were at the courthouse. When they rolled up to their own party, it was an enormous celebration. The attire for the event was "be you", and so everyone was there from casual to fancy to fashionable to experimental. It was phenomenal.
I find that the more that people deviate from the expected wedding steps, the more fun it ends up being.
I find that the more that people deviate from the expected wedding steps, the more fun it ends up being.
It's great to celebrate love, don't get me wrong. But we're perfectly able to love each other without the seal of approval by others. I'm just happy i live in a country where the pressure to do the ceremonial isn't that huge. It's such an industry. We never married and don't see any reason to do so. I don't think there is anything remotely romantic to it.
The weddings i attended seemed mostly like a lot of stress.
The weddings i attended seemed mostly like a lot of stress.
Last edited:
Registry office, just me, my wife and a couple of friends to be witnesses.
Not that it wasn't at all important. We were very well dressed, hired someone to take pictures and went to a fancy restaurant after
Thing is, we didn't even tell our families until months later, not because of any conflicts, but because we decided our marriage was our business, not anyone else's.
Not that it wasn't at all important. We were very well dressed, hired someone to take pictures and went to a fancy restaurant after
Thing is, we didn't even tell our families until months later, not because of any conflicts, but because we decided our marriage was our business, not anyone else's.
If I had the choice, I would like to either elope/just casually do it one day, or do some stupid-ass wedding complete with pyro. No middle ground.
The whole faff seems dumb and overpriced for all these serious pleasantries and mementos and if I have to do a big deal wedding I want to burn the money on making it silly and fun rather than overly formal etc. Falling in love is silly and fun and chaotic and about having a good time coexisting and supporting each other, I don't feel that anything about my romantic experiences to-date are represented at all by a formal affair with suits and flowers and fancy dinners and a pro photographer. Maybe that will be different when I find someone to get married to, who knows.
The whole faff seems dumb and overpriced for all these serious pleasantries and mementos and if I have to do a big deal wedding I want to burn the money on making it silly and fun rather than overly formal etc. Falling in love is silly and fun and chaotic and about having a good time coexisting and supporting each other, I don't feel that anything about my romantic experiences to-date are represented at all by a formal affair with suits and flowers and fancy dinners and a pro photographer. Maybe that will be different when I find someone to get married to, who knows.
Our wedding was a great party for us and our friends/family. It was important to us that we have a big fun party, and we did. It was important for our parents/relatives that we had a kinda traditional ceremony, and because they're important to us, it was important to us too... Our ceremony was maybe 15-20mins or so. The reception was later on and it was ~4 hours + after party went till 1-2am or so. It was a lot of fun. It was expensive, I paid for it, and I overworked myself for a year to pay for it + honeymoon. It was difficult at the time but now I don't really remember the stress of it.
I always look forward to close friends' weddings. One of the last people to get married in our friends group got hitched last winter and it was a great long weekend. A lot of us have kids and we all got dispensations from our kids, baby sitters and parents, and had a great time cutting loose. Plus Ben and Jerries ice cream bar for dessert. !!
I always look forward to close friends' weddings. One of the last people to get married in our friends group got hitched last winter and it was a great long weekend. A lot of us have kids and we all got dispensations from our kids, baby sitters and parents, and had a great time cutting loose. Plus Ben and Jerries ice cream bar for dessert. !!
Weddings are fun to attend, but a PITA to plan (trust me, no one's going to remember the flower arrangement at each table).
I've gotten married to the same person twice (my country then her country) where we went through the traditional planning process for one and went super laxed on the second and both were equally memorable and fun in the end.
I've gotten married to the same person twice (my country then her country) where we went through the traditional planning process for one and went super laxed on the second and both were equally memorable and fun in the end.
My wife chose a fairly simple dress. My best man and I rented a tux (he handled it as a wedding gift).
My wedding was completely non traditional and geeky as hell. It was basically a party for us, just other people happened to be there. lol. Personally I'm a fan of themed weddings, I like seeing the unique stuff people come up with.
I got married at the courthouse and spent the money on a small gathering with family. I much preferred it
My partner and I have been talking about it, and honestly while we want a wedding, it's not that important to us. But we really want to make a bit of a joke about the whole thing. My current idea is that we should allow heckling for the ceremony/vows.
Getting married in November. We definitely wanted a ceremony and reception with all of our friends and family together; they've been a big part of our journey together. Expecting around 150.
We're doing a non-traditional, short (maybe 15 minutes) ceremony with one of my fiancee's friends marrying us, who I've also become very close with.
For the reception, we're also making some non-traditional choices in terms of dances, no wedding cake, etc.
Overall the planning is definitely taxing at times, but I'm enjoying parts of it as well. At the beginning of the process we both sat down and talked about the things that were most important to each of us on our wedding day. That was really helpful in guiding us and setting our scope.
We're doing a non-traditional, short (maybe 15 minutes) ceremony with one of my fiancee's friends marrying us, who I've also become very close with.
For the reception, we're also making some non-traditional choices in terms of dances, no wedding cake, etc.
Overall the planning is definitely taxing at times, but I'm enjoying parts of it as well. At the beginning of the process we both sat down and talked about the things that were most important to each of us on our wedding day. That was really helpful in guiding us and setting our scope.
Our wedding ceremony was on a tight budget, and the couple grand we did spend didn't matter because it got rained out and we had to move a couple miles down the road to the church our reception was in.
Almost a decade in, and all that mattered was the moment I saw her walk through the doors. That's the only memory of that day that I need.
She might answer a little differently, but similarly I think.
Almost a decade in, and all that mattered was the moment I saw her walk through the doors. That's the only memory of that day that I need.
She might answer a little differently, but similarly I think.
As I've gotten older, I've gone from "let's just get the paper from City Hall", to "let's do a full-blown shindig".
I'm going to be one of the last marriers in my friends. My friend groups are also spread across the country. It's going to be the last time we do a big party with no obligations, EVERYONE shows up, etc. I almost feel obligated in a good way.
I'm going to be one of the last marriers in my friends. My friend groups are also spread across the country. It's going to be the last time we do a big party with no obligations, EVERYONE shows up, etc. I almost feel obligated in a good way.
My wife and I did a courthouse marriage and had a weekend away last year. Just the two of us. Then the honeymoon in October. Now we're expecting. We're doing a reception at our 1 year anniversary in a months time. Lots of friends and family…about 80 people. But it will be a casual daytime affair with a brunch and some speeches and some fun activities. Since we have a lot of family from out of town, maybe we'll hang out downtown afterwards. Still, as low key as it is, it's still gonna cost $8-10K. Mainly good and photographer. But the fact that it's just a daytime reception is saving us loads of debt.
My wedding was awesome. One of the best days of my life. For us, it was worth all the stress and expense of planning.
We're old-fashioned, so we went the traditional route. All in all we managed to keep it under $10k, which was a lot for us at the time since we had just finished undergrad and were not yet working full-time.
Like you said, sometimes it's just a perfect excuse to get all your family and friends in one big room together. If that's not important to you then I can see how the idea of wedding receptions might not seem appealing, but in our case given our culture, it was extremely meaningful. We also had a traditional Puerto Rican style batucada group with stilt dancers and everything, which got everyone on their feet. We all had an amazing time.
We're old-fashioned, so we went the traditional route. All in all we managed to keep it under $10k, which was a lot for us at the time since we had just finished undergrad and were not yet working full-time.
Like you said, sometimes it's just a perfect excuse to get all your family and friends in one big room together. If that's not important to you then I can see how the idea of wedding receptions might not seem appealing, but in our case given our culture, it was extremely meaningful. We also had a traditional Puerto Rican style batucada group with stilt dancers and everything, which got everyone on their feet. We all had an amazing time.
Last edited:
Whoa some of you guys going to wedding and don't give cash gifts? If I ever have a wedding ceremony, I expect cash gifts lol
OP
OP
I'm already married but we just got hitched in Vegas.
We were always city Hall people but that wasn't really going to fly with some of our family/ freinds.
It was kind of the perfect middle ground between having a big party/reunion and not spending a ton of money (we spent about 10000$ for every thing - trip included).
The best part about it is we threw out around a hundred invitations and about 60 of those people came. It kind of weeds out a lot of people because only the people that actually really give a shit are going to come.
We were always city Hall people but that wasn't really going to fly with some of our family/ freinds.
It was kind of the perfect middle ground between having a big party/reunion and not spending a ton of money (we spent about 10000$ for every thing - trip included).
The best part about it is we threw out around a hundred invitations and about 60 of those people came. It kind of weeds out a lot of people because only the people that actually really give a shit are going to come.
We (USA) are having our Marriage in France in July. They usually have a town hall ceremony and then either go to church or reception here. But we are having a church wedding, so we have to get marriage license and certificate here in US before doing the church. So our wedding dates will be different than our legal date unfortunately.
But we have under 100 people and the prices for everything is 3x as expensive than the US :/. I agree it's a waste of money, but cultural traditions and such from my side...it's like a must. At least something to owe my parents, but man I tried everything to make it a small affair or cheaper.
But since people are traveling from US here, wasn't going to expect them to give cash gifts
But we have under 100 people and the prices for everything is 3x as expensive than the US :/. I agree it's a waste of money, but cultural traditions and such from my side...it's like a must. At least something to owe my parents, but man I tried everything to make it a small affair or cheaper.
But since people are traveling from US here, wasn't going to expect them to give cash gifts
Honestly it was decently important to us, but not going to lie it was a much bigger thing for our respective families.
We floated a few ideas (courthouse wedding in Maine with family, courthouse + big reception later) but went with a standard restaurant wedding. It was still expensive (like 40k) but I thought it was nice we got to do everything. The ceremony was short, we each had a person do a reading and said our own vows, but people seemed to like it. And we had an open bar with good food which was important to us, weddings are supposed to be fun.
Have my friend's wedding on Saturday and it's going to be a big catholic ceremony and no open bar. He's blowing it
Have my friend's wedding on Saturday and it's going to be a big catholic ceremony and no open bar. He's blowing it
People traditionally have wedding registries. People
Buy things off the registry and gift it to the new couple.
Don't assume people know what you are expecting, you need to let them know
I have seen so many couples stress for months up to and then including the day of the wedding because everything has to be perfect. Seems like the exact opposite of what you want to do to prepare for a life together.
I think weddings are fine, but traditional/basic weddings seem like the worst. One of those things you do because you've seen it on TV a million times. I prefer the creative ones that are done because it's what the couple wants, as opposed to being a party & show for friends/family.
Just intuitively, based on the fact that greater expenses are often inversely proportional to the success of the relationship itself (at least on wedding rings), I'm pretty sure this wrong.
Strong relationships last through courthouse weddings too.
I think weddings are fine, but traditional/basic weddings seem like the worst. One of those things you do because you've seen it on TV a million times. I prefer the creative ones that are done because it's what the couple wants, as opposed to being a party & show for friends/family.
Just intuitively, based on the fact that greater expenses are often inversely proportional to the success of the relationship itself (at least on wedding rings), I'm pretty sure this wrong.
Strong relationships last through courthouse weddings too.
We had a traditionalish wedding, lots of booze was had. The wedding ended at 9 but no one wanted the party to end. So we took over a local dive bar, by the end of the nite I think the entire bar was with us having fun.
I think it varies to perspective, here is what I think and I could be wrong.
I'd rather spend that amount of money on my honeymoon, travelling to incredible places, instead of calling 100-200 people I'll barely meet in the next 10 years, or even if I meet them, they don't really care about me.
The effective way is to do in close family friends, or people you really like - these selective people will stick with you for years. Simultaneously, utilize the remaining budget on things that matter.
I'd rather spend that amount of money on my honeymoon, travelling to incredible places, instead of calling 100-200 people I'll barely meet in the next 10 years, or even if I meet them, they don't really care about me.
The effective way is to do in close family friends, or people you really like - these selective people will stick with you for years. Simultaneously, utilize the remaining budget on things that matter.
Not important at all. Got married in 2014 and we just booked a slot inthe registry office with no one present except our two legal witnesses, who we then took out for a fancy meal to say thanks. Can't be doing with the stress and expense of planning a wedding, simple is best. We felt it was better to spend the money on good food and drink, and a nice getaway for the two of us.
We're just having it with friends and family in the in-laws large private backyard. Rented white tents, tables, and chairs, for next year. Will supply food and booze. Nothing extravagent just a good time.
I was in someone else's wedding. I hated everything about it. Having to rent a tux. The rehearsal. The actual wedding day. Just not my cup of tea. My wedding was the absolute minimum I could manage. We had my brother officiate a "ceremony" in his bedroom and then submitted the paperwork. It took about 30 seconds and then we went out to eat because my friend insisted. If there were no legal rights involved in it, I wouldn't have bothered.
This is a tough one, I have a distinct feeling the answer is going to be different for everyone. Personally, my wedding was almost 20 years ago. We were broke but managed to save about 3k for something at an outdoor venue. I have some great memories of it even now and it didn't look cheap at all.
I've been to really fancy 100k weddings(yes, really) that were neat but no one seemed to have any fun. So I take it as a big compliment that me and my wife worked hard to make that 3k look like double that and I still have family members say it was the most fun they had at a wedding.
I've been to really fancy 100k weddings(yes, really) that were neat but no one seemed to have any fun. So I take it as a big compliment that me and my wife worked hard to make that 3k look like double that and I still have family members say it was the most fun they had at a wedding.
I recently proposed to my girlfriend so I am finding the perspectives in this thread really interesting.
I can't wait to be married, but i'm quite an introverted person, so the idea of having a huge limelight all day is kinda terrifying. My fiancé is open to eloping though, so I am hoping to steer us towards a more intimate wedding abroad where we can ditch a lot of the stuffiness in traditional weddings. It's also hopefully gonna be a lot cheaper that way, so the money can go towards our honeymoon and house.
I can't wait to be married, but i'm quite an introverted person, so the idea of having a huge limelight all day is kinda terrifying. My fiancé is open to eloping though, so I am hoping to steer us towards a more intimate wedding abroad where we can ditch a lot of the stuffiness in traditional weddings. It's also hopefully gonna be a lot cheaper that way, so the money can go towards our honeymoon and house.
Wife and I got married at the church I attended for most of my youth (though I'm not particularly religious anymore) and had a small brunch reception nearby. Cost us around $5,000 total for everything including food, the venue, and photographer.
I feel like on Era I see such a disproportionate amount of "not bothered at all", "wedding ceremonies are a waste of money" responses, which is of course entirely fine but nigh on everyone I've ever met has had a more traditional wedding or a more traditional
It's not especially important to me, but my SO loves weddings and has always wanted hers to be special. We're getting married next year, and atm are on course for what is likely a very mid-range cost for a wedding and it's largely traditional. We have the means and I'm more than happy to cultivate that memory.
It's not especially important to me, but my SO loves weddings and has always wanted hers to be special. We're getting married next year, and atm are on course for what is likely a very mid-range cost for a wedding and it's largely traditional. We have the means and I'm more than happy to cultivate that memory.
I think wedding ceremonies are a waste of time and money. I'd rather just get married at the courthouse.
Receptions on the other hand? Pull out the stops, have open bar, and PAAAARTY.
Receptions on the other hand? Pull out the stops, have open bar, and PAAAARTY.
Points to always keep in mind (for everyone):
*Right or wrong, some persons grow dreaming on their marriage ceremony, as one of the top 3 moments of their lives.
*Family/friends might become a massive social pressure to get that high level event, and both need to address that early on.
*If pressure is indeed mounting, both should consider it like a prime test to see, if you will be able to handle difficult situations as a couple, later on.
*If either party (families included) won't compromise, nor reach a mutual decision without hard feelings, might be wise to reconsider marriage.
Also
*High spending does not equal better ceremony/celebration. Nor more memories (except bad ones).
*Ultimately, it's a day for you as a couple. Not just for one, and certainly not for others. Open celebration it's not an obligation.
*Depending country/culture, friends and family might be willing (on their own) to participate on preparing/getting food, organizing, hiring, pictures, etc.
That can cut a lot of spending, and it helps to develop a proper party environment, rather than a dry event.
But never push them to. That's not ok.
And, this always need to be stressed out, this is something that both need to be involved in.
Not just one, nor just one family. Both.
*Right or wrong, some persons grow dreaming on their marriage ceremony, as one of the top 3 moments of their lives.
*Family/friends might become a massive social pressure to get that high level event, and both need to address that early on.
*If pressure is indeed mounting, both should consider it like a prime test to see, if you will be able to handle difficult situations as a couple, later on.
*If either party (families included) won't compromise, nor reach a mutual decision without hard feelings, might be wise to reconsider marriage.
Also
*High spending does not equal better ceremony/celebration. Nor more memories (except bad ones).
*Ultimately, it's a day for you as a couple. Not just for one, and certainly not for others. Open celebration it's not an obligation.
*Depending country/culture, friends and family might be willing (on their own) to participate on preparing/getting food, organizing, hiring, pictures, etc.
That can cut a lot of spending, and it helps to develop a proper party environment, rather than a dry event.
But never push them to. That's not ok.
And, this always need to be stressed out, this is something that both need to be involved in.
Not just one, nor just one family. Both.
My wife and I are both pretty introverted and don't have a huge social circle, so not having a ceremony was a pretty easy decision for us. We've talked about maybe doing a trip to Vegas to get all gussed up and get married there, mainly for the photos and experience.