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Feeling bad about my wedding/groomsmen
- Thread starter ExhaustedWalrus
- Start date
I got married in June this year, since it was during this pandemic I didn't have to worry about having a best man or anything like that. It was just me and my wife, the priest and four witnesses.
We got married, got a cab home and got drunk while cooking some delicious food. But I would be in the same spot as OP if Covid didn't fuck everything up. I don't have that many close friends, finding a best man was kind of hard.
I understand how anxiety makes shit like this hard to not overthink, but it's going to be fine, just enjoy the day.
We got married, got a cab home and got drunk while cooking some delicious food. But I would be in the same spot as OP if Covid didn't fuck everything up. I don't have that many close friends, finding a best man was kind of hard.
I understand how anxiety makes shit like this hard to not overthink, but it's going to be fine, just enjoy the day.
This is the reason why I got married in Vegas. I didn't want my wedding day to be a stressful affair worrying about stuff like this.
My former brother in law only had two friends as groomsmen and filled the remaining 3 spots with people on my sister's side (including me). I would mention it to your fiance if there is nobody else you want to ask. I also wouldn't hesitate to ask the old friends or band members, it's just a wedding ceremony, not a lifelong commitment. If someone I wasn't that close to asked me to be in their wedding I would be more flattered than anything, I certainly wouldn't be judgmental or look at the person in a negative light.
My former brother in law only had two friends as groomsmen and filled the remaining 3 spots with people on my sister's side (including me). I would mention it to your fiance if there is nobody else you want to ask. I also wouldn't hesitate to ask the old friends or band members, it's just a wedding ceremony, not a lifelong commitment. If someone I wasn't that close to asked me to be in their wedding I would be more flattered than anything, I certainly wouldn't be judgmental or look at the person in a negative light.
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People really won't care. I had the misfortune of being in a bridal party that had 12 on each side. That was WAY too many
Oh wow OP, I totally get what you feel 'cause I have social anxiety too. When I was younger I didn't want to get married 'cause I was afraid of being in front of all those people LOL (before I knew small weddings were a thing). Even now when I think about it, I probably wouldn't have a lot of people to invite if I were to get married.
OP
OP
Thanks everyone. I have asked one more of my friends to be a groomsman. He was one of my closest friends in high school and we still talk. I'm good with sticking with 3 for right now. I thought about asking my dad but that might be awkward.
I was a groomsman where there was twice as many bridesmaids as groomsmen. We just walked two bridesmaids per groomsman.
Most importantly, your groomsmen should be your close friends or the ones closest to you. Maybe talk it over with your fiancé. I've been to weddings where solo groomsmen or bridesmaids walked down without a partner. Don't force it.
Most importantly, your groomsmen should be your close friends or the ones closest to you. Maybe talk it over with your fiancé. I've been to weddings where solo groomsmen or bridesmaids walked down without a partner. Don't force it.
My wife had 7 bridesmaids, and I had 3 groomsmen. I was going to add some of my old friends that don't care much about my personal life these days since I anted more than what they offered.
I immediately withdrew the offer some time later, saying "we're just doing it small."
Believe me, it's a perfectly reasonable choice to have a small number, and I think it's better!
I immediately withdrew the offer some time later, saying "we're just doing it small."
Believe me, it's a perfectly reasonable choice to have a small number, and I think it's better!
Go up there with your two groomsmen, even if she is going up there with eight bridesmaids. It's much more real and honestly cooler for you to be like, "these are my groomsmen" and leaving it at those two. If you're looking to fill spots and nobody comes to mind, it makes more sense to leave them blank. Symmetry is not a requirement.
My partner and I didn't have any for our wedding, don't really have a lot of friends. Weddings are weird, since we expect them to be a certain way but everyone is different.
Still, I hope you're able to figure something out.
Still, I hope you're able to figure something out.
Its your wedding, there are no rules other than your own. If she has 8 bridesmaid and you have your two friends, so be it, and screw what any others think.
That said, my personal slant- I always leans towards compromise if you feel strongly about symmetry in the bridal/groomsman parties..
Your fiancé could just trim it to 2 gals to match your 2 friends, OR maybe you (and by you, I mean your fiancé) can recruit some guy acquaintances to step in for you (boyfriends/husbands of her girlfriends, and whatnot. They may not be your best friends, or anyone you really associate with at all, but shit, all they got to do is wear a suit and stand there. I
Personally, I think the fiancé is putting you in a little bit of a hard spot here with that mega bridal party knowing your situation, and if its not too late, I'd consider challenging that a little by suggesting what I said above. That said, you may not want to challenge her on this, or maybe its too late in the game, and I don't blame you. If its lopsided, really, no big deal. Its YOUR wedding, always remember that.
I basically showed up to my wedding with NO guy friends at all. (All those I had were too far away, not in touch any more from my "school" days. My wife had her two best friends stand for her, and their husbands stood in for me, despite being little more than acquainted with them on a very basic level. No biggie, nice and simple.
That said, my personal slant- I always leans towards compromise if you feel strongly about symmetry in the bridal/groomsman parties..
Your fiancé could just trim it to 2 gals to match your 2 friends, OR maybe you (and by you, I mean your fiancé) can recruit some guy acquaintances to step in for you (boyfriends/husbands of her girlfriends, and whatnot. They may not be your best friends, or anyone you really associate with at all, but shit, all they got to do is wear a suit and stand there. I
Personally, I think the fiancé is putting you in a little bit of a hard spot here with that mega bridal party knowing your situation, and if its not too late, I'd consider challenging that a little by suggesting what I said above. That said, you may not want to challenge her on this, or maybe its too late in the game, and I don't blame you. If its lopsided, really, no big deal. Its YOUR wedding, always remember that.
I basically showed up to my wedding with NO guy friends at all. (All those I had were too far away, not in touch any more from my "school" days. My wife had her two best friends stand for her, and their husbands stood in for me, despite being little more than acquainted with them on a very basic level. No biggie, nice and simple.
If you worry about the appearances on your wedding day, I'm worried you won't enjoy what should be the best party of your life. I think it says a lot about you, in a good way, that you don't have 10 "fairly good friends" you have to pick from, but a couple solid dudes in your corner.
Imagine, even for a second, someone petty enough to think less of the groom or bride for something like this. Imagine thinking like this of the people you're there to celebrate. It doesn't make any sense. You'll be fine, ExhaustedWalrus (And congratulations on getting married!)
OP could want an equal number so that the bridesmaids aren't walking down the aisle alone.
OP
OP
It's not really an issue of wanting an even number. It really comes down to the expectation and societal norm that the bride and groom each have 8. But personally I don't think it's that important. I just wanted to have a good amount, and due to social anxiety I was worried about people judging me when I'm up there.
Ah ok. I feel you. I'm pretty sure my bride would have more bridesmaids than I would groomsmen. At the end of the day, this is ya'lls special day. What others think doesn't really matter. Just try to have as much fun as possible.
I feel like I would likely be in a similar situation if I were to get married soon, so add me to the list of people saying don't care about how many groomsmen you have or whatever and just enjoy the wedding.
The reality is people are going to wonder much more why the bride has eight. That's an absurd amount.
Did the two of you discuss this at all beforehand? Usually you figure this out before asking anyone.
OP
OP
Well she's kind of been going ham at everything with the wedding and I haven't really thought about it too much yet because it stresses me out
I feel you OP, I got married last October during Covid and we had venues cancel and all sorts of shit go down but the day was amazing and yours will be too!
A lot of people here are commenting about the 8 bridesmaids, but the biggest issue about have many bridesmaids is the cost to the wedding - depending on what you are kicking in for in terms of dresses etc. Just an FYI and if you arent paying their way (or can afford to) have 70 bridesmaids who gives a shit.
Also, your Dad can be one of your groomsmen, no rules against that!
Have you talked about budget yet? I know it is stressful, but you cannot put this off.
lmao - 8 bridesmaids holy shit. Good luck on your groomsman search OP, but rest assured nobody actually cares how many groomsman you have. Why not see if your fiance can calm down with the giant wedding party? Otherwise just ask some family members.
I know how you feel OP. Before my fiancée called off our wedding and left a few months ago it was my one of my biggest anxieties in the whole wedding plan.
She was going to have her mom be the maid of honour and her 3 sisters as bridesmaids because she couldn't choose just some of her friends out of her main friend group. I had my cousin I grew up with for my best man and then no one else. Could probably have filled it in with my uncles and step dad if I really wanted to even it out, but I just felt like a friendless loser, even though she said it didn't matter It did to me.
She was going to have her mom be the maid of honour and her 3 sisters as bridesmaids because she couldn't choose just some of her friends out of her main friend group. I had my cousin I grew up with for my best man and then no one else. Could probably have filled it in with my uncles and step dad if I really wanted to even it out, but I just felt like a friendless loser, even though she said it didn't matter It did to me.
I got married early last year and had 3 groomsmen. My brother, my best friend(best man) and his brother.
We've spent decades apart and I don't see them often but they were part of my life growing up. Other than that most of my (still pretty few) friend's are overseas so I get your pain. In the end no one gives a shit man.
Trying to work out 'grooms side' of the guests was more embarrassing for me because my missus could fill the 100 person hall whereas I struggle to think of 20 people who might bother to show up.
We've spent decades apart and I don't see them often but they were part of my life growing up. Other than that most of my (still pretty few) friend's are overseas so I get your pain. In the end no one gives a shit man.
Trying to work out 'grooms side' of the guests was more embarrassing for me because my missus could fill the 100 person hall whereas I struggle to think of 20 people who might bother to show up.
My initial take as well, though I'm not judging your fiancé for having so many bridesmaids - I've been to quite a few weddings with 10+ groomsmen/bridsemaids, but always equal amounts for each side.
I would've suggested having her cut down to like 4 for your sake but I'm sure it's way too late in the process to just cut them like that. Either way, I wouldn't feel bad about it. In a way, you having 2-3 close friends will probably make you guys look like a much more close-knit group.
If I was invited to your wedding (which, btw, I'm probably available) seeing 2 groomsmen versus 8 bridsemaids would just make me think, "man, this guy REALLY loves these two." Then I'd probably inadvertantly start wondering whether your fiancé actually likes any of the 8 she picked because she's trying to please everybody lol
Don't feel bad. Be happy that you're getting married, and don't worry what other people think about you.
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OP
OP
Yes of course. I'm mainly just talking about stress related to inviting people
Have you talked to your fiancee about this? My wife and I didn't really want a wedding. Her parents are traditional Portuguese and wouldn't let it go so my wife eventually gave in. Everything stressed us out because it was all too much and not really what we wanted. The thing that saved us was talking about everything that bothered us, figuring out what we did want and how to make the best of a bad situation.
Just make sure you're inviting people you want to be there. Don't worry about if so and so would get mad if they don't get an invite because that's not your problem. The unwritten rules around weddings are nonsense
yeah they had to like... curl the line on her side to make everyone fit while she was getting married. That and all groomsmen had to walk with 2 bridesmaids, and still there was enough girls that some of the girls had to walk with another girl.