Fat4all's Top 5 Flamin' Hot Snacks
Friends, it's been a long few days at the start of this year and I bet a lot of you are losing that pep in your step. Well, allow me to re-pep that step with some Flamin' Hot goodness. This pup will pip your pep til you pop.
As you are surely well aware, the last few years has seen a boom in Flamin' Hot activity. The flavor has spread far and wide, and will soon be receiving a movie based on it's inventor and their rise to the top of the snack-foods industry. As we look forward, it's important to look back at the past and remember the innovations and comforting classics we've all grown to cherish and adore and worship as our new pagan deity, consuming it's bountiful flesh for now and ever more.
With that said, on with the ritual!
Number Five
Flamin' Hot Rold Gold Thin Crisps
Flamin' Hot Rold Gold Thin Crisps
Sporting a nice, thick coat of Flamin' Hot flavoring, these pretzel snacks are a great treat to snack on for hours at a time. The Flamin' Hot flavor hits you with a kick right away, but then the pretzel cuts through that heat and makes it easy to much away at for hours at a time. The next time you are on watch duty for the Fritothorities and need to keep and eye out for any intruders into the secret ritual area's, you be well and truly satisfied with these keeping you company through the long nights of bloodshed.
Number Four
Flamin' Hot Frito's
These babies are taaaasty! If you are already a fan of Frito's then you might fit right in with these. The corn chip and slightly heavy oily texture mix perfectly with the fairly heavy Flamin' Hot spice. Each bite mixes its components to a near perfect degree, munch like the mixtures of various blood sacrifices needed to start the new world in the shape of our new king. With these around your fingers night never lose that classic red hue found on all True Believers.
Number Three
Flamin' Hot XXTRA
Flamin' Hot Frito's
These babies are taaaasty! If you are already a fan of Frito's then you might fit right in with these. The corn chip and slightly heavy oily texture mix perfectly with the fairly heavy Flamin' Hot spice. Each bite mixes its components to a near perfect degree, munch like the mixtures of various blood sacrifices needed to start the new world in the shape of our new king. With these around your fingers night never lose that classic red hue found on all True Believers.
Number Three
Flamin' Hot XXTRA
While everyone can agree that the original Crunchy Flamin' Hot are classic and a staple in every household, why be classic when you can be XXTRA? More Flamin' Hot heat in a nostalgic form, these rods of joy keep your tongue on full alert! Not only are these delectable snacks, but they also function as the perfect offerings during secret meeting concerning the great red allfather of us all, be they blessed in furious spice.
Number Two
Flamin' Hot Dill Pickle
Flamin' Hot Dill Pickle
Unique. Crisp. Sharp. Spicy. Beautiful. Rare be it for the world to encounter such a perfect encapsulation of flavors as this (and this is only number 2). Combining the punchy and sharp flavors of Dill with the heat and building spice of the Flamin' Hot and you are left with some of the best chips on the market. These crisps act as almost a spiritual shock to the system, removing and previous false gods and ideologies and replacing them with nothing but the sweat and loving elders of the Flamin' Hot above. One day you know that they will return to earth and slay all who stay ignorant to their embrace, but for them you show no pity, for you are now one of the Chosen.
Number One
Flamin' Hot Smartfood Popcorn
Flamin' Hot Smartfood Popcorn
The end of the road is here. once the ritual is complete the world will be drowned in the fires of the Flamin' Hot lords resurrection. Those who have turned away, those who have refused it's blessing; you will be destroyed. Your life and the lives of all you know will be forfeit to this reclamation of the snake deity. It is too late for you. The doors of the sanctum have already been sealed, snipers are posted around the compound 24 hours a day, and the ritual has already commended. Those chosen few will live forever in the loving arms of the Flamin' Hot lord, the one who was with us from the start, the one who whispered into our ear every night, the one who told us truths that would break the constitution of lesser men. We will ascend, rise above this spice-less world, see it reduce to ashes, and we will cry tears of blood, blood given to use, provided to us, a reward for the years of dedication to the lord, years of sacrifices, years of prayer and dedication to the Flamin' Hot King. What is set in motion cannot be undone. Your government won't save you. Your false God is nowhere to be seen. It will be a day that will forever leave a scar on this tiny corner of the universe, one blistered red with the spice that flows through out veins.
Man, that's some good popcorn.
