"Family is everything" - agree or disagree?

[shaneo632]

Been thinking about making this topic for a while because it's something I think about quite a lot.

I think in general I find the fascination with "family is everything/blood is thicker than water" just a bit absurd.

I love my parents and siblings, but they can be frustrating at times and ultimately they're not people I chose, so why should they be the most crucial thing? Surely those I actively choose to be with, whether romantic or friendship, is more deep and meaningful?

You see family, family, family shoehorned into movies (Fast and the Furious to a near-parodic degree, and all the forced familial links in Star Wars/MCU etc) and especially in sentimental advertising, but I suppose I just don't think family is the most important thing in the world. When it's shoved down my throat in media it just feels incredibly pandering and lazy.

Not trying to be an edgelord with this post, so sorry if it comes off that way. But I know people who will put up with toxic shit from their families because "family is all we have" and other such truisms, and they'll strive for the white picket fence existence because "that's what you're supposed to do." I find it baffling.

We all bring our own experiences/prejudices to the table of course - my parents had a bitter divorce that changed my view of them for a long time, and I don't have any desire for kids - while I suppose I can see how those who have large close-knit families might view it a bit more favourably.

 

[Noctis]

Agreed, ultimately it depends of the people that consist of your family.

 

[nsilvias]

it's stupid. you shouldn't have to deal with people who only bring garbage into your life simply because they are blood.

 

[Pankratous]

Nah, I'm with you OP. I don't get it.

And I say that as someone who's on positive terms with pretty much all my family.

 

[Quinton]

Not knocking anybody who subscribes to this notion, but fuck that. Frankly I'm a bit petty whenever I hear this phrase because I don't have blood relations.

Now "Family is what you make of it" — that I can give along with.

 

[Bane]

As someone whose had family fuck him over in various ways through most of my life I strongly disagree with the sentiment. It's a point of contention between my gf and I. She falls into that last paragraph of putting up with all kinds of shit from her family because it's family, whereas I say if they treat you like shit, cut them out. Most people I consider family today are longtime good friends I choose to think of that way. Blood don't mean shit.

 

[SurrenderDorothy]

Family isn't everything, and I love my family.

 

[Chivalry]

Disagree. Maybe if it's the one you've chosen for youself, but screw that blood nonsense.

 

[HStallion]

While I get the general notion that you can trust and turn to family when you can't anyone else its the fact that you need a family worth turning to. Some people are not so lucky sadly.

 

[entremet]

I don't know about everything, but still rather important. Family can also be the conduit of lots of pain for many.

I'm fortunate my family has been loving and supporting and still are.

 

[Knight in Shining Armani]

Good people are everything. Whether they are blood related or not is moot.

 

[Wackamole]

Nah.
100% depends on the people imo.

 

[Ravelle]

To me Family are the people you care about which is my closest family members and my circle of friends. We do everything for each othther when we're in need of something.

My only close relatives are my two uncles and their family, my grand father and my aunt and even then, I only hang out with them on birthdays. All the other blood related people are whatever, there's some serious family beef going on that's fueled by my grandfather's age.

 

[nicoga3000]

I am 100% against this idea.

My family is pretty supportive of me and my wife, although we definitely get the short end of the stick given that I moved away to start my life.

My wife's "family" is trash tier. My wife has been through therapy from all the emotional trauma and distress they put her through, and she still has "flare ups" that can make things hard for her. We don't talk to them at all. My wife has stated that when her her parents die, we won't be going to any sort of funeral or service or whatever for them. I'm a pretty nice and understanding person, but if something bad were to happen to those people, I'd be perfectly OK with it.

 

[Ichthyosaurus]

 

[Pop-O-Matic]

 

[Deleted member 2809]

Family are just people you start closer to. Some people are shit and family doesn't change anything to this.

 

[Daphne]

I agree with the OP. The biggest regret I have is not breaking off all contact with the remnants of my family when I was 16. I didn't because I bought into the family is everything crap, and it only bought me trauma and misery; being used and treated like shit. You have to be strong enough to cut toxic people out of your life, no matter who they are.

 

[Joe Shlabotnik]

You should cut your family a good amount of slack because it's probable you were cared for or sacrifices were made in ways that you don't remember or can't fully appreciate. But there is definitely a limit and people can have shitty, toxic or abusive family members that do not deserve your respect or need to be in your life.

In general, people bragging about or overemphasizing how protective they are of their family always feels narrow and anti-social to me. We're all (generally speaking) going to prioritize who we love, it's natural. But the world could stand to be more altruistic, too.

 

[deftones r cool]

Screw that. I was raised as an only child, and my parents are insanely toxic.

The more distance I put between them and myself, the better.

 

[Thequietone]

My friends are closer than my family. I barely know my blood family in comparison.

 

[Kain]

You don't have to like your family just because they are, simple as that.

 

[Travo]

After being totally shit on by certain family members....disagree!

 

[Sputnik Sweetheart]

Interdependence is essential. Family is optional. I'm lucky in that I have a great family, but the relationships my friends provide are just as important to me.

Isn't the original quote for the blood/water one "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"?

 

[Deleted member 17990]

I guess it depends on the family you grow up with.

 

[gdt]

Family is what you make it. So yeah, family is everything, but it's also what you make it.

 

[BlackGoku03]

Yeah, there are exceptions to every rule. I mean, not everyone will be privileged enough to have a nice family or a family at all. Those of us that do, I would say are close and would make sacrifices for them.

Now that I'm married and have a kid, yes I'd say they are everything to me. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my family.

But yeah, not everyone can be so fortunate. Especially when different cultures get involved.

 

[Heckler456]

Option 3: depends.

 

[BarryFishFinger]

I'm on positive terms with everyone in my family, but my wife isn't. Her brothers are arseholes, they bring nothing but sadness to her. So what, she's supposed to put up with that because they're related? Nope. Fuck 'em. Treat your family like any other person, if they're bad for you cut them loose and nothing of worth will be lost.

 

[Carn]

Family are just people you start closer to. Some people are shit and family doesn't change anything to this.

Click to shrink...

This. My parents made quite some bad choices and caused a lot of hurt. I consider family to being optional friends. I don't mind most of them, but I don't feel beholden to them in any way.

 

[acheron_xl]

Family is very overrated. They're people, and most people are terrible.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

Family can provide an essential support system where people who don't have anyone else to rely on mutually benefit one another with an implicit guarantee of assistance whenever you need it. Always knowing you can call your family for help is a crucial social structure that has benefited humans for thousands of years. It is a hard and unforgiving world and, depending on who you are, a family to fall back on who loves you unconditionally might be the only thing that ensures your well-being. This cannot be overstated. There are so many people who wouldn't have a place to live or a car to drive or wouldn't have been able to go to school or would have gone to jail if not for being able to call their family for help. This sort of safety net is family's greatest benefit and as a member of a family you stand to benefit from it too. You feed the family and the family feeds you. You all have an easier time as a result. You live longer, happier, safer lives. The notion that family is everything rings true for people in loving and secure families who can't imagine where they would be without them today.

However.

Your family might not provide this for you. There are millions of people for whom family is an active threat to their happiness, health, and success. For people like this, fleeing your family is the only thing you can do to survive. Sometimes the problem is localized and you have to decide, as a family, to remove the bad influence for everyone else's benefit. Sometimes you have to remove yourself instead. If you are one of these people, the idea that family is everything is laughable.

People should feel no obligation whatsoever to maintain or lionize their familial relationships that hurt them. If your family sucks, and they make you unhappy, leave. The family system exists to provide mutual benefit to all parties. If you aren't benefiting you shouldn't force yourself to participate any longer and you shouldn't coddle people who make your family worse. There are lots of places to find love in this world. Don't settle.

 

[Fritz]

To me it's a natural bond that is supposed to be a safety net, an unconditional membership in a community of mutual support. It's certainly not above everything though and there are instances enough were the aforementioned doesn't work or even gets exploited.

But family is also the family you are building for yourself.

 

[Frester]

The full saying is something along the lines of "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", which is essentially the OPPOSITE of what people think it implies (that family is the most important relationships).

It implies that relationships you enter into by choice (the covenant) are stronger, more meaningful, whatever than familial bonds that you have no say over. You can't choose your family.

 

[TheGhost]

I noticed a lot of people tend to not like their family on here while reading threads.

I had a good upbringing, parents are still together. Sure we argue about things (politics) but end of the day that's my family. I love them dearly and if someone were to assault one of them I would end up in prison for a very long time.

You take care of your family, no one else really matters end of the day. I taught my kids this at a young age. When Mom and Dad are gone you look after each other and make sure nothing ever happens to one another.


But I also understand I'm lucky to come from this large loving family with like 30 cousins and tons of aunts and uncles. Some people don't have that and it's totally understandable for them to feel the way that they do.

 

[Danielsan]

No. I don't care that much about family. Not much of a family person.I care about my sister, mother and grandma, and that's about it. I'm also completely fine if I speak to them just once a month. My dad got divorced from my mother when I was 6 and moved abroad. He barely put in any effort to stay in touch and just in general doesn't give a rats ass about me. So I've cut him from my life completely.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

It all depends on your family. Mines great, we are all very close to each other and supportive. My family is all that really matters to me, everyone else is just a stranger.

 

[Coinspinner]

Family can be useful, but there are other things jsut as or more useful.

 

[Scheris]

My father is a narcissistic asshole so much that I don't really think of him as a father, so no.

 

[shaneo632]

The full saying is something along the lines of "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb", which is essentially the OPPOSITE of what people think it implies (that family is the most important relationships).

It implies that relationships you enter into by choice (the covenant) are stronger, more meaningful, whatever than familial bonds that you have no say over. You can't choose your family.

Click to shrink...

This is very interesting, cheers.

You take care of your family, no one else really matters end of the day.

Click to shrink...

My family is all that really matters to me, everyone else is just a stranger.

Click to shrink...

I suppose this is the kind of tribal, insular thinking that I really don't understand. Not bagging on you guys, I just don't get the need to put everybody else at a distance.

 

[Rendering...]

My family set me up for failure, so not really.

 

[BennyBeGoode]

I disagree.

While I love my family and I'm glad for everything I got, my family only loves me conditionally. I come from a cult family (JW) and they only accept me if I live according to the rules of the religion, which I can't and dont' want to. I am sad that this is my situation but family is really what you make of it and I hope one day I have a family of my own, and now I have really good friends who I can trust.

 

[Fiction]

I chose yes because in my view, family is who you make it. Family don't end in blood, and it doesn't start there either.

 

[GLHFGodbless]

Disagree completely. Many people in my family are pieces of shit and I want nothing to do with them. Blood don't mean shit to me.

 

[Risky_Bigness]

I've got a few close family members who I wouldn't piss on if they were on fire so I'll have to disagree.

 

[The_hypocrite]

I'm everything. Thus, family can't be everything.

 

[deathsaber]

It should be, but I sadly must acknowledge that not everyone's family is worth it that sentiment.

 

[LegendofJoe]

I agree with one stipulation, your 'chosen' family is everything. You can't choose your blood relations, and unfortunately some of us aren't blessed with the best.

 

[floridaguy954]

Not knocking anybody who subscribes to this notion, but fuck that. Frankly I'm a bit petty whenever I hear this phrase because I don't have blood relations.

Now "Family is what you make of it" — that I can give along with.

Click to shrink...

Agreed.

 

[Stouffers]

If we're talking about the modern family, I believe family matters. Family ties society together, but family fueds have led to war and worse. If you're all in, the family dynamic can be rich and rewarding. As an example, look at John Adam's family. They produced two presidents and helped build our great nation. If you're looking for examples of a less tradional family, Guy Ritchie's ensemble casts in Snatch and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels are a good place to start.