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Ex Girlfriend hit me up but she has a boyfriend
- Thread starter DongBeetle
- Start date
In time (probably not yet) you will see this was the right call to make.
I don't understand these threads on era where irreversible things happen to the OP in literally a matter of minutes. Ops first post, my ex and I hung out. 10 minutes later, oh shes not talking to me anymore... What?
don't do it. it won't work. let it go. you two broke up for a reason, possibly a good one - or a hard one. even if you did get back together, it wouldn't be long before those past pains and reasons came back to the fore. and you do have to wonder about someone who is willing to entertain ideas that she might possibly be cheating (and imo, she was - emotionally.)
perhaps she needed this to resolve any residual feelings, maybe you both did. perhaps she's having a hard time with her current bf, that doesn't mean greenlight for you either. it's time to move on.
perhaps she needed this to resolve any residual feelings, maybe you both did. perhaps she's having a hard time with her current bf, that doesn't mean greenlight for you either. it's time to move on.
I'm with most of the people too. This is called back burning and since she is unsure about her current thing she wants you there as an emergency option, especially in the winter. I would avoid that man.
Of course I just got back together with my ex so what do I know? It wasn't the same circumstances though. Neither of us had a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Of course I just got back together with my ex so what do I know? It wasn't the same circumstances though. Neither of us had a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Block her and move on. She sounds like trouble and I kinda feel bad for the other guy tbh.
Also I can't imagine having a 4 hour phone call with anyone. That sounds...exhausting.
Also I can't imagine having a 4 hour phone call with anyone. That sounds...exhausting.
She is using you as her safety net if things do not workout with her BF. Do not get suckered into it. Cut her out and leave.
Exactly my thought. Should have just watched Moana or something. But nah, let's watch a movie about a crumbling relationship after talking for four hours about our crumbled relationship.
And OP stop enabling her. This isn't ok to the other person involved.
Ignore all the advice you're getting in this thread, OP. Like you said, you already know what to do. You know her better than any of us do, too.
Since we're talking, though, I'll just relay a personal story (i.e. nostalgically rant into the void): one of my exes found a new boyfriend in practically record time after we broke up. That wasn't really the end of us, though. Sometimes you enter into a "the end has no end" situation, wherein managing a state of being over becomes a pure matter of will. Within 3 months, we were hanging out as friends, and it didn't take long from there for her to express doubt and ask me anxiety-inducing questions like "do you want to be with me again?" ("I don't think that would be a good idea" being my hesitant response).
Fast forward a couple years, through a few tear-filled conversations, through me entering into a new relationship and her suddenly asking to see me, etc., etc., and it's obvious that all this time later, there's still a reservoir of romantic feeling.
Sometimes those feelings aren't really translatable to a relationship, though, as you know. By the time I found that new relationship, my strategy toward her had long been "be within reach but don't actively reach out," and we already only talked somewhat rarely. After one last emotional conversation, though, we agreed it would be best if we stopped talking entirely, at least for awhile.
I'm currently in a happy relationship, and so is she. There's no rush to "get over" things, and some amount of confusion is perfectly fine. All you need to do is honestly ask if a relationship with her would really be the best vessel for your happiness and growth. Sounds like you've done that already, and come to a reasonable conclusion.
Since we're talking, though, I'll just relay a personal story (i.e. nostalgically rant into the void): one of my exes found a new boyfriend in practically record time after we broke up. That wasn't really the end of us, though. Sometimes you enter into a "the end has no end" situation, wherein managing a state of being over becomes a pure matter of will. Within 3 months, we were hanging out as friends, and it didn't take long from there for her to express doubt and ask me anxiety-inducing questions like "do you want to be with me again?" ("I don't think that would be a good idea" being my hesitant response).
Fast forward a couple years, through a few tear-filled conversations, through me entering into a new relationship and her suddenly asking to see me, etc., etc., and it's obvious that all this time later, there's still a reservoir of romantic feeling.
Sometimes those feelings aren't really translatable to a relationship, though, as you know. By the time I found that new relationship, my strategy toward her had long been "be within reach but don't actively reach out," and we already only talked somewhat rarely. After one last emotional conversation, though, we agreed it would be best if we stopped talking entirely, at least for awhile.
I'm currently in a happy relationship, and so is she. There's no rush to "get over" things, and some amount of confusion is perfectly fine. All you need to do is honestly ask if a relationship with her would really be the best vessel for your happiness and growth. Sounds like you've done that already, and come to a reasonable conclusion.
How old are you guys? Sorry if that was answered earlier in the thread.
Yeah, these things happen...the long-game goodbye is one of the toughest ways to move on. I mean, it's not so bad if she's not with someone, but she is, soooo...unless you wanna get yourself involved in more drama than it's probably worth, it's probably best to cut yourself off. The what-ifs and wanna-hafta-gonna innuendo could eventually end up in her cheating, you guys having sex, and you being a part of it. I mean, if you're fine with that, but it doesn't sound like she's in a good place.
I don't think you're getting used. I just think she's confused and probably SHOULDN'T be in a relationship with someone else right now and that she made the transition way too fast.
Your call, and I know it's far easier said than done, but cut off all contact, wish her well, and focus on moving on yourself. If you're still interested, maybe wait things out and see how things go with her boyfriend.
I've had personal experience of being in the girl's shoes. Wanted to cheat on a new girlfriend with an old one, but the old one stepped away and said she didn't want to be a part of that because she was thinking of my current girlfriend. I was stupid, and she was right. I never spoke to her again, and it's been for the better since.
Be the guy who walks away. Who knows where things will be in a year, two, or more? For now, it's probably best to leave it be.
Yeah, these things happen...the long-game goodbye is one of the toughest ways to move on. I mean, it's not so bad if she's not with someone, but she is, soooo...unless you wanna get yourself involved in more drama than it's probably worth, it's probably best to cut yourself off. The what-ifs and wanna-hafta-gonna innuendo could eventually end up in her cheating, you guys having sex, and you being a part of it. I mean, if you're fine with that, but it doesn't sound like she's in a good place.
I don't think you're getting used. I just think she's confused and probably SHOULDN'T be in a relationship with someone else right now and that she made the transition way too fast.
Your call, and I know it's far easier said than done, but cut off all contact, wish her well, and focus on moving on yourself. If you're still interested, maybe wait things out and see how things go with her boyfriend.
I've had personal experience of being in the girl's shoes. Wanted to cheat on a new girlfriend with an old one, but the old one stepped away and said she didn't want to be a part of that because she was thinking of my current girlfriend. I was stupid, and she was right. I never spoke to her again, and it's been for the better since.
Be the guy who walks away. Who knows where things will be in a year, two, or more? For now, it's probably best to leave it be.
You need to be more proactive in not getting hurt again. Don't let her hold your feelings hostages depending on whether she's blocking you or not.
She's probably unsure of her feelings. She has a new relationship, but may also see you as "security". I went through it with an ex in the past, too, and it's absolutely brutal because you'll break up all over again.
And in my case, contact me a couple years later after I started dating my current wife in order to try and get back together again.
And in my case, contact me a couple years later after I started dating my current wife in order to try and get back together again.
Thanks for making my sleep-deprived mind believe I somehow fucked up and bumbled my way back to The Forum That Shall Not Be Named. Real sweet of ya, fella.
(Also, I'll echo everyone else: Walk away. This will get messy.)
(Also, I'll echo everyone else: Walk away. This will get messy.)
Because shit probably isn't going so well w/ the new guy and she wanted to use you for emotional fulfillment and an ego boost. She'll hit you up again and you need to just ignore her, doing this shit likely reset your 'get over her' clock and now you're gonna feel like shit for a while (since you still have feelings for her)
OP
OP
It's a really good movie? She chose it tho she'd never seen it before
Stayed over til 6am.. she wanted you to smash that.. and you didn't. Did you want her back? Should made your move man.
"Wanna watch a movie?"
"Sure, OP. You choose."
"Let's see here... how about a psychologically and emotionally taxing flick that also happens to mirror the psychologically and emotionally painful situation we're in?"
Spoiler: aside from parents playing with their kids, nobody does light tickling and play fighting with someone they don't want to sleep with. You're flirting with danger.
In my early 20s I got a call from an ex who I hadn't spoken with in a year and was in a relationship.
yadda yadda yadda
Now we have two kids and have been very happily married 10 years.
Go for it!
yadda yadda yadda
Now we have two kids and have been very happily married 10 years.
Go for it!
Ah yes, a good case of being used for comfort, then being abandoned again.
Don't respond to her again if you have feelings. There are 3 options:
1. You become friends, and you have to drop all feelings beyond friendship.
2. She leaves her boyfriend if you both want to be together, and she completely ends it with him.
3. You can't get rid of your feelings, so if you don't want to be more than a temporary validation for her...cut it off.
Don't respond to her again if you have feelings. There are 3 options:
1. You become friends, and you have to drop all feelings beyond friendship.
2. She leaves her boyfriend if you both want to be together, and she completely ends it with him.
3. You can't get rid of your feelings, so if you don't want to be more than a temporary validation for her...cut it off.
Whether or not she's intentionally doing this is immaterial. Empathize with her current bf and tell her that this is inappropriate.
She came over hoping to cheat on her boyfriend with you but changed her mind when it became evident you wouldn't initiate.
I'm going to quote a sage friend of mine who offered the simplest of advice when I was bitching about a girl I'd fallen for but was jumping through hoops to make a relationship work: Man, it shouldn't be this hard.
I'm going to quote a sage friend of mine who offered the simplest of advice when I was bitching about a girl I'd fallen for but was jumping through hoops to make a relationship work: Man, it shouldn't be this hard.
This could be a legendary thread if only the OP would do what his heart tells him.
Expect frequent updates OP.
Expect frequent updates OP.
It's a shitty thing to do but her boyfriend is not your problem OP. Don't let that get in the way.
Don't beat around the bush though. Make a move for her, or move on.
Don't beat around the bush though. Make a move for her, or move on.