Liking something isn't an auto defense. I'm not here to teach etiquette. Figure it out yourself since you care to keep on replying without fixing your own problem.
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Every day dozens of people ask me where I'm from, and I'm sick of it
- Thread starter Tetrinski
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No really, I want you to try again so we can have a sensible conversation about this.
OP
OP
I guess I should not expect a decent comment from the kind of people who will generalize an entire country based on a random forum poster.
Ask them that right back.....unless they are Native of course
I don't know why some people always ask that, I'm white with no accent and get asked it too. May be because the Toronto area is so diverse. Sometimes it's offensive, sometimes it's not. People you don't have any kind of relationship with shouldn't ask though.
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OP
OP
Honestly, it seems like something you'll just have to deal with because people will never stop. The same would happen to most of us Americans if we went to another country and spoke the language with a clear accent.
It sucks, but I wouldn't worry about something outside of my control. I'd probably just own it and proudly answer the question all day. Fuck it. Why not?
I know, this isn't a great answer.
It sucks, but I wouldn't worry about something outside of my control. I'd probably just own it and proudly answer the question all day. Fuck it. Why not?
I know, this isn't a great answer.
Travel tips
You can never tell how someone is going to react to that question so it just shouldn't be asked in most situations
As another immigrant in Canada who used to work retail, I feel you. It sucks that the people think ""default"" nationality of Asians is Chinese (and whatever stereotypes come from that), but whatever... I just correct them and move on. I don't think most of it is malicious, nor do I act passive aggressively on it. They just don't know any better, and it definitely is something that's less common with younger generations. I'm sure it's just something old people do to get some small talk going and pass on the time.
Many people are annoying. This is magnified in retail by 10000000000%. I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
But you should consider working through your hatred of Canada, because if not you're going to continue being miserable here. You post about it quite often.
But you should consider working through your hatred of Canada, because if not you're going to continue being miserable here. You post about it quite often.
Tell them it's a speech impediment and that you really wish people wouldn't bring it up. Make them feel as awkward as possible.
I'm a black woman, born and raised in the US (but was also an Army brat so lived in other countries growing up). I once had an old white woman patient who asked me where I was from. I told her I was born in Alabama. She hesitated then asked me what nation I was from. I finally just said slowly, the Nation of Alabama. She stopped after that. I don't have an accent at all and sound like every other person in Seattle. She also didn't ask my white co-worker where she was from, even though she was standing right next to us.
Why not? You may be an interesting person and attract people who want to get to know you. 🙂
I doubt any of that is meant with Ill intent. I could see why it's incredibly annoying though.
They probably don't ask this to your Vietnamese coworker because that's a little more obvious? I don't know.
Try not to take this stuff to hesrt and maybe get out of retail hah.
Why not go with "I'm American" and laugh it off. Questions like these are nothing to get offended over imo. Unless they're being rude and start saying nasty stuff.
I am a white male so you may just want to ignore anything I say.
They probably don't ask this to your Vietnamese coworker because that's a little more obvious? I don't know.
Try not to take this stuff to hesrt and maybe get out of retail hah.
Why not go with "I'm American" and laugh it off. Questions like these are nothing to get offended over imo. Unless they're being rude and start saying nasty stuff.
I am a white male so you may just want to ignore anything I say.
OP
OP
It seems to me you need to read the OP again. If someone wanted to know the random guy working at the toy store, why is the nationality the one thing they ask about? Nobody ever asks me anything else personal other than that. Nobody ever engaged my Canadian coworkers like that. It puzzles me how difficult to understand this is for some of you. It also can't be that difficult to get why it'd be annoying to have the exact same unnecessary conversation so many times every day.
It would be illegal to ask this question in a job interview, and I deal with it between 20 and 50 times per day. Let that sink in.
White people love asking minorities dumb ass questions. The lack of self awareness is annoying as fuck. One of the worse things about being a minority in any service related field.
bless you OP for making people tell on themselves
i'm sorry i don't have any more insightful advice for you than what has already been said, as a blonde white boy who affects generic newscaster while i work retail, i will never be able to truly understand your frustration
i'm sorry i don't have any more insightful advice for you than what has already been said, as a blonde white boy who affects generic newscaster while i work retail, i will never be able to truly understand your frustration
with the parenthetical that i am not black so my observations have minimal value, but that i do live in edmonton, i don't know how it could possibly be considered the "worst place to be poc" when we have such high nonwhite population, and they're so varied in ethnicity. there aren't even enough make canada great again types around here to have Ford-type politicians in power like in ontario
Frankly OP, i think you are being a little silly, i will bluntly said that if this was happening to you in Mexico you would never consider this an issue.
Do you think of yourself as Canadian? Or is it the fact that people can tell you aren't a native english speaker that bothers you?
Do you think of yourself as Canadian? Or is it the fact that people can tell you aren't a native english speaker that bothers you?
I said I was born in Alabama. That means I'm American. I probably would have laughed it off but the "what nation" part was the problem. Like I couldn't be American and black at the same time. And again, she didn't ask my white co-worker the same questions. I didn't say I got offended by it, though she was staring at me the entire time and it felt weird. It was just another instance of this stuff I've dealt with before.
Its annoying because its rude. As I said, I'm American born and raised, and get the question constantly too. It makes you feel 'othered' like you are not part of civilized society.
I feel you OP, I get asked this question all the time as well. I was born in China, but moved at a young enough age to speak the language here fluently, but obviously I look different.
While it's almost always the case of no harm meant, it really annoys me. Whenever they guess right or I answer them, that's the end of it. It's information that is nothing done with at all, so I don't understand why they even ask at all. If they want small talk, then start complaining about the weather.
A while ago, I was at a friend's party and one of their acquaintances that I didn't meet before came up to me and asked that question right away. No greeting, no introduction, right away. Like my ethnicity was more important than my name.
While it's almost always the case of no harm meant, it really annoys me. Whenever they guess right or I answer them, that's the end of it. It's information that is nothing done with at all, so I don't understand why they even ask at all. If they want small talk, then start complaining about the weather.
A while ago, I was at a friend's party and one of their acquaintances that I didn't meet before came up to me and asked that question right away. No greeting, no introduction, right away. Like my ethnicity was more important than my name.
Tbf this kind of small talk with cashiers is really common in Canada, at least here in BC. Talking about the holidays, life, etc
OP
OP
It is none of those two things that bothers me, it is the ones that I point out in the OP. You will find it in the first page, right at the very top.
OP
OP
I'm in BC. Nobody has asked me about family or holidays yet. Nationality? A few times every hour.
Always gonna be nationality you get asked about. You ain't white so you don't belong in their eyes. Detective Diet Racist is on the case.
User Banned (1 month): Rationalizing Discrimination, History of Severe Infractions
OP asked for a solution. The solution is not "everyone else must change fundamental human nature" even if the world might be better if we did (it would). If OP doesn't want to be singled out for being different, the answer is to stop being different. That's the sad truth. It's not possible to change everything else. What else could he do? No one in this thread has yet provided an alternative that is feasible.
Please don't mistake my answer with a lack of sympathy.
I'm sorry but you don't see a parallel to the most Republican type party in Canada's history, the reform party led by disgrace Preston manning, Stephen Harper and the wildrose party? None of those originated outside Alberta
OP
OP
A) you have no clue how hard it is to get rid of an accent.
B) yes, it's them who should change, not me. If the problem was the color of my skin or the shape of my eyes, should I change that too?
I didn't come to Canada to stop being Spanish, I came because my wife is Canadian. Your solution to my problem creates an even bigger problem. If it's annoying to deal with this question, imagine living a life where I have to pretend to be something I'm not just so that others won't judge me based on their prejudice. Fuck that.
My name gives away my "foreignity" too, should I change that as well?
I am Puerto Rican, and I get very often asked what kind of Mexican am I. It really bothers me but I pretend to not care. Some people can be real ass hats.
I'm with you a bit on this. I know two co-workers that actively worked on removing their southern accent (US) since they noticed they were being treated differently.
Yeah, I would go with the Spanish flag suggestion so that people segue immediately to talking about their Spanish holiday instead of the where are you from routine. There's no way they're changing on their own.
Well, to be fair i have a habit of being very curious about where people come from because i have a fair share of international friends and i'm rather proud of it. But the key aspect here is that it seems to happen with random conversation that folks know will go nowhere, and at that point i would think they ask it more so to codify the OP as foreign than to invest in further understanding.
Curiously enough some folks have asked me if i've lived in foreign countries because i don't have an accent, in an area where it's almost as if each neighborhood has its own.
Curiously enough some folks have asked me if i've lived in foreign countries because i don't have an accent, in an area where it's almost as if each neighborhood has its own.
i don't disagree, but i do see other areas of canada trending more reactionary, whereas in metropolitan alberta i see them getting generationally and demographically marginalized
the last lure to conservative thought in alberta in my eyes is the oil industry. sports team mindset and our economy not being diversified means that even "woke" people who respect trans people's pronouns can still feel they have to hate those damn pipeline protestors and secret alberta hater justin because they want us to all lose our jobs.
Welcome to Canada, dear OP.
As someone who has been on both sides of this conversation, I can understand. As you already surmised, these queries do not stem from malice but rather genuine curiosity. And as made blatantly evident, the repetitious nature of it, which the inquirers are unaware of, is grating.
Most people simply want to connect and want to impress and be appreciated and that is why, cheesy as it is, they try to speak to you in your native tongue. When people have tried it with me, it annoyed me but I understood. Then again, unlike you, I did not have to put up with it ad nauseum which would definitely change my temperament over time.
As a Canadian, I will tell you this- Telling people that you are from Canada is a subtle but stern enough message for most Canadians. However, the other suggestion of pinning a spanish flag badge would also be an alternative. Mind you, however, you might still get asked "what country" does that flag represent for the customers not in the know.
Good luck.
As someone who has been on both sides of this conversation, I can understand. As you already surmised, these queries do not stem from malice but rather genuine curiosity. And as made blatantly evident, the repetitious nature of it, which the inquirers are unaware of, is grating.
Most people simply want to connect and want to impress and be appreciated and that is why, cheesy as it is, they try to speak to you in your native tongue. When people have tried it with me, it annoyed me but I understood. Then again, unlike you, I did not have to put up with it ad nauseum which would definitely change my temperament over time.
As a Canadian, I will tell you this- Telling people that you are from Canada is a subtle but stern enough message for most Canadians. However, the other suggestion of pinning a spanish flag badge would also be an alternative. Mind you, however, you might still get asked "what country" does that flag represent for the customers not in the know.
Good luck.
Yeah, no need for you to have to basically pretend to be a wholly different person. I wish I was shocked that this stuff was being suggested, but.
Most answers you can give are either going to invite similar questions or follow-ups or could be seen as snarky by people who are going to be mad regardless. I have a regional accent and get it less, but when I'm asked I usually just say "my mama." Not as convenient in a situation like work though.