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Every day dozens of people ask me where I'm from, and I'm sick of it

TheMadTitan

TheMadTitan

Member
Oct 27, 2017
27,372
Carthago Delenda Est said:
For a real solution, sounds like you need to work on your accent. It's really very quick to get rid of if you're fluent with a bit of hard work.
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Fuck that. If OP speaks the language clearly and concisely. then nothing else needs to be worked on. The accent is a character trait and is probably a lovely and excellent one at that. Shit needs to stay.

Fuck ignorant people who get hung up on accents in their attempt to validate whether or not someone's acceptable.
 
flatearthpandas

flatearthpandas

Member
Oct 26, 2017
5,180
This question is almost inescapable wherever you go. If you are close enough to Spain for the answer to be immediately obvious then people would probably ask what city you're from. I get asked where I'm from on a daily basis as well. There's not much to be done here. For me, I don't care at all. Not sure what to tell you.
 
samoyed

samoyed

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
15,191
Dr. Monkey said:
Plenty of discriminatory or otherizing things aren't malicious, and that's part of the problem. People don't even realize they're being shitty because they completely lack awareness, or don't care.
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Agreed entirely. The speaker doesn't have to be intentionally malicious to come off as annoyingly discriminatory. The whole "where are you really from thing" falls under a category of benign discrimination that is only vaguely harmful but extremely annoying and othering and perpetuates differences.

And the thing is a single question won't set you off but a repeated pattern of it will wear you down, which is what the OP is going through.
 
SnowHawk

SnowHawk

Member
Oct 28, 2017
455
England
I'm English and live in England and people constantly ask where I'm from. I'm white by the way. They always assume I'm from a different country. I guess I have a weird accent. I know how frustrating it is for you op.
 
mutantmagnet

mutantmagnet

Member
Oct 28, 2017
12,401
samoyed said:
I imagine OP is not in a position to tell them off because they might complain to his boss.

So what OP needs is a way to defuse it before he gets dragged into a soliloquy he doesn't want to hear. Having a flag somewhere, maybe. Lying, maybe. Making shit up and trolling, maybe.
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Well the op wants to tell them to stop asking that question.

Most of these suggestions which account to burying his feelings only help so much.

He can get away with being blunt at retail.
 
L Thammy

L Thammy

Spacenoid
Member
Oct 25, 2017
50,134
I never really cared about this to be honest, also an immigrant to Canada. I arrived early enough that I lost my original accent. What's weird to me is that I'm a vague-looking brown guy, so all brown people assume I'm one of them. People from South America walk up to me and talk Spanish or Portuguese. Other South Asians start talking whatever regional language they use. I think it's funny.

I also find it funny how white people, particularly the ones of western european descent, will almost inevitably follow this by describing their own ethnicities with fractions. I don't think they're doing wrong, but I can't remember all this information. I feel like I need a calculator.

Never worked retail though, I can imagine it being distinctly annoying there.
 
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Deleted member 1248

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
12,018
You have to get in the habbit of fucking with people who do this.

Tell them you're from Canada and that what they think is an foreign accent is actually a speech impediment and that you're really self conscious about it because you got bullied as a child for it. Learn how to cry on cue as you explain it. Make the conversation as awkward and uncomfortable as possible. Make them regret the question.
 
Dr. Monkey

Dr. Monkey

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,029
The Kree said:
You have to get in the habbit of fucking with people who do this.

Tell them you're from Canada and that what they think is an foreign accent is actually a speech impediment and that you're really self conscious about it because you got bullied as a child for it. Learn how to cry on cue as you explain it. Make the conversation as awkward and uncomfortable as possible. Make them regret the question.
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Man, this one's funny but I hope y'all also realize that OP fucking with people can put the job at risk, too.

There isn't a good solution. It just sucks.
 

MeaningOfKarma

Banned
Oct 30, 2017
707
I can understand how irritating it could be, and I think your points relating to your coworker and the nature of there being a "right" answer are worth thinking about, but to be honest, if you have an actual accent then this is a lot more innocuous than you're painting it as.

People are idly curious about things, and it's not like they're making an assumption just based on the colour of your skin in this instance.
 
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Maximus

Maximus

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,586
Yea when I worked retail and people would ask, it is an offensive question. Who cares what my ethnicity is, I was born in this country and it has nothing to do with anything. There are so many questions to ask, but I find a lot of people want to know what your background is.
 
Vuze

Vuze

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,186
Ugh, that sucks. I guess a smiling "No." for the kinda insulting assumptions and a simple "Europe" for the rest might help? I would assume most people aren't inquisitive and don't have any vacation/language "stories" to tell in the context of Europe instead of a specific country.

But damn, I never thought about asking some random person about their nationality, what gives.
 
boontobias

boontobias

Avenger
Apr 14, 2018
9,598
When I worked in retail, the funny nice customer who felt like engaging with me as a human being annoyed me a lot more than the ones that treated me like a robot and didnt look me in the eye. Just let me do my job and dont hold me hostage with small talk and fake smiles
 
lunarworks

lunarworks

Member
Oct 25, 2017
22,327
Toronto
samoyed said:
Here's one: "I don't know. I was an orphan."

BOOM

Instantly awkward.
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eoyBjZt.gif
 
Hollywood Duo

Hollywood Duo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
42,374
Dr. Monkey said:
Plenty of discriminatory or otherizing things aren't malicious, and that's part of the problem. People don't even realize they're being shitty because they completely lack awareness, or don't care. They want something (knowledge) to settle an assumption they've already made. To them, it's totally natural and fine. Except for the impacted party, it's not.
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Of course, hence the second part of my post.
 

Deleted member 3815

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,633
I feel your pain, I get asked that question though ironically from people of my own race. I just get straight to the point and say that I was born in Scotland and that my family are from the UK.
 
samoyed

samoyed

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
15,191
As a general PSA.

Don't yell at your retail workers, but don't try to make smalltalk with them either. What may seem friendly comes off as annoying or a waste of time. They will probably be the only retail worker you interact with day, but the worker will be forced to interact with many more people before their day's over while you get to go home and relax.
 
Gaming_Groove

Gaming_Groove

Member
Apr 4, 2018
2,813
Sorry that happens to you OP. I get asked if I'm actually American a lot since I work in a tech support position. It drives me crazy to have people make assumptions about where I'm from based on what I do for a living. I would probably be extremely pissed if people asked me questions or made assumptions like that just based on an accent.
 
swift-darius

swift-darius

Member
May 10, 2018
943
me pasa lo mismo aqui en madrid la verdad, a pesar de que soy espanol. me criaron en el extranjero, y aunque hablo el castellano perfectamente ya que soy bilingue tengo un acentillo muy sutil que a la gente a veces les intriga. te acostumbras a repetir respuestas de mierda mil veces...

honestly there's no way you can get people to critically examine themselves and question whether the other gets this a lot, so anything you can change is on your end, none of which is easy or appealing. work on/hide your accent (i'd say don't, you shouldn't), don't work retail/jobs facing customers that always spout the same things, etc. just kinda part of the international experience I've found. best to grow a thick skin and get to a place where it stops bothering you
 

B.K.

Member
Oct 31, 2017
17,092
I get asked all the time where I'm from. I'm white and I have lived in the same town all my life. I was born and raised here and unfortunately, I'll die here. I've had a bit of a speech impediment forever. When I was in elementary school, I was in speech therapy from kindergarten until sixth grade, when I said I didn't want to do it anymore. Apparently, I have a strange accent. I have to deal with a lot of strangers in my job. I get asked all the time where I'm from and it always blows everyone's mind when I say I was born and raised here.
 
sph3re

sph3re

One Winged Slayer
Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
8,442
samoyed said:
Sorry about the harassment. What if you said you're from Portugal? No one knows anything about Portugal.
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Except Cristiano Ronaldo. That's usually the first thing people go for when I tell them my parents are from Portugal.

Yes, he's the greatest soccer (I was not born in Portugal, so it's "soccer" to me) player who has ever graced the face of the Earth and if Revelations happens before Ronaldo dies, Jesus himself will descend from the heavens above and ask for Ronaldo's autograph.

That doesn't mean it needs to be the first fucking thing you need to bring up every time. I don't even watch soccer. Or like Portuguese chicken, which is usually the second comment I'll get.
 
Xaszatm

Xaszatm

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
10,903
As someone who is Asian, the amount of times I've heard "are you Chinese or Japanese" made me want to strangle everyone who asked that.
 
OP
OP
Tetrinski

Tetrinski

Banned
May 17, 2018
2,915
thesaint08 said:
I wholeheartedly apologise to even suggest that it might be people making small talk. Sorry OP.
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I didn't complain about small talk, I usually don't mind it. I complained about the frequency of this particular question and its connotations, both of which you decided to dismiss to insinuate that I get annoyed over nothing other than small talk.
 
spam musubi

spam musubi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,398
samoyed said:
They want to "make small talk" yes, but in the sense of "you sound different and this makes me curious, let me say something to make you feel different".
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This. I think many people responding aren't getting the issue. I encounter this a lot as well, and my accent is pretty slight. It's not annoying at a per-interaction basis, but when you go through this multiple times every single day it gets really annoying. I don't want to explain my life details to a random clerk every time I want to get a coffee or order at a restaurant or something. "Normal" people get away with just saying hi and some minor pleasantries. I have to go through some background about my country (and I don't come from the one city everyone abroad knows about, so they ask me if I'm from that city, and I have to say no, then they ask me what city then, and when I tell them they say they've never heard it).

It's just alienating.
 

Deleted member 11426

User Requested Account Closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,628
Greensboro NC
Tambini said:
Why are they so nosy? I would never ask a person working at a shop where they're from
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Some people just like small chit chat. I'm white and worked in retail. I don't have a southern accent and would get asked it too. Sometimes they'd ask if I played football or if I was in school or whatever.

Real retail employees should be dead inside anyways.
 
Untzillatx

Untzillatx

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
1,375
Basque Country
Well OP, it's an annoying thing for sure, but people even with flawless accents tend to get asked about their origin all the time, everywhere. I've known Romanians here in Spain who speak almost perfect Spanish and still get asked where they are from.
 
Dr. Monkey

Dr. Monkey

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,029

iguanadolphin

Member
Nov 2, 2017
128
User Warned: Inappropriate Commentary
Sounds like Spaniards are a little edgy.

Clearly you won't be able to do much about it, specially if you work with strangers everyday. I get the same question a bunch too, but I work with the same people most of the time so it doesn't as often. I kind of like it though. Maybe if you don't speak at all?
 
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