Era, when does Life get better?

[GARlock Spiral]

I keep being told how suicide is "a permanent solution to a temporary problem". What if the problem has been going on my whole life, and ending it is the best solution?

I keep being told "No, life gets better", but the more I do, the worse it gets. All Life has shown me is that it would be preferential to go out before the end of the year rather than continue until nature takes its course. My biggest regret in life is surviving two suicide attempts. There isn't anything in life i find fulfilling anymore. I'm emotionally exhausted and just don't care anymore because there's nothing worth caring about. I don't have much money or willpower for therapy. My last therapist gave me an epiphany that all I have left in my life to do is to die, and I really wish it would hurry the hell up.

 

[butalala]

How old are you?

 

[Mekanos]

I can't tell you for sure when it gets better, but what I can tell you is if you take your life, you will never find out.

You don't get do-overs on that. I hope you find someone who is more helpful than your previous therapist.

 

[Ghos]

yea era ... let me know too thanks

 

[Dyle]

Seems like never for me too, I hope we're both able to find a way to change that without making an irreversible decision

 

[Aaronrules380]

This feels like something you should be discussing with an actual proffesional and not some randos on era

 

[mjc]

I know you probably feel strongly about feeling helpless, but please reach out to someone. Do you have a friend or family member you can talk with?

 

[deftones r cool]

Read books. Lift weights. Eat healthier. Take more risks. Socialize.

That's my strategy at least

 

[lvl 99 Pixel]

Your therapist sounds like a problem, and something ive also experienced. Sometimes the people working in healthcare seem like the most distant and apathetic, and maybe that comes with long term working in that field but at the same time there needs to be much better treatment for something so overwhelmingly prevalent and destructive.

 

[魑魅魍魎]

I feel the same OP if I had taken my life in high school I would have saved myself a world of pain and loneliness. I think people are just born lucky whether is bad or good luck. Sometimes someone's luck can change however for people like me who has nothing but bad luck life isn't worth living. hopefully your luck changes and you find something to live for. I used to think that hopefully maybe my life will change but now in my old age i know my best bet at a better life is to die and hope I can be reincarnated into a better life.

 

[Pirateluigi]

Just 3 years ago I was in my lowest place ever. And now I'm the happiest I've ever been. I was 32 then and I'm 35 now.


Things can always get better. It took me until my thirties to really understand that.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

How old are you?

Click to shrink...

30.

I can't tell you for sure when it gets better, but what I can tell you is if you take your life, you will never find out.

You don't get do-overs on that. I hope you find someone who is more helpful than your previous therapist.

Click to shrink...

My current mindset is that it never will, and taking it would simply be the better option anyway.

I know you probably feel strongly about feeling helpless, but please reach out to someone. Do you have a friend or family member you can talk with?

Click to shrink...

Bahahahahahah, nope.

This feels like something you should be discussing with an actual proffesional and not some randos on era

Click to shrink...

You're not wrong. Sadly that costs money I can't afford. :/

 

[Wyman Manderly]

Start with getting a new therapist.

I don't know you. I don't have any idea what your life has been like or your current mental condition. But, please, trust this random dude on the internet that it can get better. You just need the proper help from what it sounds like as your current method is obviously not a positive outlet.

This is your only shot here on this earth. It might seem like pure shit, again I don't know your history, but you have to trust that it can be better and will be if you find the correct path and put genuine effort into it. You can't give up, because like the phrase goes, giving up is a permanent solution. And I can guarantee you no matter how hard your life has been up to this point that it can, and will, get better.

 

[Mekanos]

My current mindset is that it never will, and taking it would simply be the better option anyway.

Click to shrink...

1-800-273-8255

This is the national suicide hotline. Please call it as none of us are professionals who can give you proper advice. It never has to end this way.

 

[Reeks]

Where do you live? Some therapists will work with you on price and or use a sliding scale.

 

[Aaronrules380]

I think one thing to keep in mind is that you might need to put in some effort to make it better instead of just expecting for a better life to just happen. It sounds like you don't have a good support structure, so it's really important that you try to look for opportunities to meet people and make an effort. ANd that's hard, trust me I get it, but things are way more likely to get better if you don't just wait for life to change

 

[butalala]

I don't have a silver bullet answer, but I agree with the others who say that you need to keep trying different things. Things do get better. I've been through desperate, sad times myself. Lean on any supports you can think of. Do you live in the United States? Knowing where you live might help people who know more than me connect you to services.

 

[RPGam3r]

When you start appreciating the smaller things. When you spend energy trying to make it better (I saw other people say and I would agree with eating better, exercising, trying new activities, socializing [with other positive people]). When you dust yourself off after getting knocked down and use the negative moment as a learning experience to potentially make a better moment the next time (and if not that time then the next time... and so on).

 

[Bobson Dugnutt]

I don't know yr circumstances, or how shit you feel in general, but I was only happy in my self and my life situation in general during now, my late 20s. at 25 I thought life was irredeemable. It changed for the better and yours can too. 30 isn't too late, you could have a hald century or more of a more fulfilling life ahead of you.

Suicide was never an option due to me seeing the impact of one in my family previously, but I had (still do) a self destructive streak and was pretty happy to let my mind and body go.

Could you expand on what happened with your therapist? did you take something they said and interpret it bad or was it just the wrong person for you?

 

[Doom_Bringer]

My life was shit too, I was living in my dad's shadow. He told me do this, do that, I worked at his law firm and earned below minimum wage. I always wanted to get into software engineering though. Decided to leave him and all his negativity, got a job at walmart, supported myself and went back to school.

Don't be afraid to take bold steps and stay the heck away from negative people who put you down. And then do what you want, but make sure to go 100% all out

 

[butalala]

[Mod Edit: quoted posts removed]


Posts like these feel like they are in poor taste in a thread like this. If you're sincere, I think you should provide more than drive-by posts like this.

 

[Ziltoidia 9]

What is your current situation and what is the source of the problems?

 

[Deleted member 1656]

[Mod Edit: quoted posts removed]

It can. You have to fight on. Your depression may never go away but your life can get better.

 

[Deleted member 48897]

Possible answer to your title-posed question: When capitalism ends

 

[Remark]

The question I ask myself every day tbh.

Hard to get out of bed sometimes ngl.

 

[FluxWaveZ]

When people say "it gets better," I'm starting to realize that that's missing crucial details. Life doesn't simply "get better." Life doesn't act on its own and improves itself for you during low points. I mean, it can if you're lucky and things just fall onto your lap. But I think for most, it's not "life got better" but "I made my life better." The former is shorthand.

So the question really is, if someone has what it takes—the courage and energy required—to take the steps to improve their own life.

 

[Dr.Phibes]

Personally, I've simply accepted that my life is shit and it's too late to change it.

 

[Airegin]

My life was shit too, I was living in my dad's shadow. He told me do this, do that, I worked at his law firm and earned below minimum wage. I always wanted to get into software engineering though. Decided to leave him and all his negativity, got a job at walmart, supported myself and went back to school.

Don't be afraid to take bold steps and stay the heck away from negative people who put you down. And then do what you want, but make sure to go 100% all out

Click to shrink...

Combining a full-time job and school (or anything else that requires hard work and dedication) is an impossible task for people with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. I wish more people would understand that.

 

[Ecotic]

I've had a lot of suicidal friends in my life, and one very close friend right now is there as well. After a lot of intimate talks I finally figured out that they all suffered from not knowing what they wanted in life. That's always been their underlying problem, they don't know where they want to go or who they want to be. They just kind of exist - they wake up and work to pay rent and buy food, but there's no larger endgoal for them. And it was frustrating for me because that's a problem that I couldn't help with. I'd recommend some long-term plans for them to get their lives in order, but the problem was that it was my plan for them and not their plan for themselves. It wasn't a tailor fit for them and so they didn't want it. Ultimately they had to figure out what they desired for themselves, and without that they would never have the motivation that drives healthy people.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

[Mod Edit: quoted posts removed]


Posts like these feel like they are in poor taste in a thread like this. If you're sincere, I think you should provide more than drive-by posts like this.

Click to shrink...

They're not wrong, though. Or so it feels.

What is your current situation and what is the source of the problems?

Click to shrink...

I'm done with life. There is absolutely no reason for me to continue existing. I've failed at everything i've set out to do in my life, and spending the rest of my existence bearing down those failures just doesn't seem worth it. There's nothing in the future that I really care to live for and i've come to realize there never will be. Simple cost benefit analysis means there's nothing you could put in the next 20 years that i'd take over a deadly terminal disease.

It can. You have to fight on. Your depression may never go away but your life can get better.

Click to shrink...

The part of me that fights on is FUBAR.

 

[aerie]

If you're choosing to engage in this thread, it should be to offer support and kindness.

 

[Ziltoidia 9]

I'm done with life. There is absolutely no reason for me to continue existing. I've failed at everything i've set out to do in my life, and spending the rest of my existence bearing down those failures just doesn't seem worth it. There's nothing in the future that I really care to live for and i've come to realize there never will be. Simple cost benefit analysis means there's nothing you could put in the next 20 years that i'd take over a deadly terminal disease.

Click to shrink...

I understand that is how you feel, but I'm asking what your current situation is. What have you failed at?

 

[Doom_Bringer]

Combining a full-time job and school (or anything else that requires hard work and dedication) is an impossible task for people with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. I wish more people would understand that.

Click to shrink...

I was certainly depressed since I knew I was not living up to my potential, but I did not have suicidal thoughts. I had a lot of anxiety problems and getting a front end cashier job at walmart and talking to people certainly helped alleviate it

 

[crimzonflame]

Life is what you make it.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

I understand that is how you feel, but I'm asking what your current situation is. What have you failed at?

Click to shrink...

Career, Family, Friends, What haven't I failed at? The past couple years have hammered home exactly how much i'll never have any of those three or any level of success unless I lower the bar. And I keep lowering it, but i still manage to fail.

 

[Rendering...]

When you change your behavior, probably. Like most of us, including me, you probably have habits and pattern in your life that don't serve you. Try something new.

 

[Deleted member 1656]

The part of me that fights on is FUBAR.

Click to shrink...

Nothing is FUBAR with enough effort and love. In the mean time, find a new part. Or parts. Look for something to keep you going and latch onto it hard. And:

Start with getting a new therapist.

Click to shrink...

Seriously. Or perhaps type of therapy.

 

[Rendering...]

Career, Family, Friends, What haven't I failed at? The past couple years have hammered home exactly how much i'll never have any of those three or any level of success unless I lower the bar. And I keep lowering it, but i still manage to fail.

Click to shrink...

One of the biggest lies ever told is that failure is something to fear. It's literally the key ingredient to learning and growth.

It never feels good, and sometimes there's no gift-wrapped lesson to take from devastating humiliation, but trying again is enough. Experience is about trying again, a lot, until you create something worthwhile out of your struggles.

I'm done with life. There is absolutely no reason for me to continue existing. I've failed at everything i've set out to do in my life, and spending the rest of my existence bearing down those failures just doesn't seem worth it. There's nothing in the future that I really care to live for and i've come to realize there never will be. Simple cost benefit analysis means there's nothing you could put in the next 20 years that i'd take over a deadly terminal disease.

Click to shrink...

You shouldn't trust a depressed mind to supply a clear and realistic picture of the future. The future you see from your current standpoint is hardly the full scope of your possibilities. That's just a fact.

 

[lvl 99 Pixel]

Life is what you make it.

Click to shrink...

Someones clearly troubled and this could easily be interpreted as blaming them for not trying hard enough.

 

[crimzonflame]

Someones clearly troubled and this could easily be interpreted as blaming them for not trying hard enough.

Click to shrink...

I apologize. Not my intention.

 

[PoppaBK]

If you are in the US, look into a local NAMI meeting. It's free, and you will meet people who are struggling with the same shit as you.

 

[joe_zazen]

Yeah, i know exactly how you feel. sometimes walk around care facilities for the elderly or the hospice center near my home because these places remind me that there is an end. I am lucky enough to have an SO and access to meds which have stopped me from topping myself.

So, from one suicidal depressive to another, try and get an SO and get on some meds. Also, ECT saved my life. Not much in the way of advice, but it is all i got.

 

[joe_zazen]

Oh, and dont judge yourself using normal people as the bar. For some, making any kind of life and dying from natural causes is an enormous victory.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

Nothing is FUBAR with enough effort and love. In the mean time, find a new part. Or parts. Look for something to keep you going and latch onto it hard. And:Seriously. Or perhaps type of therapy.

Click to shrink...

See, i'm OUT of effort. I've tried way too many times in everything over the years.

And LOVE?!?!! HAHAHAHAHA, i don't even know what that is. Never felt it and dealing with the hope that I might be wrong only to be proven right once again would certainly take whatever is moving my body just to say "Fuck it" and off myself. No, i'm not dealing with any kind of "love" EVER fucking again.

There IS no new part. And there never will be. I've come to realize and deal with that the hard way.

One of the biggest lies ever told is that failure is something to fear. It's literally the key ingredient to learning and growth.

It never feels good, and sometimes there's no gift-wrapped lesson to take from devastating humiliation, but trying again is enough. Experience is about trying again, a lot.


You shouldn't trust a depressed mind to supply a clear and realistic picture of the future. The future you see from your current standpoint is hardly the full scope of your possibilities. That's just a fact.

Click to shrink...

I've tried. A lot. And i'm out of it. The only lesson to learn from devastating humiliation is that living leads to more devastating humiliation, and imagining there could be some other outcome is at this point, naive. And once again, there is nothing my future could have 20+ years into the future that would possibly be better than ending myself before the year is over.

Yeah, i know exactly how you feel. sometimes walk around care facilities for the elderly or the hospice center near my home because these places remind me that there is an end. I am lucky enough to have an SO and access to meds which have stopped me from topping myself.

So, from one suicidal depressive to another, try and get an SO and get on some meds. Also, ECT saved my life. Not much in the way of advice, but it is all i got.

Click to shrink...

I've learned that there's no one out there for me. Pretending otherwise is naive.

 

[Rendering...]

I've tried. A lot. And i'm out of it. The only lesson to learn from devastating humiliation is that living leads to more devastating humiliation, and imagining there could be some other outcome is at this point, naive. And once again, there is nothing my future could have 20+ years into the future that would possibly be better than ending myself before the year is over.

Click to shrink...

Maybe it's time for a big change in your habits then. Failure isn't a curse or a prophecy, and you don't have to put forth a superhuman effort to change a negative cycle. You just have to be consistent with the small things over a period of time.

Have you read The Slight Edge? It lays out a simple and practical approach to nudging your life into an upward trend.

Also, if you can stomach a bit of spiritual woo, you might get a lot out of The Power of Now. It's especially helpful for people who have negative thoughts on a loop 24/7. If you're like me, you might benefit from ignoring the nonsensical claims and simply using it as a guidebook to quiet your mind.

 

[oledome]

I've never been in the position you're in but I have had times when things weren't going my way. It took some about turns and big changes to get out of a rut but it had to start with smaller things, I think you can rebuild and that part that fights will come back even if it feels like it's not there right now. I know you're 30 and everything but that's really young by today's standards, you're not spent, you have plenty of time to figure out your next step.

 

[Deleted member 29280]

First, just call the national suicide hotline and talk to someone more qualified to help you.

But life gets better when you realize that happiness relies mostly on your mindset and outlook. Happiness is not having everything you want. Its being able to count your blessings, and to be able to cope with the terrible things that happen to every single one of us.

Count your wins, not your losses. Let go of things you can't change, take steps to changing the things you can. Hope this helps my man, you will feel better.

 

[GARlock Spiral]

Maybe it's time for a big change in your habits then. Failure isn't a curse or a prophecy, and you don't have to put forth a superhuman effort to change a negative cycle. You just have to be consistent with the small things over a period of time.

Have you read The Slight Edge? It lays out a simple and practical approach to nudging your life into an upward trend.

Also, if you can stomach a bit of spiritual woo, you might get a lot out of The Power of Now. It's especially helpful for people who have negative thoughts on a loop 24/7. If you're like me, you might benefit from ignoring the nonsensical claims and simply using it as a guidebook to quiet your mind.

Click to shrink...

If I did, then what habits do I change? One of my problems is that there's nothing I really care to do anymore. I'm certainly not perfect, but i'm not sure what about me can change that would actually be of any use. I don't see any redeeming value/use in my life whatsoever.

I've never been in the position you're in but I have had times when things weren't going my way. It took some about turns and big changes to get out of a rut but it had to start with smaller things, I think you can rebuild and that part that fights will come back even if it feels like it's not there right now. I know you're 30 and everything but that's really young by today's standards, you're not spent, you have plenty of time to figure out your next step.

Click to shrink...

No, it will not. It's impossible to rebuild when your fragments get further fragment and then atomized and then dissected further. You say i have plenty of time? I want LESS time in general. That's the problem.

First, just call the national suicide hotline and talk to someone more qualified to help you.

But life gets better when you realize that happiness relies mostly on your mindset and outlook. Happiness is not having everything you want. Its being able to count your blessings, and to be able to cope with the terrible things that happen to every single one of us.

Count your wins, not your losses. Let go of things you can't change, take steps to changing the things you can. Hope this helps my man, you will feel better.

Click to shrink...

Calling them would imply I want to be saved. I suppose I want to want to be saved but there's no reason in thinking that calling them would be of any use. But hey, my blessings and wins ultimately amount to exactly why calling them is a waste of time. I'm not worth saving.

 

[joe_zazen]

If you get to that point where you are buying rope (which i have done), just remeber getting ready to act on suicidal impulses is a medical emergency and hospitals will admit you. I think you know there is some hope because you are posting here...not for a happy life, but for avoiding that terror in the final moments before suicide; and getting the unbearable pain of major depression under control.

when i got hospitalized, that was a bad time, like hellish. I couldn't have gone on. But getting near to the moments before attempting suicide is terrifying, and I decided to give hospitalisation a chance. i got a doctor who helped me get a cocktail of meds that worked, ECT to kill the worst of the episode, and group therapy for two years. And i got some social supports. I dont know if those things are options where you live, but i sure hope so.

I am not going to tell you i am happy about living, because i am not. But i havent had a major episode since release, and i get occasional flashes of happiness against the background of persistent low grade depression. For me it is a victory.

and then just eat bacon and beef everyday so you dont have to live to be 95. Eating bacon and beef everyday is much less scary than affixing rope to the rafters.

 

[LexingtonKruger]

I am in a very similar mind set. I have survived two attempts also.

I am very sick. I realize this. I feel like I have no control over my life. I struggle against my emotions.

I think I am a sensitive person, and maybe many depressed people are.
Initially I rebelled against this reality that I would have to hurt myself everyday, to work, to do other things in life.

I never had the pragmatism of other people. I would finish a shift at work and look around to see high-fives and hugs. I would feel so outcast as I only felt this sort of horror, a pain, that I was only able to match to an emotion after I was sexually assaulted. I couldn't believe people would take my will from me and force me to perform.
It felt like day in and day out I was being raped.
It felt like I was hurting myself, another emotion I experienced from the act.

To committ to life , I had to learn to allow myself to be raped , to get used to hurting myself daily.

I can't explain to anyone how much I hurt myself by choosing to participate in life. Each day I go to work I am hurting myself, I am allowing myself to be raped.

I think what conditions these thoughts is this notion that I am poor, and so I can dream of a world with better people.
I have held this idea in my mind of better people, and better work.

The more I live the more I realize that there are no really good people, and you eventually come to reflect the people who you are surrounded with. I could advance a position in my career and then I would be the one doing the raping now.
Like with any rapist I would tell the person I'm raping how much I cared, which would then grant me further control as I elicited a performance.

Life has taught me that kindness and cruelty are very much intertwined, as is love and hate.

Your friends will tell you they care about, as they watch you get raped, and then you watch them get raped. It is after all a democracy.

Life is like a prostitution or a video game, when you get raped money or food comes out. This let's you live.

The problem with society today and why there are so many suicides, is this question?
People ask why they should live if it just means being raped.
What you have to realize is that everyone is raped, there is no choice.
Then gradually the concept of choice will fade, and then you will learn to greet a friend and spread your ass cheeks.
Only metaphorically, in actuality you will just greet them with a smile.