Era, what is empathy?

[Destroyer]

I was recently banned for saying something really insensitive in a thread where someone was considering suicide. I thought I had the right answer but a few people told me I was wrong and that made me think, maybe I'm not very empathetic.

I grew up privileged; white, parents were rich, homeschooled. Basically everything was easy. I've always tried to consider others but I do tend to offend people. Some people think it's funny, even people who don't come from privileged backgrounds, but most take it as just another white kid flexing his privilege.

I want to change.

This is no way to live. I've never been one of those people to step over a homeless person begging for money, but I still think I'm a piece of shit and I'll tell you why.

I ghost girls. I lose interest and I just stop replying. It's not because they won't put out, I just lose interest. I know it's shitty and wrong, but I do it anyway.

I don't respect my elders. I feel bad for people who are considerably older than me. Their "ignorant" questions bother me, and I usually choose to ignore them. I work in a customer service job so I tend to get impatIent with them although I don't let that show. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "you fucking idiot" and I know that's wrong.

I criticize others, especially others who criticize others. I know, I'm a hypocrite. I'm really bothered by complaining about work, so instead I complain about people.

Basically, I think I'm a bad person. And I know it's reductive and cliché to say that, but I'm saying it anyway because that's how I feel.

Any advice, Era?

 

[Deleted member 19533]

I work in a customer service job so I tend to get impatIent with them although I don't let that show. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "you fucking idiot" and I know that's wrong.

Click to shrink...

It's most likely this bit right here that's done you in.

Working in customer service is soul crushing and makes you hate people. It's very hard to be empathetic towards them with all the vile, hostile nonsense you put up with.

It definitely changed me after doing it for years. You begin to not care for others at all.

 

[Kyra]

Put yourself in other peoples shoes. Think of all the suffering that happens across the planet and think do all those people really deserve it? Try not to contribute to the hate and despair.

 

[Deleted member 14377]

Honestly, we can be armchair analysts of your life and give you some poor advice and support, but I think in this regard you should seek out some form of therapy. Because as you said, your upbringing may or may not have something to do with it.

I think the fact that you are realizing this is a great thing, and I don't think someone who is a bad person could have some of the earnest self-reflection that you've written up.

 

[terminaljeremy]

It sounds to me like you're on the way to becoming a better person. Just remember that everyone is a hypocrite about something. We all have weird contraditions and we all make mistakes especially when it comes to dealing with other people. The most important thing is to keep learning and keep listening.

Also, it sounds like you're being pretty hard on yourself. No-one is perfect. And you can't change who you were up to now, but you can change who you are from now on. Cut the old you a bit of slack without making excuses or blaming other people, and help yourself move forward. The fact that you're even thinking about this stuff is a good sign, believe me.

 

[terminaljeremy]

Weird double post,sorry.

 

[Wrapped in Black]

Is it possible to summarize what you said in that other thread?

 

[Deleted member 4532]

It takes a lot of courage to look within yourself and say that there is a problem so that's the first step OP. It's an extremely hard and ugly process but don't beat yourself up over your past mistakes.

 

[Z-Beat]

Being able to understand someone else's position

 

[Destroyer]

I appreciate the support, really. Some great responses. I feel the worst about ghosting people. It's so wrong and I know it but I've done it anyway.

 

[Destroyer]

Is it possible to summarize what you said in that other thread?

Click to shrink...

I asked her how she would do it.

Cool username btw

 

[KmA]

This isn't to undermine what you're feeling but... please go to therapy.

 

[UltraMav]

Interesting that you ghost people out of a lack of empathy. I usually ghost them because I am severely averse to confrontation and would rather just let them hate me then tell them why I'm not interested anymore.

 

[Squarehard]

 

[hikarutilmitt]

Empathy is more than just putting yourself in their shoes, it's also seeing their point of view in general. People forget that not everyone has the same values. It's actually fine to think someone is being dumb about something (I do it all the time!) but it's important to see why they're thinking what they're thinking. At that point you can begin to understand what they're feeling and why, maybe why they said or did that thing you thought was dumb and maybe have a way to help them realize why it was dumb, but without saying it outright. Coercing them to the right path.

 

[Speevy]

I think it's an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War.

 

[Destroyer]

Click to shrink...

"Empathy is feeling with people."

 

[Lobster Roll]

Empathy is listening, understanding, and becoming educated on what it means to be another person. Imagine what it means to be in that person's head. In their skin. In their identity. If somebody if going through strife, empathy is having the ability to understand why they are in pain and understanding why it is not ok.

 

[Hecht]

Hi folks, we meant to permanently ban this user after they sent multiple completely inappropriate messages to a suicidal user. We apologize for the ban expiring and have fixed that error.