Era, are you a pushover? What do you do?

[Aranjah]

I'm very much a pushover. I care way too much about what people think about me.
I would like to be able to not care, or care less, but I'm not sure how.

"Just simply don't care instead of caring," doesn't work. I'll Just 'simply' not care as soon as I'm done 'simply' drawing the rest of the owl.


That said, holy shit at that coworker/boss money situation. That's definitely a "just 'simply' get out of that situation" situation right there. /helping

 

[Kino]

I too am a pushover though mainly when it comes to family. I hate myself for it too and wish I could just stand up for myself.

 

[Deleted member 46414]

Put your big boy pants on and say no.

 

[Ultimate Bear Cub]

Oh, I guess I should have been more clear. Sometimes people use "slow thinker" as an insult meaning unintelligent. I meant it in the cognitive science sense which is what you're talking about. (Like the work by Daniel Kahneman, "Thinking, Fast and Slow.")

I agree that it's a good thing, but I know it frustrates people sometimes.

Click to shrink...

Ah, gotcha. I had a feeling I was overstepping, but thought it was a good idea to post general advice aimed at not just you. Thanks for the book source, will read.

 

[Deleted member 18360]

I can be a pushover sometimes, but generally I'd say that if I detect any entitlement or expectation that I'll capitulate, I feel compelled to shut it down really fast.

 

[Muppet of a Man]

Haha. Fuck no. You fuck with me, you best get out the way.

 

[Deleted member 12379]

I haven't said no to her, because usually she only asks me to buy small things ($20 here and their for snacks while at work since she doesn't have a credit card) and usually she will cashapp me the money right away. It's only recently shes been starting to ask for more money and i don't want to give her the idea i want this to be a regular thing. :/

Click to shrink...

I mean if this was me I'd just nip that shit in the bud now, but looking at the situation she'd probably find a way to get you fired. Are you ready for that? If you want to try a more gentle approach can you just say something like "ah I'm light today" or "i forgot my wallet today" just to see how she responds (this is still crazy to me). You'll know right away what her intentions are.

Regardless I'd be looking for a new job. You can report this and go that route but tbh homie you don't sound cut out for that battle.

Saw the "friends" edit: I dont think they see this relationship the same way you do. None of my friends would treat me this way and use me like a piggy bank. Those people are not your friends.

 

[Mulciber]

Ah, gotcha. I had a feeling I was overstepping, but thought it was a good idea to post general advice aimed at not just you. Thanks for the book source, will read.

Click to shrink...

The guy that wrote it won a Noble Prize for his work, so I wouldn't feel confident telling you if he's got all his facts right. He probably knows what he's talking about.

Of course, I need to think about that a bit more... ;)

 

[AliceAmber]

If my boss asked me for money I'd just laugh.

And please put your foot down after you say no. These sound like toxic people.

 

[SoundLad]

Well it's my bosses fiance who is my team lead so she's over me. Lately she's been asking me to help her with her probation officer fees so that her fiance doesn't figure it out. Lately she's been good about it, but i'm affraid in the future she's to ask me for larger amounts of money and i just don't feel comfortable giving away anything more than $100 due to my past. :/

Click to shrink...

Jesus Christ

I can't believe this.

 

[pezzie]

I made the mistake of loaning a coworker $500 when I was in my early 20s. Could have gone worse, he did eventually pay me back but it took longer than expected. Put me in a real tough spot for a few months.

Since then I haven't had a problem saying no.

 

[SaintBowWow]

Yes in the past i practically helped fund my ex crushes college and we ended our friendship after i asked her to pay me back at east some of the money when she graduated. Her and her friends blocked me and i hated myself for being such a fucking moron. I always tell myself never again, but its hard when people push you non stop.

Click to shrink...

The boss' fiancé's parole funding is one thing, but you've paid college tuition for a crush? Learn to say 'no' and to respect yourself.

 

[Jonathan Lanza]

I am insanely unreliable so most people don't ask for shit.

 

[Aurica]

I'm argumentative and call people out on shit I think is wrong. That's not always great, and it actually makes me feel uncomfortable. Stronger than that discomfort, I feel a strong urge to stand up for things I think are right. I've called out my bosses at my jobs, and it actually only ends up being positive.

I've denied requests for money from people I don't trust... but they've never been coworkers. I would definitely say no unless we were friends. Just, "Sorry, but I'm not in a financial situation to be lending money," or stop carrying cash.

 

[Bear]

Say no and move on with your life.

If she persists, tell your boss what she's using the money for.

 

[dark_prinny]

No. Such as simple yet difficult word to be said in the right moment. Will save you a lot of time, money and trouble.

 

[BringBackSonics]

I have a hard time telling people no when They ask me for money. I will tell them no, but they will keep pushing me for it until I will give in.

How do you deal with people like that? Especially if they are friends/co workers/bosses you can't just ignore.

Click to shrink...

Just say no.

 

[Rosebud]

I haven't said no to her, because usually she only asks me to buy small things ($20 here and their for snacks while at work since she doesn't have a credit card) and usually she will cashapp me the money right away. It's only recently shes been starting to ask for more money and i don't want to give her the idea i want this to be a regular thing. :/ I'm good friends with both of them so i don't want to hurt feelings.

Click to shrink...

She pays you back so not that bad, I thought it was worse.

But just keep saying "I forgot my wallet" until she gives up.

 

[Temascos]

I'm generally a mix of Pushover and non-pushover. I guess I have a look about me that means that people will keep asking me for stuff but I don't give out money but I avoid that. But if I'm asked about something else, like say a work situation, I will do what they are asking without considering my tasks. I feel inferior to others and I guess people notice that.

 

[Baphomet]

I lent my friend money , never lend money to friends , ever , he didn't pay me back and I haven't done him a favor since.

 

[Keikaku]

I would only lend money to family because I know they would pay back.

 

[Baphomet]

I would only lend money to family because I know they would pay back.

Click to shrink...

That's even worse most of the time , for me at least.

 

[Numb]

Only with fam. Sis just asked for some and i walked in the rain to bring it
Everybody else can eat it

 

[GMT Master]

I don't want to sound overly harsh OP, but these people are not your friends and they are simply using you.

Separate yourself as much as possible.

If you can't say no, then make up some excuse about some family issue. If they aren't complete monsters they will stop asking you for money if they think you have to save money for family reasons.

 

[Deleted member 984]

Ask for the money back immediately don't let this go any further. Make them never want to ask you for money again.

And next time they ask say no. You don't have to say anything else. If you have problem with saying no for whatever reason start practicing.

 

[Deleted member 8561]

Well it's my bosses fiance who is my team lead so she's over me. Lately she's been asking me to help her with her probation officer fees so that her fiance doesn't figure it out. Lately she's been good about it, but i'm affraid in the future she's to ask me for larger amounts of money and i just don't feel comfortable giving away anything more than $100 due to my past. :/

Click to shrink...

why

why why why why why

 

[____]

Say "Sorry, but I can't" but don't be actually sorry about it.

I just did this to 2 people this week. Not sure why they're even comfortable asking me for money in the first place tbh.

 

[Quiksaver]

Well it's my bosses fiance who is my team lead so she's over me. Lately she's been asking me to help her with her probation officer fees so that her fiance doesn't figure it out. Lately she's been good about it, but i'm affraid in the future she's to ask me for larger amounts of money and i just don't feel comfortable giving away anything more than $100 due to my past. :/

Click to shrink...

There are a lot of things that aren't your problem here
Legal ERA would this be considered extortion?

 

[Arcsurvivor]

Change the subject or use delay tactics. Saying No is easier if you know their motives.

 

[Normal]

Embarrassing.

 

[Deleted member 17092]

Is this a joke thread? It's pretty good lol.

 

[TaySan]

Is this a joke thread? It's pretty good lol.

Click to shrink...

Not really, but it's not serious yet. I just want to make sure it doesn't get to that point though.

 

[Threadkular]

Yes. I tend to use the term people pleaser.

I am working on changing it. It served me well growing up but now as an adult it's really been a struggle, particularly in my marriage.

 

[Deleted member 59519]

Not really, but it's not serious yet. I just want to make sure it doesn't get to that point though.

Click to shrink...

OP, I'm sure you're a normal human like the rest of us and have bills to pay/groceries to buy. If you really can't say no, your best bet is to give them a hard deadline for when you need your money back, and associate it with something that you need it for (i.e. "hey could you pay me back by next Thursday? I'm behind on my phone bill")

 

[molnizzle]

I think it's time for a career change. What kind of job are you working where you boss is asking for money to pay their probation fees?

 

[Casualcore]

I'd suggest generally letting it be known that the Bank of TaySan is closed. Make it a blanket policy, and so no one feels singled out. If you end up loaning money to a family member or something, make sure they know it is absolutely a secret and absolutely abnormal.

My general rule of thumb is I don't loan money to anyone who wouldn't loan money to me. Really narrows the list down.

 

[Deleted member 3888]

I let people walk all over me because I don't really care most of the time. I ain't giving people my money though no matter how much they ask, I'm poor.

 

[GrimJawz]

I actually have a pretty aggressive personality especially towards people or rather other people's aggression, I don't think anyone who knows me would ever call me anything close to a push over.

And on the topic of money for whatever reason I feel absolutely nothing borrowing friends and family large amounts of money, even if I'm not financially well off, hell even my parents owe me almost 20 grand and as much as I want that money back eventually I don't think I would even feel particularly angry if I never saw that money again.

 

[Static]

I am a pushover but I would never loan more money than I was comfortable parting with permanently to anyone I wasn't absolutely certain would pay me back. If they don't like it fuck em.

 

[NoRéN]

I would guess a lot better people on here are pushovers based on the advice they give.

Bad neighbor: you move
Bad coworkers: ignore
Etc and so on.

 

[Soapbox Killer]

You should borrow money from your boss. If he says no then you no what you have to do.

 

[Squarehard]

If you're okay with it, then keep doing it.

If you're not, stop.

 

[TaterTots]

I am not a pushover. In fact, I take pride in telling people no and leaving them disappointed. I probably wouldn't be working the job I have if I couldn't say "no" to all these fucks.

 

[Deleted member 56580]

I have a hard time telling people no when They ask me for money. I will tell them no, but they will keep pushing me for it until I will give in.

How do you deal with people like that? Especially if they are friends/co workers/bosses you can't just ignore.

Click to shrink...

You don't even listen to them, period

Why do you think you owe them btw ? that's the angle they're exploiting, and it irritates me that they're playing you like that

 

[Verelios]

I don't have a problem saying no, but I won't if it's something I can do with no effort.

 

[III-V]

never had an issue saying no here.

 

[///PATRIOT]

I have a hard time telling people no when They ask me for money. I will tell them no, but they will keep pushing me for it until I will give in.

How do you deal with people like that? Especially if they are friends/co workers/bosses you can't just ignore.

Click to shrink...

If they ask you for 100, tell them you only have 5.

 

[Deleted member 9241]

I am not a push over in the slightest. So, when someone comes to me for a favor I know that they are desperate. I listen to them and help however I can.

 

[TheMan]

Yeah, I am. Stopped going to the nearby subway for lunch because I kept getting asked for money multiple times in a row. A couple of weeks ago I said fuck and decided I'd try my luck again. Guess what happened? It was easier to say no though...

 

[Son Goku]

I go by anime rules. If you're a true friend I'll "lend" you money even if I don't think I'll get it back. I lent my brother 10k for a down payment on a car and have built up my savings to 8k again. Hopefully he'll get it back to me but he's family and I can never put money ahead of people