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Engagement Ring Shopping
- Thread starter Divorced Dad
- Start date
I'll also throw this out there, it is 100% anecdotal but I have noticed a trend in my lifetime. Of my extended family and friends, which at different times in my life included absurdly wealthy people that I casually knew enough to get the gossip of how much they dropped on a ring. The two biggest prices tags I heard, $180k and $220K (yeah, I know) both of those people are now divorced. It isn't a hard and fast rule, but the more money I saw splashed around on weddings and rings, the shorter their marriage turned out. But the one universal rule is if you know yourself and you know your SO well, and this is something that makes both of you happy and doesn't fuck up some other part of your life by spending that much, have at it. Stimulate that economy.
This is a fantastic post. My wife and I shopped together on Etsy for an adorable and affordable, conflict-free raw diamond engagement ring. The whole set cost a tenth of what the OP mentioned.
That site would be my next choice, though. If something ever happens to her ring, or maybe for a major anniversary, I'd absolutely go with a custom design from a site like that.
If you want to spend that much and can afford it, you'll get her a stunning ring. Anything over $10k is surely going to be quite extravagant. I used the diamond from my grandma's ring that had been passed on to my mom and had it repurposed into a new design. It was nice to have some familial ties and it definitely saved me a lot of money.
This. 100%
I made my fiance come ring shopping with me and that was the best decision ever. If i tended to that alone, she wouldn't have fell in love with the ones i chose nor would some of them fit her needs in terms of wearing the ring for various different activities. So glad i didn't keep her out of the loop or total secrecy. The only thing that was kept in secret was the actual purchasing and delivery, which she never knew about.
I spent ~$2.5k for a engagement ring and she loves it to death, so glad i went this route
42 year old married guy here (no offense to the teens giving marriage advice). While it's nice to have a surprise and such, I'd recommend having good communication on the expectations and what she like, maybe through a third party to preserve the semblance of surprise (her best friend/mother).
I'm going to echo "Don't spend that much on a ring, spend it on honeymoon instead", or even budget for, like, a ring, a honeymoon and a couple of nice holidays/getaways for anniversaries/special occasions. 15k is a waste on a single ring. We got one (plat, nice diamond) for a little over £2k.
Now, what I will say that others probably won't is that you should look at engagement and wedding rings at the same time, because you should have them both reflect/complement each-other. As such, it might be a good idea to buy both at the same time to make sure they go. We saw a lovely engagement ring in Toronto, bought it, and then happened to chance on the perfect wedding ring to complement it a few years later back in the UK. It's a small thing, but I'd say it is worth the extra cash/single payout to get the detail right in that sense.
Also this.
Now, what I will say that others probably won't is that you should look at engagement and wedding rings at the same time, because you should have them both reflect/complement each-other. As such, it might be a good idea to buy both at the same time to make sure they go. We saw a lovely engagement ring in Toronto, bought it, and then happened to chance on the perfect wedding ring to complement it a few years later back in the UK. It's a small thing, but I'd say it is worth the extra cash/single payout to get the detail right in that sense.
Also this.
This forum isn't a good place to ask about ring buying suggestions. You're going to get a bunch of "no matter the price it's a waste of money, watch this Adam ruins everything video!". I think everyone buying a ring is aware of the "scam" but it doesn't really matter when it comes to your significant others happiness.
I'd suggest Shane Co if you have one local. Good customer service in my experience with a wide range of price options. I spent about 5k on my ring but with lots of options I was able to select the exact ring/rock combo my wife was looking for.
At 15k you're mostly just looking at a big rock, but I'd focus just as much on the setting. Unless she's looking for a 2kt rock minimum you can still be well below that price point. Maybe have her go with you to get a feel for what she's really interested in. I wouldn't try and chase the old husband's money blind.
I'd suggest Shane Co if you have one local. Good customer service in my experience with a wide range of price options. I spent about 5k on my ring but with lots of options I was able to select the exact ring/rock combo my wife was looking for.
At 15k you're mostly just looking at a big rock, but I'd focus just as much on the setting. Unless she's looking for a 2kt rock minimum you can still be well below that price point. Maybe have her go with you to get a feel for what she's really interested in. I wouldn't try and chase the old husband's money blind.
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Well, I'm a 36 year old man who is divorced who spent over 3.5k on a ring for my prior wife. So, I will say, quantifiably, a ring is a poor investment from personal experience. So, maybe I'm an asshole, but, truly, no matter the price IT IS a waste of money. Maybe, if your significant other's happiness is based on a piece of metal an rock, there's more to look into.
But, hey, maybe dropping 15k on a ring is the best route to go. That way you know good times ahead are all that will happen.
Haha damn I haven't seen someone so jaded on having spent 3.5k. No one is going to argue it isn't a superficial gift, but so are most luxury items. Read the OP, he already addressed this.
At the end of the day the expectation is that this is a gift she's going to wear everyday for the rest of her life. I think the OP would prefer she is proud of it and gets something she will love.
The Old addage is that you spend 10% of your yearly salary. Honestly..I'd take that extra money and go on a great honeymoon.
This is such a weird generalization. Era is mostly 30 year olds with decent amount of disposable income. I've been married for almost 14 years.
If you're s/o happiness is predicated on a 15k ring ... you've likely got problems if you aren't making major bank. Even then, it's a ring. That's a shitton for a ring. We make really good money (significantly more than the OP) from what he's quoting and we still wouldn't blow that kinda money on a ring. Now, it's not my place to say, but I just think there's some realities that do deserve some level of pushback here.
Its an old tradition that should probably die. It basically assumes the person asking for the engagement is the "breadwinner" and that they should have to pay 10% of their yearly salary for the engagement to be valid.
Check out Costco. They have pretty high standards for their rings at really good prices compared to other companies
It sounds like cliche, but if she may reject an engagement due to a ring not being expensive enough, she's not for you.
A couple of grand, maaaybe. But 15K is downright insane. You can do so much more with that money, like a dope honeymoon of ~2 months wherever.
I really hope you reconsider.
A couple of grand, maaaybe. But 15K is downright insane. You can do so much more with that money, like a dope honeymoon of ~2 months wherever.
I really hope you reconsider.
Brag thread, reported.
If you have that much money, then you should know the only real option would be to go custom.
Come on now.
If you have that much money, then you should know the only real option would be to go custom.
Come on now.
This. Especially when we're talking around $15k. That's a very nice contribution to a honeymoon or hell, something practical like a used car.
Absolutely get the partner involved too. Unless I'm dead certain my partner is going to like it I always get their involvement or let them pick out jewelry because I think that's a very subjective accessory and it's easy to get it wrong if you don't understand their preferences or tastes.
Does she have an expectation that you have to measure up to her ex or do you just feel the need to? Because if she expects it, there's always going to be something lacking and it's going to bite you in the ass eventually. Is the relationship about her or is it about both of you?
I recently bought one. There wasn't a surprise factor involved. So we agreed on a budget and we stopped around a bit. We settled on going to James allen and we customized a ring to her tastes. The whole three months salary is bs. She would have been happy to get a cheaper ring. We spent just under 5k. Which was a reasonable forever present without being crazy. You can get a really nice ring for far less.
I really feel jewellery is one of those diminishing returns things. Can you tell the difference between an engagement ring that costs 200 and 2000? I mean, probably.
2000 and 15000? If you're not a jeweller then probably not in all honesty.
I'm of the opinion that money could be spent in far better ways on your SO that would create more lasting memories.
2000 and 15000? If you're not a jeweller then probably not in all honesty.
I'm of the opinion that money could be spent in far better ways on your SO that would create more lasting memories.
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OP
OP
Spoke with my girlfriend and we are going to do the ring shopping together. We are going to have a long engagement so there is no rush. We don't want to get married until I can move out of the school district which will be in 4 years. Plus, she loses out on alimony when we get married
Just do a fake wedding where you're married "in each other's eyes" so she can keep getting that check
I got my wife a $34 set of rings off Amazon. She is constantly getting complimented on them, and asked where it was bought at. No one would ever know they are not an expensive set. I've actually had the opposite, my brother was shocked when he saw and had no idea how I was able to afford something that expensive.
I would be interested in doing something like this. Do you have any suggestions/things to look for in a local jeweler? I'd have no idea where to begin.
Yeah, that's hella skeezy. The point of alimony is to provide support to her because she is not able to (because of sacrifices she made during the previous marriage, etc). If you are actually living together (or are financially intertwined) then it's super suspect (and unethical) to try and game the system to allow her to keep getting alimony.
I don't want to judge you or her with such little context...but these questions of morality and ethics are way more important than how much money to spend on a ring. Maybe her ex is a douchebag who doesn't deserve his money. But that doesn't also mean your girlfriend isn't also a bad person for trying to milk his money if she no longer requires it.
When people try to game the system at another's expense, that is a big red flag, especially if she is openly broadcasting that she is entitled to expensive things. Like, even the statement that someone is "used" to nice things is a red flag, and shows they value materialistic things too much.
Just look for reviews and ask around. Alternative stones are also a great option for people such as moissanite or even lab grown diamonds now. Have a design in mind, even some close pictures or a sketch. Just makes it much easier to be on the same page with something like this. You really don't have to spend a ton to get something nice today if you aren't picky on the type of stone. I still recommend going gold over silver in terms of durability.
This! I have a lab ruby and it's HUGE and awesome! It was still pricy for the stone as we already had a band, but same price real ruby? 12k easy
User banned (1 week): excessive hostility and vitriol against other members
My only advice is to not ask a video game forum what they think. Unsurprisingly whenever this comes up these threads are full of people """debunking""" diamond rings. Wow!!! Diamonds are expensive!!! And they don't even do anything cool like my gaming PC!!!! Thanks YouTube man, now I know my wife is just a dumb bitch!!!
Some people like nice things and it's not a character flaw for a woman to want a nice ring to mark a significant event in her life. I saved up and got my wife a beautiful lab grown diamond engagement ring, it was a good chunk of change. I don't regret it. She adores the ring. It makes her happy. Making my wife happy is not a waste of money. She deserves nice things too because I love her.
It's not lost on me how sexist it is to depict women who like nice jewelry and diamond engagement rings as being shallow and stupid. Yet it's perfectly acceptable for men on this forum to spend thousands of dollar on video games and computer parts. I guess only men need nice things?
This shit right here 🙄Gee, I guess my wife doesn't actually love me since she wouldn't accept a ring pop to mark the minor event know as "our marriage". Fuck off. Thinking it's some kind of "red flag" that a woman would want a nice ring is some incel shit. Please don't speculate on people's marriage or how much their partner loves them based off wanting a ring, asshole.
Look, no one should spend beyond their means, and it's fine that a lot of people apparently don't believe in buying an expensive ring for their future spouse. But you don't need to demean the people that do and act like their relationships are somehow flawed because they got a nice ring. It's insulting.
Some people like nice things and it's not a character flaw for a woman to want a nice ring to mark a significant event in her life. I saved up and got my wife a beautiful lab grown diamond engagement ring, it was a good chunk of change. I don't regret it. She adores the ring. It makes her happy. Making my wife happy is not a waste of money. She deserves nice things too because I love her.
It's not lost on me how sexist it is to depict women who like nice jewelry and diamond engagement rings as being shallow and stupid. Yet it's perfectly acceptable for men on this forum to spend thousands of dollar on video games and computer parts. I guess only men need nice things?
This shit right here 🙄Gee, I guess my wife doesn't actually love me since she wouldn't accept a ring pop to mark the minor event know as "our marriage". Fuck off. Thinking it's some kind of "red flag" that a woman would want a nice ring is some incel shit. Please don't speculate on people's marriage or how much their partner loves them based off wanting a ring, asshole.
Look, no one should spend beyond their means, and it's fine that a lot of people apparently don't believe in buying an expensive ring for their future spouse. But you don't need to demean the people that do and act like their relationships are somehow flawed because they got a nice ring. It's insulting.
I make $100k/year and I spent under $2000 on a beautiful 2ct moissanite ring.
We're also just getting married at city hall and we're just going to host a get together with family and friends to celebrate next year. We're dropping $5K on a nice 2 week honeymoon in Hawaii and we'll get a photographer there.
$10K wedding rings and $20K weddings are insane to me.
We're also just getting married at city hall and we're just going to host a get together with family and friends to celebrate next year. We're dropping $5K on a nice 2 week honeymoon in Hawaii and we'll get a photographer there.
$10K wedding rings and $20K weddings are insane to me.
We went to a local jeweler that had some pretty stuff and got something that ended up being like $600. IMO the more expensive stuff just look gaudy as all fucking hell, though if that's what you and your wife want then more power to ya. I had a wedding band from amazon that cost 20 bucks that I lost in the mountains somewhere.
15k sounds like aye lmao but who knows
15k sounds like aye lmao but who knows
