Ended a relationship 80 days from getting married. Oof.

[Deleted member 3896]

OP, never forget that she brought her right wing extremist family to torment you in your own home while they group-gaslit you into trying to make you feel like it was all your fault.

PLEASE stay away from her and her family.

 

[ShyMel]

OP, please do not chase after the 20 year old who stopped taking their medication and lied about you to their parents. Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

 

[Phantom88]

Sorry to be harsh, but honestly, fuck off with this toxic bullshit. You're coming on here with some alpha man bullshit, really? Ugh, it's gross to read. Educate yourself man, people can be however the fuck they want to be, don't come in here and start gatekeeping who the fuck is a man and who isn't. The alpha bullshit is pure nonsense too, from every aspect. Don't even know where to begin with this.

Click to shrink...

you're reading sideways what i wrote. im not gatekeeping who a man is, you just didnt understand a single thing i wrote. The number one trait women look for in a man is confidence. It doesnt matter what they say they want, what they think they want - this is hardwired by nature for them to respond to. Being a man as in being confident and sure of yourself. Taking the lead. The guy was letting the woman lead in the mot simplest of things, like where to eat, what to do - he was jut following along. Women dont want that. They want you to be able to decide simple shit like this. And if she's being disrespectful to him, he was looking the other way. Women cant love you if they dont respect you. He was acting in a way that was making her lose respect.

Not to mention that they break up. And he is more than willing to take her back after everything. That shows her he's not consistent with his words and actions and it shows her that she can get away with something like this.

 

[captainuwu]

Way easier said than done of course, but move on

 

[GalvoAg]

OP, you definitely need to drop this shitty relationship for good. The universe was throwing all these red flags at you for years and you ignored them. You wound up in this situation, you would think your eyes have been opened. But at the first sign you wanna go back. What do you think the outcome is gonna be? Something different?

And in the future you need to act more like a man. Like an alpha in the relationship. You told us how you cleaned the house, how you vacuumed and stuff while your 20 year old girl was playing games. How you left everything on her shoulders, where to eat, what to do, what movie to watch.

Does that sound like something a man is supposed to do? What an alpha does? Your job is to take the lead. To be decisive and driven. Not to put her in charge.

She lost attraction for you for maybe an entire year from what you told us here. She was coasting along in the relationship until she found someone better. You enabled her behaviour, acted weak in the relationship and after she dumped you in the blink of an eye (from your perspective, because you dont know how to recognize the signs, she was out for along time emotionaly) you wanna take her back. She only tries to string you along because she hasnt found someone better yet.

What you need to do is grow a set of balls, walk away forever from her and learn from the mistakes you did in this relationship so you know better in the future so you wont repeat them. Remember the red flags and next time you see them, dont ignore them

Click to shrink...

I get what you're saying but not like this. Are you trying to say a pushover? If so I agree but no need for the macho shit, only a real assbag thinks like that.

But nobody likes a pushover and that's exactly what OP is in this relationship.

 

[Razmos]

you're reading sideways what i wrote. im not gatekeeping who a man is, you just didnt understand a single thing i wrote. The number one trait women look for in a man is confidence. It doesnt matter what they say they want, what they think they want - this is hardwired by nature for them to respond to. Being a man as in being confident and sure of yourself. Taking the lead. The guy was letting the woman lead in the mot simplest of things, like where to eat, what to do - he was jut following along. Women dont want that. They want you to be able to decide simple shit like this. And if she's being disrespectful to him, he was looking the other way. Women cant love you if they dont respect you. He was acting in a way that was making her lose respect.

Not to mention that they break up. And he is more than willing to take her back after everything. That shows her he's not consistent with his words and actions and it shows her that she can get away with something like this.

Click to shrink...

Mansplaining "what women want" is not helping your argument.

 

[someday]

you're reading sideways what i wrote. im not gatekeeping who a man is, you just didnt understand a single thing i wrote. The number one trait women look for in a man is confidence. It doesnt matter what they say they want, what they think they want - this is hardwired by nature for them to respond to. Being a man as in being confident and sure of yourself. Taking the lead. The guy was letting the woman lead in the mot simplest of things, like where to eat, what to do - he was jut following along. Women dont want that. They want you to be able to decide simple shit like this. And if she's being disrespectful to him, he was looking the other way. Women cant love you if they dont respect you. He was acting in a way that was making her lose respect.

Not to mention that they break up. And he is more than willing to take her back after everything. That shows her he's not consistent with his words and actions and it shows her that she can get away with something like this.

Click to shrink...

Everyone understood what you wrote just fine. You explaining further with this red pill bullshit didn't help.

 

[Deleted member 1445]

you're reading sideways what i wrote. im not gatekeeping who a man is, you just didnt understand a single thing i wrote. The number one trait women look for in a man is confidence. It doesnt matter what they say they want, what they think they want - this is hardwired by nature for them to respond to. Being a man as in being confident and sure of yourself. Taking the lead. The guy was letting the woman lead in the mot simplest of things, like where to eat, what to do - he was jut following along. Women dont want that. They want you to be able to decide simple shit like this. And if she's being disrespectful to him, he was looking the other way. Women cant love you if they dont respect you. He was acting in a way that was making her lose respect.

Click to shrink...

I can't help you if you're delusional, and you made yourself believe this bullshit. Literally none of what you're saying here is true, it's pure fantasy. My advice to you, steer away from the incel and PUA forums, or wherever you're getting this nonsense from, and educate yourself on relationships, psychology, feminism, empathy. Look up stuff on how there is no such thing as "alpha" males and the other nonsense you wrote.

 

[MazeHaze]

I know returning to exes is rarely a good idea. I'm still processing how I feel about all of this.

Click to shrink...

Sounds like you're still delusional and rationalizing and not taking everybody's advice. Not only is returning to exes rarely a good idea, the situation you are describing is a bad idea one thousand percent.

She dumped you and broke off your engagement, moved out of your house, dropped out of school, moved 2 hours away, and immediately updated her tinder, after discussing the idea of fucking 2 other people without you there, and she's only 20 years old.

There's no outcome to this where you guys end up together, no chance at all. What happens is, she entertains your delusions in the hopes of not hurting your feelings, you hold out hope that one day when she's ready you finally get back together. This stage lasts for a month or two, until you find out she's fucking somebody else and has been lying to you so as to not upset you, at which point you probably have an even bigger melt down when you finally realize it's over for good. She tried to break it off and you're kind of not letting her at this point, and she probably doesn't know what to do.

Cut all contact and start working on yourself and forgetting about her so you can start dating again.

 

[Quixzlizx]

you're reading sideways what i wrote. im not gatekeeping who a man is, you just didnt understand a single thing i wrote. The number one trait women look for in a man is confidence. It doesnt matter what they say they want, what they think they want - this is hardwired by nature for them to respond to. Being a man as in being confident and sure of yourself. Taking the lead. The guy was letting the woman lead in the mot simplest of things, like where to eat, what to do - he was jut following along. Women dont want that. They want you to be able to decide simple shit like this. And if she's being disrespectful to him, he was looking the other way. Women cant love you if they dont respect you. He was acting in a way that was making her lose respect.

Not to mention that they break up. And he is more than willing to take her back after everything. That shows her he's not consistent with his words and actions and it shows her that she can get away with something like this.

Click to shrink...

Neither men nor women respect doormats. You could've just said "if your partner is treating you like a doormat and you're allowing it, it means they've lost respect for you."

 

[Maven]

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the comments. I know returning to exes is rarely a good idea. I'm still processing how I feel about all of this.


Actually no I don't appreciate all the comments. This is a pretty shitty and sexist take.

Click to shrink...

You were on your way....then you decided to pick up the phone and talk for 3 hours.


Move on my dude and go on some dates when you're ready

 

[Avitus]

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the comments. I know returning to exes is rarely a good idea. I'm still processing how I feel about all of this.

Click to shrink...

You are afraid of being alone + not knowing what a healthy relationship looks like because, from what you've told us, this is your first real one. That's a vicious combination.

I'll be more direct and say that you have a lot of growing up to do, and now would be a good time to start. Start working on yourself and your life, putting yourself out there only when you are ready.

 

[killdatninja]

I'm going to agree with everyone else on your last update OP, don't even think about a maybe.. this relationship is way over.

Think about this carefully, what kind of woman do you want a relationship with? Did the word "trust" pop up there? Yeah, you no longer have each other trust, why would this relationship all the sudden rekindle? Breaking up a huge commitment like marriage is probably the biggest red flag I've ever seen in my life, but if you want to give it a shot... everyone is allowed to keep making mistakes until they learn from them, but don't be surprised if you "waste" more of your time.

 

[The Adder]

I dont know why people post these threads

Click to shrink...

Because they know what the right decision is but need help in making it.

The people who know how and when to end a relationship for good don't need to make these topics.

 

[Deffers]

Homeboy, healthy people don't write "I think I'm approaching this from a healthy perspective" and "I'm still processing all this."

You made a FUCKING MISTAKE. You are still making a FUCKING MISTAKE. You are still in denial about having made a FUCKING MISTAKE. I read all seventeen pages of this thread. I am begging you to, like... fill your bathtub with ice water and jump in or some shit, I don't know. Take a shock to the system really quick and then reassess what the FUCK you are doing!!!

"I'm going to put up with someone who lied to me and who lied to their parents, and then got their parents to scream at me for hours based on lies, because I'm coming at this from a healthy perspective. It's a rational decision to go back to a relationship that I was just reflecting on how unfulfilling it was where I have to put up with Trump supporting parents and where the primary party ignored my request to block them. I'm processing this." THE FUCK YOU ARE! You are LYING to yourself!

 

[Mona]

Click to shrink...

lol

 

[Rogote]

Oh no. Had a bad feeling when I saw this thread still going on when I thought the resolve was achieved like a week ago. My fears were right. OP is gonna be one of those OPs, isn't he? He is totally gonna get himself fucked way worse than he already was after all the initial shit. It's heartbreaking to watch, because you know, you just know that the OP would agree if he was literally anyone else than himself when looking at this.

OP, she is 20yo. Let her go and figure her shit out, which there seems to be a lot of.

 

[CopperPuppy]

this is hardwired by nature for them to respond to.

Click to shrink...

Lol

Phantom88 pictured as writing this post:

 

[Landy828]

you're reading sideways what i wrote. im not gatekeeping who a man is, you just didnt understand a single thing i wrote. The number one trait women look for in a man is confidence. It doesnt matter what they say they want, what they think they want - this is hardwired by nature for them to respond to. Being a man as in being confident and sure of yourself. Taking the lead. The guy was letting the woman lead in the mot simplest of things, like where to eat, what to do - he was jut following along. Women dont want that. They want you to be able to decide simple shit like this. And if she's being disrespectful to him, he was looking the other way. Women cant love you if they dont respect you. He was acting in a way that was making her lose respect.

Not to mention that they break up. And he is more than willing to take her back after everything. That shows her he's not consistent with his words and actions and it shows her that she can get away with something like this.

Click to shrink...

LOL, this is complete BS. This is sexist x 10000.

My wife respects me because it's a 50/50 relationship in all aspects. She doesn't need me to make decisions for her, and she doesn't need me to be "tough" about anything.

What you're suggesting is basically how abusive men think in relationships where the woman is to shut up and let the "real man" make all the decisions.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I think I'm at a point where I can approach this as essentially a brand-new relationship without wanting to move too fast

Click to shrink...

It's not a brand new relationship no matter how one spins it. That's not how relationships work.

 

[Sunster]

having a girlfriend is nice and all but it's not worth ruining your life over.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

LOL, this is complete BS. This is sexist x 10000.

My wife respects me because it's a 50/50 relationship in all aspects. She doesn't need me to make decisions for her, and she doesn't need me to be "tough" about anything.

What you're suggesting is basically how abusive men think in relationships where the woman is to shut up and let the "real man" make all the decisions.

Click to shrink...

buh buh what women wantz

having a girlfriend is nice and all but it's not worth ruining your life over.

Click to shrink...

to be fair, it is really hard to reason with a man love-struck and wearing those rose-colored goggles

 

[Deleted member 16908]

She and her family sound awful. She did you a favor.

 

[BoxManLocke]

Look out friends, an alpha has entered the thread !

Seriously though OP, I'm not going to pretend I know what you're going through, but if you feel this is worth giving it another shot, I get it. I don't agree with the others saying it shouldn't be hard. Bumps can happen, and they can be serious. I do think you moved too fast in the relationship, but now's a good time to change that.

 

[ReAxion]

damn OP, don't go back. you've gone through everything.
going back means waiting for all this to happen again, whether it does it not, it'll always be part of the story of this relationship.
plus, you're 25 - don't be rushing into marriage. you just got your fully developed human brain. give it some air. swirl it around in the glass, tilt the glass a little bit and hold it up to the light, observe how it cascades and the color gradients as it goes from the thinner end to the bulk of it, sniff it, let the berry and oak notes unfurl. don't make it decide who you're marrying when you've just uncorked it.

chaos approach: go back to her for the sex, achieve access to her parents' television and v-chip fox news. walk away slowly without turning around to look at the explosion.

looking forward to the Phantom88 alpha relationship thread.

 

[Eros]

Guys, I'm worried. Yesterday I did dishes and cleaned the living room while my wife played video games. Should I just end our marriage right now?

 

[Nixonomics]

you're reading sideways what i wrote. im not gatekeeping who a man is, you just didnt understand a single thing i wrote. The number one trait women look for in a man is confidence. It doesnt matter what they say they want, what they think they want - this is hardwired by nature for them to respond to. Being a man as in being confident and sure of yourself. Taking the lead. The guy was letting the woman lead in the mot simplest of things, like where to eat, what to do - he was jut following along. Women dont want that. They want you to be able to decide simple shit like this. And if she's being disrespectful to him, he was looking the other way. Women cant love you if they dont respect you. He was acting in a way that was making her lose respect.

Not to mention that they break up. And he is more than willing to take her back after everything. That shows her he's not consistent with his words and actions and it shows her that she can get away with something like this.

Click to shrink...

 

[MazeHaze]

It's not a brand new relationship no matter how one spins it. That's not how relationships work.

Click to shrink...

Yep, this shit is crazy. Happened to me when I did the same thing OP is doing and tried to not let a girl break up with me. Went from living together, to her saying "maybe in a few months we can go out, like on a date" which at the time made me think "YES! Ol mazehaze you still got it" but in retrospect, this is ridiculous as hell and she was just trying to be nice cuz she knew how hard I was taking it. Easily the cringiest thing I ever did in my life was try to get back w my ex for like 3 months after we broke up, very similar to what OP is doing. I was a fool and it pains me to even think about the lack of dignity I had there

 

[Mona]

 

[Blue Sky Noise]

these new developments...

 

[Christian]

This thread reminds me of the Simon Skinner meme about the kids being wrong, with OP as Skinner thinking, "is this really a mistake," but then deciding, "No. it is everyone else on the planet that is wrong."

 

[Solace]

You the backup plan now, OP.

Wish you luck man.

 

[finalflame]

I guess some of these lessons just need to be learned first hand in life, no matter how much advice other people give you, and OP is about to learn the hard way.

Godspeed mate.

 

[Akira86]

OP, at least go to therapy first, lol.

 

[Kainé]

Goodluck OP.

 

[Hob]

"You know, it's funny... when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
— Wanda, BoJack Horseman


Don't do it OP.

 

[Deleted member 17658]

OP, you definitely need to drop this shitty relationship for good. The universe was throwing all these red flags at you for years and you ignored them. You wound up in this situation, you would think your eyes have been opened. But at the first sign you wanna go back. What do you think the outcome is gonna be? Something different?

And in the future you need to act more like a man. Like an alpha in the relationship. You told us how you cleaned the house, how you vacuumed and stuff while your 20 year old girl was playing games. How you left everything on her shoulders, where to eat, what to do, what movie to watch.

Does that sound like something a man is supposed to do? What an alpha does? Your job is to take the lead. To be decisive and driven. Not to put her in charge.

She lost attraction for you for maybe an entire year from what you told us here. She was coasting along in the relationship until she found someone better. You enabled her behaviour, acted weak in the relationship and after she dumped you in the blink of an eye (from your perspective, because you dont know how to recognize the signs, she was out for along time emotionaly) you wanna take her back. She only tries to string you along because she hasnt found someone better yet.

What you need to do is grow a set of balls, walk away forever from her and learn from the mistakes you did in this relationship so you know better in the future so you wont repeat them. Remember the red flags and next time you see them, dont ignore them

Click to shrink...

bruh wtf is this?

 

[Tapiozona]

What I'm confused about is how after the breakup, the family came and blamed OP for everything completely unrelated to what actually caused this. Did OP not even respond or defend himself? Seems like he would have been like "What the heck are you talking about, your daughter did this.."
I may have missed if this was addressed earlier in the thread..it's quite long.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

"You know, it's funny... when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
— Wanda, BoJack Horseman


Don't do it OP.

Click to shrink...

 

[Kitten Mittens]

OP, you definitely need to drop this shitty relationship for good. The universe was throwing all these red flags at you for years and you ignored them. You wound up in this situation, you would think your eyes have been opened. But at the first sign you wanna go back. What do you think the outcome is gonna be? Something different?

And in the future you need to act more like a man. Like an alpha in the relationship. You told us how you cleaned the house, how you vacuumed and stuff while your 20 year old girl was playing games. How you left everything on her shoulders, where to eat, what to do, what movie to watch.

Does that sound like something a man is supposed to do? What an alpha does? Your job is to take the lead. To be decisive and driven. Not to put her in charge.

She lost attraction for you for maybe an entire year from what you told us here. She was coasting along in the relationship until she found someone better. You enabled her behaviour, acted weak in the relationship and after she dumped you in the blink of an eye (from your perspective, because you dont know how to recognize the signs, she was out for along time emotionaly) you wanna take her back. She only tries to string you along because she hasnt found someone better yet.

What you need to do is grow a set of balls, walk away forever from her and learn from the mistakes you did in this relationship so you know better in the future so you wont repeat them. Remember the red flags and next time you see them, dont ignore them

Click to shrink...

For your sake, I hope that's a copy-paste of something ridiculous some idiot once said. Otherwise....yeeeeeeeesh.

 

[Maven]

Guys, I'm worried. Yesterday I did dishes and cleaned the living room while my wife played video games. Should I just end our marriage right now?

Click to shrink...

You beta male. She's gonna throw you in the dumpster for an alpha male

 

[Zoe]

Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Click to shrink...

This is good. I like this.

 

[Deleted member 17658]

I can't help you if you're delusional, and you made yourself believe this bullshit. Literally none of what you're saying here is true, it's pure fantasy. My advice to you, steer away from the incel and PUA forums, or wherever you're getting this nonsense from, and educate yourself on relationships, psychology, feminism, empathy. Look up stuff on how there is no such thing as "alpha" males and the other nonsense you wrote.

Click to shrink...

Phantom88 I hope you've read this over multiple times and not just recluse in your cave or whatever forum you're getting this from cause that mentality you have ain't healthy.

 

[Deleted member 1476]

Good god why did I bother reading the updates, what was OP even thinking.

 

[Plotinus]

OP I got you. Don't listen to all these haters.

Take her back. Take care of her.

Love her. Get back into a rhythm with her.

But wait 3 or 4 years before you propose, so you're both older a wiser. Propose to her with your grandma's ring.

Then 2 months out from the wedding, tell her you want to have a foursome with your three hottest friends.

BAM, you won

 

[Beren]

OP, this relationship is OVER. Do not talk to her. Do not talk to her family.

What you're doing is volunteering to be further used and abused by this person. She needs help, which you cannot give her, and you shouldn't have anything to do with her again (not because she can't improve, but because it's going to be way too easy for both of you to slide into your old modes of thinking when you're around each other).

If you do this, in a few years time you'll realize what a waste of time and mental health this was. Save yourself that, and just learn the life lesson NOW and be done with it. You don't need to relearn it again in a year or two when this blows up again.

 

[Kronotech]

She tried to reverse Roseanne you with that "everything I did was because I was off my meds" and it worked. While being off prescribed medication is typically not good and can result in some whiplash side effects, wanting a threesome is not one of them. It sounds like a classic case of wanting to be with other people but not wanting to lose the comfort blanket you provided her. She realized that and came back.

20 is very young and, in my opinion, not in a mature enough place to figure out who you are and who your ideal partner is. Her proposing at that age so quickly was a great example of the immaturity. Chances of her coming to the same conclusion she came to a few months ago are high. You mentioned before about wasting the last 2 years of your life. Don't make it another 2.

 

[Techno]

OP, you definitely need to drop this shitty relationship for good. The universe was throwing all these red flags at you for years and you ignored them. You wound up in this situation, you would think your eyes have been opened. But at the first sign you wanna go back. What do you think the outcome is gonna be? Something different?

And in the future you need to act more like a man. Like an alpha in the relationship. You told us how you cleaned the house, how you vacuumed and stuff while your 20 year old girl was playing games. How you left everything on her shoulders, where to eat, what to do, what movie to watch.

Does that sound like something a man is supposed to do? What an alpha does? Your job is to take the lead. To be decisive and driven. Not to put her in charge.

She lost attraction for you for maybe an entire year from what you told us here. She was coasting along in the relationship until she found someone better. You enabled her behaviour, acted weak in the relationship and after she dumped you in the blink of an eye (from your perspective, because you dont know how to recognize the signs, she was out for along time emotionaly) you wanna take her back. She only tries to string you along because she hasnt found someone better yet.

What you need to do is grow a set of balls, walk away forever from her and learn from the mistakes you did in this relationship so you know better in the future so you wont repeat them. Remember the red flags and next time you see them, dont ignore them

Click to shrink...

 

[Bear Patrol]

fracas ...go back and read what you've said and then compare it with your actions.

You made a lot of noise about trying to get yourself in the proper headspace, how you want to get therapy before even talking to her again, make sure you're approaching this clearly, etc., etc. After all that, you did none of those things.

There is no world in which talking to an ex for 3 hours a few days after a breakup that they initiated is in any way giving yourself time. You definitely lied to yourself about wanting to take time for yourself.

You also clearly didn't go to therapy before talking to her so you lied to yourself about that too.

There is no way that you can approach this as a "new" relationship. Neither you nor your ex are machines; the history of this relationship will always exist. You are doing yourself a disservice by not only trying to pretend that it doesn't but also by not removing yourself entirely from a situation that absolutely emotionally gutted you.

You're saying everything that a person should do after a rough breakup but doing none of it.

Cut off all contact, get into therapy and take at least 6-8 months just living a full life by yourself. Also, don't say that you appreciate this comment or any of the others like if you don't follow through on making changes to your life as you yourself said you would. It would once again be a case of saying the right thing but doing the opposite.

 

[Mathieran]

OP, you definitely need to drop this shitty relationship for good. The universe was throwing all these red flags at you for years and you ignored them. You wound up in this situation, you would think your eyes have been opened. But at the first sign you wanna go back. What do you think the outcome is gonna be? Something different?

And in the future you need to act more like a man. Like an alpha in the relationship. You told us how you cleaned the house, how you vacuumed and stuff while your 20 year old girl was playing games. How you left everything on her shoulders, where to eat, what to do, what movie to watch.

Does that sound like something a man is supposed to do? What an alpha does? Your job is to take the lead. To be decisive and driven. Not to put her in charge.

She lost attraction for you for maybe an entire year from what you told us here. She was coasting along in the relationship until she found someone better. You enabled her behaviour, acted weak in the relationship and after she dumped you in the blink of an eye (from your perspective, because you dont know how to recognize the signs, she was out for along time emotionaly) you wanna take her back. She only tries to string you along because she hasnt found someone better yet.

What you need to do is grow a set of balls, walk away forever from her and learn from the mistakes you did in this relationship so you know better in the future so you wont repeat them. Remember the red flags and next time you see them, dont ignore them

Click to shrink...

I've been married for ten years in a relationship where I do most of the cooking and indoor cleaning. My wife is the handy person. Alpha male stuff is such bullshit.