Does anyone know how to break the "tomorrow I'll start my perfect existence" cycle?

[dirtyjane]

Quittung and starting stuff gradually is key, if you change your life around 180° it's gonna be possible but habits die slow in reality.

If you take away one of you're serotonin sources abruptly, for example coffee, you gonna struggle a bit, then working out is gonna suck and so on and so on.

Quitting coffee is a month long project, working out a life long. So just start working out 2 times a week while being quitting coffee and raise you're gym frequency over time.

Also write down with different colors in a notebook how you did that day. Note your success and loss every freaking day with how many hours of sleep, workouts etc. It helps to reflect with truth and motivates you every day to write something good down.

And last but not least, it's gonna suck either way, somedays will just be shit.

 

[Aldi]

I've found a good mood is essential to your motivation.

If ever i'm in a bad mood i can never be motivated to go the gym and prepare meals.

Start your change by improving your mood, try to eat healthy during the week and treat yourself at the weekend, sleep well and surround yourself with friends and family, the gym and increased motivation will follow.

Do not try to do all your goals together, it will more than likely end in you crashing out and failing them all.

 

[tadaima]

Set reachable targets. Don't aim for perfection.

 

[thetrin]

I just take it one day at a time, working on small achievable goals. Make small improvements over time that you know are sustainable. Don't make large sweeping goals that are outside what you're capable of keeping long term. We all have our natural limitations that we have to slowly push, rather than shatter one magical day.

Over time, the small goals will become habits, and you can take your eye off it and improve something else. Eventually, you'll build a bunch of habits that sustain you, and you'll wonder why it was so hard in the first place.

Set reachable targets. Don't aim for perfection.

Click to shrink...

Yep, this.

 

[Nacho]

Just realize tomorrow isn't going to be your perfect day. It just isn't, it takes time to work towards building habits and practices that reflect who you want to be. Accept that you can make small steps at a time and don't overwhelm yourself and celebrate the successes you have along the way. You have to build up routine and confidence.

 

[Doober]

Don't do the, "tomorrow everything changes," thing. It's too daunting and even if you do it for a day or two you'll probably burn out.

Set small daily goals. As small as they need to be to make solid progress. Forget about changing overnight.

 

[Soph]

Chasing perfection is the folley of fools. Try live life with a 7 out of 10.

 

[Jasup]

Discipline is hard, if you're punishing yourself to change you easily think of the change as punishment. To get there you need to focus, changing your lifestyle and keeping becomes an achievement. It works for some but not for everyone, I'm one of the latter.

What worked for me was gradually trying new things. For example my diet has changed because I got interested in vegetarian food recipes and started to experiment with them. As I've become a better vegetarian cook meat has been basically phased out of my diet, just because I'm better with them. I'm still not a vegetarian, but by default I just go for vegetarian options.

For short trips I started walking or cycling. Because if I can get there in 15 minutes why should I drive? It started with short trips and as the experience was not bad in any way the trips gradually got longer and more numerous. I now drive maybe once a month. I know this isn't an option for many, but my point is that the default ways I do things has changed gradually. Sometimes I have miserable experiences while commuting by bike, like cycling through a snowstorm etc. but as it's my default means of transportation I don't just scrap my bike and give up. Like if you had a bad day in traffic you don't just decide that you're never driving again and start using public transit instead from then on.

I don't punish myself, I don't have cheat days, I don't do any of that because for me it's not about discipline. I didn't set out to change my lifestyle, I just steered my interests in that direction and by doing that my lifestyle changed. Gradually but surely.

 

[TheRuralJuror]

☝🏿

And maybe focus on one or two of those things instead of all 4 at once.

Click to shrink...

Excellent suggestion here. Breaking tasks down was very helpful for me.

 

[Unicorn]

Let me explain, any given day if I fuck up at all, that's the end of everything. I'm trying to quit caffeine, go to the gym six days a week, further improve my diet, and cut fast food entirely. If I screw up ONE of those, I'm likely to screw up the rest, with the constant mantra that "tomorrow will be different", or "tomorrow I start fresh and won't fuck it up." I've been like this my entire life and it has been massively detrimental to my well being. I think it has something to do with my diagnosed OCD, as it's almost ritualistic in its nature, but I imagine it's also not that uncommon. The obvious issue is there are no fresh starts in life, so this perfectionism is inherently unsustainable. I'm know this to be true, yet I can't break this near constant thought process.

This permeates nearly every facet of my being and it needs to stop. Is it a simple lack of discipline? Laziness? I honestly can't tell anymore. This system has been built up over so many years that it's almost flawlessly fucked. It's a part of my brain that knows how defeat the other part (the "correct" part) in nearly every way, if that makes sense.

So any advice, stories of overcoming this... anything at all would be greatly appreciated.

Click to shrink...

Just start with one of those things. And even then just start it bit by bit. Once you're consistently working out 2 days a week for a a few weeks, then bump it up. You're biting off more than you can chew. Small bites duder.

 

[pizoxuat]

Habit tracking.

Whether you do it on a piece of paper with tick boxes, or you do it through an app, if you are doing habit tracking you are less likely to give up on everything because you missed one thing. You will have a visual reminder that even though there was a set back in one area, you can still progress in others and that you are getting better over time. And getting to mark things off as done is hugely motivational. Pairing this up with the Pomodoro Technique is really powerful for making progress on stuff that you find difficult.

 

[Bacon]

You've gotta reframe your mindset. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

 

[tangeu]

I believe a person has a limited amount of willpower. Don't say tomorrow I will start the perfect diet, or tomorrow I will have the perfect workout routine, don't even say tomorrow I'll cut out all sugar. Do baby steps and build upon success and routine, for example instead of looking at peak level marathon runner's routine, take a walk every day. There you go, you're moving, you're exercising, you've succeeded. When that becomes routine, build upon it, go longer or quicken the pace...another success. It takes a while, probably longer than you want but all self improvement does.

 

[echoshifting]

The people suggesting an incremental approach have the right of it. There is a formal, organized version of this technique called SMART goals. This is used in everything from therapy for heavy depression to improving efficiency at work. Breakdown of the acronym:
Specific: be precise in defining your current goal
Measurable: the goal should be something you can easily quantify
Achievable: keep it as small as possible
Realistic: ensure it's something you know you can do
Timely: the goal should be something that can be accomplished in a small amount of time

So for example, the gym. You might make your first goal, drive to the gym for a number of days per week that you would like to actually go work out. If that isn't achievable, you might even just get in your car and start it with the intent of going to the gym.

Once the habit is established (takes me about two weeks), expand. Now you're going to go into the gym and change and sit for two minutes in the changing room. And so on.

Make a checklist so you can mark your progress.

You can often approach more than one habit in this way at a time, but don't overdo it. Be gentle with yourself. Abandon the concept of "starting your perfect life tomorrow." Accept that it's going to take you some time, and give yourself credit for everything you're able to do to get there. Change is a marathon, not a sprint. Good luck!

 

[Wispmetas]

Buy a journal and write it down. It will take you accountable if you don't do it.

I have been doing this for the last couple months, and have seen my productivity increase quite a lot.

 

[Powdered Egg]

"I'm going to start eating better on Monday", is what I've been saying to myself every Friday for the last five years lol.

 

[defaltoption]

Let me explain, any given day if I fuck up at all, that's the end of everything. I'm trying to quit caffeine, go to the gym six days a week, further improve my diet, and cut fast food entirely. If I screw up ONE of those, I'm likely to screw up the rest, with the constant mantra that "tomorrow will be different", or "tomorrow I start fresh and won't fuck it up." I've been like this my entire life and it has been massively detrimental to my well being. I think it has something to do with my diagnosed OCD, as it's almost ritualistic in its nature, but I imagine it's also not that uncommon. The obvious issue is there are no fresh starts in life, so this perfectionism is inherently unsustainable. I'm know this to be true, yet I can't break this near constant thought process.

This permeates nearly every facet of my being and it needs to stop. Is it a simple lack of discipline? Laziness? I honestly can't tell anymore. This system has been built up over so many years that it's almost flawlessly fucked. It's a part of my brain that knows how defeat the other part (the "correct" part) in nearly every way, if that makes sense.

So any advice, stories of overcoming this... anything at all would be greatly appreciated.

Click to shrink...

This is the most related I've ever been to a post online gonna try, to implement some of the advice here as well, good luck OP

 

[RetroMG]

Think of one thing you want to do better, and work towards it incrementally.

When you feel comfortable, start another thing in tandem.

Repeat.

Click to shrink...

This, but also don't expect yourself to be perfect on day one. Work towards being better a little at a time.
What worked for me was this: I'm going to screw up every day. That's a given. But I can control the degree to which I screw up. If I decide that I absolutely HAVE to go get fast food, I can make at least one better choice than I normally would. Maybe I get a medium drink instead of a large, or maybe I get a single-patty hamburger instead of a double.
Make at least one better choice today than you did yesterday, and you slowly grow to be who you want to be.

 

[Deleted member 17643]

So the gym thing, I missed my Monday and Tuesday sessions this week and now I'm having a meltdown over it. Do I start from day one? That would shift over my rest day and fuck things up... do I just start at day 3 and go from there? Would that have some kind of detrimental effect on my muscle growth? Is there a reason my coach programs things in the order he does and am I fucking that order up by starting in the middle?

It's basically those kinds of ruminating thoughts that are constantly going through my head, and so far I have completely fucked this whole week up in every regard just because I missed my first two days of training.

 

[siteseer]

get some victories under your belt and then you have something to look back on for support. for myself i've quit sugar, caffeine, and tobacco cold turkey. not at the same time but one builds on the others. everything is will power, give yourself a victory and tell yourself 'you can.'

 

[Blackie]

Watch this entire video and reflect on your goals?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LCHPSo79rB4

 

[Lylo]

 

[Deleted member 16657]

Let me explain, any given day if I fuck up at all, that's the end of everything. I'm trying to quit caffeine, go to the gym six days a week, further improve my diet, and cut fast food entirely. If I screw up ONE of those, I'm likely to screw up the rest, with the constant mantra that "tomorrow will be different", or "tomorrow I start fresh and won't fuck it up." I've been like this my entire life and it has been massively detrimental to my well being. I think it has something to do with my diagnosed OCD, as it's almost ritualistic in its nature, but I imagine it's also not that uncommon. The obvious issue is there are no fresh starts in life, so this perfectionism is inherently unsustainable. I know this to be true, yet I can't break this near constant thought process.

This permeates nearly every facet of my being and it needs to stop. Is it a simple lack of discipline? Laziness? I honestly can't tell anymore. This system has been built up over so many years that it's almost flawlessly fucked. It's a part of my brain that knows how defeat the other part (the "correct" part) in nearly every way, if that makes sense.

So any advice, stories of overcoming this... anything at all would be greatly appreciated.

Click to shrink...

I read a reddit post back in the day that I feel like will speak to you:

Ouch. Sounds like you're having a tough time max. That sucks. I've been there, so I kinda know what you're talking about. I've been in the ever circling vortex of self doubt, frustration, and loathing. It's no bueno. I know. If you don't mind lemme tell you a couple things. You can read em if you want, read em again later if you feel like it. But honestly man, if I spend all this time typing this out to you and you don't let it be a little tinder for your fire, well, you're just letting us both down. And you don't HAVE to do that. You don't HAVE to do anything. But you get to choose.

(Who am I? My name's Ryan and I live in Canada. Just moved to a new city for a dream job that I got because of the rules below. I owe a lot of my success to people much cooler, kinder, more loving and greater than me. When I get the chance to maybe let a little bit of help out, it's a way of thanking them. )

Rule numero uno - There are no more zero days. What's a zero day? A zero day is when you don't do a single fucking thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out everyday, that's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself, that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system. Didnt' do anything all fucking day and it's 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero. You feel me? When you're in the super vortex of being bummed your pattern of behaviour is keeping the vortex goin, that's what you're used to. Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That's rule number one. Do not forget.

La deuxieme regle - yeah i learnt french. its a canadian thing. please excuse the lack of accent graves, but lemme get into rule number 2. BE GRATEFUL TO THE 3 YOU'S. Uh what? 3 me's? That sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. News flash, there are three you's homeslice. There's the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you wanna love someone and have someone love you back, you gotta learn to love yourself, and the 3 you's are the key. Be GRATEFUL to the past you for the positive things you've done. And do favours for the future you like you would for your best bro. Feeling like shit today? Stop a second, think of a good decision you made yesterday. Salad and tuna instead of Big Mac? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Was yesterday a nonzero day because you wrote 200 words (hey, that's all you could muster)? THANK YOU YOUNGER ME. Saved up some coin over time to buy that sweet thing you wanted? THANK YOU. Second part of the 3 me's is you gotta do your future self a favour, just like you would for your best fucking friend (no best friend? you do now. You got 2. It's future and past you). Tired as hell and can't get off reddit/videogames/interwebs? fuck you present self, this one's for future me, i'm gonna rock out p90x Ab Ripper X for 17 minutes. I'm doing this one for future me. Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy? fuck you present self, this one's for my best friend, the future me. I'm up and going for a 5 km run (or 25 meter run, it's gotta be non zero). MAKE SURE YOU THANK YOUR OLD SELF for rocking out at the end of every.single.thing. that makes your life better. The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity. Do not doubt me. Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path.

Rule number 3- don't worry i'm gonna too long didnt' read this bad boy at the bottom (get a pencil and piece of paper to write it down. seriously. you physically need to scratch marks on paper) FORGIVE YOURSELF. I mean it. Maybe you got all the know-how, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever is you wanna do. But lets say you still didn't do it. Now you're giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to, to be who you want to. Heads up champion, being dissapointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a nonzero day yesterday and it failed? so what. I forgive you previous self. I forgive you. But today? Today is a nonzero masterpiece to the best of my ability for future self. This one's for you future homes. Forgiveness man, use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud.

Last rule. Rule number 4, is the easiest and its three words. exercise and books. that's it. Pretty standard advice but when you exercise daily you actually get smarter. when you exercise you get high from endorphins (thanks body). when you exercise you clear your mind. when you exercise you are doing your future self a huge favour. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool. Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing we've all ever thought of, or felt, or gone through, or wanted, or wanted to know how to do, or whatever, has been figured out by someone else. Get some books max. Post to reddit about not caring about yourself? Good first step! (nonzero day, thanks younger me for typing it out) You know what else you could do? Read 7 habits of highly successful people. Read "emotional intelligence". Read "From good to great". Read "thinking fast and slow". Read books that will help you understand. Read the bodyweight fitness reddit and incorporate it into your workouts. (how's them pullups coming?) Reading is the fucking warp whistle from Super Mario 3. It gets you to the next level that much faster.

That's about it man. There's so much more when it comes to how to turn nonzero days into hugely nonzero days, but that's not your mission right now. Your mission is nonzero and forgiveness and favours. You got 36 essays due in 24 minutes and its impossible to pull off? Your past self let you down big time, but hey… I forgive you. Do as much as you can in those 24 minutes and then move on.

I hope I helped a little bit max. I could write about this forever, but I promised myself I would go do a 15 minute run while listening to A. Skillz Beats Working Vol. 3. Gotta jet. One last piece of advice though. Regardless of whether or not reading this for the first time helps make your day better, if you wake up tomorrow, and you can't remember the 4 rules I just laid out, please, please. Read this again.

Click to shrink...

https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/cdah4af/

 

[Deleted member 17643]

So I watched all the videos and read all the replies (and got a trial of the books recommended). Hopefully I can start making changes to fix this mentality.

 

[iAmPossum]

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in

~ Leonard Cohen

 

[deftones r cool]

Quit making excuses for yourself. Nobody is perfect but you're just looking for reasons to not commit to bettering yourself.

Also 3 or 4 days at the gym and no fast food is enough, you animal. You'll never take my caffeine away

 

[EchoChamber]

I don't know, I will tell you tomorrow.

 

[Mr. X]

Start today. Even if you slip up, put yourself right back on track that day.