Oh my god you guys !! Ironically this is the happiest I've felt in a very long time. I feel the wille zu leben kicking in real hard. I just cried listening to Cowboy Bebop's Call me call me while reading your replies.
I can't thank you guys enough. Will do my best.
I've often thought about my own mortality, and one silver lining I've always thought about learning when my time will end that I've read from terminal patients is a wave of relief regarding political or financial issues they no longer have to worry about. I don't know your political leanings, but for example the stuff around the world has made me really scared for the future, that I think I could almost find a release knowing that I don't have to worry. Things like melting of the ice caps or global hunger. Do you have a boss that upsets you daily? Find peace knowing you don't have to deal with him anymore.
I read an account from a suicidal person who said that, once they made the decision to end their life, their last day was the happiest they'd been in years, unburdened by the weight thousands of every day annoyances.
This is not to say that you should give up hope or stop fighting, mind you. Just that you can finally stop thinking about all the other terrible parts of life for even a moment to concentrate on the stuff that makes you happy.
I hope you find peace in the upcoming weeks, I'll be really pulling for you, no matter how you tackle this.