Do you have a dysfunctional family?

[TaySan]

Mother, father, brother or sister that just does not and will never get a long and you are stuck in the middle as a spectator to all of it? Did you or are you doing anything to try to stop it? My father and brother are neck and neck at each other and it's tearing my family apart. :( Today was extra bad with the fighting. It got so bad the police were called and now my brother and his bf with my mother are sleeping in a hotel for the night.

What do you do to cope? I'm not even in the mood for video games like i normally am it just sucks being in the middle of all of this.

 

[Scarface]

therapy and video games

 

[Cocolina]

move out?

 

[nsilvias]

not dysfuntional just overly negative. i keep my distance.

 

[TaySan]

move out?

Click to shrink...

I would, but i don't have the money to live on my own just yet. This week i'm paying my car off so i will finally be able to start saving money for moving myself out of this hell hole. I guess i'm just trying to find ways to cope with this for now until i'm in a better situation financially.

 

[Deleted member 48434]

No.
I've known plenty of people who do have dysfunctional families though, and lord do I feel thankful for what I have.

Edit: While my immediate family isn't dysfunctional, some of my cousins and aunts/uncles are... well...
One of my aunts is not a good person, a narcissist. Kicked her children out at 18 with minimal support.

 

[Strings]

Parents were horrible to each other while I was growing up - didn't extend to me outside of the whole being mentally and emotionally scarred thing. Luckily they've been divorced for like a decade now, but I still get absurdly stressed whenever they're in the same place.

 

[Nanashrew]

Yeah. My father was abusive to me, my brother, and my mom. We eventually got a way from him, he continued to chase us. Despite how strong my mom was, she was still very traumatized from everything trying to keep me and my brother safe. She was always paranoid because we were being chased so much. We moved a lot. Rifts happened because of times of mental instability because she was also diabetic, and low blood sugar causes a lot of mental issues in itself. So add paranoia and trauma with diabetes and it's a terrible mix. I was no better due to my own traumas from the abuse as well. We screamed at each other a lot, I even called her some very horrible things that I hate that I ever called her. I punched holes in the walls. I attempted running away from home as well as suicide to get away from everything. She would later fall into a diabetic coma when I was around 10 or 11, when she came out she was a completely different person due to brain damage and dementia. She had the mind of a child and didn't remember anything that had happened. In ways, she was freed, but still trapped because she couldn't take care of herself anymore. But also we felt more estranged than ever cause I didn't know how to handle any of it.

She died in 2013. Her body was unable to keep itself healthy due to all the damage she had sustained in her life, physically and mentally. I had a chance to say goodbye but I didn't because I still didn't know how to handle it.

Dysfunction is still present even now with family members. Me and my brother don't really talk much about anything. We get along, we play games together, but conversations are never deep. I don't have a deep connection with much of my family outside of one cousin but that even feels like it's faded away since they moved away and stopped coming over as much.

Growing up, I just played a lot of video games, read comics, watched movies, anything to escape.

 

[obin_gam]

My father has always been an asshole - I've tolerated it because I havent had a choice really, he've helped me with my moving and a lot of stuff.
But when I met my wife I saw that he is a troll on social media and my wife felt attacked by him. So now I have stood my ground and told him to behave or fuck off.

I also have a racist uncle I never knew was.

 

[Ferrio]

Used to. Thing about them they tend to kinda explode. Lots of early deaths, lots of drug abuse. Have pretty much 0 contact with any family member now that I'm a lot older, at least the surviving ones. My inner family wasn't violent/abusive, just fucked up from their own experiences with abuse.

 

[TaySan]

Yeah. My father was abusive to me, my brother, and my mom. We eventually got a way from him, he continued to chase us. Despite how strong my mom was, she was still very traumatized from everything trying to keep me and my brother safe. She was always paranoid because we were being chased so much. We moved a lot. Rifts happened because of times of mental instability because she was also diabetic, and low blood sugar causes a lot of mental issues in itself. So add paranoia and trauma with diabetes and it's a terrible mix. I was no better due to my own traumas from the abuse as well. We screamed at each other a lot, I even called her some very horrible things that I hate that I ever called her. I punched holes in the walls. I attempted running away from home as well as suicide to get away from everything. She would later fall into a diabetic coma when I was around 10 or 11, when she came out she was a completely different person due to brain damage and dementia. She had the mind of a child and didn't remember anything that had happened. In ways, she was freed, but still trapped because she couldn't take care of herself anymore. But also we felt more estranged than ever cause I didn't know how to handle any of it.

She died in 2013. Her body was unable to keep itself healthy due to all the damage she had sustained in her life, physically and mentally. I had a chance to say goodbye but I didn't because I still didn't know how to handle it.

Dysfunction is still present even now with family members. Me and my brother don't really talk much about anything. We get along, we play games together, but conversations are never deep. I don't have a deep connection with much of my family outside of one cousin but that even feels like it's faded away since they moved away and stopped coming over as much.

Growing up, I just played a lot of video games, read comics, watched movies, anything to escape.

Click to shrink...

Jesus that's horrible. It makes my situation pale in comparison. :( I'm glad you are in a better place now.

 

[Nanashrew]

Jesus that's horrible. It makes my situation pale in comparison. :( I'm glad you are in a better place now.

Click to shrink...

Thank you. But there's no need to compare. Family dysfunction, no matter how bad, can be traumatizing and leave anyone with a sense of loneliness, a feeling of being unloved, that you can't connect with anyone. In a dysfunctional family the home is both heaven and hell, a place of refuge but no solace. Your feelings are just as valid as anyone else. And I do hope that you can also make it through all of this. If it's a possible avenue you can take, I definitely would recommend therapy. But if that's not viable, talking with a friend or other family member you know you can just confide in can also be helpful. Finding ways to cope like through a hobby or an activity, and having an avenue to get your feelings out will go a long way.

 

[night814]

My sister when she was drinking way too much and doing who knows what other substances was actively trying to put my brother, parents, and myself against each other. We turned it on her and convinced her to go to rehab lol.

 

[Coyote Starrk]

My mom's side of the family refuses to associate with my dad's side of the family and my mom has not been in the same room as her mom and sister for over 15yrs.


Yes. My family is very dysfunctional.

 

[Pau]

Yes, and the cultural importance of family over everything does nothing to help. The idea of getting away from members who are abusers is unthinkable. Getting away from members who are not abusive but still make you unhappy? Utterly out of the question.

In my immediate family, my sister and my mom fight a lot. My dad and my mom fight a lot. But my dad is afraid of what she'll do if he leaves her. He's so unhappy; I don't know how he can continue like this. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that I can't solve this problem for him. Same for my mom. How can I help her when she doesn't think she needs help? Thinking about it really gets me down.

But mostly, for my own sanity, it's been helpful to not live in the same place as them. Same with the more distant members. Sometimes I romanticize the idea of growing up around more family, but then I remember what my family in Colombia is actually like, and I'm glad we are in different countries.

 

[Deleted member 1478]

My sister and dad haven't spoken to each other in years. Both as stubborn as each other.

 

[arcadepc]

Both my parents are high school teachers. Enough said

 

[Wag]

My family functions just fine...2000mi away from me.

 

[Deleted member 41178]

Yeah, I've got two sisters that my parents haven't spoken to in years. One for 10 years the other for coming up to two years now.

I originally tried to help patch things up but have now given up and don't have any contact with my sisters either.

Its really sad as we used to be a very close family, I now live over 400 miles away so don't see my parents much and one of my sisters lives about 2 miles away from them.

 

[DarthSpider]

Broken, but not dysfunctional. My parents split when I was in junior high, but I think my upbringing was better because of it. I have very fond memories of both parents, who were there for me and my sisters as much as they could be. I had a wonderful childhood. I've lived on the other side of the world from them for the past 14 years, but we remain in close contact over Facebook and FaceTime.

My wife, on the other hand, comes from a supremely fucked up family, despite her parents still being together. She has crazy self-esteem issues because of her mom, and her brother has attempted suicide twice due to neglect and emotional abuse. My wife was also just diagnosed with a form of borderline personality disorder, which I'm pretty sure was exacerbated by her upbringing. And the rub is that, on the surface, they look like a totally normal family.

 

[T002 Tyrant]

Depends on if only talking to blood relatives a few times a year is dysfunctional?

 

[Rendering...]

My family is far from ideal, but I know it could be much much worse.

 

[Hektor]

Divorced since basically always

Father was an abusive alcoholic sending death and rape threats and once went to jail for manslaughter, haven't had contact in 12 years now. When i was 8 i once witnessed him strangling another guy that was owing him money.

My Step-father is also an abusive alcoholic that beat up my mom and threatened me, broke into our home, literally cut our Apartment off from electricity multiple times, when i was still a teen living with my mom i had to chase him out of the house with a knife on multiple occasions. Also punched him in the face lasrt time i saw him some months ago and thankfully managed to avoid contact since.

Mom is emotionally abusive and manipulative, used to be on the more neglectful side of things, loves to harass people and set the record of giving out over 600 phonecalls in a single day, literally stole from me multiple times, always took the side of my step-father when i tried to help her and even told neighbours that it was me who was hitting her to defend him, avoiding contact as much as i can a too

Would have rather grown up an oprhan but alas

 

[Modest_Modsoul]

Fortunately no.

 

[Captain Tuttle]

My wife and I haven't spoken to my in-laws in 12 years. Now her Mom's health is failing and her sister is dealing with everything and calling my wife for help. I think my wife is going to have to get back into her Mom's life again. It's the last thing she wants to do but it is what it is. I've just told her that I support any decision she makes

 

[shaneo632]

I sued my parents when I was 13 because they were getting divorced and trying to stop me seeing the other parent. So yes.

 

[J_ToSaveTheDay]

I'd say so, yes.

I spent as much time as I could at friends' houses growing up to escape the constant bickering and depression my parents caused for each other, to a point where even in my adult life (I'm 32, so I'm not in my confused, meandering, deciding-who-I-want-to-be 20's anymore) I can't help but feel resentment for them regardless of whether or not I empathize or sympathize with some points of negativity in their lives. Like, my mom is widowed now as my dad passed away a couple of years ago, and I feel bad she's at an advanced age and feels kind of alone, but I try to keep my distance because it feels like she was never a strong pillar of support in my life. By the time I was 18 and moving off to college, I desperately wanted my independence from my family, excepting my brother, who I do empathize with because he generally took their domestic quabbles and constant depression that they deflected upon us much harder than even I did. He even ended up moving a lot farther away than I did and actually refuses to speak to my mom now.

Like, it's one of those families where when I was very young, my parents loved to remind us that they felt like they were stuck in their broken relationship and feeling miserable because they had the two of us. I can vividly recall this being said to my face in anger or depressive states from my parents on multiple occasions. I also remember cops being called on our house repeatedly up until I was 12 because of the arguments they would get into. I, no joke, in my teens, saw my dad straddle my mother and begin strangling her and he only stopped once I intervened and fucking punched him upside the head — and I never got an apology for witnessing that encounter, even though I blew up about it emotionally several times.

I highly value the distance I have from my family now. I have tried so hard to try to be forgiving for my upbringing and how it felt like I was a constant burden and regret for my parents, but I just can't shake the resentment I feel and the older I get, the less guilty I feel about it.

 

[Common Knowledge]

Not my immediate family, but my dad doesn't speak to anyone on his side of the family cause they're all pricks and my mom's family has a ton of issues ranging from alcoholism to severe mental illness, and some drug uses.

 

[Whitemex]

Yep. Parents got divorced when I was 6. It's lead to numerous issues between my siblings and me to the point where no one talks to each other. I haven't seen or spoken to my mother in at least 6 months now. My father in well over a year. My sister is the current root cause of all the dysfunction

 

[Katonix]

do functional family even exist?!

 

[DCPat]

Be there for your mother.

Talk sense to both your brother and father, don't choose sides. Try to make it work. But don't get worked up over it, because It's up to them if they are open for it.

I have the situation a bit further away in the family, newphew and uncle, and people have tried, but eventually gave up. Both are to stubborn and it's sad, but it's still their choice.

 

[mhayes86]

Long story short, a few of my siblings were very troublesome growing up. After my dad passed away ten years ago, things got very bad and stressful for a few years. It was a struggle since I was going to college fulltime and had to babysit adults while my mom worked. Once I graduated, I got a good job and moved out.

We were all distant for a while, but things have gotten better over the years fortunately.

 

[meowdi gras]

Haha, do I. Every last one of them is toxic af in some capacity. In the final analysis, been quite a blessing I haven't had to hear from any of them in going on six years now.