My personality tends to be louder than my looks so that doesn't happen based on looks. That said, flirting with everyone does cause that confusion. Missjudging is less of a problem than people getting grabby.
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Do you ever get offended when people think you are a different sexuality based on your appearance?
- Thread starter SilverX
- Start date
When people think I'm gay I take it as a compliment and find it funny.
When I'm with a guy friend at a club I've had women be like - you guys are so cute. I'm like haha thanks lady you too
Oh also I've had a woman I was dating say she didn't know where the relationship was going because I have a gay mom and she thinks because I have earrings I'm going to turn gay. Dunno if it's a cultural chinese thing or if she was just an idiot lol
When I'm with a guy friend at a club I've had women be like - you guys are so cute. I'm like haha thanks lady you too
Oh also I've had a woman I was dating say she didn't know where the relationship was going because I have a gay mom and she thinks because I have earrings I'm going to turn gay. Dunno if it's a cultural chinese thing or if she was just an idiot lol
I don't think it's ever happened to me before but I wouldn't get offended. My gender has been mistaken by a lot of people and I don't get offended—I just get embarrassed when I have to inevitably correct them LOL and honestly I wouldn't blame them for making that mistake because of my gender expression.
One of the luxuries of being bisexual is that if someone mistakes my sexuality for another at least they're always half right.
Edit: Unless they think I'm ace. My joke has betrayed me. Once again I have tried to be the joker and instead am just a clown.
Edit: Unless they think I'm ace. My joke has betrayed me. Once again I have tried to be the joker and instead am just a clown.
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I don't recall it ever happening but I can't imagine it offending me. I am who I am, if it leads others to make certain assumptions then alright.
ALL the fucking time. I get it though I'm basically everything a straight guy is, I just happen to like guys.
Yes we do lol Straight men use butt stuff too :p
OP
OP
I suppose you could be right, but I always thought its because women are probably overwhelmed by the amount of guys just acting dumb with the way they approach and flirt with them lol. So the ones they see as the "smart ones" stand out way more than the average interaction. And there is always the people who believe that people who are attractive generally have nothing going on in their heads...
Yeah that is definitely more of a coping mechanism when some types of women feel rejected, but I have never had that sort of interaction. For me it is usually like they are happy I am interested in women lol
It would definitely feel weird to take it personally when I'm ace. The vast majority of folk out there don't even know we exist, let alone know of us enough to form stereotypes, so it'll almost always be simple ignorance if people get our sexuality wrong. If they are the type of person who should really know better (or, hell, even literally know that I'm ace) then them acting as if I'm not asexual is going to be frustrating for sure.
Though I rarely get into situations where sexuality might even come up, especially since I actually realised what mine was. I've only been hit on in an obvious matter once when I was was like 17-18 (by someone of the same age), and at the time I was just confused more than anything lol. Since then there's been nothing which honestly makes me feel like shit; even being ace it's nice to know that you're attractive to some people instead of just being seen as an unlovable creep.
Though I rarely get into situations where sexuality might even come up, especially since I actually realised what mine was. I've only been hit on in an obvious matter once when I was was like 17-18 (by someone of the same age), and at the time I was just confused more than anything lol. Since then there's been nothing which honestly makes me feel like shit; even being ace it's nice to know that you're attractive to some people instead of just being seen as an unlovable creep.
I think I'm fairly flirty so women tend to accurately infer that I'm straight. I've had men hit on me, not sure if they assumed gay, or if it even was a consideration. In any case I wouldn't be offended from a sexuality perspective. Not sure how I would feel if someone thought I was the other sex as it has not occurred, probably confused.
Life is easier when people assume I'm straight. I don't have to field casual guff from shitheads, and I can out myself if I feel like it.
Not based on appearance but due to not having a GF ive been assumed to be gay.
It bothers me because I've corrected these same people (who I do not see anymore) over and over and still would make the same claim. Like wtf dense you have to be?
So never offended but some bloomers have ticked me off because they keep making the same assumption even after correct repeatedly.
It bothers me because I've corrected these same people (who I do not see anymore) over and over and still would make the same claim. Like wtf dense you have to be?
So never offended but some bloomers have ticked me off because they keep making the same assumption even after correct repeatedly.
OP
OP
Exactly, I just don't mention it unless asked. People always seem so surprised when i tell them.
I'm a straight-passing gay guy who gets asked if I have a girlfriend somewhat frequently by acquaintances and co-workers unaware of my orientation.
It's occasionally annoying but usually just kind of funny. The "I'd never have guessed" reactions can be a bit insulting, perhaps less to me personally than to my gay brethren who don't conform to society's narrow perceptions of masculinity like I do.
It's occasionally annoying but usually just kind of funny. The "I'd never have guessed" reactions can be a bit insulting, perhaps less to me personally than to my gay brethren who don't conform to society's narrow perceptions of masculinity like I do.
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Im a straight male and people tell me I look gay all the time. Usually said in a derogatory manner but im not bothered. They are just being ignorant. Also I get told I look like a lesbian a lot off. People are dumb.
Sometimes I feel I go through a 5 minute mini crisis if too many other gays in a short period of time think I'm straight. "Oh my god I'm going to be single forever, everybody is reading me as straight"
Political views! People will unprompted say the craziest racist and homophobic things just assuming you agree too. It's insane how popular right wing talking points and assumptions (even extreme ones) seem to be among some straight people.
Political views! People will unprompted say the craziest racist and homophobic things just assuming you agree too. It's insane how popular right wing talking points and assumptions (even extreme ones) seem to be among some straight people.
As a bisexual person, I've never, in my entire life, met someone who guessed right. It doesn't bother me much, I just wished people asked or just didn't think about it.
It bothers me much more when people try to guess my nationality and start saying random countries. I've been told that my accent sounds Russian, South African, Australian, Irish, Italian, French... People almost never get it right, but they insist on guessing and it's super annoying and alienating.
It bothers me much more when people try to guess my nationality and start saying random countries. I've been told that my accent sounds Russian, South African, Australian, Irish, Italian, French... People almost never get it right, but they insist on guessing and it's super annoying and alienating.
Lol, I meant butt stuff isn't only for gay men. Straight men can like butt stuff too.
Nah not at all. I'm quite a flamboyant straight guy and throughtout my whole life people have tried to label me gay but I couldnt care less, never correct them. My best friend is gay too and people always assume we're a couple, but sometimes I kinda prefer it in social situations for some reason haha.
Okay you can't leave us hanging like that what actually is your nationality? I'm just curious to know what accent could be confused with that many different ones
I went to my college university lgbt club meeting for the first time. I can barely remember what happened but somehow me and a few others being new members came up. These so called progressive lgbt members asked if I was just there to support a friend. I chickened out and me just coming to terms with myself that year said yeah. I was going to say I was gay but they shouted out before that I was probably just there as a straight ally. I learned then to never assume or treat everything by looks. It was horrible
This hasn't happened to me, but once my mom and I were watching TV and the concept of being gay came up from something we were watching. I told my mom that it wasn't a choice. You don't wake up and suddenly decide to be gay one day. Well, for some reason she equated my defense of homosexuality to mean that I was gay, so she asked me was I gay. I was so confused. She somehow took my "defense" of homosexuality to mean that I was a homosexual. Smh. Old people
Used to, but kinda feel like that was my own homophobia speaking up in place of my insecurity.
I've not refuted assumptions of my gayness for a few years, but have only encountered one instance where folks thought I was since adopting that policy.
I've not refuted assumptions of my gayness for a few years, but have only encountered one instance where folks thought I was since adopting that policy.
People have made any number of mistaken assumptions about me, and not just about my sexuality. I guess I just don't fit into many "boxes" all that neatly.
ayyy i got you. That's what I was referring to! If that's why your wife thinks your gay, then she's just wrong! Nothing wrong with that, i know plenty of straight men that like to get pegged lmao
Guilty. I'm trying though.
I have been mistaken for bi. Sadly it was because he wasn't used to brothers being as accepting around gay dudes.
Kinda, it depends on the context. And I had it both ways.
When I was young, I was ultra shy and had strong depression. And just because of my shy behaviour and low sexual interests, people asumed I was gay. Although I am actually (probably) indeed gay, I got very offended by that, because of this preassumption, people couldn't see that deeper issues were involved in my behaviour, and that my behaviour had nothing to do with my orientation.
Now that I am older, I got more confident and more good looking. And ironically, many gay (and straight) people tell me now that I don't look and behave like a gay person, which I don't understand and iritates me. And since I am still not 100% sure about my sexual orientation, those statements make me believe I do something wrong, even though I know that this sentiment is bullshit.
When I was young, I was ultra shy and had strong depression. And just because of my shy behaviour and low sexual interests, people asumed I was gay. Although I am actually (probably) indeed gay, I got very offended by that, because of this preassumption, people couldn't see that deeper issues were involved in my behaviour, and that my behaviour had nothing to do with my orientation.
Now that I am older, I got more confident and more good looking. And ironically, many gay (and straight) people tell me now that I don't look and behave like a gay person, which I don't understand and iritates me. And since I am still not 100% sure about my sexual orientation, those statements make me believe I do something wrong, even though I know that this sentiment is bullshit.
There are multiple sides to this, back in the mid 90's I kept pretty long hair and one day at the library this kid came up to me and was like:
"Hey are you gay? Those two girls wanna know."
I looked and saw two giggling girls looking at us and I was like "No, man."
And the kid looked back at them and was like "Yo my man here says he roll straight."
I still chuckle at that.
But of course throughout JHS there were so many toxic moments. HS was better.
More recently (pre-covid), multiple times I got hit on by guys while going out in Williamsburg BK, with specifically this line:
"Hey man, I really love your shoes. So, what are you up to tonight?" (BTW is this a thing? I am really asking).
I was personally never offended and always flattered.
Then there is the toxic macho side to this. I was out at this bar in Queens which gets the Jersey Shore types. I slightly bumped into this guy while getting a drink and he was like:
"Don't do that again."
I said "Do what? I didn't mean to, it's just really crowded."
He replied, "You look like a nice guy but don't fucking bump into me again, I'll fucking drop you."
That got my blood boiling truth be told, I had my whole crew there and literally had to grind my teeth and walk away.
I mention this incident because lot of that toxic macho shit comes from homophobia IMO.
"Hey are you gay? Those two girls wanna know."
I looked and saw two giggling girls looking at us and I was like "No, man."
And the kid looked back at them and was like "Yo my man here says he roll straight."
I still chuckle at that.
But of course throughout JHS there were so many toxic moments. HS was better.
More recently (pre-covid), multiple times I got hit on by guys while going out in Williamsburg BK, with specifically this line:
"Hey man, I really love your shoes. So, what are you up to tonight?" (BTW is this a thing? I am really asking).
I was personally never offended and always flattered.
Then there is the toxic macho side to this. I was out at this bar in Queens which gets the Jersey Shore types. I slightly bumped into this guy while getting a drink and he was like:
"Don't do that again."
I said "Do what? I didn't mean to, it's just really crowded."
He replied, "You look like a nice guy but don't fucking bump into me again, I'll fucking drop you."
That got my blood boiling truth be told, I had my whole crew there and literally had to grind my teeth and walk away.
I mention this incident because lot of that toxic macho shit comes from homophobia IMO.
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I'm 35 and I've - literally - never cared less about what people think of my clothing or sexuality.
When I was younger? Sure. But shit was way different then. Now? Hell no i don't care. Honestly I question my gender on and off enough to be like "well if YOU think so maybe..."
Rarely happens though. I have been mistaken for gay a few times, which is honestly kind of flattering at this point :P Been hit on by more men than women i think.
Rarely happens though. I have been mistaken for gay a few times, which is honestly kind of flattering at this point :P Been hit on by more men than women i think.
Nah. It was different when I was single - some girls thought I was gay, evidently because I was quiet.
It bothered me less when I was in a relationship, because well... who cares at that point?
I think how I express myself isn't always masculine, and I can be a little expressive at times. As I get older, I don't mind if people see me as something I'm not.
It bothered me less when I was in a relationship, because well... who cares at that point?
I think how I express myself isn't always masculine, and I can be a little expressive at times. As I get older, I don't mind if people see me as something I'm not.
Funny enough, when i was really young, yes. Real quiet, really shy, 0 athletic prowess. Middle school and elementary were rough. I was obviously head over heels for this one girl for the entirety of High School, so being read as gay ended swiftly.
Coming to terms with being into anyone who happens to be attractive to me, no matter the gender, helped me be significantly more social and confident. Have never been assumed as anything specific (directly) since.
Coming to terms with being into anyone who happens to be attractive to me, no matter the gender, helped me be significantly more social and confident. Have never been assumed as anything specific (directly) since.
Damn, if the Straights (Tm) caught me with a Kerminetta avatar, I would be on some thin fucking ice with them.... 😧
Depends on the context. I had a boss who liked to make gay jokes at my expense, and I just had to eat shit and take it in order to keep my job. That offended me a lot. I've also had guys hit on me, but that's not a big deal, I just take it as flattery.
