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Did you a get a prenup? Would you consider one if you marry or remarry?

entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
60,209
I checked up a book signing yesterday of the update of one my favorite financial books. Corny title. It's intentional. But here's a YT video of his philosophy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYJLNhVuvPo

The author of the book updated the book after ten years. He's changed obviously and is now married. He talked about getting a prenuptial agreement with candor, which I thought was pretty cool. His wife was there too and it all seemed very mature, unlike most talk about prenups, which can come off as something very antithetical to romantic love.

Personally, it would really depend where I"m at financially. I don't see a partner as a potential opportunists, but I've seen way too many divorces, which started our as loving couplings, where the gloves have come in divorces. If you want to see how acrimonious some former couples get, talk to a veteran divorce lawyer. You will lose your faith in humanity many time over.
 
CrazyAndy

CrazyAndy

Self-requested ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
4,071
Of course I would get one.

If the marriage works out: great, you don't need it!
If it doesn't work out: great to have a prenup!

It's basically insurance. Hopefully you don't need it but when you do you are glad to have it.
 

Deleted member 176

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
37,160
why not

I feel like seeing one as a threat to your marriage/trust is a sign that you'll have relationship problems down the road anyway tbh
 
Addie

Addie

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
8,724
DFW
Had one with my ex-wife (though we didn't need it, since she's still my best friend).

But why would you not?
 
LosDaddie

LosDaddie

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,622
Longwood, FL
Married and did not get a prenup. Didn't see the need. Had only out of college for 3yrs, and wasn't doing well financially yet.

We've both made some serious gains in income since being married.

But let's say we divorced. I wouldn't seriously date any woman who wasn't also crushing it in her career. The woman wouldn't just be some pretty face & hot body, and working retail and/or service industry job.

So....I'd seriously consider a prenup the second time around.
 
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Wackamole

Wackamole

Member
Oct 27, 2017
16,942
No marry, no prenub. Just happy until it lasts. But we're equal and both have jobs. Not sure how that works with more traditional people.
 
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entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
60,209
I know certain states and jurisdictions allow for common-in law marriage--cohabitation. So without a legal agreement a partner in this case can have the same rights as a divorced partner in a breakup.
 
Boddy

Boddy

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Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,160
I wouldn't get married if I had the slightest to reason to believe that I need one.

Besides currently I own basically nothing anyway.
 
Pirate Bae

Pirate Bae

Edelgard Feet Appreciator
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
6,799
??
I'm getting married soon and we decided not to do one. I trust her, and even if we split, neither of us wants to be vindictive. We'd part on good terms for sure, not that it'll happen, but
 
steejee

steejee

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,622
We talked about it but opted not to. Really it came down to us having fairly similar incomes/assets going in (well she had more but not like crazy more) and not having a pre-nup just means you default to whatever the State's policy is on divorce, which were fine with.

If I were to remarry at some point I'd bring it up. If they can't deal with the question they're probably not a good choice of partner.
 
THEVOID

THEVOID

Prophet of Regret
Member
Oct 27, 2017
22,871
Marriage is a legal binding contract. Both sides should have zero problem with a prenup.
 
jph139

jph139

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,385
I'm hoping to marry someone way richer than me so, fingers crossed!
 
mxbison

mxbison

Banned
Jan 14, 2019
2,148
No, never even thought of it. None of my friends have one either. Maybe it's more common in the US?

I would be so ashamed to even ask. You think you found the love of your life and are ready to marry then you ask her to sign a contract in case she is trying to rip you off?

For people with a lot of money or a business etc. it makes sense though.
 
Dr. Mario

Dr. Mario

Member
Oct 27, 2017
13,889
Netherlands
Boddy said:
I wouldn't get married if I had the slightest to reason to believe that I need one.
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This. We didn't take marrying lightly in the first place, so the prenup would have been nothing but stepping into a marriage with bad blood. We only got married after our relationship was superstable (eight years at the time) and we were in it for the long haul.

Like maybe it was different if one of us was running a company, but we weren't (not to the point that it could bankrupt one of us at least).
We briefly discussed it because her side of the family is a lot richer, but her father said "if you're going to be part of the family, you're going to fully be part of the family".
Doesn't mean we will never break up, but after 16 years and kids, that's pretty much a family rupture anyway. No prenup all those years ago would have done justice to the current situation.
 
Kromeo

Kromeo

Member
Oct 27, 2017
17,872
I don't and won't ever have enough money for it to matter but I would have no problem signing one if my girlfriend had vastly more money than me
 
SuperBanana

SuperBanana

Member
Oct 28, 2017
3,743
She earns more than me. She's a teacher so she'll eventually be on a six figure salary. It'll be very hard for me to match that.
 
RadzPrower

RadzPrower

One Winged Slayer
Member
Jan 19, 2018
6,051
I did not get a prenup with my current marriage.

I am not sure I'd ever get remarried if I did get a divorce since I've changed my outlook on life since then a lot, but if I did end up getting remarried for legal or practical reasons, I would most certainly get a prenup now.
 
Matush

Matush

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,305
Slovakia
mxbison said:
No, never even thought of it. None of my friends have one either. Maybe it's more common in the US?

I would be so ashamed to even ask. You think you found the love of your life and are ready to marry then you ask her to sign a contract in case she is trying to rip you off?

For people with a lot of money or a business etc. it makes sense though.
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Pretty much my point of view. Prenup isn't common in my country at all, so it even isn't on my mind.
 
mhayes86

mhayes86

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,249
Maryland
We were together for eight years prior to marriage, so I didn't even consider it. I was making a decent bit more money than my wife at the time after college and didn't have any assets, but now I make a considerable amount more and do have some assets, so I may consider it on the chance that I remarry.
 
lemming

lemming

Member
Oct 27, 2017
219
Yup. I believe that there are basically no downsides to getting one.
We had a talk beforehand and got one. Everything is fine after 10 years.

Hopefully this goes on for lots of decades more, but who really knows?
Tastes, likes and dislikes.. lots of things about a person can (and probably will) change over time.
Maybe these changes will be for the best, but they can be for the worst. Better safe than sorry! :)
 
Bjomesphat

Bjomesphat

Member
Nov 5, 2017
1,821
Kind of defeats the purpose of marriage, imo. Same deal with separate bank accounts. Like, it doesn't even cross my mind that I could be making 5x as much as my wife. Whatever I make is for our family, and the money I make is just as much hers, as what she makes is just as much mine.

If you think there's even the option of divorce, just don't get married.
 
Trice

Trice

Banned
Nov 3, 2018
2,653
Croatia
Stats don't lie. Even if you think you've found the perfect love of your life, people change over time and divorces are a regular occurrence.

If I ever got officially married, yes, of course I would. It's insurance. A lot of what I own has been in the family for generations, I don't plan on exposing it to any avoidable risk.
 
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fleet

fleet

Member
Jan 2, 2019
644
every single person who has ever thought "i wish i had a prenup" has once had the thought "we'll never get divorced so we don't need one"
 
Doober

Doober

Banned
Jun 10, 2018
4,295
Are they even enforceable? Plus once kids are involved don't they go out the window anyway?
 
steejee

steejee

Member
Oct 28, 2017
8,622
steejee said:
We talked about it but opted not to. Really it came down to us having fairly similar incomes/assets going in (well she had more but not like crazy more) and not having a pre-nup just means you default to whatever the State's policy is on divorce, which were fine with.

If I were to remarry at some point I'd bring it up. If they can't deal with the question they're probably not a good choice of partner.
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Was going to add to my take - digging around when I was researching if we should do one or not there also seemed to be a lot of info suggesting that after a certain number of years most pre-nups become super vulnerable in court anyways. Like they're really useful for big asset gaps to protect against a short marriage, but once you're talking 5-10 years of marriage it sounded like a good lawyer could pick them apart.
 
Servbot24

Servbot24

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
43,158
My girlfriend was previously married and she makes more money than me so if anything she would be the one asking for it. I agree everyone should get one though.
 
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