Um bro your gonna get kicked out of that house eventually.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
Dealing with the realization that my wife of ten years was never "in love" with me [READ STAFF POST]
- Thread starter theotherMittens
- Start date
- Status
you don't sound comfortable at all. You think she's gonna keep you around when the kids are grown and going to school and she'll take care of you as a live in nanny?
Women of the past have been forced to be home makers and house wives because they had no options, you Have options, you're not shackled there.
A lawyer can help though. It's not impossible to get out of this situation. And it's not going to last. You will get pushed out eventually, even if it takes a year or two. A lawyer can help you do it on your own terms.
I promise you this doesn't end well for you if you just try to ride it out forever.
I'm not sure staying in the house "for the kids" is good for either you or the kids.
You need to model self-respect and self-worth to them man. Leaving won't be without its challenges but staying sounds like a slow descent into abject humiliation. You can't ride this one out.
You need to model self-respect and self-worth to them man. Leaving won't be without its challenges but staying sounds like a slow descent into abject humiliation. You can't ride this one out.
This is already horrendous, don't make this more horrendous for yourself.
Go to therapy, please.
Go to therapy, please.
Man that is a helluva thing... you're a bigger man than me in allowing your ex partner to have their new partner around.
I'm sorry things did not work out in the best way for you, don't crucify yourself too hard for not " getting it right" the first time in the soulmate search.
I would for sure say at least your relationship granted you a wonderful opportunity: to make sure you raise those kids right . That kind of love is special and will last the rest of your life. Don't let your disappointment (is that the right word to use here?) with your love life keep you from showing them how much beauty comes from loving someone else. You get ONE chance to be a good parent , you don't want a fractured relationship with your children when you're older nor do you want to be full of regret that you should've done things " better" ( hi mom and dad"). There are many different types of love, if romantic love is absent in your present, fill your life with as many other kinds as you can. Good luck.
* Edit* read the follow up posts, you MUST take steps to ensure you won't just be forced out on a whim/ through your life being made very difficult. Your children need you , you need to make 100 certain there will be no issue in your having a positive impact in and on their lives
I'm sorry things did not work out in the best way for you, don't crucify yourself too hard for not " getting it right" the first time in the soulmate search.
I would for sure say at least your relationship granted you a wonderful opportunity: to make sure you raise those kids right . That kind of love is special and will last the rest of your life. Don't let your disappointment (is that the right word to use here?) with your love life keep you from showing them how much beauty comes from loving someone else. You get ONE chance to be a good parent , you don't want a fractured relationship with your children when you're older nor do you want to be full of regret that you should've done things " better" ( hi mom and dad"). There are many different types of love, if romantic love is absent in your present, fill your life with as many other kinds as you can. Good luck.
* Edit* read the follow up posts, you MUST take steps to ensure you won't just be forced out on a whim/ through your life being made very difficult. Your children need you , you need to make 100 certain there will be no issue in your having a positive impact in and on their lives
Uh as soon as the mom says you provide nothing monetarily, your ass is on the curb, and you're going to be a homeless dad. Start taking some online classes at least.
OP
OP
Duplex is the plan once we can buy a new house, which we may be able to in the next year.
Hence why polygamy isn't for everyone. You dun did the classic poly goof, OP. You gave her the go-ahead for that lifestyle and she got into it way faster than you anticipated.
Facts. I mean, she can do as she pleases but I won't be around to tolerate that shit. I'd rather be alone than be disrespected on that level.
I think the trick is to be a happy whole person before you get married. I love my wife very much but I was happy before I met her and if she wants to go sit on some other dude's junk I'll be happy after her.
Facts. I mean, she can do as she pleases but I won't be around to tolerate that shit. I'd rather be alone than be disrespected on that level.
I think the trick is to be a happy whole person before you get married. I love my wife very much but I was happy before I met her and if she wants to go sit on some other dude's junk I'll be happy after her.
You said it yourself my man, she pays the mortgage, knock that we shit off.
OP
OP
I always have a place working for my mom, but it's a low-paying job with no benefits. Once the twins are in school I can do that while I look for something else.
Echoing the sentiments of other posters that you will have to leave eventually and you should definitely be planning for the future now.
I can already see the scene in my head now. You'll probably be in the living room on the couch playing with the kids and next thing you know, you get hit with "hey theotherMittens, we think it's time you got your own place"
You're like "we? Who's we?" camera pans to your ex-wife's new partner.
I can already see the scene in my head now. You'll probably be in the living room on the couch playing with the kids and next thing you know, you get hit with "hey theotherMittens, we think it's time you got your own place"
You're like "we? Who's we?" camera pans to your ex-wife's new partner.
I ask this for want of advice in my own life, but do you think it's possible for someone to feel the way OP's wife does and find a way to truly love OP? Is love a preordained thing that is either there or isn't? Can you go from "kind of sort of" to "madly in love"?
That's good. If she sticks to that plan, maybe that might be what you're most comfortable with and what produces a minimal disruption for the kids. It also gives the two of them some private space.
Not a psychiatrist and I don't know how you've stayed married that long if you and your wife don't feel strongly for each other, so it sounds like you've got that going good for you. If you are interested in polyamory it can be a great thing for couples that are suited for it. In your case it sounds like it may end up being unfair or feeling that way if you're uninterested in other people and don't want to put in effort to meet others.
Honestly it sounds like you really need to strive for more in your life. Get some productive hobbies, get a job, meet some people. Probably see a therapist to start if you're feeling animosity, probably would help you figure out what direction to start moving in given the situation.
Totally. I'd say a big part is both sides putting in actual effort to look good or bring something exciting to the table for your partner. It's hard to be madly in love with someone that doesn't do a lot.
Honestly it sounds like you really need to strive for more in your life. Get some productive hobbies, get a job, meet some people. Probably see a therapist to start if you're feeling animosity, probably would help you figure out what direction to start moving in given the situation.
Totally. I'd say a big part is both sides putting in actual effort to look good or bring something exciting to the table for your partner. It's hard to be madly in love with someone that doesn't do a lot.
Please dude, I feel really bad for you because I am also getting divorced. The love also faded. But I have zero kids and thankfully my wife moved across the country, amicably. You are a third wheel in your life. They are evolving and improving themselves and you're a barnacle. You need to stand on your own and show some self respect.
I mean this sounds awful, you keep living in agony waiting around for things to blow up in your face doing nothing I guess. Time to move is now, you're being played.
OP
OP
You need to think about yourself. I can't imagine your mental health is in a good place with this.
Take it from a guy who has seen this over the years. Get out and hire a lawyer and some family counseling so the separation is a healthier one. You don't want to live there, it will destroy you and the kids long-term and that's not what you want for the kids not yourself.
Past you: My wife loves me.
Present: Shit, how did I not see that in fact she does not love me.
Present you: I'm real comfortable, my wife sees the value in having a stable stay at home dad.
Future you: Shit, how did I not see that in fact they think two moms is even better?
Present: Shit, how did I not see that in fact she does not love me.
Present you: I'm real comfortable, my wife sees the value in having a stable stay at home dad.
Future you: Shit, how did I not see that in fact they think two moms is even better?
Love can grow but cannot be forced. And both people need to put in the work/effort, it's not a one-sided thing.
Though if we're talking about someone who doesn't even want to hold hands or kiss like OP, then maybe not.
OP
OP
No animosity here. I was already planning on seeing a therapist so now we'll have even more to talk about at our first session. I've started drawing more and I'm getting into playing guitar again, actually jamming with my wife's girlfriend
OP
OP
My wife is the ONLY one who can cook lol. Girlfriend is going to take over dishes for me so I don't know how anyone can say this isn't a win
Not feeling romantic feelings towards you is one thing, but I have a hard time believing that your ex wife even respects you at the moment. I guess its possible, but I think the likelihood is higher that both of the women don't respect you, and are just being nice for the time being about you staying with them.
I urge you to get a lawyer and try your best to become self reliant. They might not have done it yet, but there is a very strong possibility that they are going to ask you to leave at some point, perhaps when the youngest children are school age. It's time to start looking out for yourself to protect yourself from being blindsided in the case that this happens.
I urge you to get a lawyer and try your best to become self reliant. They might not have done it yet, but there is a very strong possibility that they are going to ask you to leave at some point, perhaps when the youngest children are school age. It's time to start looking out for yourself to protect yourself from being blindsided in the case that this happens.
They are already replacing you, dude. You gotta get out.
You've moved from your parent's house to your Wife's huh?
If you're happy with that situation more power to you.
Tell us how much of a win it is when you're out on your ass with no recourse.
It honestly sounds like you're being well-taken care of. I wouldn't move out as long as it doesn't hurt you to see them together.
In your shoes, I'd get a job and save money just in case they ever do kick you out though.
Also start thinking about dating wealthier women.
In your shoes, I'd get a job and save money just in case they ever do kick you out though.
Also start thinking about dating wealthier women.
OP, man, you are a better person than I. A little while after my first serious relationship ended, my ex started dating my boss and that (along with some other details) made me want to leave town (which I did). I could not imagine living with them immediately afterwards. This may be something you think you can handle but it might wear you down and then it could be harder to change course. As a kid with divorced parents, what mattered was that they both loved me and that the negative energy was gone. You may be cool, she may be cool but if the new lady ain't then it wont be cool.
Ugh this hurt to read, man... Internet psychoanalysis but sounds like you don't have much self-confidence and are letting this women trample all over you. I'm going to guess this is tough for her too. She has a history with you and surely doesn't want to kick you to the curb, but same time can't help the way she feels. Good chance it would be better and healthier for both of you to split amicably.
User Warned: Inappropriate Language
You gotta be troll. Otherwise lmao.
There's another Era member on here who was also getting cucked and made a thread, you guys should become best friends or something.
OP
OP
Are you working? Like, do you have a job? Or are you at home taking care of the kids?
Edit: Just saw that you are a stay at home dad.
In which case, you do what you think is best. If you like this arrangement, so be it.
But ultimately, at the end of it all, all this may not be so good for your self worth and self love.
If someone was in a position like your second sentence, they couldn't find a path back towards regaining the will to do those things again? Is there a point of no return or can you fight to get back to what was once there?
OP
OP
Dude she is taking your responsibilities around the house....I don't think you're grasping on how many levels you're being replaced. Tomorrow....lawyer....please
You maybe in a comfortable state now but that shit is going to flip on its head real quick.
OP
OP
I wouldn't expect somebody to move in without taking on some household responsibilities?
- Status