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Dealing with a religious girlfriend when you are not religious
- Thread starter TolerLive
- Start date
Well, uh, yeah?
Wow comparing christians to nazis.
I'm out of here, this is disgusting.
maybe read the text? there's text in that image. I can photoshop churches and crucifixes instead of swastikas and torches, if that makes you more comfortable?
OP
OP
I've been reading every post in this thread and some has been helpful and some have not been helpful. I appreciate everyone's input but please try to stop the argument that's going on in here.
User Warned: Derogatory Language
The comparison is idiotic and the text does not change it.
You are generalizing christianity as a whole disregarding the people who are not like that, are loving and caring people and do good work in the world.
But yeah every Christian is a fucktard.
Christians say this every other week then one patron shot later it's wide-open Wednesday. If you choose to stay with her, I'm thinking it's one of three scenarios: 1) She's trying to push you into marriage or another stage of relationship 2) she's just trying to ease her way out of the relationship by making you break up with her 3) she's just saying it because, y'know, that's what the Bible said, but if you walk in wearing grey sweaptants things might change.
winny posted that picture in regards to fighting intolerance with intolerance, not to compare christianity with nazism.
You're the only person who ever used language like "fucktard".
I don't see how this challenges anything I said. This very thread is about a guy whose girlfriend has become more religious and doesn't want to have sex any more. The first reply to my post referred to a grandparent that danced in gay bars in their youth but, as they became more religious later in life, became opposed to homosexuality.
Religion breeds intolerance. Always has. The more religious you are, the more intolerant you are. This is pretty difficult to dispute considering how nasty orthodox folks usually are and how "religious freedom" is newspeak for homophobia and xenophobia and is used to protect such people when they do horrible things. Let's not even get into all the wars and shit started because of religion and religious differences.
Just 'cause religion itself is evil doesn't mean all religious people are, though. There are indeed loving and caring people who are also religious, but what does believing in God have to do with that? There are plenty of loving and caring people who aren't religious at all, so that's really down to the people themselves and not their beliefs. If anything I'd say they're loving and caring in spite of their beliefs, not because of them.
Also this. You did complain about fighting intolerance with intolerance, after all.
If you're serious about spending the rest of your life with her and plan to marry, why not wait??
decide if it's worth waiting till you get married otherwise breakup
In any event, I do feel for you in this Indian giver kind of situation, it really isn't fair
If you are serious about her than giving it a few months to see how things pan out is reasonable. I suppose the no intimacy rule includes most things, like kissing, holding hand, cuddling etc?
Well, one thing to consider if you move forward in the relationship, how will you both approach religion – especially when it comes down to raising kids – or if her beliefs get stronger down the line. We had neighbors who were causal friends of ours split who were in a similar situation, her church got a new pastor and she basically told her husband either he go to church or they are done – he ended up leaving her.
Weird, I know a lot of religious people (admittedly most of them not Christian) that are very nice and tolerate.
OP
OP
We can kiss, hold hands, cuddle, and still share the same bed. We just can't really do anything sexual.
The word religion is a broad brush but you can't deny that there are some faiths where intolerance is quite literally part of the program, top down.
That's good at least.
While it's possible that she changes her mind, you should be ready to accept that this is all you are going to get till marriage.
More importnaly, she shouldn't keep important that like that from you in the future. It's still her choices of course, but at least you would have had a chance to talkto her before hand and menally prepare.
I wish you both the best, regardless of your choice. I know I would do a lot more for my gf if nessary, but it's your life
That was kind of my point.
As for your second point, basically all religions can be praticed peacefuly and I think reforming is much more feasible then trying to get rid of them.
OP
OP
Im nervous as shit right now. I thought things were going well after i told her I'd work with her and agree to avoid sex. I hadnt heard from her all day and she wasn't answering my texts or snapchats. A few minutes ago i got a text "i have a lot on my mind and we need to talk after work". I responded by asking if she wanted me to drive over to see her after work and she said "no. Please don't"
I don't know whats going on anymore, between this and my graduate projects this week has been one of the most stressful of my life.
I don't know whats going on anymore, between this and my graduate projects this week has been one of the most stressful of my life.
Sorry to hear man as you really seem to love her, but honestly seems to me this would be better in the long run. I think if you break us you are probably dodging a major bullet down the line.
Good luck man
Good luck man
The abrupt end to sex should have been your first warning.
Since she wants to talk after work wait for her to reach out. Back off and focus on your projects.
I've never understood the "let's talk sometime later, but for now just worry" thing.
Just hold on to that thought until such time that you CAN talk or it's needlessly cruel.
This now reads to me like she actually wants to break up, and hoped by making that ultimatum it would cause you to break up with her rather than the other way around. But now she is being forced to do it since you "called her bluff".
this is getting interesting
and seriously fuck any religious text that try to coerce people with the threat of eternal hellfire if they don't follow the opinions of 2000 year old shit sweepers
OP
OP
OP
OP
She didnt even say why. "Look I don't need to explain myself. This is what I want , and being alone will make me happy. I don't want to come see you and please don't come here. I tried to do it over the phone "
jesus OP thats rough
im starting to think cutting off sex was an attempt to get you to break up with her
could she be doing this because she thinks there are religious incompatibilities now?
its frustrating to know we might not ever hear her side of it because i want the details now more than ever
im starting to think cutting off sex was an attempt to get you to break up with her
could she be doing this because she thinks there are religious incompatibilities now?
its frustrating to know we might not ever hear her side of it because i want the details now more than ever
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As shitty as it sounds, be thankful it happened now and not several months from now where you likely would have frustrated/bored due to the lack of intimacy, but compelled to keep things going because you want her to be the one.
Regardless though, i'm sorry mate. Breakup's always suck, but life has a way of surprising you if you continue to be open to meeting new people and taking on new experiences. You'll meet the one who's the right fit for you when you least expect it, but until then - keep working on yourself.
Regardless though, i'm sorry mate. Breakup's always suck, but life has a way of surprising you if you continue to be open to meeting new people and taking on new experiences. You'll meet the one who's the right fit for you when you least expect it, but until then - keep working on yourself.
sorry to hear, OP. not the outcome I'd expected. I hope you have someone to talk to.
I got letters instead.
Jesus, a text break-up.
And zero explanation other than a "I don't need to explain myself to you..." message? Awful. You gave her a year of your life, and you clearly thought she was the one. I think as a decent human being she DOES owe you an explanation.
Hang in there OP. It hurts now, but you clearly dodged a bullet.
Fucking wack that it had to end this way. I'm sorry OP.
And zero explanation other than a "I don't need to explain myself to you..." message? Awful. You gave her a year of your life, and you clearly thought she was the one. I think as a decent human being she DOES owe you an explanation.
Hang in there OP. It hurts now, but you clearly dodged a bullet.
This was so on the money.
Fucking wack that it had to end this way. I'm sorry OP.
OP I'm sorry bro
But I think you will look back one day and be glad this happened
She did not treat you well at all and tried to unilaterally force abstinence on you a year in, and now she does not even have the basic respect to hear you out after dumping you
You deserve way better. Block her on everything
But I think you will look back one day and be glad this happened
She did not treat you well at all and tried to unilaterally force abstinence on you a year in, and now she does not even have the basic respect to hear you out after dumping you
You deserve way better. Block her on everything
You'll be ok OP! I still think you've been doing everything right, if that's any consolation. Breakups suck a lot, but you seem like a good person and I'm sure you'll get through it.
You seem like a really nice dude. I'm so so sorry that this happened. You didn't deserve to be treat like that at all.
I mean this gif sincerely.
OP
OP
I appreciate everyone in here a lot right now. I dont really have many people to take to in person since i just moved down here in september. So it means a lot.
Im just so lost right now. She wouldnt even see me in person to try and talk. She told me that she doesnt need to explain why shes breaking up with me and that makes me feel like lower than I've ever felt. How can you do that to someone and not have the respect or heart to at least explain why or in person? This is not how I saw this going. Even this morning she texted and said how excited she was to see me tomorrow. 5 hours later i got the breakup text.
Im just so lost right now. She wouldnt even see me in person to try and talk. She told me that she doesnt need to explain why shes breaking up with me and that makes me feel like lower than I've ever felt. How can you do that to someone and not have the respect or heart to at least explain why or in person? This is not how I saw this going. Even this morning she texted and said how excited she was to see me tomorrow. 5 hours later i got the breakup text.
As painful as it is, you need to find comfort in the FACT that you're far better off dodging this bullet now. These things aren't right man. There's some human decency being skipped here.
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Can't believe I agree with Subpar, but it's true.
You dated this girl for over a year, and she 1. breaks up with you via text, 2. doesn't give you an explanation, and 3. possibly lied to you about the whole no-sex rule to force you to break up with her.
It is extremely shitty, and you are better off without her. I know you feel like shit right now and would like an explanation for closure, but she's not budging right now. There's nothing you can do except let go. Maybe you can contact her in a month to ask for an explanation, and making sure you mention that you need it for closure, but don't tell yourself that it's going to happen.
I'm sorry, TC.
edit: like, just to make it clear, "breaking up" via text is something that's only acceptable when you've had like, five dates or less. After one year, you are in a real relationship, and you 100% owe your partner a reason for breaking up with them.
OP
OP
Thank you. I just wish shit worked differently. I know im not very old (almost 26) but ive been in a few relationships (4). It never gets and easier and every time I feel like I lose a piece of myself. One od my biggest flaws is being to emotionally driven.
I appreciate everyone's support, if anyone wants to play any xbox with me sometime, my gamertag is Toler Supreme. Sorry for this rollercoaster of a thread.
This person did you a massive favor and you will have the life experience to understand that in 5 or 10 years time. For now, it will hurt. But frame it as a positive; now you can go on to find someone who truly appreciates you and that you can have an even better bond with. All of the stress from this crazy ass situation is now over and done with, and you can start a new chapter in your life. That's exciting.
Every relationship you learn a bit more about yourself, what you want in a partner, and how to handle things. It might feel bad but you leveled up.