Dealing with a religious girlfriend when you are not religious

[Chairmanchuck (另一个我)]

So much. Apprently ERA is an "Open minded" Forum, except for religious people.
Also every Christian is indoctrinated, brainwashed and stupid and to top that of an fundamentalist.

Click to shrink...

I am a christian, catholic and was an altar boy during my youth and teens and helped during 3 world youth days. One thing is taking the bible literally, another one is analyzing what the analogies, epistles etc. mean.

No one ever called me brainwashed because I am catholic. That doesnt mean I think gay people are sick, sex before marriage is the greatest sin ever, non-believers are wrong etc. I was taught "love thy neighbour as thyself". There are many interpretations to the bible and its various epistles, analogies etc. even inside theologic circles. And in my opinion the worst is taking the bible literally.

Also regarding the brainwashing. The OP said she herself struggled with it, but apparently was totally okay at the beginning. Of course its not just because of one pastor saying it, but communities and especially pastors can have a huge influence on people. At one point our church had a conservative pastor that literally took the bible seriously and ofc he can influence people to a certain degree. He was really popular with old folks, but if you grow up with someone like that, his opinions and his interpretation of the bible might rub off on someone. Then years later we had a young pastor, who had different opinions based on his own interpretations of several parts of the bible. And ofc his opinion and interpretations can also rub off on people.

 

[Aztechnology]

Point out that she's a hypocrite for having sex with you for a year already, and it's too late for her. I'm sure it will work out after that.

 

[Deleted member 11173]

Call her bluff. Play her game, and then let her break her will.

 

[Lakeside]

Did you hear about the loophole OP?



Bad jokes aside, you should tell her how you feel. Just don't go into it with "if we won't have sex it's over" cause that will most likely give the opposite effect.

Also, if you love her as much as you claim isn't it worth the sacrifice?

Click to shrink...

Holy hell that was amazing. I was familiar with the loophole but not that it was so well documented.

 

[CopyOfACopy]

time is the ultimate resource and she is wasting yours

 

[Deleted member 1476]

I dealt by leaving. We talked and went our separate ways.

Nowadays I won't even bother if I know the person is really into religion, it won't work.

 

[Lonewulfeus]

Call her bluff. Play her game, and then let her break her will.

Click to shrink...

Yup, good practice for marriage too.

 

[Dingens]

I always love the "no sex until marriage" thing, because it's the best way to identify people who just conform to whatever they are told without doing any research or critical thought.
There is probably no point to it but... have you asked her WHY Jesus does not want her to have fun?

In my experience, most people don't really seem to know where this rule comes from, because it's not in the bible.
It's basically ancient birth control from medieval europe. The idea was basically, in order to avoid hordes of starving children, sex was only legal for married couples - and marriage was expensive as hell. Thus, if you were affluent enough to afford to marry, you should be capable of feeding potential offspring.
I know it probably isn't going to change the mind of anyone who's religious... but I think they should at least know what they are advocating for.

 

[TheGhost]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

OP, you need to just text her all of this.

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Tell, not text.

Click to shrink...

Ehhhhhh....with a text you get your point across without interuptions, getting sidetracked, tears and frustrated "I don't know ok!!"

Get the initial problem out with a text then sit down together and discuss.

 

[Indy in the Fridge]

I asked one time if Jesus ever jacked it in his 33 years on earth. I got a stern talking to from my mother after that one.

Good luck, OP. Just don't let her convince you to join up. Slippery slope and all that.

 

[Casualcore]

I see this as a good opportunity to recognize that whether you're religious or not, her religion is a major part of her life, and will have to be a big part of yours, if you want to marry her. You wouldn't be the first person to be told to convert before a wedding could take place. That your children will be raised in the church and taught to believe in whatever she believes in. I'm not judging that, I'm just saying it's something to think about and talk about and decide if it's the future you want, while you have all that spare time not banging for the next three years.

 

[carlsojo]

First of all, don't call her a hypocrite or attack her.

Second, do you like... Love her?

If you do, then stick it out. She'll either change her mind eventually or you'll put a ring on it.

 

[Deleted member 55454]

There is probably no point to it but... have you asked her WHY Jesus does not want her to have fun?

Click to shrink...

Jesus would say that sexual intimacy is sacred and a gift exclusively for those in a covenantal union. Therefore, sexual intimacy is antithetical to intimacy which commodifies the other for sexual fulfillment (i.e., "commodification [is] a process by which social relationships are reduced to economic exchange relationships").

 

[Mido]

Anal

 

[floridaguy954]

This is what the act of sex is preached as, when you share yourself you share all of yourself spiritual, emotional and physical.

In the times the 10 commandments were handed down the act of sex WAS the marriage. These days It's common to preach abstinance until our version of marriage ( the ceremony) has been completed.

Stay with her as it reads as if you care deeply for her. Christian or not she didn't end it ( which in some congregations she would have been encouraged to do) so it reads as if she cares for you as much you care for her.

Talk to her and be patient with each other, as her faith isn't going away.

Good luck

Click to shrink...

What the fuck? Please tell me this is a joke post because this is horrible advice. OP needs to drop his girlfriend like a goddamn rock.

If my girlfriend could have her mind swayed on a big part of our relationship by a man in a weird robe, I'd be breaking that off immediately.

Click to shrink...

Exactly. Another example of Christianity praying on the weakwilled (in this case, OP's girlfriend).

 

[Seirith]

I see this as a good opportunity to recognize that whether you're religious or not, her religion is a major part of her life, and will have to be a big part of yours, if you want to marry her. You wouldn't be the first person to be told to convert before a wedding could take place. That your children will be raised in the church and taught to believe in whatever she believes in. I'm not judging that, I'm just saying it's something to think about and talk about and decide if it's the future you want, while you have all that spare time not banging for the next three years.

Click to shrink...

My parents got married young and my dad is Catholic. My mom "became Catholic" when they got married and my brother and I went to church every Sunday without fail and even took religion classes every week too. Then suddenly my mom decided she was no longer going to go to church, never believed in it and only did it because she thought it was " the right thing to do" for us as children. So my mom, brother and I are no longer religious or attend church. My parents have made it work but it has caused them issues in the past. My dad still goes to church and his religion is a large part of his life that my mother does not agree with him on.

I can only imagine if OP and his gf have children she will want them to attend church, religion, etc.

 

[Avitus]

What the fuck? Please tell me this is a joke post because this is horrible advice. OP needs to drop his girlfriend like a goddamn rock.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, seems OP is afraid of the unknown and lacks the life/dating experience to find someone that treats him better. There is no reason to go along with this blackmailing into marriage for the possibility of sex when you could build a deeper bond with someone else that respects you more (and wants to have sex with you). What is described in the OP is a dead bedroom/messy divorce waiting to happen.

 

[DJ_Lae]

Religion has always seemed to be one of the big relationship dealbreakers - it's something a person likely isn't going to change their mind about and if you eventually have kids you get the extra complication of deciding when (or if) to indoctrinate them.

Even without children, though, it's a pretty fundamental issue.

 

[Chopchop]

I see this as a good opportunity to recognize that whether you're religious or not, her religion is a major part of her life, and will have to be a big part of yours, if you want to marry her. You wouldn't be the first person to be told to convert before a wedding could take place. That your children will be raised in the church and taught to believe in whatever she believes in. I'm not judging that, I'm just saying it's something to think about and talk about and decide if it's the future you want, while you have all that spare time not banging for the next three years.

Click to shrink...

Yeah. I know non-religious people who married someone religious, and it is definitely a big thing to think about before you continue.

If religion is a big part of this person's life, then you will need to accept that and live with it if you want to continue into marriage. That religious voice dictating things that you may not agree with isn't going away. You won't be able to argue with that voice either, if your partner chooses to prioritize that voice over yours. You will need to live with that for the rest of your life. Some religious people practice more loosely and are willing to let their practices slide for the sake of their relationship, but some are completely uncompromising if their religion tells them to think or do things in a certain way.

If you decide to stay with your partner, then that's your choice, but it's important to be aware that when it comes to dating deeply religious people, this facet of the relationship most likely isn't going away.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

Say you respect her decision, and then when you are heavily making out, just start going down on her and see how long it takes her to say yes, lol.

 

[TolerLive]

My parents got married young and my dad is Catholic. My mom "became Catholic" when they got married and my brother and I went to church every Sunday without fail and even took religion classes every week too. Then suddenly my mom decided she was no longer going to go to church, never believed in it and only did it because she thought it was " the right thing to do" for us as children. So my mom, brother and I are no longer religious or attend church. My parents have made it work but it has caused them issues in the past. My dad still goes to church and his religion is a large part of his life that my mother does not agree with him on.

I can only imagine if OP and his gf have children she will want them to attend church, religion, etc.

Click to shrink...

Your story is very similar to my own. As a child my family raised me as a lutheran christian, but some time into middle school my dad stopped going to church and told me and my sister we could make our own decisions on it. None of the 3 of us are religious anymore. The positive about my girlfriend is that her parents kind of gave her that same "choice". Basically once she hit high school they told her she can make her own decisions about what path she wants to follow and believe, and she tells me she will be similarly open with her future kids.

As for anyone asking if sexual acts other than intercourse would be able to occur, she said nothing sexual. Going to church here and there to support her doesnt bother me the slightest, it's just this one situation that she seems to be grasping too. And she was hurt in the past sexually, so i think her guilt of that situation and the pushing of her church are just coming to a front.

That being said, one of the times I went with her to the church the pastor made a similar discussion, and because in christian eyes all sins are equal, he compared premarital sex with a loved one to dealing meth/cocaine to them. That was an instance that triggered me and just baffled me.

And yes, I truly do love this woman. I firmly believe the right answer isn't to just break up with her. In case anyone missed my update a few pages back, i drove to see her and talk about things (were at different grad schools 50 minutes apart). I told her that while I dont have the same opinion on this matter that I will do my best to try to value hers because of what she means to me. I feel like my best plan is to give it a few months and throughout that time check in together on how we are feeling about our sexuality and how it is effecting our relationship. Again this isn't exactly what I want, and i know many people suggest to end it, but I've always felt that issues or problems that arise in a relationship can be dealt with through honesty and communication. To judge her decision as an "issue" may come across wrong, but I believe it is still something that can be handled through careful consideration for each other. Her roommate that went to church with her the same day also gave her boyfriend a call to tell him she was doing the same thing. So I imagine this is a scenario where one of them slips up and encourages the other to do the same, but I feel like i should refrain from that sort of negative thinking.

All of this being said, it's still been on my mind since we talked yesterday and focusing on my projects at the school has been a task today for sure.

 

[Lakeside]

That being said, one of the times I went with her to the church the pastor made a similar discussion, and because in christian eyes all sins are equal, he compared premarital sex with a loved one to dealing meth/cocaine to them. That was an instance that triggered me and just baffled me.

Click to shrink...

This is the kind of thing that would push me away from religion if I were involved to begin with.

 

[Mona]

Say you respect her decision, and then when you are heavily making out, just start going down on her and see how long it takes her to say yes, lol.

Click to shrink...

"gosh my mouth is really tired, if only there was another way"

 

[Chopchop]

Your story is very similar to my own. As a child my family raised me as a lutheran christian, but some time into middle school my dad stopped going to church and told me and my sister we could make our own decisions on it. None of the 3 of us are religious anymore. The positive about my girlfriend is that her parents kind of gave her that same "choice". Basically once she hit high school they told her she can make her own decisions about what path she wants to follow and believe, and she tells me she will be similarly open with her future kids.

As for anyone asking if sexual acts other than intercourse would be able to occur, she said nothing sexual. Going to church here and there to support her doesnt bother me the slightest, it's just this one situation that she seems to be grasping too. And she was hurt in the past sexually, so i think her guilt of that situation and the pushing of her church are just coming to a front.

That being said, one of the times I went with her to the church the pastor made a similar discussion, and because in christian eyes all sins are equal, he compared premarital sex with a loved one to dealing meth/cocaine to them. That was an instance that triggered me and just baffled me.

And yes, I truly do love this woman. I firmly believe the right answer isn't to just break up with her. In case anyone missed my update a few pages back, i drove to see her and talk about things (were at different grad schools 50 minutes apart). I told her that while I dont have the same opinion on this matter that I will do my best to try to value hers because of what she means to me. I feel like my best plan is to give it a few months and throughout that time check in together on how we are feeling about our sexuality and how it is effecting our relationship. Again this isn't exactly what I want, and i know many people suggest to end it, but I've always felt that issues or problems that arise in a relationship can be dealt with through honesty and communication. To judge her decision as an "issue" may come across wrong, but I believe it is still something that can be handled through careful consideration for each other. Her roommate that went to church with her the same day also gave her boyfriend a call to tell him she was doing the same thing. So I imagine this is a scenario where one of them slips up and encourages the other to do the same, but I feel like i should refrain from that sort of negative thinking.

All of this being said, it's still been on my mind since we talked yesterday and focusing on my projects at the school has been a task today for sure.

Click to shrink...

Good on you. It sounds like you're communicating your stance on it without being confrontational, and I think what you suggested is a very reasonable way to go about it.

Her stance on kids sounds good as well. I think the biggest wrench in these sorts of relationships is when the religion demands that any kids you have be raised religious, which obviously grates on the non-religious member of the couple. So it's good to hear that's not the case here.

 

[Pilgrimzero]

If you are considering breaking up with her due to no sex, then your relationship isnt built on the foundation anyways.

 

[Avitus]

And yes, I truly do love this woman. I firmly believe the right answer isn't to just break up with her. In case anyone missed my update a few pages back, i drove to see her and talk about things (were at different grad schools 50 minutes apart). I told her that while I dont have the same opinion on this matter that I will do my best to try to value hers because of what she means to me. I feel like my best plan is to give it a few months and throughout that time check in together on how we are feeling about our sexuality and how it is effecting our relationship. Again this isn't exactly what I want, and i know many people suggest to end it, but I've always felt that issues or problems that arise in a relationship can be dealt with through honesty and communication. To judge her decision as an "issue" may come across wrong, but I believe it is still something that can be handled through careful consideration for each other. Her roommate that went to church with her the same day also gave her boyfriend a call to tell him she was doing the same thing. So I imagine this is a scenario where one of them slips up and encourages the other to do the same, but I feel like i should refrain from that sort of negative thinking.

Click to shrink...

She unilaterally changed the premise of your relationship, and seemingly on a whim. You are welcome to shoot your shot and attempt the celibacy challenge, but why put yourself through that? Many people 'love' a SO that does not treat them with respect or have any care for their needs or desires. Many people can make a 'bad' relationship work. You're in your mid 20s, the ideal time to date a wide range of people and find out what truly makes you happy. That this is sticking with you and that your gut reaction was "this doesn't feel right" is very telling.

If your plan is to wait around and she if she slips up... okay I guess? The issue is how she handled things to begin with, and it'd be a major red flag and/or dealbreaker for most people. Think on it.

 

[Mauricio_Magus]

I've been thinking about this, and honestly, if religion is not an important part of your life then just leave the relationship.

 

[Lakeside]

If you are considering breaking up with her due to no sex, then your relationship isnt built on the foundation anyways.

Click to shrink...

Even for a married couple, a sudden "no sex" rule is a perfectly valid reason to consider a separation. In this case it's a sneak preview of her potential future decision making, and where OP falls in relation to her religion.

 

[Mona]

If you are considering breaking up with her due to no sex, then your relationship isnt built on the foundation anyways.

Click to shrink...

the foundation of what?

 

[Mauricio_Magus]

If you are considering breaking up with her due to no sex, then your relationship isnt built on the foundation anyways.

Click to shrink...

The problem isn't the sex.

 

[jaekeem]

If you are considering breaking up with her due to no sex, then your relationship isnt built on the foundation anyways.

Click to shrink...

It's not really about the sex

It's about the influence of religion in his relationship when he isn't religious

 

[Mona]

Basically once she hit high school they told her she can make her own decisions about what path she wants to follow and believe, and she tells me she will be similarly open with her future kids.

Click to shrink...

no offense, but i find it hard to believe your wife is going to just sit back and let her children worship a false god (or no god) that will give them a one way ticket to an eternity of torture in her eyes

color me thoroughly impressed if she ends up being that open

 

[TheLetdown]

If you are considering breaking up with her due to no sex, then your relationship isnt built on the foundation anyways.

Click to shrink...

I would say that any relationship where one person makes unilateral decisions regarding shared interests without consulting the other is the relationship not built on The Foundation.

 

[jaekeem]

Your story is very similar to my own. As a child my family raised me as a lutheran christian, but some time into middle school my dad stopped going to church and told me and my sister we could make our own decisions on it. None of the 3 of us are religious anymore. The positive about my girlfriend is that her parents kind of gave her that same "choice". Basically once she hit high school they told her she can make her own decisions about what path she wants to follow and believe, and she tells me she will be similarly open with her future kids.

As for anyone asking if sexual acts other than intercourse would be able to occur, she said nothing sexual. Going to church here and there to support her doesnt bother me the slightest, it's just this one situation that she seems to be grasping too. And she was hurt in the past sexually, so i think her guilt of that situation and the pushing of her church are just coming to a front.

That being said, one of the times I went with her to the church the pastor made a similar discussion, and because in christian eyes all sins are equal, he compared premarital sex with a loved one to dealing meth/cocaine to them. That was an instance that triggered me and just baffled me.

And yes, I truly do love this woman. I firmly believe the right answer isn't to just break up with her. In case anyone missed my update a few pages back, i drove to see her and talk about things (were at different grad schools 50 minutes apart). I told her that while I dont have the same opinion on this matter that I will do my best to try to value hers because of what she means to me. I feel like my best plan is to give it a few months and throughout that time check in together on how we are feeling about our sexuality and how it is effecting our relationship. Again this isn't exactly what I want, and i know many people suggest to end it, but I've always felt that issues or problems that arise in a relationship can be dealt with through honesty and communication. To judge her decision as an "issue" may come across wrong, but I believe it is still something that can be handled through careful consideration for each other. Her roommate that went to church with her the same day also gave her boyfriend a call to tell him she was doing the same thing. So I imagine this is a scenario where one of them slips up and encourages the other to do the same, but I feel like i should refrain from that sort of negative thinking.

All of this being said, it's still been on my mind since we talked yesterday and focusing on my projects at the school has been a task today for sure.

Click to shrink...

Be ready for the possible day when her pastor tells her believers should only marry other believers

 

[Thrill_house]

Son, run fast, run far. Sounds batshit insane.

 

[Damaniel]

I would say that any relationship where one person makes unilateral decisions regarding shared interests without consulting the other is the relationship not built on The Foundation.

Click to shrink...

Especially if that decision is made or influenced by a third party who shouldn't be involved in their relationship at all. She completely ignored your wants and needs in her decision.

I'm not normally one to jump on the 'dump her!' bandwagon, but this is one case where you should strongly consider it. You might be willing to tolerate it for a while, but over time you'll grow more resentful of her and the relationship, which isn't a solid footing for something like marriage. Also, as others have said, she'll almost certainly try to convert you down the road (there's nothing that an evangelical Christian loves more than trying to earn themselves rewards in heaven for their recruitment efforts). If you don't want to become a Christian, then you'll end up leaving after the first few arguments about it anyway.

 

[subpar spatula]

run. its 1 year. don't let the weirdness of religion in.

 

[Osan912]

Buddy you don't want to hear this but waiting six months for her to MAYBE change her opinion on sex is gonna end up bad for you. She will move the goalposts and make you feel like an ass for wanting to be intimate with your future wife. You're in your 20s literally wasting potential months of meeting someone who won't make you jump through hoops to enjoy the joy of making love. The fact that her religion is at odds with your happiness is further proof that this is a relationship doomed to fail. Honestly I would simply text her that for the time being you have decided to take a break from her to re-evaluate what you want in life and that she should do the same and that if you're meant to be together than god will give you a sign. If my girl ever told me that she wanted me to be celibate for a period of at least 2 or 3 years I wouldn't hesitate to pull the plug.

 

[DeathyBoy]

She wants you two to get married. This isn't rocket science.

 

[subpar spatula]

Buddy you don't want to hear this but waiting six months for her to MAYBE change her opinion on sex is gonna end up bad for you. She will move the goalposts and make you feel like an ass for wanting to be intimate with your future wife. You're in your 20s literally wasting potential months of meeting someone who won't make you jump through hoops to enjoy the joy of making love. The fact that her religion is at odds with your happiness is further proof that this is a relationship doomed to fail. Honestly I would simply text her that for the time being you have decided to take a break from her to re-evaluate what you want in life and that she should do the same and that if you're meant to be together than god will give you a sign. If my girl ever told me that she wanted me to be celibate for a period of at least 2 or 3 years I wouldn't hesitate to pull the plug.

Click to shrink...

I think if that ever happened to me I'd just smoke bomb the place and when it settles all my stuff and me would be gone. Aint no one got time for religious celibacy.

 

[Triggerhappytel]

Call her bluff. Play her game, and then let her break her will.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, and hit the gym and get all sexy in the intervening months. Maybe lather yourself in baby oil every night before bed.

 

[Kelsdesu]

Honestly you can't deal with it, OP, or at least I could not. Especially if you are not religious. I had to cut loose the baddest girl I have ever dated because I couldn't reconcile her beliefs. The hypocrisy was just too palatable.

 

[TolerLive]

She wants you two to get married. This isn't rocket science.

Click to shrink...

She definitely doesnt want that yet. She's already said she wants to wait until graduate school is finished before getting married and I agree.

 

[Deleted member 5549]

Your story is very similar to my own. As a child my family raised me as a lutheran christian, but some time into middle school my dad stopped going to church and told me and my sister we could make our own decisions on it. None of the 3 of us are religious anymore. The positive about my girlfriend is that her parents kind of gave her that same "choice". Basically once she hit high school they told her she can make her own decisions about what path she wants to follow and believe, and she tells me she will be similarly open with her future kids.

As for anyone asking if sexual acts other than intercourse would be able to occur, she said nothing sexual. Going to church here and there to support her doesnt bother me the slightest, it's just this one situation that she seems to be grasping too. And she was hurt in the past sexually, so i think her guilt of that situation and the pushing of her church are just coming to a front.

That being said, one of the times I went with her to the church the pastor made a similar discussion, and because in christian eyes all sins are equal, he compared premarital sex with a loved one to dealing meth/cocaine to them. That was an instance that triggered me and just baffled me.

And yes, I truly do love this woman. I firmly believe the right answer isn't to just break up with her. In case anyone missed my update a few pages back, i drove to see her and talk about things (were at different grad schools 50 minutes apart). I told her that while I dont have the same opinion on this matter that I will do my best to try to value hers because of what she means to me. I feel like my best plan is to give it a few months and throughout that time check in together on how we are feeling about our sexuality and how it is effecting our relationship. Again this isn't exactly what I want, and i know many people suggest to end it, but I've always felt that issues or problems that arise in a relationship can be dealt with through honesty and communication. To judge her decision as an "issue" may come across wrong, but I believe it is still something that can be handled through careful consideration for each other. Her roommate that went to church with her the same day also gave her boyfriend a call to tell him she was doing the same thing. So I imagine this is a scenario where one of them slips up and encourages the other to do the same, but I feel like i should refrain from that sort of negative thinking.

All of this being said, it's still been on my mind since we talked yesterday and focusing on my projects at the school has been a task today for sure.

Click to shrink...

the pastor isn't a red flag, he is the company that produces red flags. now, that we established you're dating a meth junkie, can you at least explain to her how manipulative that holy twat is? are there any other churches she could go to?

 

[Avitus]

She definitely doesnt want that yet. She's already said she wants to wait until graduate school is finished before getting married and I agree.

Click to shrink...

How many serious relationships have you been in? You already mentioned the one ex that didn't touch you for 3 years.

 

[Jazzman]

She definitely doesnt want that yet. She's already said she wants to wait until graduate school is finished before getting married and I agree.

Click to shrink...

This is a smart idea and makes perfect sense. Waiting years to be intimate with your partner in anyway, for fear of sinning in the eyes of the church after already being intimate frequently.... that not so much.

I think it would be extremely hard to be in a long term relationship where your views on life differ to such a vast degree and it has implications on how you deal with each other. I can see differing on political views and making it work easily, but she is asking you to hold off being intimate with her for potentially years, for beliefs that aren't your own (after already allowing that part of the relationship to develop).

If you can honestly see yourself standing by her throughout this process and not eventually resenting her for not being intimate with you (while your couple friends have the desired intimacy in their own relationships), then go for it.

Lastly, it has to be a red flag for future decisions if she is this easily swayed by a sermon, and makes the decision without consulting you.

 

[TolerLive]

How many serious relationships have you been in? You already mentioned the one ex that didn't touch you for 3 years.

Click to shrink...

This is my 4th serious relationship. First one lasted 3 years (i was 17,18,19) and was the one with no intimacy, which is understandable because we were young. 2nd relationship lasted 2 years when I was 20 and 21. Third lasted 1 year when i was 23.

 

[Damaniel]

She wants you two to get married. This isn't rocket science.

Click to shrink...

Even if she does, withholding sex as a negotiating tactic is one of the biggest red flags out there. I'd be running away even faster.

 

[TheBryanJZX90]

I've been through that... damn 3 times. Never turned out well. Find someone you're more compatible with, you can do it.

 

[JetmanJay]

Call her bluff. Play her game, and then let her break her will.

Click to shrink...

Hahaha, good answer - have literally done this before with an "ultra religious" girl. It was the first time I realized that blue balls were a real thing and that they hurt.
She lasted 6 months, then just all of a sudden didn't care.

I'd say hold out for a while OP. Someone besides God probably got into her head that you're in it just for the sex.