Sure but I've already done it hence the question about whittling down dates.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
I know what you mean. I've not actually done it yet but the thought makes me feel uncomfortable.
The reality is though, in this dating climate, she's (they're?) probably doing the same.
lol well I tend to see things that make me raise my eyebrow around here often enough.
I do see your point, and yeah my post did come off mean-spirited. I don't agree that we should not talk about it though. I think it's okay to acknowledge it. I've been that flaky person before too. There are as many valid reasons as not that someone might have trouble accepting a date, or allow themselves the chance to get to know someone, but I'd rather give the bad and kill any potential ideas the recipient might have thinking they have a chance of getting that person to take them seriously.
You're good dude. I just wanted to point it out because it feels weird and slightly toxic it to frame it that way. Personally, I think it's healthier to be self-reflective in these situations (Aprikurt was already doing this when he posted), not cast blame on the other person even if they flaked out. It's fine to be frustrated by someone flaking on you (not once but four times too), but take that moment to realize that *you are frustrated* and make that be the decision to walk away, not come up with a bunch of reasons on why someone flaked and how they're potentially a bad person.
Had a super active past couple days and I'm juggling three people now, lol. Never done that before. Got a date lined up for Saturday and Sunday and another next weekend. The third girl's driving like two hours to see me (I matched with her while seeing my folks back home) so I guess that's a pretty good sign.
Man, it feels good to be back out there. I really enjoy meeting new people. I've been working on myself a LOT as well as trying new things and I guess it's paying off.
Man, it feels good to be back out there. I really enjoy meeting new people. I've been working on myself a LOT as well as trying new things and I guess it's paying off.
Personally I love activity dates as a first date. They are a great crutch for stimulating conversation, as you get to talk about what you are doing as opposed to the stale resume "coffee" date.
Before suggesting ideas try and find out more adventureous she is. Ie what does she typically do on a weekend. Find out about her hobbies and what she's interested in. Then google local events in your area.
Museums, art galleries, parks, festivals, markets, bar/pool, Karaoke ect there's lots you can do aside from the same coffee date
Those are fine. If she isn't suggesting anything herself she doesn't sound like a good person to date.
I have no clue lol. I've always been a pretty mellow and meek guy, but I've become more adventurous and confident lately. I guess it's making a difference. I'm not the most handsome dude but I know my worth.
I'm really looking forward to meeting this other girl on Saturday. She's pretty religious and doesn't seem to swear (I swear a lot but I'm working on it), but we have a TOOON in common and have been getting along super well.
At least you tried instead of eternally wondering what would happen if you asked them out
Fair play for making the shot. I'd be worried about potential workplace awkwardness. There's a girl who occasionally works at our place once a week that I've been chatting to, I'd be scared to death of actually asking her out though.
Never been in this type of situation before and always wondered what it was like.. Do you guys cuddle and stuff afterwards or does she just leave after you're finished?
Glad you took the chance. At least you had the courage to find out so now you will no longer wonder or pine for her and can move on to someone else. No more anxiety! :)
I don't know why I keep downloading Bumble. I see where they were trying to go with it but the concept is so flawed. You have to rely on women messaging you first and not only that if they don't do it in a day, you get unmatched. You would think women who use the app know they have to message first but they seem less inclined to do it on Bumble than Tinder ironically.
Okay so here's the situation I'm in:
Over the past like....month for some reason I got insanely good "luck" on OKCupid. Met several people who went out on dates with me. Prior to this I went out on a date with someone at the beginning of October, I thought it was fine but also kind of awkward. I message them and they didn't respond, thought that was that. They message me a while later and it turns out they just never got my original message because their phone fucked up. So we talk a bit and we plan something at their house around the time I'm dating other people at the beginning of last month. That was fun, they also got me candy which seemed really nice, but it also seemed entirely like a "just friends" situation. We text a bit afterwards and that's that. I think this person is cool but probably not someone I feel romantically/sexually attracted towards.
Last week I go out on a date with someone else and it's the first time in all of my dating history that I was physically intimate with someone, we cuddled and kinda made out some. I've been texting that person a bit every day some, and while we're not in a relationship or anything it seemed to sort of be heading in that direction. This person is also married and poly. They live quite a bit away from me, and have financial/transportation problems.
My parents are out of town this weekend so I invited the above person over, they said they couldn't do it because they have no way of getting from where they live to where I do at the moment and also they're a bit busy anyways. So I think back to the person I thought I was "just friends" with, feel kinda bad because they bought me candy and whatnot and I never did the same for them. So I talk to them some and this time they're really receptive to hanging out with me. They then tell me that they basically rejected someone they were talking to because they "don't know where we (them and I) stand". In my head I was thinking like uh wtf I didn't think we were anywhere close to dating. I told them I thought we were probably just friends but I am potentially open to romance.
Then yesterday they came over to my house. This time felt different, idk what it was but talking to them was less awkward, I felt like I connected with them in a way I hadn't before, and that now I am attracted to them. Towards the end we hugged, and hugging turned into cuddling, and cuddling turned into kissing, and kissing turned into making out. And then they asked if I wanted to have sex and, long story short, I lost my virginity to them. Before we had sex I told them I wasn't sure about having a relationship yet and that I was worried that having sex would mean we'd basically be in one, and they said "that's fine, we don't necessarily have to be in a relationship yet I still want to have sex".
I don't know what to do now. I'm not sure how I feel about a relationship with the person I was with yesterday. I want to say I want to have one since I think it could work well, but there's a gap in life experiences (I'm nearly two years removed from being finished with college and being in the working world, they're still several years away from graduating.....there's a four year age gap of 25 vs. 21 but mental health problems delayed their college for a couple years plus they're going to a community college first). I also don't really have any hobbies in common with them? That seems like a silly thing to worry about but all of my friends and most of the people I've been close to have had some hobby in common with me. But other than that I'm definitely attracted to them, physically, emotionally, just on a visceral level I guess.
The other person I was talking to.....they're unemployed and dropped out of college (with the intent of eventually going back) so that's an issue there too. They keep insisting we can make the transportation issue work out but idk how we would just logistically speaking. We also both live with our guardians who won't let us have sex or be intimate with each other at their homes while they're home (above person does as well, but their mom seems chill enough to let me stay at their place and have sex and whatnot). But, I also really like them. I feel like I don't know them as well, despite talking to them more frequently. They have a very warm personality that I like being around. We do have some hobbies in common. They also have a primary partner and are poly, so it's lower commitment than a relationship with the other person who's monogamous.
Also, to complicate things, there was another person in my life who I had a pretty big crush on. We're just friends, but sometimes she said flirty things to me and I thought it might mean more, but the whole time I was too afraid to say much about it. She ended up falling in love with someone just a few weeks ago and are now in a relationship with her. No one in the above stories I've described is someone I felt as strongly about as this person, but also after talking to her I realized that the person she's dating right now is someone she loves with all of her heart, in a way she never felt about me. And the thing is....I like both of the people I've described but I don't feel anywhere close to that way about them. I'm sort of jealous of my friend because she's truly, deeply, madly in love with someone and I want that too. But I'm worried that if I reject people because I don't feel that way about them, I'm never going to end up in a relationship because it's not often people feel that way about each other right off the bat, my friend just got incredibly lucky. But I'm also worried if I enter a monogamous relationship and it mostly goes happy but not as passionate as what my friend has, I'll lock myself off from ever experiencing that. I know this is getting complicated and nebulous but idk.
So yeah. I want to do a tl;dr here but I don't even know how I'd do it.
Over the past like....month for some reason I got insanely good "luck" on OKCupid. Met several people who went out on dates with me. Prior to this I went out on a date with someone at the beginning of October, I thought it was fine but also kind of awkward. I message them and they didn't respond, thought that was that. They message me a while later and it turns out they just never got my original message because their phone fucked up. So we talk a bit and we plan something at their house around the time I'm dating other people at the beginning of last month. That was fun, they also got me candy which seemed really nice, but it also seemed entirely like a "just friends" situation. We text a bit afterwards and that's that. I think this person is cool but probably not someone I feel romantically/sexually attracted towards.
Last week I go out on a date with someone else and it's the first time in all of my dating history that I was physically intimate with someone, we cuddled and kinda made out some. I've been texting that person a bit every day some, and while we're not in a relationship or anything it seemed to sort of be heading in that direction. This person is also married and poly. They live quite a bit away from me, and have financial/transportation problems.
My parents are out of town this weekend so I invited the above person over, they said they couldn't do it because they have no way of getting from where they live to where I do at the moment and also they're a bit busy anyways. So I think back to the person I thought I was "just friends" with, feel kinda bad because they bought me candy and whatnot and I never did the same for them. So I talk to them some and this time they're really receptive to hanging out with me. They then tell me that they basically rejected someone they were talking to because they "don't know where we (them and I) stand". In my head I was thinking like uh wtf I didn't think we were anywhere close to dating. I told them I thought we were probably just friends but I am potentially open to romance.
Then yesterday they came over to my house. This time felt different, idk what it was but talking to them was less awkward, I felt like I connected with them in a way I hadn't before, and that now I am attracted to them. Towards the end we hugged, and hugging turned into cuddling, and cuddling turned into kissing, and kissing turned into making out. And then they asked if I wanted to have sex and, long story short, I lost my virginity to them. Before we had sex I told them I wasn't sure about having a relationship yet and that I was worried that having sex would mean we'd basically be in one, and they said "that's fine, we don't necessarily have to be in a relationship yet I still want to have sex".
I don't know what to do now. I'm not sure how I feel about a relationship with the person I was with yesterday. I want to say I want to have one since I think it could work well, but there's a gap in life experiences (I'm nearly two years removed from being finished with college and being in the working world, they're still several years away from graduating.....there's a four year age gap of 25 vs. 21 but mental health problems delayed their college for a couple years plus they're going to a community college first). I also don't really have any hobbies in common with them? That seems like a silly thing to worry about but all of my friends and most of the people I've been close to have had some hobby in common with me. But other than that I'm definitely attracted to them, physically, emotionally, just on a visceral level I guess.
The other person I was talking to.....they're unemployed and dropped out of college (with the intent of eventually going back) so that's an issue there too. They keep insisting we can make the transportation issue work out but idk how we would just logistically speaking. We also both live with our guardians who won't let us have sex or be intimate with each other at their homes while they're home (above person does as well, but their mom seems chill enough to let me stay at their place and have sex and whatnot). But, I also really like them. I feel like I don't know them as well, despite talking to them more frequently. They have a very warm personality that I like being around. We do have some hobbies in common. They also have a primary partner and are poly, so it's lower commitment than a relationship with the other person who's monogamous.
Also, to complicate things, there was another person in my life who I had a pretty big crush on. We're just friends, but sometimes she said flirty things to me and I thought it might mean more, but the whole time I was too afraid to say much about it. She ended up falling in love with someone just a few weeks ago and are now in a relationship with her. No one in the above stories I've described is someone I felt as strongly about as this person, but also after talking to her I realized that the person she's dating right now is someone she loves with all of her heart, in a way she never felt about me. And the thing is....I like both of the people I've described but I don't feel anywhere close to that way about them. I'm sort of jealous of my friend because she's truly, deeply, madly in love with someone and I want that too. But I'm worried that if I reject people because I don't feel that way about them, I'm never going to end up in a relationship because it's not often people feel that way about each other right off the bat, my friend just got incredibly lucky. But I'm also worried if I enter a monogamous relationship and it mostly goes happy but not as passionate as what my friend has, I'll lock myself off from ever experiencing that. I know this is getting complicated and nebulous but idk.
So yeah. I want to do a tl;dr here but I don't even know how I'd do it.
It doesn't do a great job of telling people how it works, so they assume it's like any other app. I think OKC actually followed in Bumble's footsteps, with first time messages now being intros instead of a proper message
Edit: wait nevermind, not sure why I thought it was similar.
I think Bumble is pretty clear about how it works., I just think the "women message first" gimmick is counter-intuitive because most women are not used to or just flat out don't want to initiate when it comes to dating. My matches either will time out or I'll get "hi", which, if I'm going to be forced to initiate anyway, I'd rather just be able to do that instead of wait for the timer to run out and lost the match.
I dunno man. You seem to be active in different fronts, try to not let the fear of loosing out paralyze you. That one person that refuses someone because of you and made question to tell you, that's as straight as some people can come to say that they are really interested in you, Id personally go from there..
Just quoting this part to say before you get in too deep - don't become a crutch for this person (offering to drive, money, whatever). I mean, they're married, That shit should be taken care of by their primary partner, if not themselves.
I'm ignoring the poly thing, to each their own.
Soo I didn't realise resetting your Tinder massively affected your invisible "score". And I'm getting about 10 matches when I had 100+ before. So damn frustrating. I want to go on dates. I wasn't ready to when I was matching loads in the Summer.
I'm having a real feeling of depression about it :( It's all such a damn game. I'm fine in person.
I'm having a real feeling of depression about it :( It's all such a damn game. I'm fine in person.
The idea is basically if the woman initiates it's because there had to be more interest than the million matches she gets on other apps.
Its also just an ego boost app to some extent if we're being honest. You get the validation but you dont have to have any awkward messages from dudes.
Well yeah. As guys we generally have to do this stuff. Bumble isn't really designed for the guys to have the power though. It's designed for women to.
Just swipe then leave it be is the strategy haha.
Welcome to Tinder for most of us, lol. 10 matches is still pretty good if you just recently reset. It took me about a month and a half from when I downloaded the app to get that many matches.
To be fair, I don't think any dating app is designed for guys to have the power. I realize that. I don't like always having to be in the driver's seat of making literally anything happen in terms of dating but I know that's the role I have to play if I want a date so I do it. It's just a little annoying going on Bumble and seeing that timer go down, knowing it's just gonna expire cause they aren't going to say anything. You make a good point though, there's not much difference between the match expiring because they didn't say anything and you saying the first message and them just ignoring you. I just wish them bothering to not let the match expire actually translated into interest.
I'm hitting it off amazingly well with someone. She's on my wavelength with regards to our banter and views, and level of engagement. But I haven't particularly brought up that I'm a huge nerd (well, I have, but on the nerd heirarchy Star Wars and Marvel is pedestrian), and I'm unsure if my gunpla, videogame console shelf setup, and anime figures are going to send her screaming. She's coming over to my apartment tomorrow night. I've already been to hers and well, it's about as Normal Person as an apartment can look. Her interests are classical music and broadway, when she isn't traveling or backpacking somewhere. This is probably the first time that I'm super nervous about someone coming over in recent memory.
I don't have a proper bed yet haha. When I moved I left the crummy old bed behind. I've been shopping for a new one.
4 + months on dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, CnB) and I've barely been able to hold a conversation beyond a few messages. Just about ready to write my love life off forever. This is just depressing nonsense.
The safe for work kind for the most part. I have some that are more risque, but they're in storage since space is a premium in my new apartment.
Right there with you. Checked profile and pics with friends (some brutally honest ones) and they've signed off. I just can't get it. This culture makes me feel so unworthy and so desperate. It's horrible.
As long as it doesn't make you look creepy or into young girls and you're proud of them, maybe it could lead to a good icebreaker. What's the plan when she comes over? Dinner and chilling?
Last edited:
OP
OP
Let's establish a baseline...using a Kotobukiya Bishoujo figure as a 5 on a scale of 1-10, where do the things currently on display fall?
I'm nerdy as fuck and try for an "approachable nerd" motif. Think things that are well designed first, nerdy second, and minimal boobage.
Just make sure that your MGSV Quiet figure with soft, squeezable boobs is proudly on display in your bedroom. It's not anime so it doesn't count!
The "worst" geek thing I have in my apartment is a figure of Rosa and Snivy from Pokemon Black 2 and White 2. Which I don't really feel uncomfortable having out because it's not risque or anything and it's also Pokemon so it doesn't count as anime haha /s. I also have some Zelda stuff and a framed Final Fantasy artwork plus the obvious game consoles and games but none of the stuff overpowers the space. They just exist there alongside other non-geek stuff.
That's kind of my stance on it, if you're a geek and those things are part off what you like, don't hide them just for a girl you're dating. You don't want to date someone that makes you feel like you gotta hide the things you like around so she's gotta accept it. But also maybe don't go overboard with it to the point that your home looks like the back of a Game Stop. There's definitely a line and I think it's one you'll know when you cross it.
The "worst" geek thing I have in my apartment is a figure of Rosa and Snivy from Pokemon Black 2 and White 2. Which I don't really feel uncomfortable having out because it's not risque or anything and it's also Pokemon so it doesn't count as anime haha /s. I also have some Zelda stuff and a framed Final Fantasy artwork plus the obvious game consoles and games but none of the stuff overpowers the space. They just exist there alongside other non-geek stuff.
That's kind of my stance on it, if you're a geek and those things are part off what you like, don't hide them just for a girl you're dating. You don't want to date someone that makes you feel like you gotta hide the things you like around so she's gotta accept it. But also maybe don't go overboard with it to the point that your home looks like the back of a Game Stop. There's definitely a line and I think it's one you'll know when you cross it.
It's true, one time a girl I had over saw the Link figure I had and was like "that's Zelda, right?" She wasn't into games at all but she had watched her brothers play Zelda a lot growing up and it led to a conversation that I've since forgotten. We made out afterwards so it didn't hurt me in the long run haha
God, I'm trying to remember how that one ended haha
Pretty much, and her meeting my cats. It would be awesome if it turns out well.
I did have an Eva 02 model kit at some point lol. Is the spongebob bed a reference?
From 3 to 5 using Koto as a base. Most of my figures aren't busty like those usually are haha.
Wait is there a story to the Asuka figure too? Haha
Yeah you make good points. She's into LoTR and all the mainstream geekdom so I'm sure she isn't a total stranger to it.
For all of the 'empowering women' stuff it pushes most women I've talked to on Bumble absolutely hate messaging first.
Hence they all resort to that old fallback of "Hi"
My ex was very particular about how I decorated my house (read; MY house), so one of the first things I've done since we broke up is frame a Middle Earth map in my lounge. I love it... embrace your passions!
I mean don't plaster your profile with it but you are who you are
I mean don't plaster your profile with it but you are who you are
Didn't the guy end up in a weird co-dependent relationship?
You know, on Saturday I went on a meetup trip with a bunch of (mostly) single people, had fun conversations, made new friends, and even spent half an hour talking to a very lovely craft fair vendor. Will anything come of it? Probably not, but it was 1000% more rewarding than any conversation I had on a dating app. So I deleted most of them the next day. Go out and meet people, I say.
I think this gets a little easier as you age. At this point I am who I am, I don't need to throw it in your face but I'm certainly not going to hide that some of my downtime is spent watching Twitch esports tournaments.
It can be utterly demoralising but keep at it.
Do you also go out to events where you can approach people in a more relaxed environment.
I've been online dating for like 7 years dude, you're going to get addicted.
Yeah, I remember the girl was very intensely needy but I can't remember how that whole thing ended.
Yeah, it happened earlier in this thread. Like, I wanna say early on this year. Poster had same concern as you except he had legos laying all over his place and a spongebob bed set. I'm not sure about the Asuka thing.
Sounds like hell, tbh haha
I mean I've had relationships in between. Looking for years straight with nothing to show would be soul crushing 😂
Yeah, that sounds like a one-way ticket to becoming a shell of a person haha. Though truth be told, I feel like my soul is sucked out after about 2 months of being on dating apps and I'm just about hitting that time frame...
One of my dates cancelled this weekend after telling me she's still dealing with a nasty breakup (funny enough, so am I). A little bummed but I think we'd be better friends anyway, and we're gonna start hanging out soon so that's cool.
This other girl that's driving up two hours to see me this weekend is a little TOO into me and I dunno how I feel about it. We haven't even met yet and she told me she never felt like this before; I'm honestly into her as much as I can be without meeting someone, but I jumped into my last relationship too hastily and got engaged in 9 months and uhhh it didn't work out.
On top of things, a new friend I made after going out on bumble a couple months back no longer wants to be friends because she's developed feelings for me and I don't feel the same way. Really bummed about that, as we were pretty damn close.
As someone who's only recently discovered my self-confidence, it's super weird to have multiple people be into me, and having to turn them down is even stranger. I'm super glad I've put my guard up this time around, though. I'm not rushing into anything,
The real kicker is that my wedding date was gonna be Saturday haha. More of a weird feeling than sadness, though.
This other girl that's driving up two hours to see me this weekend is a little TOO into me and I dunno how I feel about it. We haven't even met yet and she told me she never felt like this before; I'm honestly into her as much as I can be without meeting someone, but I jumped into my last relationship too hastily and got engaged in 9 months and uhhh it didn't work out.
On top of things, a new friend I made after going out on bumble a couple months back no longer wants to be friends because she's developed feelings for me and I don't feel the same way. Really bummed about that, as we were pretty damn close.
As someone who's only recently discovered my self-confidence, it's super weird to have multiple people be into me, and having to turn them down is even stranger. I'm super glad I've put my guard up this time around, though. I'm not rushing into anything,
The real kicker is that my wedding date was gonna be Saturday haha. More of a weird feeling than sadness, though.
Dinner and then to my place tonight. I need to do some last minute cleanup since my cats will have made a small mess as they usually do. She did tell me not to worry and that she's a big comic fan. Still uncertain how she's gonna react to seeing cutesy anime figures. It's okay for a dude to have grown up liking Sailor Moon more than DBZ right? Getting more nervous as the day goes on
There were always the cool, popular kids at school who liked anime and I'd always wonder "why aren't they being ridiculed and bullied or just flat out ignored?" Well, I didn't get it then but now I realize it was pretty simple. It's because people liked them.
If she likes you and you can already prove to her that you can talk and function like a normal human being, she isn't going to care that you own some anime figurines, unless she's shallow and then you don't even want that.
Also as long as you don't have the Sailor scouts standing over the bed watching you make out.