I personally would have deleted her number.
But for your own sanity tell her to let you know when she can actually meetup. And leave it there.
I'm going to bet she'll stop messaging you.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
I personally would have deleted her number.
But for your own sanity tell her to let you know when she can actually meetup. And leave it there.
I'm going to bet she'll stop messaging you.
Flaky people want validation and attention with none of the actual meeting up or having to see someone. They enjoy pen pals and maybe online flirting but will never see someone in person, because they never had the intention of doing so from the start. Some people are in relationships and are searching for a bigger fish. Some people don't want to feel lonely but can't be bothered to put effort into socializing beyond their phones. Others want to keep you on the backburner while they try to secure their top pick date option. Whatever the reason, they're not worth your attention and time.
Give her an ultimatum, let you know when she's up for a date otherwise you're not interested in chitty chat. First time, shame on her. Second time, shame on you. Third and fourth time, time to drop her if she can't commit.
I was talking to someone like this for 3-4 months earlier this year. Not worth it. Every time we talked about meeting up (must have been at least 3 times), it never happened. She was busy, but just kept leading me on saying we'd meet on x day, then x day, and x day.
Good to know, thanks. Actually just set up a date in person with a friend in my Japanese language class so hopefully I can ignore the apps for a while anyways haha. Also the first thing makes sense intuitively but it's good to get an outside perspective on it. So far my classmate and I haven't been flirty at all really and I'm inexperienced so don't want to immediately try to switch moods on a coffee date, so it's good to know it's not a bad place to start.
Still unsure just what I should actually though haha. Just stay engaged and ask about her a lot, while letting her do the same for me? We're also meeting up with another friend for a study group after so don't know if that should be taken into consideration.
Take it as a chance to feel each other out. Asking questions about each other is pretty natural yeah. Focus on getting to know her and don't worry about impressing her so much. She said yes, so she's already told you she's interested. You got it dude.
Thanks, will keep this in mind. Also I appreciate the confidence haha. Now I just have to do a ton of homework since it's also the last week before finals. 😖
Don't worry too much about being flirty right now. It'll come naturally, and everyone has their own style. To be honest, getting to know the person at this point is far more important. Just focus on making good conversation and learning about each other which will help establish a solid foundation you can build on.
Great advice, thanks! That's what I'm more comfortable to start with anyways.
I had a tough breakup half a year ago, but feel ready to date again and kind of noticed this one girl in one of my uni classes. We didn't really do much with each other, but we got to talking one night at an exhibition and kind of got along quite well. She then told me she's going to her bf's on that weekend.
Anyway. I texted how she's doing and she told me she actually broke up with him. I replied that if she wants to talk or get drunk, I'm available the next few days.
So we then met, went to a bar, had drinks and laughed a lot. We got along really well. We talked about past relationships and just had a good time. During our talk about our exes she actually told me that she mentioned me during the breakup, saying that she and her ex just don't have that sort of banter like we do (based on that one night at the exhibition where we also laughed a lot; the guy's English apparently isn't very good).
We then went to hers where we had dinner and just continued talking. I left at midnight-ish (so about 6h we spent together) and said that it's my turn next. She said she was keen and told me she had a good time. Mind you, this was around 4 days after her breakup.
So I ask if Monday would work her and she didn't reply for 48h and told me she couldn't make it and that she's busy this week. Would be open to do it next week. She instead met her uncle that evening, who she hadn't seen in a long time (valid), and told me something like "blood before bros, sorry!" in a joking manner.
Well, now I'm wondering, as she called me "bro" - am I in the friendzone? My best friend, a girl, told me that I definitely am, as she wouldn't have talked her ex with me and wouldn't have referred to me as a bro otherwise. Her ghosting me for 48h (before our night out she actually replied rather swiftly) also doesn't help. On the other hand, I barely know her (we just met once) and she did make some remarks which have me doubting. So calling me "a friend" seems hasty. I just thought she might be a bit conflicted, in the sense that she actually kind of likes me, but has only been out of her relationship for a week-ish.
Opinions?
Sorry for the long post, it's been a while since I dated :P
Anyway. I texted how she's doing and she told me she actually broke up with him. I replied that if she wants to talk or get drunk, I'm available the next few days.
So we then met, went to a bar, had drinks and laughed a lot. We got along really well. We talked about past relationships and just had a good time. During our talk about our exes she actually told me that she mentioned me during the breakup, saying that she and her ex just don't have that sort of banter like we do (based on that one night at the exhibition where we also laughed a lot; the guy's English apparently isn't very good).
We then went to hers where we had dinner and just continued talking. I left at midnight-ish (so about 6h we spent together) and said that it's my turn next. She said she was keen and told me she had a good time. Mind you, this was around 4 days after her breakup.
So I ask if Monday would work her and she didn't reply for 48h and told me she couldn't make it and that she's busy this week. Would be open to do it next week. She instead met her uncle that evening, who she hadn't seen in a long time (valid), and told me something like "blood before bros, sorry!" in a joking manner.
Well, now I'm wondering, as she called me "bro" - am I in the friendzone? My best friend, a girl, told me that I definitely am, as she wouldn't have talked her ex with me and wouldn't have referred to me as a bro otherwise. Her ghosting me for 48h (before our night out she actually replied rather swiftly) also doesn't help. On the other hand, I barely know her (we just met once) and she did make some remarks which have me doubting. So calling me "a friend" seems hasty. I just thought she might be a bit conflicted, in the sense that she actually kind of likes me, but has only been out of her relationship for a week-ish.
Opinions?
Sorry for the long post, it's been a while since I dated :P
So I think I might be getting myself into a long distance relationship. She's really cute and smart and cool to talk to but I can't help like feeling a pit in my stomach that I won't see her in person for another two months. Anyone know how to get over the lack of psychical intimacy for now?
Unsorted thoughts:
- Be careful about becoming the rebound. Probably less of an issue if she wasn't in that relationship long/she initiated the breakup anyway.
- Don't overthink things. Applies to both ghosting and the bro comment. Things happen, people get busy. It's cliche, but so true once you find yourself on the other side of that fence. Bro here just means dude before it would mean friend.
- Friendzone chance based on what you've said: Unlikely. She used you as a standard for something when breaking up, not a bad sign necessarily. But make your intentions very clear on "your turn" or even when asking her to hang out next.
Cheers, appreciate it.
- Relationship was 10 months, but she said it was "intense"
- Yeah, that's what I sort of assumed.
- Cool. I'll try to get her over for dinner next week and then make my intentions clear during the goodbye. Our course also ends next week, so that way I can avoid any awkward encounters that might happen haha
Honestly, when I was dating it was going so badly with a never-ending string of first and only dates, that when I got a second date with anyone I'd feel so guilty that I'd pretty much stop talking with everyone apart from her there and then.
I'm not handling it well. I still don't know how to maneuver rejecting the others without hurting them. It's impossible. They're all wonderful people too.
There's no "usually" for me because I can hardly find one woman to date me lol but when I dated two women at the same time, I waited until one of them brought up exclusivity which was about 2 months into dating her (3 months with the other). That said, I was already feeling like we had a connection and wanted that. So I guess 2-3 months is a good amount of time to be able to tell what you want out of the relationships you have with the people you're dating and then you can make your choices from there.
I wouldn't whittle down your choices just for the sake of having one person to go with though. Rather only after you become exclusive with one do you break things off with the others. I can't really say there's a perfect timing for that though, naturally, I think some of your dating prospects will run their course just as if you were dating people one at a time.
Man dating has changed a lot over just the two years I was in my last relationship. Feels like every match is basically learning more about each other like a first date, then you get each other's snapchat, then you progress into texting and finally you ask em out. At any point you might just get ghosted.
I've gone on two dates since becoming single in October, and they were both just OK. I'm actually pretty good friends with the first girl, and I haven't spoken to the other at all since then, haha.
I've gone on two dates since becoming single in October, and they were both just OK. I'm actually pretty good friends with the first girl, and I haven't spoken to the other at all since then, haha.
Thanks for the replies.
Still unsure what to do but I guess I am not alone.
I think a lot of it depends on the specific people involved. It's hard to have a solid answer for multiple people since the situations between you and each of them could all be very different. You'll have to figure out what you want and act appropriately.
Ya I feel that. I'm trying to get it all straight in my head about which girls I would want to continue seeing and I've stopped swiping altogether. It just feels bad to me to date multiple women for months if we are talking about 3rd/4th/etc dates.
I get feeling bad. I think you gotta remember that they're most likely dating other guys too. Unless one of them is giving you serious vibes that she thinks you're exclusive, I wouldn't feel too bad about it. You aren't misleading them or being dishonest. That's just modern dating.
There's also nothing stopping you from dating one person at a time until you feel it isn't working with them, break it off then start swiping again. Just because everyone else is lining up a new date every week doesn't mean you have to. However the person you're "dating" will probably be seeing other people during this time. Depends when you also seeing multiples helps you with this thought or not.
Well it looks like you've got excited nervousness rather than apprehensive nervousness, so I think you're on the right track to success. Can definitely relate to getting anxiety about this kind of thing.
Dating EA can get pretty awkward.
But really, if it wouldn't be an issue that it's not mutual and you two can continue working with no hard feelings, then shoot your shot!
So this girl I've matched with on Hinge wants an "active date", not drinks/dinner, says they're too much like an interview.
Both activities I've suggested she's been cold on. Picky people irritate me. I feel like actually getting to a date with one of these girls is at this stage a Herculean effort.
Both activities I've suggested she's been cold on. Picky people irritate me. I feel like actually getting to a date with one of these girls is at this stage a Herculean effort.
Eh she's not really "picky" she has probably just been on a ton of dates and now knows what she wants. Either way, you don't seem like her type. She's probably looking for someone more adventurous.
What were your suggestions?
Sounds picky to me. It's a first date of a dating app, how adventurous do you want it to be?
If she knows what she wants and wants an active date why isn't she the one suggesting things?
I don't know really. I suggested axe throwing (there's a place in the city that does it), mini golf and ice skating, and she's kind of been lukewarm on all three
I think typically first dates are nerve wracking enough as it is, having to think of some amazing thing we can do is weird. For me, that would usually come later.
I guess I get the concern over drinks dates being samey, but if you don't like each other whatever you do is going to suck. You might as well go for the great equaliser of drinks/coffee.
And she hasn't suggested any ideas of her own? As someone so demanding, surely she has an idea or two of what she wants to do unless she's one of those types that thinks the guy should always set up the date. Everything you listed sound like fun activities for a first date or even a fifth. Imo if she's just sitting their letting your suggestions bounce off her then she doesn't seem worth it because at any level she's not going to put in the same amount of effort into things that you are.
There's nothing wrong with drinks/coffee as a first date. It's meant for you to scope each other out because you're meeting for the first time cold off a dating app. If she's bored of doing them, it's really up to her to mix it up and go skydiving or whatever.
Or you know maybe people are dealing with anxiety and want to make a connection with someone, begin to and then have their perception warped by their own insecurities. Like there are tons of reasons why people can be 'flaky' I'm not sure painting them broadly as narcissistic assholes is fair.
Regardless of the reason they aren't worth wasting time on.
I don't really see where that poster generalized flaky people. The last half of their post seems to be saying people have a lot of reasons for being flaky but regardless of the reason, they aren't worth your time. Which is true. It doesn't matter if they are flaky because of anxiety, they're still flaky and thus not worth investing time and energy into.
If the person is up-front that they won't be able to go on dates because of anxiety and just want a chat connection with someone, that's fine but that doesn't seem to be the situation here.
All of the reasons boiled down to them being flaky because of narcissism: they want instant gratification with no prospect of meeting, they are emotionally cheating on their current partner, they're interested in others but you're plan B, or they're addicted to their phones and social media. I'd agree to not take it to heart if someone flakes, but also painting a picture that they're a narcissistic jerk is pretty passive-aggressive.
That's fair. I could have been more empathetic with that post.
For the record the girl that flaked on me genuinely seems to have a fair bit going on and isn't always in town, but I just don't know whether it's something I can be bothered to deal with. She's tried texting a few times the last few days and I've left it unopened 🤷♂️
For the record, she's flaked like... four times for different reasons and only told me at the last minute, which is kind of shitty because I didn't have time to do anything else that evening.
For the record, she's flaked like... four times for different reasons and only told me at the last minute, which is kind of shitty because I didn't have time to do anything else that evening.
Sure and the answer is to forget about it. You shot your shot a bunch of times and failed. You don't need to make up a backstory of why this person isn't interested in you.
Yeah, no point in ruminating on motivations after the fact, but also no point in ascribing good intentions and assuming anxiety is stopping them from meeting up after so many times. They should be dropped, and no one should feel bad about it.
The fact is dating apps are attractive to such people. My post wasn't suggesting to harass or confront them. It was giving reasons why you shouldn't put much energy into figuring out the why of their behavior. Yes, I could have been nicer and listed personal insecurity and issues with intimacy and commitment, loneliness, and so on. But the intent of my post is the same either way.
I think Zen just listed off some possible reasons. A lot of people do those things for those reasons. I don't really see how acknowledging that is passive aggressive. Zen didn't say to shoot them some sarcastic message or something. Just that people will be flakey for a bunch of reasons and at the end of the day you should've waste your time on them.
This. I don't really understand Minishdriveby's motivation to go to bat for flaky people in this manner when the point of Zen's post was to simply say not to waste your time on inconsiderate people who flake on you.
Yeah I'm just saying there's no reason to ascribe bad intentions either because you literally have no clue what's going on outside of a perceived lack of interest. Just let it go and move on because it's not working for you which is what Aprikurt decided to do.
That's not what I'm saying. I just see advice framed weirdly in this thread all the time. Some of the reasons as to why someone would be flaky are that they're a narcissistic social media addicted adulteress that is not putting in any effort, and that's a weird speculative framing of a random stranger someone met on the internet and then went on to tell other random internet strangers about.
You don't need to explain a random stranger's reasoning and history. It's not working out, they're actions show lack of interest, move on.
If you feel uncomfortable with dating multiple women at once then don't do it. Seems easy enough.
I think you may be putting way more thought into this than anyone prior had been to begin with. You tend to have similar reactions to things in this thread haha