DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[Blue Skies]

Anyone ever completely regret a break up?

Obviously "get back together!" Would be the thing to do, but I broke up with her partly cause I was moving away, and damn, my coward ass just wasn't able to make that "let's go together" move, even though we had talked about it, and I think she woulda come.

Anyways, we haven't seen each other in 4 months, she's up in the Pacific Northwest, where she always wanted to live, and I'm down in Florida, where no one wants to live, we still talk tho, and we're already talking about me going up there to see her.
It's all I can think about now

Is long distance as bad as everyone says?
Should I just let go?
I could just move there after my bachelors.. it's kinda what I want to do

 

[ahoyle]

Okay, that's a bit weird. From what you're saying I can see how you'd frame it as disrespectful, but I urge you not to use that word with her. That's heavy and it's possible she was entirely caught up with her children.

I put out the 'actions speak louder than words' idea with greater emphasis. She didn't make time for you, but she had time to to share a photo of a wedding dress. You've been dating for three months and she'd rather share a superficial, feel-good idea than take time to speak with you. That doesn't line up, emotionally or otherwise.

Maybe slowing things down a bit is a good idea? Try to keep it light.

Click to shrink...

I believe she was fully caught up in her kids. I think she texts rather than calls because then they dont know what she is doing and she can do it while she is fully engaged with them. They are 15 and 10 though. So that doesnt make me feel any better. If it were her family or friends she would answer.

 

[blitzblake]

It's not that I want to compare them, and just choose whoever is best in bed, it's that I feel like sexual compatibility is an important part of the whole package in deciding who is the best fit overall.


Well, I should say she is very pretty, I am attracted to aspects of her, and I don't at all mind full figured girls in general. I'm also just more attracted to people if I liked their personalities. So there's something there. A few drinks and making out a little and I feel like I'm into it. But she's above that range I'm attracted to and it's sort of uncharted waters for me. I'm just not sure.

Click to shrink...

I don't want to generalise, and it definitely happens to me as well as I'm someone who also struggles with their weight, but how heavy someone is when you meet them on tinder is the lightest they'll ever be. In my experience for people who struggle with weight, relationships make the kilos stack on. Something about being comfortable with someone/not on the market anymore etc

 

[Deleted member 33533]

That isn't a good way to frame it. I am saying she is such a great personality fit for me that I am highly motivated to give her a chance despite having reservations about her body type.

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I guess if I felt that way, I would think "great friend potential." I don't think having sex with them would make me feel attracted to them more if I wasn't already.

 

[ColorMeImpressed]

I guess if I felt that way, I would think "great friend potential." I don't think having sex with them would make me feel attracted to them more if I wasn't already.

Click to shrink...

I have definitely not ruled out great friend potential as well. But there are some sparks there, some attraction, it's just like conflicted. I found her attractive in her (completely honest and current full body) pictures, so it wasn't like I didn't know what I was getting, I just felt it less in person.

It's also going to come down to how things play out with the others I guess. I am really warming to one girl, but I just worry about lack of relationship experience. She's 32 and never been in love. That seems concerning, but it also isn't enough to just bounce, you know? She seems very level headed, no drama, maybe just a little introverted.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I have definitely not ruled out great friend potential as well. But there are some sparks there, some attraction, it's just like conflicted. I found her attractive in her (completely honest and current full body) pictures, so it wasn't like I didn't know what I was getting, I just felt it less in person.

It's also going to come down to how things play out with the others I guess. I am really warming to one girl, but I just worry about lack of relationship experience. She's 32 and never been in love. That seems concerning, but it also isn't enough to just bounce, you know? She seems very level headed, no drama, maybe just a little introverted.

Click to shrink...

Well I guess never having been in love can also be seen in a good light. She doesn't take things lightly, you know? Depends on other factors but at least you would know her feelings would be legit.

 

[ColorMeImpressed]

Well I guess never having been in love can also be seen in a good light. She doesn't take things lightly, you know? Depends on other factors but at least you would know her feelings would be legit.

Click to shrink...

I feel like it takes experience to get good at relationships.

That said she seems very low drama. Stable, independent, level headed, career oriented. She may have just chosen to focus on herself rather than pursuing relationships and that's kind of a mature decision. I should probably ask about it, we haven't talked much about it.

She's kind of odd in general, not in a bad way, just in a way that was hard for me to figure out. She's way less needy than most and communicates infrequently at times, but doesn't seem to be going out with other people and is almost never on the app. She's just kind of content by herself. She likes me and makes space for me in her life but she's very low intensity. It's been a real slow burn, this one but something about that is appealing.

 

[shenden]

Hey I have a question. So one of the dates, the one that I really, REALLY like the most, but at the same times she is the one who can be flakey and sometimes not. She's really hard to read and we've been seeing each other for some time. So we were out dining yesterday, and we talked about her new job and so on, and during this talk she invited me to swing by her new workplace, which is a bar, during the weekend. Since Im not sure where the two of us stand, I felt a little bit surprised of her invite since that would mean her colleagues would get to see me and potentially friends of hers. Maybe Im reading into this way too much, but I sort of feel like this could be a good progress maybe? Sure this can just be a friendly invite of course.

And should I just straight up go there alone?

It's frustrating how much I feel like a teenager when Im really into someone as much as her and suddenly feel insecure as fuck and trying to read in all the damn signs..

 

[Aprikurt]

Hey I have a question. So one of the dates, the one that I really, REALLY like the most, but at the same times she is the one who can be flakey and sometimes not. She's really hard to read and we've been seeing each other for some time. So we were out dining yesterday, and we talked about her new job and so on, and during this talk she invited me to swing by her new workplace, which is a bar, during the weekend. Since Im not sure where the two of us stand, I felt a little bit surprised of her invite since that would mean her colleagues would get to see me and potentially friends of hers. Maybe Im reading into this way too much, but I sort of feel like this could be a good progress maybe? Sure this can just be a friendly invite of course.

And should I just straight up go there alone?

It's frustrating how much I feel like a teenager when Im really into someone as much as her and suddenly feel insecure as fuck and trying to read in all the damn signs..

Click to shrink...

Can't hurt right? Bringing you to a familiar place and maybe meeting friends as you say. How often does she flake and what excuses does she give? Might be helpful to know.

I understand your frustration but I guess just don't come off too keen and showcase that insecurity to her at all. If she likes you, she'll let you know.

 

[Flavourless flavour]

So I've been seeing this girl for 2 months. Think Ive seen her about 12 times now.

Tonight I was meant to hang at her place and go out get some stuff from the shop together. She messaged me today saying her friend had broken up with her boyfriend and so she decided to have dinner and stay with her tonight to comfort her. When the girl I was seeing had broken up, this girl had been supporting her too. So I guess she is returning the favour. The girl am seeing said we could meet tonight but had to drive her back in time to see her friend or to cancel tonight and do it another night.

I chose to cancel tonight. I felt disappointed when I got the message today. After some thinking am I right to be bothered by this or is it a completely acceptable scenario where she is right to opt to see her friend instead of spend time with me? Its not easy to convey tone in text messages but my responses where short and slightly abrupt, no emojis used. So she may sense that I am a little annoyed. What I do know at the minute is that my importance is below that of her friend currently. How should I be feeling about this?

 

[Deleted member 33533]

So I've been seeing this girl for 2 months. Think Ive seen her about 12 times now.

Tonight I was meant to hang at her place and go out get some stuff from the shop together. She messaged me today saying her friend had broken up with her boyfriend and so she decided to have dinner and stay with her tonight to comfort her. When the girl I was seeing had broken up, this girl had been supporting her too. So I guess she is returning the favour. The girl am seeing said we could meet tonight but had to drive her back in time to see her friend or to cancel tonight and do it another night.

I chose to cancel tonight. I felt disappointed when I got the message today. After some thinking am I right to be bothered by this or is it a completely acceptable scenario where she is right to opt to see her friend instead of spend time with me? Its not easy to convey tone in text messages but my responses where short and slightly abrupt, no emojis used. So she may sense that I am a little annoyed. What I do know at the minute is that my importance is below that of her friend currently. How should I be feeling about this?

Click to shrink...

When it comes to the tone of your texts, I think you're just overthinking it. Just be normal the next time you see her/talk to her and don't bring it up.

As for where she ranks you in importance compared to her friend, well yeah, of course her friend is more important to her than you. She's only known you for 2 months. And besides, even if that wasn't the case her friend is in a time of need whereas you are fine. Would it be worse for her to neglect her friend when she's hurting or to alter your plans to just casually hang out? It's not surprising that she gave her friend priority over you, especially since that friend has been there for her in the past. You will have many more opportunities to just chill, you clearly see her very often. At most slight disappointment is acceptable but simply at the fact that you can't see her tonight and not at her decision. I don't know what there is to be bothered or annoyed about.

 

[jstevenson]

So I've been seeing this girl for 2 months. Think Ive seen her about 12 times now.

Tonight I was meant to hang at her place and go out get some stuff from the shop together. She messaged me today saying her friend had broken up with her boyfriend and so she decided to have dinner and stay with her tonight to comfort her. When the girl I was seeing had broken up, this girl had been supporting her too. So I guess she is returning the favour. The girl am seeing said we could meet tonight but had to drive her back in time to see her friend or to cancel tonight and do it another night.

I chose to cancel tonight. I felt disappointed when I got the message today. After some thinking am I right to be bothered by this or is it a completely acceptable scenario where she is right to opt to see her friend instead of spend time with me? Its not easy to convey tone in text messages but my responses where short and slightly abrupt, no emojis used. So she may sense that I am a little annoyed. What I do know at the minute is that my importance is below that of her friend currently. How should I be feeling about this?

Click to shrink...

Feeling a little disappointed is natural of course, and I can get annoyed at sudden plan changes too --- but you shouldn't be bothered by it. it's completely acceptable. The only instance where you might be bothered is if you had something special planned that couldn't be re-accommodated - but even then, bigger tragedies or events could overrule there.

Extrapolate out to a full long-term relationship - you're going to see her all the time. So if she has something comes up she needs to do for the rest of her life / relationships - you WANT her to do those things. The best thing she can do for your relationship is to take care of herself and her friends / relationships. That may mean you have to change plans an accommodate, but you're the ultimate priority in the end.

I wouldn't over think your texts, but try to reframe it in your head - you're being a good partner by letting her go take care of her friend, and you're actually putting your relationship ahead of your own desires right now by letting her do what she needs to do. That's a much healthier place to be, because you don't want to hold the other person back from their life and relationships that make them happy and who they are.

 

[Flavourless flavour]

Thank you, this is the stuff that I wanted to hear. To see it from other peoples perspectives. I agree with all thats said. Thank you

 

[Microsoft]

Fuck, I'm so lost I don't know where to begin.

A little back story from her side, in spoilers:

So, we have been texting back and forth for a month or so now. She seems to not want to let me go, I tried to not text her for a week during the beginning. Honestly I thought at that point she wasn't at all interested. The convo just died and I didn't think to continue. Until she texted me after the week. She said, "did you get lost" and scurried her way back into my life. I get the sense that she likes me and I like her too, but I ask her to do somethings sometimes which she doesn't pull through. I may ask her, "hey leave me a message to read when I get off work", and she may not do it. Or that one time she told me to stay awake until 4am so we can finally speak over the phone. Well, guess who never called!!!!??? Anyway, little things like that. Are these huge red flags? Considering her situation, should I be a little more patient with her?

 

[Quantum Leap]

I get the sense that she likes me and I like her too, but I ask her to do somethings sometimes which she doesn't pull through. I may ask her, "hey leave me a message to read when I get off work", and she may not do it. Or that one time she told me to stay awake until 4am so we can finally speak over the phone. Well, guess who never called!!!!??? Anyway, little things like that. Are these huge red flags?

Click to shrink...

Yes, they're not going to change and it's going to get insanely frustrating for you since you won't be getting anything promising out of this situation

 

[Gotdatmoney]

When it comes to the tone of your texts, I think you're just overthinking it. Just be normal the next time you see her/talk to her and don't bring it up.

As for where she ranks you in importance compared to her friend, well yeah, of course her friend is more important to her than you. She's only known you for 2 months. And besides, even if that wasn't the case her friend is in a time of need whereas you are fine. Would it be worse for her to neglect her friend when she's hurting or to alter your plans to just casually hang out? It's not surprising that she gave her friend priority over you, especially since that friend has been there for her in the past. You will have many more opportunities to just chill, you clearly see her very often. At most slight disappointment is acceptable but simply at the fact that you can't see her tonight and not at her decision. I don't know what there is to be bothered or annoyed about.

Click to shrink...

I understand this perspective but honestly, this would bother me/annoy me. I get it, it's her friend but in the same notion, I don't think that because of that if you instantly drop everything you had planned the literal day of that should be considered cool either.

I think mans is totally validated to find this annoying. He ultimately has to just shut the fuck up and accept it because he is just 2 months into knowing her but it still doesn't mean it is not shitty.

I'm not someone that is cool being cancelled on with barely any notice unless the reason is pretty damn up there.

 

[Chrno]

Fuck, I'm so lost I don't know where to begin.

A little back story from her side, in spoilers:

So, we have been texting back and forth for a month or so now. She seems to not want to let me go, I tried to not text her for a week during the beginning. Honestly I thought at that point she wasn't at all interested. The convo just died and I didn't think to continue. Until she texted me after the week. She said, "did you get lost" and scurried her way back into my life. I get the sense that she likes me and I like her too, but I ask her to do somethings sometimes which she doesn't pull through. I may ask her, "hey leave me a message to read when I get off work", and she may not do it. Or that one time she told me to stay awake until 4am so we can finally speak over the phone. Well, guess who never called!!!!??? Anyway, little things like that. Are these huge red flags? Considering her situation, should I be a little more patient with her?

Click to shrink...

how old are you/her? I understand that with the spoiler context this is a sticky situation but it does seem a little bizarre.

 

[Microsoft]

Yes, they're not going to change and it's going to get insanely frustrating for you since you won't be getting anything promising out of this situation

Click to shrink...

What if I confront her about the situation and try to do something about it? Like speak with the parents? With her permission of course. Would you see this as progress? Or should I, respectfully say goodbye?

how old are you/her? I understand that with the spoiler context this is a sticky situation but it does seem a little bizarre.

Click to shrink...

How do you figure it's a little bizarre? She's 24 and I'm 26. I can understand her POV though, seeing as how she's Latina and they tend to have a lot of respect for their parents, especially if under their roof.

 

[Notaskwid]

I can't read the spoilers for some reason

 

[jstevenson]

I understand this perspective but honestly, this would bother me/annoy me. I get it, it's her friend but in the same notion, I don't think that because of that if you instantly drop everything you had planned the literal day of that should be considered cool either.

I think mans is totally validated to find this annoying. He ultimately has to just shut the fuck up and accept it because he is just 2 months into knowing her but it still doesn't mean it is not shitty.

I'm not someone that is cool being cancelled on with barely any notice unless the reason is pretty damn up there.

Click to shrink...

Emotionally supporting one of your best girlfriends after a (bad?) break-up is pretty up there. Especially when the plan being broken is "hang out at her place and go the shop." You can do re-schedule to do that any night of the week.

All we're saying is that being annoyed / disappointed at the plans changing / not getting to see her is fine. But you can't hold it against her as she's doing the right thing, and the thing you honestly should want her to do. They key is really separating the disappointment at the situation from reading into the relationship/anything long-term from it.

 

[Microsoft]

I can't read the spoilers for some reason

Click to shrink...

Hit reply to me, it will reveal

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I understand this perspective but honestly, this would bother me/annoy me. I get it, it's her friend but in the same notion, I don't think that because of that if you instantly drop everything you had planned the literal day of that should be considered cool either.

I think mans is totally validated to find this annoying. He ultimately has to just shut the fuck up and accept it because he is just 2 months into knowing her but it still doesn't mean it is not shitty.

I'm not someone that is cool being cancelled on with barely any notice unless the reason is pretty damn up there.

Click to shrink...

For me it comes down to the context. Like is this regular behavior for her? If she had a habit of cancelling on me like that, I would be annoyed. If this is like the first time, it doesn't seem worth the energy to be annoyed by it. Especially at 2 months. It will probably not matter in the grand scheme of things.

I would also be annoyed if we had a more solid date planned. From his description they were just gonna hang out and maybe go to the store. It seemed super casual and not something that couldn't be rescheduled. She even suggested still hanging out but earlier in the day. I think you should be allowed to cancel a casual hangout the day of as long as you give enough time. It sounds like they were gonna hang out at night and she told him that morning.

I also just don't know her friend or what their friendship is like at this point. I don't really know the circumstances of her friend's breakup or their emotional state. Maybe she really felt she had to be there for her friend? I know that her friend was there for her when she was in that spot. There's a lot I don't know so I'm not really gonna take it personally.

 

[Chrno]

How do you figure it's a little bizarre? She's 24 and I'm 26. I can understand her POV though, seeing as how she's Latina and they tend to have a lot of respect for their parents, especially if under their roof.

Click to shrink...

don't mistake "respect" for "control". I've dated a latina (and I'm latino myself) so I know there can be a very thin line. I do like the idea of you speaking with them personally if that's something she'd be on board with.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

For me it comes down to the context. Like is this regular behavior for her? If she had a habit of cancelling on me like that, I would be annoyed. If this is like the first time, it doesn't seem worth the energy to be annoyed by it. Especially at 2 months. It will probably not matter in the grand scheme of things.

Click to shrink...

Most things don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Her not seeing her friend the day of the break up and instead the next day also wont actually matter in the grand scheme of things either. I don't judge things on that basis personally. To me, if we made plans, I am going to be annoyed if they are cancelled short notice pretty much unless your sick/injured or something tragic happened.

I would also be annoyed if we had a more solid date planned. From his description they were just gonna hang out and maybe go to the store. It seemed super casual and not something that couldn't be rescheduled. She even suggested still hanging out but earlier in the day. I think you should be allowed to cancel a casual hangout the day of as long as you give enough time.

Click to shrink...

I mean me personally, if I commit to something, I'm not cancelling the day of. I'm just not that type but this is all largely outside of the reason I commented. I think dude is entirely reasonable to be bothered by this. The expectation is because he hasn't been around long he has to be cool with some shit just being cancelled. I personally do not think he has to be. It doesn't matter what they were going to be doing imo. Homey was looking forward to it, he doesn't have to put that on the back burner. I think ultimately he has to get the fuck over it either way, but I personally read the story and don't think this is something that I'm personally gonna be like "yeah you should cancel for this". This wont be a popular opinion but yolo, lots of perspectives are good.

I also just don't know her friend or what their friendship is like at this point. I don't really know the circumstances of her friend's breakup or their emotional state. Maybe she really felt she had to be there for her friend? I know that her friend was there for her when she was in that spot. There's a lot I don't know so I'm not really gonna take it personally.

Click to shrink...

I don't think dude should take it personally. I just think it's entirely fine for him to be bothered by this. I don't think he has to minimize his frustration over the situation. That's personally the way I see it.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

Fuck, I'm so lost I don't know where to begin.

A little back story from her side, in spoilers:

So, we have been texting back and forth for a month or so now. She seems to not want to let me go, I tried to not text her for a week during the beginning. Honestly I thought at that point she wasn't at all interested. The convo just died and I didn't think to continue. Until she texted me after the week. She said, "did you get lost" and scurried her way back into my life. I get the sense that she likes me and I like her too, but I ask her to do somethings sometimes which she doesn't pull through. I may ask her, "hey leave me a message to read when I get off work", and she may not do it. Or that one time she told me to stay awake until 4am so we can finally speak over the phone. Well, guess who never called!!!!??? Anyway, little things like that. Are these huge red flags? Considering her situation, should I be a little more patient with her?

Click to shrink...

You're just a texting buddy to her, she's not interested in dating you. You're over-invested and give her her attention texts each day. Ask her on a date and if she gives any answer other than a clear yes, then consider that a no and move on. Block her number and find other girls to talk to who WILL want to actually date you.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

What if I confront her about the situation and try to do something about it? Like speak with the parents? With her permission of course. Would you see this as progress? Or should I, respectfully say goodbye?

Click to shrink...

Confronting the parents is like the worst idea ever. Just stop talking to her. Just up and peace. It is that easy unless you enjoy a life of drama.

 

[Microsoft]

You're just a texting buddy to her, she's not interested in dating you. You're over-invested and give her her attention texts each day. Ask her on a date and if she gives any answer other than a clear yes, then consider that a no and move on. Block her number and find other girls to talk to who WILL want to actually date you.

Click to shrink...

Confronting the parents is like the worst idea ever. Just stop talking to her. Just up and peace. It is that easy unless you enjoy a life of drama.

Click to shrink...

Damn you guys out here seemingly spitting facts... Well, looks like I'm just going to break it off.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

I mean me personally, if I commit to something, I'm not cancelling the day of. I'm just not that type but this is all largely outside of the reason I commented. I think dude is entirely reasonable to be bothered by this. The expectation is because he hasn't been around long he has to be cool with some shit just being cancelled. I personally do not think he has to be. It doesn't matter what they were going to be doing imo. Homey was looking forward to it, he doesn't have to put that on the back burner. I think ultimately he has to get the fuck over it either way, but I personally read the story and don't think this is something that I'm personally gonna be like "yeah you should cancel for this". This wont be a popular opinion but yolo, lots of perspectives are good.

Click to shrink...

In most cases, I would agree with you but I really just differ on the very specific circumstances here. It just being a very casual hangout and her friend needing some emotional support does matter to me. I'm ok, her friend is not. I think going out of your way to make sure your close friends have someone to lean on is a good trait to have and I would want the person I date to feel like they can help their friends when they're in need and I won't be upset about it. Well, within reason. I know how important it can be to have friends you can rely on like that and I don't want to take that away just so I can hang out one specific night. Giving her that space for her friends is important to me.

That's why I brought up the 2 months thing initially because Flavour seemed bothered by the fact that this girl he's dating views her friend as more important than him. At this point why wouldn't she see it that way? Why shouldn't she? It's not a good way for him to view things with her. Honestly though, if I had the exact same situation with my girlfriend of nearly 2 years and her best friend, I would probably encourage her to go see her friend. My girlfriend doesn't cancel on me for just any reason so I'd know it'd be important even if from my perspective, her friend being broken up with isn't a big deal. Like you and I can assume she can just go see her friend the next day instead but we don't really know that. Maybe today is the only good day to do it for awhile or maybe the friend is really distraught. Like I said, there's a lot we don't know so personally I wouldn't feel good being annoyed about it because to me it's a self-centered reaction.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's completely reasonable for Flavour to be disappointed that he's not seeing this girl tonight as planned. What I don't think is reasonable is being upset at her for making the choice she made. At the end of the day, we both agree that you don't make a stink about it and get over it.

 

[Tribal_Cult]

I cannot fall in love anymore. Why am I going out with so many girls and not a single one gives me any kind of emotion except of sexual pleasure. I want to fall in love but I feel like I'm dead.

 

[jdstorm]

I cannot fall in love anymore. Why am I going out with so many girls and not a single one gives me any kind of emotion except of sexual pleasure. I want to fall in love but I feel like I'm dead.

Click to shrink...

If you want to fall in love stop fucking random people who you don't even like

 

[Tribal_Cult]

If you want to fall in love stop fucking random people who you don't even like

Click to shrink...

I like them at first, and I get bored in a second. I swear I'm jumping from one to the other and sometimes even at the same time in a matter of weeks. It feels like no one is capable of surprising me anymore.

 

[Deleted member 33533]

Damn you guys out here seemingly spitting facts... Well, looks like I'm just going to break it off.

Click to shrink...

Honestly man, the fact that she had you staying up til 4 in the fucking morning waiting for her call is some crazy shit. Like if anyone told me to do that, I would laugh. And she didn't even call you! Like that of all things should be the flashing neon sign telling you she's not really serious about dating you. No offense but you need to have some self respect and boundaries. Don't let people just lead you on like that.

I cannot fall in love anymore. Why am I going out with so many girls and not a single one gives me any kind of emotion except of sexual pleasure. I want to fall in love but I feel like I'm dead.

Click to shrink...

Are you a serial dater? Stop actively dating and take a break. Only pursue people who genuinely interest you and don't put so much pressure on falling in love. What's the rush?

I like them at first, and I get bored in a second. I swear I'm jumping from one to the other and sometimes even at the same time in a matter of weeks. It feels like no one is capable of surprising me anymore.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, stop jumping from girl to girl.

 

[Tribal_Cult]

Are you a serial dater? Stop actively dating and take a break. Only pursue people who genuinely interest you and don't put so much pressure on falling in love.



Yeah, stop jumping for girl to girl.

Click to shrink...

Serial dater is a new term for me, is that a thing? Anyway yeah I'm gonna calm down a bit now. Took me three months to stop seeing a girl which I didn't want to date since long before simply because well, she was nice, sex was good and we had fun. But I didn't want nothing more and I had to actively push myself to stop doing that. I dunno why, I feel so alone. I just want to find someone so desperately and I feel like that's exactly the reason why I can't.

 

[jdstorm]

I like them at first, and I get bored in a second. I swear I'm jumping from one to the other and sometimes even at the same time in a matter of weeks. It feels like no one is capable of surprising me anymore.

Click to shrink...

No shit.

Your attitude is awful and sleeping with randoms who you don't actually like but are rather just briefly sexually attracted to isn't helping. You are getting exactly what your actions suggest you want. Except it's leaving you hollow and making you bitter.

You are the issue in this equation and if you actually want to find love then start by respecting yourself

 

[Deleted member 33533]

Serial dater is a new term for me, is that a thing? Anyway yeah I'm gonna calm down a bit now. Took me three months to stop seeing a girl which I didn't want to date since long before simply because well, she was nice, sex was good and we had fun. But I didn't want nothing more and I had to actively push myself to stop doing that. I dunno why, I feel so alone. I just want to find someone so desperately and I feel like that's exactly the reason why I can't.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, it's a term. If you look it up, it may shine a light on some of your behaviors and why they're hurting you. I would recommend getting used to being single and not dating. Focus back in on your hobbies, passions, friends, career, whatever. I'm not saying you can't let something develop if someone comes along but you gotta stop being on the chase.

 

[Microsoft]

Honestly man, the fact that she had you staying up til 4 in the fucking morning waiting for her call is some crazy shit. Like if anyone told me to do that, I would laugh. And she didn't even call you! Like that of all things should be the flashing neon sign telling you she's not really serious about dating you. No offense but you need to have some self respect and boundaries. Don't let people just lead you on like that.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, sometimes the situation needs to be laid out to me. You're totally right. For the record I'm not mad I stayed up that long, it's not unusual for me to do that every now and then. Not excusing her behavior though.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

I like them at first, and I get bored in a second. I swear I'm jumping from one to the other and sometimes even at the same time in a matter of weeks. It feels like no one is capable of surprising me anymore.

Click to shrink...

That's the issue with dating apps, everyone male/female is disposable. Easy come, easy go and because you won't be in each others social circle it makes it even simpler to drop and move on before anyone in your social circle knows you've hooked up with someone new. There's always the mindset that the next person will be a better fit and you end up with a paralysis of choice that burns you out or a dating addiction (Addiction: compulsive and repetitive behavior that no longer brings the joy it used to).

I remember what it was like before the dating apps where your dating pool was limited to either a luck chance encounter or someone in your social circle and it was so uncommon that you'd put consideration and effort into JUST thinking about dating them. With the apps if your profile and messaging are on point you'll have an "infrequent" string of women to hook up with, but if you do that long enough you'll both run into people that are just going through the motions, where sex just becomes masturbation for both parties. The real connections and memorable sex experiences are few and far between but you keep looking for those highs again.

The solution is to take a break from it all, jerk off instead of hooking up and try to meet people outside of dating apps.

 

[The Namekian]

That's the issue with dating apps, everyone male/female is disposable. Easy come, easy go and because you won't be in each others social circle it makes it even simpler to drop and move on before anyone in your social circle knows you've hooked up with someone new. There's always the mindset that the next person will be a better fit and you end up with a paralysis of choice that burns you out or a dating addiction (Addiction: compulsive and repetitive behavior that no longer brings the joy it used to).

I remember what it was like before the dating apps where your dating pool was limited to either a luck chance encounter or someone in your social circle and it was so uncommon that you'd put consideration and effort into JUST thinking about dating them. With the apps if your profile and messaging are on point you'll have an "infrequent" string of women to hook up with, but if you do that long enough you'll both run into people that are just going through the motions, where sex just becomes masturbation for both parties. The real connections and memorable sex experiences are few and far between but you keep looking for those highs again.

The solution is to take a break from it all, jerk off instead of hooking up and try to meet people outside of dating apps.

Click to shrink...

This is good advice. I did the same and came back and got a real connection.

 

[Skilamalink]

Matched with a girl on Tinder, she asks for my number and texts me to give me hers. Her text asked how my day was, I replied and let her know I was heading into work so I wouldn't be available for a few hours, but threw the question back. No response. Delete the number and move on?

 

[Notaskwid]

Matched with a girl on Tinder, she asks for my number and texts me to give me hers. Her text asked how my day was, I replied and let her know I was heading into work so I wouldn't be available for a few hours, but threw the question back. No response. Delete the number and move on?

Click to shrink...

When was this?

 

[Kismet]

From all the dating apps, I would say Tinder is the best. But eventually it felt like collecting Pokemon. I had over 200 matches but still kept on looking while ignoring the ones I've matched with. It's so stupid actually. But then again, I wasn't really looking for a relationship...

Got many dates out of it, though.

 

[Alastor3]

After about 10 dates i had with 10 differents girls (2 which i saw a second time) in two months and getting rejected in all of them except for one where it didn't click, it really hurt my feeling, my pride and im just so tired.

 

[Skilamalink]

When was this?

Click to shrink...

Sunday afternoon.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

Sunday afternoon.

Click to shrink...

You've been parked until she does not have a better offer, respect yourself block/delete and move on.

 

[Dabanton]

Sunday afternoon.

Click to shrink...

She got a better chatter and you got leapfrogged.

Delete her text and assume shes not messaging back unless she does.

The sad truth is a lot of people just want to text back and forth. You telling them you were not going to be contactable for a few hrs because of work probably meant they trashed you.

Delete the message and move on imo.

 

[Dabanton]

After about 10 dates i had with 10 differents girls (2 which i saw a second time) in two months and getting rejected in all of them except for one where it didn't click, it really hurt my feeling, my pride and im just so tired.

Click to shrink...

Take a break from dating. Its sometimes like a second job. Lots of Admin and maintaining conversations.

Also how were you feeling on these dates? Did you come across as too eager. Or low energy?

We give off a lot of unspoken cues to other people and we dont even notice.

 

[Alastor3]

Take a break from dating. Its sometimes like a second job. Lots of Admin and maintaining conversations.

Also how were you feeling on these dates? Did you come across as too eager. Or low energy?

We give off a lot of unspoken cues to other people and we dont even notice.

Click to shrink...

Not eager at all, maybe too friendly actually. There was one in particular who was very bubbly, extravert, and very very cute, that i couldn't get any ideas in place, i was always drawing a blank. Some where pretty good where i thought it clicked and told me the day later that they either aren't over with their ex or already found someone, but at least none ghosted me

 

[Solid Dude]

I have a Tinder date this weekend with someone objectively more attractive than me, we'll see how this goes—the last two instances of this scenario have not resulted in second dates, lol. (Fwiw I'm not putting myself down—I'm confident in saying that I'm at least slightly above average physically—but competition for the attention of conventionally attractive women on dating apps seems fierce.)

 

[Strangelove_77]

I don't think this online dating thing will ever work for me. Its just not the thing for someone like me. The first impression is my face, which is not good. Online they just swipe left without even bothering to read if you're unattractive enough. Person to person at least you can get some words in when you meet someone. Its the only way people can see past my appearance.

I probably need to get out more and do...things. Stuff. Normal people stuff. Interaction and all that.

 

[Solid Dude]

I don't think this online dating thing will ever work for me. Its just not the thing for someone like me. The first impression is my face, which is not good. Online they just swipe left without even bothering to read if you're unattractive enough. Person to person at least you can get some words in when you meet someone. Its the only way people can see past my appearance.

I probably need to get out more and do...things. Stuff. Normal people stuff. Interaction and all that.

Click to shrink...

Do you have good photos of yourself? I think men—assuming you're male—tend to not have a lot of decent pictures.