DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[Deleted member 22587]

Literally 95% of the "matches" I get on Tinder are just spambots.

-Little bit of basic conversation
-"Oh hey, I'm deleting Tinder, go to this malware ad-link to talk to me"
:/

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That sucks. In my case, I think it's the fact that my ex and I keep hanging out, so I feel every new woman should have a somewhat similar personality to hers. That way, it won't seem like I actually have to force conversation and that initial spark will just ignite naturally.

 

[Living the Dream]

That sucks. In my case, I think it's the fact that my ex and I keep hanging out, so I feel every new woman should have a somewhat similar personality to hers. That way, it won't seem like I actually have to force conversation and that initial spark will just ignite naturally.

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Gotta move on your from ex or you'll never be happy. Easier said than done though...

 

[Aurelio]

Does being with my ex-wife count?
/s

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Nah it's more like, we dated for a couple months in HS, both in our 30s now, she got married and moved in with him as soon as she graduated. We reconnected a few years back and it went from merely talking every few days to talking all day every day for the past year. We have a great friendship and have had convos about what if, and exclaiming feelings for each other. Thing is we're on different ends of the country. We have our own separate lives but enjoy each other's company. I don't expect her to all of a sudden get divorced and jump into something with me. And she doesn't know if she wants to try to save her marriage. But we both have come to terms that there's something between us and it's nice being in each other's lives. We've known each other for almost 2 decades so we're more friends than anything. I dunno, I just think I should be wanting more but I'm actually content with the current situation.

 

[TheNotoriousAFG]

Lol, what? You didn't click with any of them? Genuinely curious because I get matches as well, but there's something about Tinder that it's hard for me to actually get into it.

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Didn't click, conversations that went nowhere, people didn't respond, sometimes I didn't respond, etc. Something about an app makes the whole thing feel soulless at times. However, being gay in a non-metropolitan area doesn't allow for me to meet people organically IRL, so the apps it is!

 

[EarthBound64]

That sucks. In my case, I think it's the fact that my ex and I keep hanging out, so I feel every new woman should have a somewhat similar personality to hers. That way, it won't seem like I actually have to force conversation and that initial spark will just ignite naturally.

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Heh. For me, I'm looking for someone with the opposite personality from my ex. Not that I phrase things like that, of course - that would be a bad lead-in. But, someone who isn't a soul-suckingly negative vortex of unpleasantness. In theory that shouldn't be too hard to find... In theory.

 

[Deleted member 22587]

Gotta move on your from ex or you'll never be happy. Easier said than done though...

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Definitely easier said than done. The situation is made worse by the fact that we've been best friends since high school so we enjoy each other's company. The difficulty arises whenever we chill because even when we try to be platonic, we just naturally gravitate towards each other - making it increasingly harder to just be friends or cut each other off.

Didn't click, conversations that went nowhere, people didn't respond, sometimes I didn't respond, etc. Something about an app makes the whole thing feel soulless at times. However, being gay in a non-metropolitan area doesn't allow for me to meet people organically IRL, so the apps it is!

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You phrased it much better than I ever could have. It just feels like it's making the process of finding love and happiness robotic, and as a hopeless romantic, it's very off-putting.

 

[TheNotoriousAFG]

You phrased it much better than I ever could have. It just feels like it's making the process of finding love and happiness robotic, and as a hopeless romantic, it's very off-putting.

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Agreed. I go through different phases with Tinder, and I'm currently in the "I hate this and I'm deleting to preserve my self-esteem and sanity" phase. We'll see when I cycle back to the "compulsive swiping" phase :p

 

[theaface]

Hey guys,

Forgive the shameless cross-thread promotion, but I thought some of you might appreciate the Alphabet Dating thread I created yesterday. It's basically a way for people who are dating, whether that new or long-term relationships, to come up with fun, interesting and original things to do for dates.

Hope it helps and if you have any great ideas of your own, please let me know in that thread and I'll add them to the OP.

Happy dating!

 

[Ashhong]

Man I have completely forgotten how to do small talk after being with my ex for 5 years. I can't even figure out what to say in first messages on dating apps like Coffee Meets Bagel, especially when they don't have much info in their profile. Anybody have go to messages to get the conversation started?

 

[Tuck]

Thread title is right. Anime characters do way better than I do.

 

[EarthBound64]

Oh yeah, in related news, I spent part of the night with a stripper last night. I had met her a couple of weeks ago when a friend of mine took me to a strip club, and we'd stayed in touch since then, and she's been over a couple of times. She wasn't having a good night at work, and I live closer to where she works than where she lives as a nanny for her day job, so she came over and we just kind of hung out / rested for a bit before she headed back home. She was possibly thinking to spend the whole night, but she had to be back for 7AM, and it was a 1+ hour drive, so she headed back around 2AM. Not the ideal scenario, but it was nice to see her for a few hours.

The main problem I'm realizing is that, after not having shared a bed with anyone for years, it's difficult for me to fall asleep with anyone in bed with me. Ah well.

 

[AcridMeat]

I do have stories of recent months - maybe later I'll post about them.

I am posting here for you to use Goldblum's face for reaction posts.

 

[Kaelan]

That sucks. In my case, I think it's the fact that my ex and I keep hanging out, so I feel every new woman should have a somewhat similar personality to hers. That way, it won't seem like I actually have to force conversation and that initial spark will just ignite naturally.

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I used to feel the same way. Eventually I found out you have to set boundaries and limitations. She's you're ex - not saying you can't have relations with you but what you're doing right now does nothing for you, instead of making you stuck in the past and feel like you have to find someone like her. You won't move on until you find someone new, not when you find someone to replace her.

 

[Jokab]

Alright guys and gals hit me with your hottest Tinder conversation tips. I feel like I can mostly string together a deecent opening but after that I seem to hit a wall. Either I ask another question about their pics/bio or I just keep going on whatever I said in the opener. Most girls just stop responding, and the ones that keep going just reply in short sentences and never ask anything back. Not sure what to do.

 

[Lemon Crest]

Just got back from an awesome coffee date.

We just chatted for 2 and a half hours and I didn't even notice the time go by.

I won't be able to see her another 2 weeks due her work schedule and her visiting family but I got a good feeling about this.

 

[War Peaceman]

what's up daters, have I missed any drama in the forum transition?

 

[afroguy10]

Alright guys and gals hit me with your hottest Tinder conversation tips. I feel like I can mostly string together a deecent opening but after that I seem to hit a wall. Either I ask another question about their pics/bio or I just keep going on whatever I said in the opener. Most girls just stop responding, and the ones that keep going just reply in short sentences and never ask anything back. Not sure what to do.

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How long are you usually talking to them for?

Best to get the pleasantries out of the way, a bit of chatting to get to know the basics and make sure they're not weird or a bot and then if you're feeling it, ask them if they'd like to go on a date somewhere.

Save your questions and conversations for seeing them in person. Most people will just move on if you're not quick enough and the ones that say no to a date probably wouldn't have said yes if you spent another day or two speaking to them anyway so there's no loss.

 

[Bionicman]

So if you're 30 and no have no car and your salary is gone before the end of the month because you have an elderly mother to take care of as well as a sister and returning to college do you even bother with dating in the first place?

What irritates me the most is that I notice girls at my workplace looking at me, and my friends notice too and they keep trying to push me to talk to them, but it's useless.

 

[EarthBound64]

What irritates me the most is that I notice girls at my workplace looking at me, and my friends notice too and they keep trying to push me to talk to them, but it's useless.

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And why is it "useless"?

 

[Bionicman]

And why is it "useless"?

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Well for example, a girl working next shop started flirting with me about a year ago, I wouldn't budge so two weeks later she asks me why I don't date or have a girlfriend then I tell her my difficult financial situation, she responds with "you're right". We became friends tho, would've loved being with her. Asked two female co workers about their opinion, same response, they would never give a guy in my situation a chance. I guess it differs from country to country, but expectations here is that a 30 year old man should at least own a car.

 

[afroguy10]

What irritates me the most is that I notice girls at my workplace looking at me, and my friends notice too and they keep trying to push me to talk to them, but it's useless.

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I agree with Earthbound, it's absolutely not useless.

There's loads of women that would find you taking the time, effort and money to look after your elderly mother and your sister as being incredibly kind, attractive, caring and unselfish.

Sure, there's gonna be women that maybe wouldn't be able to have a relationship with you in that situation but as long as you're honest and upfront that you care for your mother and your sister you'll find someone who doesn't mind at all.

 

[EarthBound64]

Well for example, a girl working next shop started flirting with me about a year ago, I wouldn't budge

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This is your problem.
Date them, bring up the other stuff later.
If you're refusing to date them, and bringing up the stuff in that context, it's not going to work out well.

 

[Bionicman]

This is your problem.
Date them, bring up the other stuff later.
If you're refusing to date them, and bringing up the stuff in that context, it's not going to work out well.

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I agree with Earthbound, it's absolutely not useless.

There's loads of women that would find you taking the time, effort and money to look after your elderly mother and your sister as being incredibly kind, attractive, caring and unselfish.

Sure, there's gonna be women that maybe wouldn't be able to have a relationship with you in that situation but as long as you're honest and upfront that you care for your mother and your sister you'll find someone who doesn't mind at all.

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Well there's a girl at college, I never returned her calls a few months ago, I'll see if I can talk to her tomorrow, face to face preferably. I still feel bad about how I blew her off without an explanation, maybe it'll work out, who knows?

 

[EarthBound64]

Well there's a girl at college, I never returned her calls a few months ago

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As much as you may have some real issues at play, it seems like the main problem is that you self-sabotage.
It probably won't work with her, yeah. But going forward - stop assuming that things in the future won't work, just go for it.

 

[SDR-UK]

Well there's a girl at college, I never returned her calls a few months ago, I'll see if I can talk to her tomorrow, face to face preferably. I still feel bad about how I blew her off without an explanation, maybe it'll work out, who knows?

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You never know until you try. Don't go too heavy into the reasons why you ghosted her a few months ago though, just play it cool, gauge her reaction and go from there.

 

[theme park joe]

Looking for some advice.

I'm pretty solid at first dates, starting conversations, getting first dates, etc. The problem I have is I haven't gotten laid in awhile due to various reasons (time, family, exposure to women, etc) and my mind trips on its own two feet over that aspect; I just feel "lame"? Any advice or suggestions on how to get over this?

 

[ig55]

Well there's a girl at college, I never returned her calls a few months ago, I'll see if I can talk to her tomorrow, face to face preferably. I still feel bad about how I blew her off without an explanation, maybe it'll work out, who knows?

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i'd avoid this personally. better to look forward with a positive attitude than linger on past relationships that didn't work out for whatever reason.

agree with the above advice otherwise, you seem like a good fella that might just be a little hard on himself.

 

[ig55]

Also what's up DatingEra - long time lurker, first time caller.

Could use some words of wisdom on the following situation, nothing serious:

I met a woman from bumble last Friday for drinks and a comedy show. She was charming, super bright (phd in biomechanics from columbia!), about 10 years older than me (31 vs. 40) and lives a decent 45 min-hour drive away. Walk her to her car at the end of the night, shared a lil kiss and got a message from her later the same night that she had a good time.

Sooo only issue is that for some strange reason i can't really picture myself seriously dating her. At the same time, I wouldn't mind sleeping with her. As I'm getting older though I'm starting to feel guilt about stringing people along just to get them into bed. I realize that some of it might just be in my head and that the other person may not have a dating expectation either but outside of acting like an adult and being upfront with someone about your intentions do you typically lean on the side of porking and hoping it works out or? Especially with women over the age of like 35?

 

[EarthBound64]

Sooo only issue is that for some strange reason i can't really picture myself seriously dating her.

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Why not?

I realize that some of it might just be in my head and that the other person may not have a dating expectation either but outside of acting like an adult and being upfront with someone about your intentions

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"outside of acting like an adult and being upfront with someone about your intentions"
And why wouldn't you do that?

 

[ig55]

Why not?




"outside of acting like an adult and being upfront with someone about your intentions"
And why wouldn't you do that?

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Hard to put my finger on it exactly but I'm not super physically attracted to her -- could be a fun romp but just can't picture myself dating her in any serious way.

"
"outside of acting like an adult and being upfront with someone about your intentions"
And why wouldn't you do that?
"

Maybe I should but I have no idea how to broach that topic without sounding really presumptuous. Any ideas are welcome!

A few buddies have suggested I just ask to meet up for another date and just try to bone but it feels pretty scummy to get someone to drive like an hour away if you have different expectations (not to say that we do).

 

[EarthBound64]

I'm not super physically attracted to her -- could be a fun romp but just can't picture myself dating her in any serious way.

Maybe I should but I have no idea how to broach that topic without sounding really presumptuous. Any ideas are welcome!

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Just tell her that.

 

[ig55]

Just tell her that.

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How though? lol

It seems like telling someone that you're not super physically attracted to them/can't picture yourself dating them but are dtf seems like it won't go over well. Any strategies?

 

[EarthBound64]

How though? lol

It seems like telling someone that you're not super physically attracted to them/can't picture yourself dating them but are dtf seems like it won't go over well. Any strategies?

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I mean, yeah. It might not go over well. What were you expecting?
If you want to lie to her / trick her, that's on you.

 

[ig55]

I mean, yeah. It might not go over well. What were you expecting?
If you want to lie to her / trick her, that's on you.

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I mean ya that's the moral dilemma. I don't want to be deceitful so it'd be nice to have some sort of tactful way to let someone know you're interested in boning but not much else.

 

[SDR-UK]

Any recommendations on how to go about messaging someone on Facebook? I'm so out of the loop with this because I prefer face to face interaction.

Problem is I know her through a friend of mine and thus I don't see her often, so messaging is the only option. Any tips on how to start the conversation? One liners?

As stated, I'm firmly in the camp of face to face but I have no idea when that opportunity will arise.

 

[EarthBound64]

I mean ya that's the moral dilemma. I don't want to be deceitful so it'd be nice to have some sort of tactful way to let someone know you're interested in boning but not much else.

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Try a limerick, those are always good.

No, wait, she has a PhD.
Maybe go with a haiku.

 

[Beren]

The weekend went well - we watched Captain America and the Avengers, and on Saturday night we went to a Halloween party and I met a lot of her friends. Everything is going smoothly as far as I can tell, but she's got some work-related issues come up (it's a high-stress job but the past week or so was rougher than usual) as well as a sudden health issue spring up at the same time (probably stress-related, she's already been to the doctor). She was planning on getting a new job anyways, and she knows she needs to start looking, but the stress still really got to her and it kind of poured out of her during this weekend. It was a lot to deal with, admittedly, and I've been trying to comfort her as best as I can. Everyone goes through rough patches of course, and it seems she just fell into one now. She said she's not usually this stressed out and I believe her, and she said she really appreciates me and the way I've been understanding. I'm seeing her again tonight so hopefully she'd feeling a bit better. She got noticeably happier over the course of time we were hanging out so I'm just hoping it sticks a bit.

I can't think of anything else to do than keep spending time with her and let her know I support her. I've been cooking some meals for her and she's been wanting to learn to cook more so we've been doing some of that together. I'm just trying to give her a stress-free space and I think I've been doing that pretty well.

 

[ig55]

Any recommendations on how to go about messaging someone on Facebook? I'm so out of the loop with this because I prefer face to face interaction.

Problem is I know her through a friend of mine and thus I don't see her often, so messaging is the only option. Any tips on how to start the conversation? One liners?

As stated, I'm firmly in the camp of face to face but I have no idea when that opportunity will arise.

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If you're going to message someone on Facebook make sure a) you actually have met in person and b) don't be creepy. Make it simple and to the point: "hey had fun last time we hung out at xyz, wanna meet for a drink?"

 

[Midnight Train]

Met my fiance on OKCupid about 5 years ago. Getting married in two weeks :o

Can't believe it's coming so soon (Been engaged since last March), but I'll be glad to have it behind me. The stress of planning this monster is unreal, and it's taking its heavy toll on both of us. But I'm going to enjoy the hell out of when it happens :D

Heading to Punta Cana for a week on our honeymoon at an all-inclusive resort, a day after the wedding. I cannot waaaaiiiitttttt

 

[ig55]

Try a limerick, those are always good.

No, wait, she has a PhD.
Maybe go with a haiku.

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hey girl wanna bone?
dont want peeps seeing us though
if thats cool with you

 

[Deleted member 4452]

Try a limerick, those are always good.

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I'll be honest, I've used limericks for online dating before. It worked.

 

[EarthBound64]

I'll be honest, I've used limericks for online dating before. It worked.

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There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who ain't got nothin' on me, yo.

 

[EarthBound64]

Also:

hey girl wanna bone?
dont want peeps seeing us though
if thats cool with you

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If she's like me, she would be put off by the syntax.
Although I guess if you say it instead of write it, that wouldn't be as apparent.

Another option is you could say:
"I put the 'D' in 'PhD' ;)"

 

[ig55]

Also:



If she's like me, she would be put off by the syntax.
Although I guess if you say it instead of write it, that wouldn't be as apparent.

Another option is you could say:
"I put the 'D' in 'PhD' ;)"

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That works too but the problem is how do I get across that the D in PhD stands for just d and not date?

 

[EchoChamber]

That works too but the problem is how do I get across that the D in PhD stands for just d and not date?

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PhDick
Easy.

 

[EarthBound64]

PhDick
Easy.

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Philosophiae Dick

Makes sense to me.

 

[stn]

So if you're 30 and no have no car and your salary is gone before the end of the month because you have an elderly mother to take care of as well as a sister and returning to college do you even bother with dating in the first place?

What irritates me the most is that I notice girls at my workplace looking at me, and my friends notice too and they keep trying to push me to talk to them, but it's useless.

Click to shrink...

If you like some girl, go for it. Its hard, I know. You just gotta bite your tongue and be comfortable with your circumstances (or just fake it).

 

[ig55]

Seriously though guys lol. What's a tactful way to get the point across to someone you've already gone out with? Or is it impossible without being blunt?

 

[EarthBound64]

Seriously though guys lol. What's a tactful way to get the point across to someone you've already gone out with? Or is it impossible without being blunt?

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Our date was nice, but
I think that you are ugly
Still, I want to bone

 

[SecondNature]

Since learning about Tinder's algorithm (swiping right on everyone = bad), Ive been considering remaking my account. Anyone try this? I feel like I should just restart because I get no matches now, and its been that way for months, though I also swipe once every 3 weeks, and immediately make my profile hidden.

What do I do