Man that's rough to happen after two months dude. I'm coming up on two months with my girl and it's felt like we've been together far longer than that now. But this sort of thing is what keeps me nervous leading up to every time we meet
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
Yep. No point imo, the answer you get, if you would get one at all, probably isn't something you want to hear.
She told you the reason: she's not feeling it. That's all you need to know.
You don't want to know or it'll make you insecure and you'll be harder on yourself than you need to be.
ya you guys are right, screw it. New chapter.
So a work related situation..
There's a girl at my work — different shifts but we overlap for shift change & report — who we'll call Allie, and who i've only spoke to her in passing since i started four months ago. A couple weeks ago, she picked up some nights and I had work two shifts with her. The entire time we were chatting, talking about ourselves, laughing, our goals, etc.
She even shared some of her Oreos with me, which was nice, but that wasn't what made me think more about this. For us, we had different rooms we had to cover all night, with patients ranging from independent to total assist. For the most part (98.9 % of the time), I work alone. I'll get assistance if i need it. The two nights i worked with here were different.
It was the first time her and I have worked together but she basically tagged along to every call I had that night, whether it was necessary or not. I did the same for her. Was she being courteous to someone she hasn't worked with before? Maybe. But I heard from my usual coworker that last time they worked together, Alli was always being very bossy and demanding, doing just what she had to do and telling my coworker to do x, y, and z. Same from other people, I heard she isn't very friendly. To me, we had a good time. Showed each other pictures of our pets and even watched some Netflix when we had down time. This is when she told me that I had to move my chair closer to hers if I "wanted to see the picture" OK.
Fast forward to tonight's shift change and she's on the opposite hall. She gave report to my coworker and shes ready to go. As she was about to walk out the door, she turns to me and says "Hi Daria", I stumble and ask how she was and how her dog was (..i'm not sure) and how finals went. She told me she passed and I congratulated her. With an awkward second passing, I told her and the other leaving cooworker to have a good night.
So Era, how do I go about doing this. I do have to text her and ask her if she wants to pick up one of my shifts next week. BUT, her birthday is also this month and we talked about that. Basically, how can I pivot into asking her out for a drink for her birthday? FWIW, I'm putting in my two weeks tonight at my job so we won't be coworker for much longer.
TLDR: Worked two nights with a cute girl at work, so i'm trying to figure out how to text her and ask her out for her birthday which is later this month. i'm quitting said job in two weeks
There's a girl at my work — different shifts but we overlap for shift change & report — who we'll call Allie, and who i've only spoke to her in passing since i started four months ago. A couple weeks ago, she picked up some nights and I had work two shifts with her. The entire time we were chatting, talking about ourselves, laughing, our goals, etc.
She even shared some of her Oreos with me, which was nice, but that wasn't what made me think more about this. For us, we had different rooms we had to cover all night, with patients ranging from independent to total assist. For the most part (98.9 % of the time), I work alone. I'll get assistance if i need it. The two nights i worked with here were different.
It was the first time her and I have worked together but she basically tagged along to every call I had that night, whether it was necessary or not. I did the same for her. Was she being courteous to someone she hasn't worked with before? Maybe. But I heard from my usual coworker that last time they worked together, Alli was always being very bossy and demanding, doing just what she had to do and telling my coworker to do x, y, and z. Same from other people, I heard she isn't very friendly. To me, we had a good time. Showed each other pictures of our pets and even watched some Netflix when we had down time. This is when she told me that I had to move my chair closer to hers if I "wanted to see the picture" OK.
Fast forward to tonight's shift change and she's on the opposite hall. She gave report to my coworker and shes ready to go. As she was about to walk out the door, she turns to me and says "Hi Daria", I stumble and ask how she was and how her dog was (..i'm not sure) and how finals went. She told me she passed and I congratulated her. With an awkward second passing, I told her and the other leaving cooworker to have a good night.
So Era, how do I go about doing this. I do have to text her and ask her if she wants to pick up one of my shifts next week. BUT, her birthday is also this month and we talked about that. Basically, how can I pivot into asking her out for a drink for her birthday? FWIW, I'm putting in my two weeks tonight at my job so we won't be coworker for much longer.
TLDR: Worked two nights with a cute girl at work, so i'm trying to figure out how to text her and ask her out for her birthday which is later this month. i'm quitting said job in two weeks
Last edited:
To me—a person who's not into her—this comes off as problematic. Even if she's super nice to you because she fancies you, I'd be wary of getting involved with someone who apparently is standoffish to most other people.
You see it as evidence that she may be into you. And that may very well true. But it can also be seen as her being a lot shittier to everyone else, which isn't a trait I'd want in a potential partner.
Just ask her. Don't be a pussy. Hey would you like to go get a drink on insert date.
I'd say, at least go out with her a couple before just writing her off because a couple of coworkers don't like her. if she starts showing that sort of behavior to you or service people then you can make a decision
How people treat service workers is a reliable litmus test.
See thread image. Unless she was literally in a car accident on the way over, I can't fathom why you would wait for someone for an hour on the first date, who has already established you aren't a priority.
So umm finally went out with someone from Tinder, was pretty cool we had been chatting about a week but we got really intimate quite quickly because we both shared a lot of things in common.
Anyway we had coffee and went for a walk and things spiced up & made out and more some.. We keep talking constantly and decided to become FWB but at the same its pretty cool because she seems very best friend material.
(not interested in dating her, does not fit my lifestyle)
Anyway we had coffee and went for a walk and things spiced up & made out and more some.. We keep talking constantly and decided to become FWB but at the same its pretty cool because she seems very best friend material.
(not interested in dating her, does not fit my lifestyle)
Need some advice.
There's a lady that I hit things off really well with last year during a project that we were working on together (we're at separate companies). But at the time I was married and I didn't try to pursue anything. Now that I'm back in the single life, I messaged her out of the blue (Friday) and we seemed to have a good bit of banter. Then at the end of the work day she told me to an amazing weekend and I told her "you too". But I ended it with a "when you're not so busy let's grab some beers." And she said sounds like a plan.
Now I am mid week and have been debating as to whether or not to text back or is the ball in her court.
Do I wait or do I text her to see how her weekend was?
There's a lady that I hit things off really well with last year during a project that we were working on together (we're at separate companies). But at the time I was married and I didn't try to pursue anything. Now that I'm back in the single life, I messaged her out of the blue (Friday) and we seemed to have a good bit of banter. Then at the end of the work day she told me to an amazing weekend and I told her "you too". But I ended it with a "when you're not so busy let's grab some beers." And she said sounds like a plan.
Now I am mid week and have been debating as to whether or not to text back or is the ball in her court.
Do I wait or do I text her to see how her weekend was?
So you haven't seen her for awhile and you've been texting her and at the end of the day convo you said when she's not busy you should grab some beers?
You should have said, "would you like to grab a drink [insert time you're available here]?"
That's being assertive and shows you are interested in hanging out with her.
Now, she just thinks you're being passive about the whole thing. Even if she says no to the day you mention, if she's interested in you, she'll tell you why and if she's very interested in you, she'll counter with a time you guys CAN go get drinks
I have not been texting her.... I messaged her on friday for the first time in like 6 months or so. And we had some back and forth banter for about 2+ hours. She has been very busy with work and school this month. That is why I threw out the, when you're not busy.
But after reading your message, I see where I messed up.
Yeah. Just gotta ask what day works and actually get something down on your calendar, or else it's not gonna happen
Yeah the ball can't be in her court if you never made a shot. You're still holding the ball!
I think you're still good. You just have to text her and be like "so about those drinks, want to meet up ___ at ___?" Obviously in your own words but she already seems open to the idea of meeting up so you don't really have to establish any context, just ask her.
It's been like 2 weeks I'm talking to a girl on Tinder. We have so much in common so it's been a really fun conversation, maybe the best I've had on this app.
I met her the other day and we had a great time (bar then dinner).
There's just this tiny little thing where I might have fucked up... I don't know her name... Her name on Tinder isn't a real one but it might be a diminutive. We didn't introduce each other when we met maybe because it felt like we knew each other already and I was too nervous at first to think about that.
With an other date in the horizon, should I just ask now?
I feel so fucking stupid :)
I met her the other day and we had a great time (bar then dinner).
There's just this tiny little thing where I might have fucked up... I don't know her name... Her name on Tinder isn't a real one but it might be a diminutive. We didn't introduce each other when we met maybe because it felt like we knew each other already and I was too nervous at first to think about that.
With an other date in the horizon, should I just ask now?
I feel so fucking stupid :)
lol wow this is a new one for me
yeah you should probably know the name of the person you're dating. just ask outright
Next date, ask to split the bill then sneak a peak at the name on her card when she puts it on the table. If she pays in cash, you're screwed.
Just kidding, ask her. You can even make a joke out of it because honestly that is quite funny.
I kinda like the shady peek at the credit card.
But yea, I need to face that embarrassment before the next date...
I don't know how old you are, but if you're a student, go to a bar with her, order a beer for both of you, and ask for her ID to prove if she's old enough before you give her her drink :P
I wouldn't actually do that lol
Ok here's what I feel like is a dumb update
After two months now I've friended my girl on social media and now I'm falling hard into social media inspired stress. Looking at her pictures, not entirely unconsciously trying to knit together evidence of past relationships, and getting jealous
Like I know there is a reason she's with me now and not hypothetical other guy, but I cant help getting anxious about it. Like what am I doing right and how I can be the right person for her
There's something really real about being at this age, late 20s her and 30 me, that we have just had lots of life lived already and I have trouble sorting it out
Anyway we're hanging out all day Saturday and it's gonna be great, because she wants to be with me now and that's what I want
After two months now I've friended my girl on social media and now I'm falling hard into social media inspired stress. Looking at her pictures, not entirely unconsciously trying to knit together evidence of past relationships, and getting jealous
Like I know there is a reason she's with me now and not hypothetical other guy, but I cant help getting anxious about it. Like what am I doing right and how I can be the right person for her
There's something really real about being at this age, late 20s her and 30 me, that we have just had lots of life lived already and I have trouble sorting it out
Anyway we're hanging out all day Saturday and it's gonna be great, because she wants to be with me now and that's what I want
Stop comparing yourself to other guys she's no longer with. You'll be projecting that they were better than you. "She wants to be with me now" your words, follow that. It's not a competition in your head with her ex's.
Your relationship is doomed if you're constantly stressing out about her past.
My girlfriend talks about her past pretty comfortably with me, be it her exes, stupid things she's done, jobs, etc. It's made her who she is today and I'm thankful she's willing to share that part of her life with me.
Live in the present, dude. Nothing else matters.
My girlfriend talks about her past pretty comfortably with me, be it her exes, stupid things she's done, jobs, etc. It's made her who she is today and I'm thankful she's willing to share that part of her life with me.
Live in the present, dude. Nothing else matters.
Thanks all
Yeah it's mostly my own inexperience that stresses me out I guess. Haven't really dated since college so I'm not used to managing these feelings. As said I know the right way to tackle this, just have to own my words
Yeah it's mostly my own inexperience that stresses me out I guess. Haven't really dated since college so I'm not used to managing these feelings. As said I know the right way to tackle this, just have to own my words
I'm totally with you on inexperience.
My first real, long lasting relationship skipped a lot of steps now that I look back on it. It was rushed, not handled properly throughout its entirety and now I'm seeing how it affects my current relationship. Thankfully my girlfriend and I are able to talk to one another very openly. Mature conversations are really important, especially if you're looking to grow and have something long term.
If it continues to bother you, I'd suggest sitting down with her and just talking about what you're insecure about. If she's serious about you, she'll listen and give you great feedback/advice.
My first real, long lasting relationship skipped a lot of steps now that I look back on it. It was rushed, not handled properly throughout its entirety and now I'm seeing how it affects my current relationship. Thankfully my girlfriend and I are able to talk to one another very openly. Mature conversations are really important, especially if you're looking to grow and have something long term.
If it continues to bother you, I'd suggest sitting down with her and just talking about what you're insecure about. If she's serious about you, she'll listen and give you great feedback/advice.
yeah. my first relationship also just a thoroughly unmanaged whirlwind that just petered out into a ghosting after 2 years. really trying to be more intentional this time, because I'm in it this time for serious
Hey, I don't think we can all pretend that we are perfectly secure in every way. We aren't perfect and stuff like this can get to us. It's normal to feel insecure about something like this, it's just important that you manage it properly and eventually get past it. The fact that you're here acknowledging that it's a problem stemming from you that you need to fix is a great sign. Like you said, there's a reason she's with you now and the past is the past. Just keep doing what you're doing. Don't worry about her past relationships and try to compare what they did to yourself.
It's useless comparing anyway. I can safely say that the relationships I've had in the past are not what I need today. I was a different person in my past relationships and my current one is what I need for the person I am now. Even if you compare yourself to those guys, you're looking at your girlfriend as a past version of herself from a limited perspective. Just focus on the present version of her and you.
don't worry about it, plenty of more matches out there for ya. they aren't all winners. don't let a missed internet connection keep you down
Saw Avengers Endgame with a girl and had lunch with her. We had a lot of similar interests and said she wouldn't mind hanging out again. So she added me on Facebook. I thought to myself that this was the best fit to far and nothing could go wrong.
Well, I spoke to her today and asked her if she was free to do anything next weekend and maybe hike or go out for lunch. She said sure but said she didn't want our wires to get crossed and just have a platonic relationship. Is this the friend zone I keep hearing about and should I abandon this relationship or keep going?
Well, I spoke to her today and asked her if she was free to do anything next weekend and maybe hike or go out for lunch. She said sure but said she didn't want our wires to get crossed and just have a platonic relationship. Is this the friend zone I keep hearing about and should I abandon this relationship or keep going?
You don't have a relationship to abandon.
Either be her friend — and actually be her friend — or say you wanted something more, sincerely wish her the best, and find someone who actually wants to date you.
I guess it doesn't hurt to go on another meeting with her. It sounded like she said she was too busy to be in a more serious relationship. I'll see what happens when I have lunch with her.
She gave you a clear, unambiguous answer.
Respect it.
No one in this thread is going to give you different advice.
Don't try and second guess her, she's not going to date you when she's not busy either.
Yep. The truth is, if you're really into someone you're not too busy
Alright, I told her that I was looking for something a little more akin to a normal relationship than just being friends and told her that hopefully she finds what she is looking for.
Exactly the right thing to do, made your intentions clear and were pleasant about the rejection. That already puts you ahead of most men if you keep that mindset.
Good. No point in wasting time on something where you're not on the same wavelength.
So there's this question on OKC...
The key word to me being "strongly", so if someone answers "yes" to that, they're kinda racist, or at lest a little bigoted, right?
Or am I reading too much into it?
For the record, I've only ever seen white women answer yes to that.
The key word to me being "strongly", so if someone answers "yes" to that, they're kinda racist, or at lest a little bigoted, right?
Or am I reading too much into it?
For the record, I've only ever seen white women answer yes to that.
I was going to comment on this but knowing how this site is I'm editting comment out.
Last edited:
I would not be interested in anyone who answers yes to that question
Also maybe this is a different flavor of racism but I'm generally more attracted to people who aren't of my background, which is basic white Anglo Saxon american
Last edited: