It starts off sounding like a scam, but there's more.
Right! So part 1 was 6-8 months ago.
Like I said I find this girl extremely attractive and my takeaway from a while after our first encounter was that she's basically a smart, interesting, bold and hot woman who's currently going through some difficult stuff which is taking an understandable toll on her. Basically I was still intrigued.
During the time she was away from the country I sent her a message on fb saying how attractive she is. Months passed and I kinda forgot about it, having been in a few short term relationships in the meantime etc.
A few weeks ago she replies to my message, says that she's had some time to process things and while she's not sure we're after the same thing in the long term (she's non-monogamous and not necessarily interested in starting a family, which I am) she finds me attractive and offers to have a casual relationship.
I am flattered and excited by this because I don't usually receive such offers, but also a bit cautious. I tell her I don't have much experience with casual relationships (which is true) but would like to try with her.
We set up a date for later that week, I offer something a bit more exciting and different than the usual: ice-skating, followed by drinks etc. She's excited about it too!
I pick her up and we drive to the rink. On our way there she offers me some cake that she baked and already gives strong hints that she'd like the date to continue to her place afterwards. I hear this and am happy about it (and probably also a bit surprised by how suddenly she's brought it up) but don't say 'Yes' explicitly - in hindsight a mistake.
We get there, we're having a good time and there's good chemistry. It's her first time ice skating which provides plenty of opportunities to hold hands, hug etc. which we do. I'm a bit hesitant to go further at first since some of my students are there - they recognize me and wave. She sees this too. Later on after they leave she grabs me and we kiss on the rink.
Since it's her first time ice skating she's having some difficulty learning the technique and seems a bit frustrated that it comes more easily to me. I explain that it's down to having more experience and say I'm sure she'll learn very quickly.
I do my best to help out - being a beginner myself! - but am not completely sure at any given moment whether to remain at her side or give her some space to practice, so I alternate between the two. Something about this girl makes me slightly nervous in case it wasn't obvious by now lol.
There's a couple of professional ice skaters in the middle of the rink and she's not happy that the man is wearing a long shirt and pants while the woman is wearing a mini skirt and tights. I agree with her but this also seems to frustrate her. During our time at the rink she makes another remark about spending the night at her place. She also sees the pro ice skater pick up his partner and hold her upside down while ice skating and suggests - hopefully jokingly? - that we do the same. I tell her I'm not good enough to do that without crashing both of us - I myself still fall from time to time - and she gets a bit more upset and distant again. In hindsight I'm guessing this was a sexual reference that went over my head? Or maybe a slightly jealous remark about how in her eyes I'm a much higher level ice-skater? Who knows.
This girl is very passionate - to the point of getting slightly angry - about women being stereotyped, objectified or sexualized and simultaneously very forward and sexual herself and I admit as a guy who's no expert in romance I'm having a hard time keeping up.
We spend about 90 minutes altogether at the ice rink and leave at closing time. We go back to my car and I'm like: "where to?" I don't know her address since that's not where I picked her up from. Instead of giving me a destination we somehow start talking in my car (which is small and uncomfortable) for what seems like forever - we're both a bit exhausted and slightly dehydrated by now from the physical effort, and at least myself from the emotional one as well .
We talk about regular dating stuff: past partners/relationships, her new job etc. etc. She mentions she's started looking for a serious partner (a primary as I learn it's called in non-monogamous relationships) and this confuses me a bit because I'm not sure if she's hinting at something other than casual now.
She takes off her coat and the shirt underneath is quite revealing, obviously she wants me to make a move but the discomfort of the small car (the wheel is close in front of me and the gearshift and parking break are separating us and leave me with very little room to maneuver) along with the general exhaustion and confusion/nervousness ... I don't know. I don't make a move. Probably my biggest mistake of the evening.
We both need to re-energize and I finally get her to tell me the area where she lives. We drive there and on the way the chat is nice and breazy again. We park at a parking lot in her neighborhood and go to get some coffee and light food to re-energize.
At the coffee place she's really nice and communicative and it's far less stressful. She brings up how it's more difficult for a woman to be direct about sex and I feel like I'm beginning to understand her behavior from earlier in the evening.
We pay for the coffee/food and start walking back in the direction of her place but she says it's getting late and asks if I can find the parking lot on my own. I say yes and lean in to give her a french kiss but she holds back and its just a regular kiss instead. Before we part she asks for my phone number "to give to a friend who's looking for work as a teacher". Up until now all our communication has been through Facebook which I did find slightly odd but whatever.
I once again go home confused and a bit overwhelmed - everything seems to have happened so fast and so intensely - at the time it's kind of a blur to me. I realize I messed up a bit but she also said it was a genuinely good time.
The next day I don't hear from her, in the evening I send a fb message saying I'd love to meet again. The next morning I get a string of long replies: angry at me for not initiating enough and saying she doesn't want to meet again.
I try to explain that I was overwhelmed by how forward she was but also confused from other signals I thought she was sending. I make it clear that I'm absolutely attracted to her but don't have much experience in these kinds of situations. I apologize a lot and say I was an idiot and get the message and would love to see her again.
She contacts me on the phone and we talk some more about her new apartment and what kind of furniture to buy for it and so on. Things feel more relaxed now and she offers to meet again in 5 days. I agree and make several mental notes to not be an idiot again.
To be (hopefully) concluded in part 3. Even just retelling this is exhausting!
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