Even if you don't plan to feed your guest, you should make sure they have a plan so they don't keep fasting
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
Culture shock: How you're going to eat without inviting your friend?
- Thread starter Messofanego
- Start date
I would understand if they were uninvited and/or they are humble family where money is tight but besides that, shit is kinda weird doing it even on sleepover guest or your kid invited them over.
If you have that kind of rule in your house at the very least have the decency to inform your friends how things are otherwise it is uncomfortable and probably never visit that friend ever
Holy 💩
I would rather they just don't invite me at all lol
If you have that kind of rule in your house at the very least have the decency to inform your friends how things are otherwise it is uncomfortable and probably never visit that friend ever
Holy 💩
I would rather they just don't invite me at all lol
OK, thank you. I thought I was taking crazy pills when dude lumped in Italians as 'non-white'. Just because they were treated poorly as immigrants in America - same as Irish - doesn't magically make them non-white.
Our family weren't well off at all, but my mum would always offer food even if my friend was just hanging out. My grandma wouldn't even hear no for an answer, lol.
I do recall sitting at a friend's house once while they ate dinner and thinking it smelled amazing and wishing I could have some, but I don't recall if I was staying over or just hanging out.
I do recall sitting at a friend's house once while they ate dinner and thinking it smelled amazing and wishing I could have some, but I don't recall if I was staying over or just hanging out.
Pullin' our some 1900s, turn-of-the-century racism.
I will even go so far as to say a lot, if not most, people in the US would cater to the guest's dietary needs if they're over during mealtime (assuming there is a heads up).
My goal as a parent is to make food that makes my daughter's future friends go home to their parents and ask them why they don't cook like me.
OP
OP
I feel for you Swedes 😭 I'll make sure if I invite any Swedes and Nords, make sure their bellies being fed.
Last edited:
Yeah, I'm as WASPy as they come and this is a weird thing to me.
Yeah, but the post I disagreed with said sharing and caring is the norm which I also don't really agree with. The sentiment that leads to extreme cases like the ones in the OP is definitely something I recognize.
Iono fam. I wouldn't say it's a white thing. You would get disowned in the South here in the US. Regardless of race.
I legit have been to a white household that called us "negras" when I was a kid as we played with their kids and they would always feed us lunch and dinner if we stayed long enough. It was wild but their mom could cook. Call me what you want when the food was that good.
never had that happen but I've turned down the whole dinner table thing and would hang back in my friends room or whatever.
That might actually be part of it
Nordic food (at least traditional Nordic food) is mostly "whatever you can store for what seems like 9 months of winter without spoiling". Serves its purpose, but not really varied or fancy. So maybe it's just less central to the culture than in other places?
Wow people feel strongly about this. As a kid I have been offered food and my parents did offer food on occasions if I had a friend over, but it's not a default. Sometimes there isn't enough food prepared and usually kids have meals at their own home. Also allergies are rarely accounted for when the parents haven't planned for it. So I have left downstairs to eat while my friend remained in my room and vice versa. On sleepovers there's always been food though. I wouldn't expect parents to keep a tab on their kid's friends coming and going on regular visits.
As an adult people get to make their own dining schedule, so this doesn't usually happen. But even as an adult, I wouldn't expect my friends to feed me whenever I go over. I can take some responsibility and feed myself.
As an adult people get to make their own dining schedule, so this doesn't usually happen. But even as an adult, I wouldn't expect my friends to feed me whenever I go over. I can take some responsibility and feed myself.
Last edited:
Yeah I never heard about something like that or had that happen. Most of the time it was the stereotypical "mom, get out with those sandwiches and juice" situation, no matter where I was or who visited me when it was more than an hour and if it was around a typical meal time, who the hell doesn't invite people in.
Buuut my Ex's mother complained about (I was told) having to spend more on food and water because I was over a few times a month while she would spend most of the week with my family. Surprise, after "accidentally" getting pregnant after a year of me not breaking up because she always threatened suicide we're now in court battleS because she won't accept the judge allowing my son to sleep at my place at 3.5 y/o.
So, in short, if someone complains about anything concerning guests and basic things like FOOD in a rich nation* just RUN because they are almost guaranteed to be bad people.
*and people in poorer places often would go without themselves rather than not offering food and comfort to guests, too
Buuut my Ex's mother complained about (I was told) having to spend more on food and water because I was over a few times a month while she would spend most of the week with my family. Surprise, after "accidentally" getting pregnant after a year of me not breaking up because she always threatened suicide we're now in court battleS because she won't accept the judge allowing my son to sleep at my place at 3.5 y/o.
So, in short, if someone complains about anything concerning guests and basic things like FOOD in a rich nation* just RUN because they are almost guaranteed to be bad people.
*and people in poorer places often would go without themselves rather than not offering food and comfort to guests, too
Huh? Who is aggressive? Are you really using the "y u so mad bro lol" bit in a chill discussion?
You said if you were over someone's house and they had a meal without you then you wouldn't be offended. What I was saying is that is intentionally or unintentionally ignoring the biological needs of one's guest. Maybe "off-limits" is a bit hyperbolic - it'd be more like if your guest needed to know where the bathroom was and you ignored them.
I still find that super rude, but maybe it's just a cultural difference. I would say don't invite a guest over if you plan to eat without them, it's offensive where I'm from. Almost like you're wasting the guest's time/evening.
Last edited:
Wait for real?
I know at least in Mexican house holds that would be a very rude thing to do. As soon as a guest walks in the door we offer them something to drink right away lol
I know at least in Mexican house holds that would be a very rude thing to do. As soon as a guest walks in the door we offer them something to drink right away lol
Ooph! LOL
Where I come from the only thing just as bad as not offering hospitality is refusing it.
I've been the kid multiple times over at a friends place for dinner thinking, omg this looks so nasty...Yes ma'am! This all looks so wonderful, thank you so much!
Right on 👍
Also right on. Common decency shouldn't be a cultural thing.
Good for you? I was going to go off about plenty of bad experiences I've had, but I'm glad you haven't had to deal with things like that.
I was speaking of Italian Americans, who I'm sure have a different PoV than those from Italy. But I've read the rest of your posts, and your views on expecting people to presumably not be fed and have to ask for food is lol worthy. Guests shouldn't have to "ask you for a snack." Jesus. 😂
Absolutely weird as fuck. If I had a friend over, or was at a friend's house, we all ate together at meal time. Sometimes if it wasn't a sleepover you'd phone home to ask permission to stay so your family didn't overcook or wonder where you were, but the guest would never be left unattended while the family ate. That's beyond rude. If my family "didn't cook enough" we would all eat slightly less to make sure the guest was fed.
Wtf lmao, in my country you drag your friend out of his house to your house so that you can feed him lol.
I am so confused here. Italians aren't white? And why would Dutch and Swedes automatically have similar culture because of the skin colour? Would you think the same of let's say Serbs?
Coming from the very north of Germany, this was definitely a thing in my childhood.
Especially when there wasn't enough food prepared. Same when I visited friends back then in my childhood.
Especially when there wasn't enough food prepared. Same when I visited friends back then in my childhood.
Now, in the defense of Swedish moms, we would most of the times be offered fika when we visited as kids. Like strawberry lemonade and cinnamon rolls and cookies and stuff. That was definitely a cultural norm.
But then again your culture might not have fika, so I guess you win some and lose some.
But then again your culture might not have fika, so I guess you win some and lose some.
it would just depend on how comfortable I was with the family. I don't need to be sitting around the dinner table while my anxiety is kicking in.
if it's a get the food and go eat wherever situation (like with my family) then I ain't refusing nothing.
Yeah, if you stayed till dinner time, it was time for you to go to your own home.
But sure sleepovers are different.
This is me but I had to refuse tuna fish with pickles since it made me gag. Gagging and spitting out food in the sink is very rude as it turns out.
That's a way of saying "get the fuck out of my house" as passively aggressively as possible. I was raised differently.
As a brit, this would be truly unthinkable.
If the guest is invited for a period that includes a meal, the host would assume their guest will eat with them by default. If there's some question to the plan, they would be asked "Are you staying for dinner?". If the answer being "Yes" would result in not enough food being available it would either mean a smaller portion for everyone, or one of the hosts would "eat later".
If the guest is invited for a period that includes a meal, the host would assume their guest will eat with them by default. If there's some question to the plan, they would be asked "Are you staying for dinner?". If the answer being "Yes" would result in not enough food being available it would either mean a smaller portion for everyone, or one of the hosts would "eat later".
As a Norwegian kid growing up in the 90's this definitely happened, not always, but it was a fairly common experience for me back then. Many times I had to sit in their room waiting while their whole family ate dinner, and it sure sucked sitting there hungry and smelling their delicious food. But I have a plot twist, my best friend from elementary was from USA and lived in Norway, and I was pretty much staying over at their house every single day, but rarely did we get invited for lunch or food. I have memories to this day remembering I often went home from them hungry. Our family never did this at least, we would always invite whoever was over at our house for food during lunch or dinner.
Honestly I've never really never thought about this being odd behaviour until I read this thread. I thought it was just normal for people to do this no matter where you were from.
Honestly I've never really never thought about this being odd behaviour until I read this thread. I thought it was just normal for people to do this no matter where you were from.
I was a suuuuper picky eater as a kid so a lot of times when I'd be invited to a meal while at a friends' house, even if I wasn't going to eat most or any of the meal I'd still attend the sit-down as it would have been awkward to turn down the invite. Most of my friends' parents tried to be super accommodating and even offered to make me something palatable to my basic-ass palette.
Even if we didn't have any food prepared my parents would always make me run down to the corner store to get drinks and chips at least if we had a guest come over lol
Last edited:
Canadian and i've experienced. Usually you've already eaten while the other person hasn't yet or their dinner is running late. Sometimes you or the other person doesn't want to eat the food being served.
If it's like a sleepover or you've been there all day then it would be odd to not offer.
If it's like a sleepover or you've been there all day then it would be odd to not offer.
Maybe we're all looking at this the wrong way, maybe the parents knew it was super rude but the friend staying over was "that friend"
This would cause shame and gossip in about any American city. It'd be awful in white neighborhoods but you'd be shunned in most minority neighborhoods.
Every time I went to a friends house that was a minority of some kind, it was like a contest to make me explode with food. My best friend in college was Vietnamese and I'd get sent home with Tupperware of shrimp fried rice 🤤
Every time I went to a friends house that was a minority of some kind, it was like a contest to make me explode with food. My best friend in college was Vietnamese and I'd get sent home with Tupperware of shrimp fried rice 🤤
I think across cultures if the kids are expecting to eat dinner with their own families down the street that night it isn't that weird. Where I grew up parents would either offer you to stay for dinner (in which you usually called your parents for permission) or just kick you out if you were still over at dinner and not staying the night.
Not feeding at a sleepover is some psychopath shit though.
Not feeding at a sleepover is some psychopath shit though.